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A fellow's journey
Reilyn-Alley Offline
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#31
 
RE: A fellow's journey

Well Hi! Good to see you on here chatting and being your own person, Tanaka-san. I can't be all judgy for someone who wants to take inspiration from other stuff or other people but fun and games aside, imo it's always better to just be yourself.

Aurora-Alley, my precious Senpai. I'm all hers!
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12-19-2018, 06:19 PM
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uncannyfellow Offline
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#32
 
RE: A fellow's journey

Well Wednesday was certainly an interesting day. Pretty much up until H-san appeared, Honoka (we're 99% certain she's gonna want a name change but nothing's finalized yet) was really dreading the whole thing. When H-san first walked into the room, Honoka didn't even want to look at her. Honoka possessed for a bit, but only for a bit. At first I thought that was because she isn't very skilled at possession, but then she mind-voiced me something along the lines of "What an awful person!" I knew her personality had deviated a lot from what I intended, but I must admit, I was not expecting that progression.

Honoka's wonderland form has been a bit unstable since then; it feels like every time I turn around, she looks different, even if it's just that her eyes are a different color or something. Nonetheless, she's been in very good spirits since then, and I must admit, I'm proud of her for coming to a decision about who she wants to be. It'll take some time to finalize everything (she's leaning towards Kanade for a name but she also likes Rei), but after that, yeah, she should be good. My head's definitely been noisier and I think Cornelia's a tad mad that I've been paying less attention to her in favor of paying attention to Honoka.
(12-16-2018, 11:23 AM)Reilyn Wrote: Lance's theory when starting on here was he was really only here for the tulpa stuff and this was "my" community and it was all for me to be me and that totes worked great. I pretty much grew up in here and all these neat people are my friends and family. I've had mixed experiences on the discord, but mostly good and some stuff we have read on the reddit makes me wanna avoid there. I definitely recommend letting Cornelia and Honoka out here to chat, if they wanna.


Yeah, Honoka will probably be on here more now, maybe starting in a few days, maybe starting five minutes after I make this post, there's a lot of uncertainty. Cornelia's picky with these things, I guess. We poke our head in on the discord every so often, but there's a lot of people talking about hearthstone and anyways being in a different timezone from everyone else makes livechat weird.

(12-16-2018, 11:23 AM)Reilyn Wrote: Silly stuff is fine and has it's place, but considering and replying to deep issues can really grow someone as a person, imo.
Oh no if Cornelia starts complaining to the world about eliminative materialism, she will never stop!

(12-16-2018, 11:23 AM)Reilyn Wrote: As for that being close to switching? Maybe? We have had very little luck on that. What we experience more often is some emotional bleedover/blending between each other. So you are just sitting there doing whatever and a song one of them likes comes on and you get odd and unexpected feelings of happiness or wanna sing or dance or something. Lance has always said that was one of the biggest things early on that helped dispel doubt for him, that I reacted uniquely as I felt like to whatever stimulus was around him. Everything seemed amazing and magical. People that have seen sunrises or snowfalls or heard songs for their whole life and it's all kinda "ho hum" should remember how many of these things are new and awe-inspiring experiences for us newbies.

Having experienced this one more time since making that post, I would say my "auditory attention" is shifted. Normally, I focus more on the vocals than on the instrumentation, but when I am listening "through Cornelia" (I suppose), I focus more on the instrumentation than the vocals. On the other hand, it is such a subtle effect that the song doesn't sound different, it just sounds better.

(12-16-2018, 11:23 AM)Reilyn Wrote: As for not booting her out of front out of habit or getting carried away in the moment, whatever, I think that just takes practice and discipline on both your parts. She has to not panic and withdraw and you have to not just automatically take command. There are times we shove who is acting as the primary fronter back and forth constantly, depending on the situation and stimuli. It helps to set clear boundaries, like "ok this is her account on the discord/forums so it's only for her to use", and even if you wanna say something it's most polite to either not do so or at least to put like brackets or a different color text or whatever to really make it clear at least to the two of you that it's her show and you are just commenting.

