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A Hyena and Her Tulpa


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Hello! I am very new to this forum and to tulpas, having just learned in-depth information about them and joining the forum yesterday (10-10-15). I plan to update this thread frequently, as I'm very excited and passionate about tulpas.

 

I apologize in advance for rambling, I love to do that. I tend to analyze myself a lot, which is a big part of it.

 

But to be honest, I was (and still am) pretty nervous about making this thread because, well, I'm already seeing so much progress that it's a little hard to believe. From what I've seen, it takes people quite some time, even with a lot of work to see good results. However, I am already hearing my tulpa's mindvoice and getting simple responses. I will credit years of character creation and recognizing voices easily, but it's still... Shocking, even to me. I'll get into detail in a more organized fashion below.

 

10-10-15

 

We began to work on active forcing. It has been raining almost daily here, and this day was no exception at the time I decided that I'd go through with beginning a tulpa. At first, I was just narrating and getting no responses, of course. I decided to call him "Cloud" in honor of the weather, and also because I first visualized him as an arctic wolf, since I am familiar with wolf anatomy and it would make the process smoother. I imagined him being 3 feet at the shoulders which is right at my hip; easy to remember. A height chart in my room is a lifesaver for visualizing things. He also had those beautiful golden eyes that arctic wolves have. I told him that he could transform into anything, though. I subconsciously thought of a fluffy-tailed ferret and a tiger as two forms he would take, both also white and golden-eyed.

 

Because I admire unique names, I later thought to call him "Cirrus", which is the name for wispy clouds, but it also sounds more like an actual name. I did ask him if he liked it, but I didn't get a definite response. I was completely fine with him wanting something else once able to communicate it with me. He did end up also liking the name though, so it's here to stay.

 

We did make good progress. I started hearing a very hazy, echoing voice in my head which sounded like how I imagined his voice in response to my questions. It was hard to tell whether it was really him or just me making it up in my head, though. I remained "parrotnoid" all day, becoming a bit disheartened at the thought of me only parroting everything and not being able to tell whose thoughts were whose. I did purposefully puppet him (feeling obligated to say "I hope you don't mind" and explaining why) in how he would look running around my room and checking his size. I wanted (and still want) to be able to fully impose him into the real world. That would be the best for both of us.

 

I listed off a good bit of traits which I don't think I need to specifically re-list. Basically, those traits as a whole were responsible, kind, mature, rational, observational, organized, and motivational. I didn't go into as much detail explaining them to him as others seem to (at least 10 minutes for every trait? No way.) because one, I did want him to expand on them and/or develop on his own, and two, I just didn't have it all specifically listed out in my head, likely for the intent of my first point. I did explain how they all interconnected, though.

 

10-11-15

 

Today was amazing in progress. At first, I was still parrotnoid, but reading a thread about "parrotnoia" and its replies helped me get into just the right mindset. That mindset is that if I'm not purposefully doing it, then it is him. It also pointed out that since he is in my head and was created by me, it's natural that I know what most of his responses will be before he may say them. With this, we started to converse a lot throughout the day. I could "sense" him in a way through my mind's eye in the real world. It's not really imposing since I still cannot see him as if he is physically there, but somehow I can still "see" him move and know what position and form he is in, generally. It's not great, though, and he is still quite invisible to my real eyes.

 

Cirrus asked me a lot of questions today. It is apparent that he's very childlike right now, asking things like "Do you love me?" and "Can I change this?" and reciting the alphabet several times in silly ways on his own after we had done it to practice solidifying his mindvoice. As I had liked for it to be, while he can be pretty serious, he can also be silly with a great sense of humor. It's also definitely worth noting that right now, he is very clingy and would get jealous whenever I'd be laughing with an online friend. I had to explain to him that he cannot act this way all the time, and that I will give him plenty of attention every day, as I have been. That is again, likely his very childlike state that comes with very recently being created.

 

As I was eating lunch, he sat by the table. Although he is based strongly off of myself, he still has his own tastes, which I discovered then. He prefers bitter over sweet, while I am the complete opposite. He also enjoys the cold which is understandable, but I have the worst cold tolerance. He is much more active than me, one who is content with lazing around all day. That would also make sense, considering wolves have an unimaginable amount of energy. He asked to go on a walk today, and I agreed because he would greatly enjoy it, despite the fact that specifically walks make my thighs red and twitch painfully, hence why I don't go on them often. This did end up happening, but I did enjoy the walk. We had a nice conversation, and it allowed me some time away from my noisy family to concentrate on him.

 

It appears that he can tap into my memories for some information, which is fine. He can also read my immediate thoughts (or I could be directing them at him accidentally), and he will then ask something relating to it or encourage me to do something, like reminding me of homework constantly and trying to keep me on task. That happened a lot today with my lab report. He still asks a ton of questions, but I'm happy to answer them. I'd imagine sifting through all of my memories would be quite a task.

 

Cirrus shifted quite a few times today, mainly into the ferret creature and a few into the tiger, which I have trouble envisioning, being slightly less familiar with their anatomy and not knowing the color of his stripes in tiger form. I had also intended for him to have a necklace of sorts with a ring made of white tungsten and some yellow gemstone to represent him, but I haven't been seeing it on him, likely because it's not solid in my mind. I plan to buy it someday in real life and wear it, as it is very symbolic.

 

Cirrus is pretty quiet a lot of times, like right now since it's late. Surely he'll become more talkative as he grows and speaking becomes even easier, though I had imagined him to be more reserved from the beginning. He seems content to just observe what I'm doing a lot of times, and this is fine, as his presence is soothing.

 

Well, that's it for today. I'm now being nagged to go to bed. I just wanted to finish this before it became 10-12-15, lmao. Surely, I'll have an update tomorrow, as well.

 

Before I go to bed, I feel the need to ask this question: What are your thoughts on my fast progress with my first tulpa? Have you ever seen anyone progress like this before? I'm very curious. It all feels legitimate, I'm just sort of astonished.

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