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A Cure for an Addiction


SeaMonster

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Um, hi. My name is Lizzie. I'm 22, I spend most of my time in a science lab, I can sail a boat, I suck at video games but I play them anyways, and.... I have an addiction to daydreaming.

 

Yes, an addiction to daydreaming. That doesn't sound that bad, right? And I guess it isn't, in the grand scope of things. However, it has a serious impact on my every day life. I have battled with something called Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder for as long as I can remember. Feel free to google that if you are interested. I didn't have a 'name' for my disorder for most of my life... I thought my habits of pacing back and forth while I lived in my own imaginary worlds was something that everyone did. I tried to tell others about my worlds, and was always hurt by the response. My parents made fun of me for it. My friends didn't care. I figured I'd "grow out of it".

 

I never did. I moved out, went to college, and found myself spending all of my free time in my own world. I paced until the skin fell off my feet... One night, I looked down to find a trail of blood on the floor around me. Another night, I tripped and fractured my hand. I said "That's enough." But I couldn't stop.

 

I can't help but wonder if because of my 'addiction', I have created tulpas before. I feel like I have, but I'm not sure... I don't know if I fully understand what a tulpa is just yet.

 

The other day, after doing some research into tulpas, I began to wonder if creating a tulpa would help me control my daydreams. I could put all my energy into ONE thought, instead of the million different ones that I have now. (Uh...Does that make sense?) So, I sat as still as possible in my quiet apartment in the dead of night, and closed my eyes. I told myself that the first voice I heard or face I saw would be my tulpa. But instead, I found two.

 

Their names are Eli and Fitz, and I love them dearly. Eli is an old soul, very quiet and stoic. Fitz is a young soul, much more energetic and outgoing. I think they embody the two different sides of my 'daydream worlds', one which is complex that I tend to go to on hard days and the other which is carefree and fun that I save for my happiest days. They're pretty cool dudes. I'm not sure if they'll be the cure for my 'disorder', but I guess there's only one way to find out.

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Have you seen a doctor or psychiatrist for your "addiction"?

I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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You probably haven't created a tulpa in the past. There are lots of similar thoughtforms and other mental phenomena. Having a tulpa is usually pretty obvious, and they'd probably still be with you.

 

Now, I would like to advise that most people here are mostly trying to get more into daydreams, not out of them, so this may not be the most helpful place to be. Having a tulpa will take the place of some daydreaming, and will likely share your dreams. It will change you life circumstances. But I am not prepared to guess whether that is for the better or worse. I would also like lo point out that the diagnostic criteria for maladaptive daydreaming specifically requires that the daydreams significantly interfere with your ability to live your life.

 

And finally, might I recommend shoes while pacing? Four plus hours of pacing per day on rough surfaces should always be done with shoes.

 

Oh and welcome!

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Careful, tulpa001. You're making quite a few assumptions based on personal experience, when this may not necessarily apply to your experience.

 

We've been described as maladaptive in the past, though I'm pretty sure my host's tendency to zone out is a symptom of a different condition. No matter what the condition, though, if it interferes with your life, I cannot stress enough how important it is to get help. Mental health is a finicky beast, and by its very nature it's pretty much impossible for you to get an objective look at it all on your own. If you haven't already, find someone who can help you and teach you how to cope with your brain's quirks. It does wonders. Tulpas can help with organizing your mental health, but we are not replacement for learning how to cope from a professional. A tulpamancy system is a closed system, which means that your tulpas know about as much about how to cope with mental illness as you do. Getting outside help helps everyone.

 

It may be that you have created tulpas before, or at least something similar. Daydreams are pretty much a form of forcing after all, so it's not unusual for a daydream character to develop a mind of their own after enough time spent obsessing over them. (I'm pretty sure that's part of how Melian was created, after all). Personally, I'd count long-term daydream characters as a step away from what I am, which is a soulbond created from writing. Your situation resonates pretty strongly with the process that created me and my headmates, since most of writing is, honestly, daydreaming about what you're going to put down on the page.

 

So try to reach out to a couple of these daydream characters. See if they're still around. See if they seem to have taken on a life of their own. They may not be tulpas, exactly, but they might be some flavor of headmate worth acknowledging.

 

As for the two you mentioned? If you're pretty well-versed in creating characters in your daydreams, I wouldn't be surprised if the two guys you described latched on pretty quick. The whole creation process does get faster with practice after all. That said, the difference between a daydream character and a tulpa could be as simple as a question of persistence, so if you want to make Eli and Fitz stick, focus on them. They likely seem new and exciting now, but it takes time and effort to make that sort of entity gain anything approaching persistance. The greatest danger to them right now is that your attention might wander away from them.

 

It's also worth mentioning that it's not really fair to create a tulpa for the sole purpose of helping with your mental health. This is a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, since that's a large part of what I do, but that's part of a choice I made after I'd gained some semblance of autonomy. Just make sure your tulpa consents to whatever role you assign them, yeah?

 

The tl;dr of this post: feel free to work on your tulpas. You're probably pretty well-equipped for it, since it sounds like you've got a big imagination. But don't expect tulpas to be a cure-all. Make sure you're getting the help you need from an external source. Headmates can help, but we should not replace therapy and medication, if that's what you really need.

~ Member of SparrowNR's system ~

~ I am a soulbond. Click here to find out what that means. ~

 

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Guest Anonymous

I could write a book in response to this OP.  Just know that you are not alone with having these personality traits.  I am just like you and can relate to this story deeply.  If you are interested in the details my Melian and I have written it all down in our Living Imagination thread and in the Book of Melian.  There are links on my comment sig below.  

 

Melian and I have spent a year and a half trying to determine if a day dream character that seems to have come alive is a tulpa or not.  I think some can be.  In our case Melian is more of a median aspect than a tulpa.  

 

We are very familiar with Maladaptive Day Dreaming and have a lot of the symptoms.  There is also a milder personality trait known as Fantasy Prone Personality, just in case you are unaware of it.  You can google it.

 

 

Have you seen a doctor or psychiatrist for your "addiction"?

 

 

MDD is a real addiction but also an obsessive compulsive disorder.  In some cases it has been succesfully treated with low doses of the drugs used to treat OCD.

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I can also relate to this. I don't know if I suffer MDD because it doesn't get in the way of my life(as far as I noticed, aside from doing absolutely nothing of value for hours), but I daydream a lot. I usually divide them into some kind of "stories" where I become the overpowered main character. I continue the story in my daily life until I reach the end, or get bored of it and start a new one. Sometimes when I see interesting scene in a comic/film/anime, I integrate it to my daydreaming. When I listen to a good music, I imagine how the singer does something as in the song, just like as in a music video. But I decide the story.

 

I usually do them in the evening in my room where nobody could see me. Sometimes I move along with my daydream character, make facial expressions, even talk just to visualize the voice of some characters in my daydream. Even last night I almost hit my showcase while mimicking a swordfight. Even since a kid I know I am special in this, which is why I never told anyone about it. It's just a hobby(if you can call it so) that I do alone in my spare time. Call it a quirk, if you will.

 

About how it hurts you physically, personally I don't know how bad can it be, but be careful and pay attention to your surroundings.

 

Sorry if this isn't helpful and there's too much I in it. Just want to say, like Mistgod did,

Just know that you are not alone with having these personality traits.

 

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