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Blayze and Kyoko
dragon cake Offline
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#21
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko
Day 50

Morning
- Now at 50 days, but I feel good, because I think I’ve made more progress in the last 2 weeks than the month before that. I may be grasping at straws sometimes with tiny little successes, but just making progress feels good.
- I think Kyoko might also be frustrated that she hasn’t been able to break into my dreams after our initial success in that area, but I know that she’ll manage with the progress we’re making.
- Considering this, I didn’t feel as bad as I probably should, still riding the excitement from almost hearing Kyoko.
- I don’t think I’m going to ask Kyoko to prepend my name when she speaks anymore. It’s a good idea and I’m sure it’ll work for many, but I feel like it might be feeding the expectations I’m trying to clear to let her through.

Work Day
- Felt good at work again. My supervisor even commented that I seemed more relaxed than usual the last few days.

Evening
- Went to sleep pretty early because of my lost sleep last night. Tried to meditate but couldn’t manage to.

Night
- No relevant dream.
(This post was last modified: 02-11-2018, 09:15 PM by dragon cake.)
02-11-2018, 09:15 PM
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dragon cake Offline
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#22
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko
Day 51

Morning
- Very distracted today. Despite getting a better night’s sleep than last night, I felt a little meh and had trouble getting out of bed.

Day
- Didn’t really get much done. Didn’t feel Kyoko’s presence very well.

Evening
- Spent time playing games, also didn’t get a lot done. I think I hit a bit of a low point again. I tend to have swings like that with my emotions, even though the average had definitely been higher with Kyoko around.

Night
- Slept off and on but no dreams of significance.
02-12-2018, 02:38 PM
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dragon cake Offline
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#23
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko
Day 52

Morning
- Extremely exhausted. Didn’t want to go to work but went.
- I feel bad at not being able to meditate last night or this morning. I don’t want to neglect Kyoko but it’s just so hard to trance when I’m this tired.
- Ordered some noise canceling ear muffs and hope those will help me sleep. There’s a grocery store behind my apartments and they clang around regularly at night doing who knows what. I’ve woken up 3 or 4 times some nights due to it.

Work Day
- Despite feeling miserable this morning, felt relatively fine at work. I guess I’m glad I came in then. Actually, it seemed that the more difficult the issue and the more work went into it, the better I felt. This is extremely weird for me and it’s been happening more and more.
- One of the personality traits I tried to give Kyoko was that she sees difficult problems as a game to be won. Maybe she’s encouraging me subconsciously.

Night
- Tired, went to bed soon after getting home. Tried to meditate but couldn’t concentrate. I feel bad because I’m neglecting Kyoko despite how much she’s helped me. I need to make sure to do more over the next few days.
- I haven’t done my hour-long meditation where I just walk through my wonderland with her. I need to start doing this again even if it’s not an hour long.
02-13-2018, 07:47 PM
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dragon cake Offline
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#24
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko
Day 53

Morning
- Slept more than usual last night, relatively well rested. Woke up an hour before my alarm but didn’t feel like I needed to sleep more.

Work Day
- Not quite as stress-free as the last week or so, but nothing too bad.
- In the tulpa forums, saw that some have tulpas post to their progress logs. I’d like to let Kyoko do that when s he’s able, especially since I think her perspective might be more useful.

Night
- Attempted to meditate and sleep, but gave up. Didn’t sleep at all.

Day 54

Morning
- Not really tired. I think it’s the withdrawal from the medication since it causes drowsiness. No doubt it will hit me hard when I do get tired.

Day
- Didn’t get a lot done. Tried to talk to Kyoko but didn’t feel her very much.

Evening
- Tried to meditate and at least reached trance. I imagined cuddling Kyoko in the wonderland. She didn’t say much, but I started seeing her face flash in front of me, like her name flashed in front of me during a dream once. The image hit me by surprise, so I’m sure it was her doing it.
- I suspect the meds are making it hard for her to surface. When I was taking half-doses she could seep through, but when I’m taking full doses every other day, she has more trouble. I think the full dose hits her really hard. I felt bad taking my dose tonight.

Night
- Sleep well and had dreams, though nothing lucid.
02-15-2018, 07:55 PM
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SquareWave Offline
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#25
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko
(02-15-2018, 07:55 PM)dragon cake Wrote: - In the tulpa forums, saw that some have tulpas post to their progress logs. 

Hey we did that.

Fun Facts:
1) I'm a furry.
2) I make video game music (and I’m on my way to getting paid for it!)
3) I'm the host of Pixie.
4) I get along with cats better than people.

[01110101 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01101001 01110100]
02-15-2018, 11:01 PM
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