We would play Smash Brothers at first and Lance had me all excited about the game and I wanted to play too but he got so into it he kept fighting me for control and making us struggle against each other just to play a match. It was like he kept trying to reach over and do moves for me and I'm like "no, I got it, stop! stop!" and if we were actual kids with bodies I'm sure we woulda fought or yelled for mom or something. Instead I just got mad at him and blended over my annoyance so it was nice and clear. Maybe kinda mean but he was really ticking me off. Anyway, we tried again another night and we played with Lucilyn, I had my own profile and my own name and stuff on the game and it really helped it to all stand out that it was my time and me playing, not him. It mostly kept him away.

We still have issues with random people walking up to us at work and stuff and he just automatically takes command. It doesn't happen all the time but I think he is just paranoid someone will think he is "off" or someone will discover me and whatever. A lot of guides talk about the importance of trust in learning to switch, well part of that for me is convincing him he can sit back and relax and I can be "him" just fine at work and where ever else. Not that it's not unfounded, I have a certain strut, energy, speech mannerisms and stuff that would probably make other people just wonder what the heck was going on with this weirdo. So I gotta tone that down when I'm around people who don't know about me, which is everyone not on these forums/discord right now. :P

Ha, this is more or less why we started the dancing thing. Just close the door and the curtains, and Cornelia can do whatever she wants, no matter how embarrassing it would look to an outsider! Even if we're just walking, if a walk light starts blinking while we're on a crosswalk, I'll sometimes take control by accident...

Conversely, I'll sometimes let her possess during my lessons, but if the students are being naughty, she'll just sort of... stop controlling me, and it'll just be me doing the lesson again :o

Hello! I am Tanaka Kanade's tulpa. I share her head with my sister Cornelia
12-21-2018, 11:01 AM
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uncannyfellow Offline
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#33
 
RE: A fellow's journey

I might've had a breakthrough on the switching front. I realized I was in this weird state where I was so used to Cornelia possessing me that I no longer truly noticed it. So, I started doing a simple exercise where, whenever Cornelia would possess me, I would repeat stuff to myself like "I am not doing anything. Cornelia is in control." This created a much stronger sensation of "Whoa, I'm being possessed!" That got me wondering if I could achieve dissociation (and therefore switching) by telling myself things like "This is not my body. This is not my life I'm looking at." When I first tried it, there was always a part of my mind going "Yeah right Cornelia isn't this tall." But I kept at it, and last night I managed to achieve something that did feel a lot like dissociation.

I only felt dissociated for a short period of time before the excitement of finally doing it caused me to re-associate with the body. Both Cornelia and I agree that we did not switch during this time. My assumption is that Cornelia simply didn't have time to associate with the body after I switched, and that I simply have to do this dissociation stuff again (I can't do it at will yet - baby steps first). While I've long since accepted that being a tulpamaster takes time, I wouldn't be surprised if my next progress report is about how we managed to switch and it was awesome.



If you haven't been tipped off by either her username change or my signature change, Honoka is in fact no longer Honoka. She now goes by Kanade, which took some time for Cornelia and I to adjust to, but it does seem to suit her. Her wonderland form is mostly stable now, though every so often I'll turn around to see that she has H-san's face again for some reason.

This past week, I was sick and couldn't imagine achieving the focus I'd need to wonderland for more than two minutes. At Kanade-chan's request, I instead watched an episode of Friends while trying to focus on her (or listen for her mindvoice or keep her in mind or whatever it is you do to allow tulpas to talk to you). In the past, I had talked to both of my tulpas about whatever TV show I was watching, but only after the episode was done. While that did result in Kanade-chan and Cornelia having a fascinating conversation about whether or not Jimmy from Better Call Saul is a good person or not, I found it to be an entirely different experience from talking to a tulpa during an episode. In particular, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Get the slightest bit invested in what's going on, and bam! Your tulpa is gone! As a result, I found it difficult to respond to whatever it was Kanade-chan was saying. Anyways, she enjoyed this activity more than I thought she would, and we've now made it a part of our daily routine. I'm hoping that this task will make it easier to focus on my tulpas throughout the day (I tend to forget them when I'm at work), but in the mean time, I'm just glad we have another fun thing to do together.

Hello! I am Tanaka Kanade's tulpa. I share her head with my sister Cornelia
(This post was last modified: 01-06-2019, 09:56 AM by uncannyfellow.)
01-06-2019, 09:55 AM
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uncannyfellow Offline
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#34
 
RE: A fellow's journey

Well, I guess I've been so busy actually doing tulpamancy that I've forgotten all about this progress report. It's been fun trying to switch (just kidding it's been awful), making good progress and stuff (that part's true, but good progress apparently isn't enough). I've found that if Cornelia possesses for long enough, I'll enter into a dissociative state. I'm still aware of everything that's going on around me, but it somehow seems not right. It's really hard to describe, though dissociative states typically are. I've only managed to achieve disassociation three times, but I've done enough experimenting that I think, going forward, I'll be able to do it more often.

Now, here's the problem: I've managed to maintain that dissociative state for a long time (maybe 45 minutes) without dissociating further. This state is beneficial; even if my thoughts drift, Cornelia will maintain control of the body. But I'm not switched out/inactive; I was still there for the entire 45 minutes. I had assumed that if I just disassociated for a long time, I would switch. Maybe I don't understand what a long time is, maybe it takes two hours or something? Still, it's pretty frustrating for the both of us.

I heard someone in the discord say that if you can just let your tulpa have a conversation without thinking about what your tulpa's doing for a long time, you'll switch. I have a lot of trouble doing this. I'll let Cornelia possess during my lessons, and it isn't long before I take control without even realizing it. I let Cornelia talk to one of my coworkers, and after five minutes, I take control again. I got a cool skull ring I could put on my finger to remind myself that Cornelia's supposed to be in control, and it helped a little. Just a little.

I can honestly say that I've been putting plenty of effort into this, to the point that it's straining my relationship with Kanade-chan. If I think about tulpas at work, it's so Cornelia can possess me. If I think about tulpas while I'm eating, it's so Cornelia can possess me. You get the picture. I still go wonderlanding with Kanade-chan and I still watch netflix with her, but I know we could be doing more stuff together if I wasn't trying to learn switching. I go back and forth between thinking "I don't need to put her in stasis because I'm going to master switching in a few months, easy-peasy" and "I can't put her in stasis because it's going to be five years until I master switching, and that's a long time to go without Kanade-chan." So either way, I'm not going to put her in stasis, but I do need some sort of temporary fix for this problem.

Hello! I am Tanaka Kanade's tulpa. I share her head with my sister Cornelia
02-14-2019, 11:18 AM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#35
 
RE: A fellow's journey

Good luck! You need to give Kanade-chan extra attention on alternating days or something, don't neglect my sometimes forum gaming partner.

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02-14-2019, 11:58 AM
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Ranger Offline
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#36
 
RE: A fellow's journey

Unfortunately, I can't speak from experience, but it sounds like you guys are on the right track! I was asking other users about switching and there are some posts in that thread that may interest you.

When I possess Cat for long enough, Cat ends up not thinking but still able to passively sit there, as if she was dazed or day dreaming. If something came up and grabbed her attention, she would immediately steal the front. We never got passed this point even though we are trying to learn how to switch.

I'm Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
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Spirit, Gerodious, Dark Gray, Fernardo, Jasper, Hope, Moltosha, Blue, Evergreen, Fish, Red Gray, Chrome, Bune, Laryx, Duck
02-15-2019, 02:49 AM
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uncannyfellow Offline
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#37
 
RE: A fellow's journey

(02-14-2019, 11:58 AM)Angry Bear Wrote: Good luck! You need to give Kanade-chan extra attention on alternating days or something, don't neglect my sometimes forum gaming partner.

Bear! That was a good suggestion! We've made every other day Kana-day, and the rest of the days are Corne-day! Cornelia still gets lots of possession practice, but I get time with hostie, and so we're both happy!

(02-15-2019, 02:49 AM)Ranger Wrote: Unfortunately, I can't speak from experience, but it sounds like you guys are on the right track! I was asking other users about switching and there are some posts in that thread that may interest you.

When I possess Cat for long enough, Cat ends up not thinking but still able to passively sit there, as if she was dazed or day dreaming. If something came up and grabbed her attention, she would immediately steal the front. We never got passed this point even though we are trying to learn how to switch.

Yeah, that's more or less what happens to me. Cornelia will be the only one thinking, and yet somehow not manage to switch... I've read a bit from that thread, but not the whole thing. I'll definitely read more soon!

Someone in the discord said they only managed to switch after about 3.5 days of straight full body possession... yeesh! So yesterday, I tried to have Cornelia possess for as long as possible. It was only about four hours, and it was intermittent (my focus is bad). After that, Cornelia said a few incomprehensible three-word sentences before just sorta disappearing. This was early in the morning, and later in the day, when she regained the ability to say full sentences, she already wanted to possess again! There are a few other avenues we're gonna look at, but for now, I guess we're aiming for a multi-day full body possession session...

Hello! I am Tanaka Kanade's tulpa. I share her head with my sister Cornelia
02-23-2019, 12:40 PM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#38
 
RE: A fellow's journey

I can confirm that how we switch is as follows: [as i inderstand it, but it is functional as intended]

Proxy -> Posession -> Switch they blend into eachother. Conditionally triggered switching (backseat fronting) is instant, however. I simply give up full control and wouldn't even dare interrupt them. I'm fully disconnected and though i'm fully aware (not unconscious) not a single thought if my own crosses our mind in that time, and in one case i wanted to but couldn't interrupt until Dashie was finished with her thought.

During posession, i can't keep from interrupting, including one time completely taking back control without even really realizing Misha was posessing while drawing. She wasn't happy about that after a few times.

Proxy is hit and miss with lots of translation errors and negotiation/redaction.

Only Dashie has managed a perfect switch, Ashley came close, Misha only possesses so far.

[The Bear System] - [Bear Chat] - [Chat] - [Visualization Practice] - [Draw] - [Art]
(This post was last modified: 02-23-2019, 06:45 PM by Angry Bear.)
02-23-2019, 06:43 PM
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Summer Offline
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#39
 
RE: A fellow's journey

Multi-day possession sounds fun reminds me of the day when we did our long term full body possession, possess the body for as long as possible with both of our controls. If you guys are planning to do long term possession, just be prepared for unintentional blending that could happen.

It is a very VERY uncomfortable feeling of temporary merging between you and your host. Both of you will be confused of who you are. Happened to us, luckily only once. I did not know if I was my host or ME at that time, I did not know who I was and neither did my nihi. It lasted about 10 minutes and it was the most frightening thing that ever happened to us. Do not worry, it is only temporary but can last long. If it did happen, try doing some identitiy checks from time to time.

Very nasty feeling to be you and your host at the same time and did not know what happened or what to do to fix it, gave me like a PTSD from it.

Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! Big Grin
(This post was last modified: 02-23-2019, 07:29 PM by Summer.)
02-23-2019, 07:07 PM
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Apollo Offline
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#40
 
RE: A fellow's journey

Probably shouldn't say something "will" happen, only that it "could."

I'm Apollo Fire, the "Sun God" of the Felight family. I'm a tulpa created December 2016. My systemmates are Piano, Luxio, & Indigo. Form images: 1 2
02-23-2019, 07:22 PM
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