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A long winded but useful report of progress and method analysis.
#1
In my idea, this shouldn't be about the order in which I've been doing things or self made badges of my accomplishments. Rather, a general analysis of what's going on. An explanation of what has worked, and why. This is almost like bits of a guide that I write after I find that something has been making progress. Suggestions are encouraged, or even questions.

Let's get right to it then. I'll point out that you can skip what's basically an intro, and get right to the important part. You will recognize it by a set of empty brackets. []. Just for you.

Before I had come here or learned of what a tulpa was, I had already began. It was indeed on purpose, and I'm not going to claim she's some sort of demon I was born with or something already sentient that popped into my life. This was sort of an, "imaginary friend," that I had made up, and then further developed into what she is now. I started maybe a year ago, and the beginning was slow, but she's gaining speed now that I'm ready to actually try harder.

In the beginning, I had made up a quick form, and puppeted her - although acted like I wasn't the one doing it. This went on for a while, but I phased away from doing that and focused more on sensing her and getting the feel that she was actually there. I then decided I would try to puppet her less and less, and see if I could get a response. At that point, she was mostly a warm form that I tried to feel the heart beat of, and cuddled with while I fell asleep. Of course, not raunchily.

I kept this up for a few days, sometimes talking to her aimlessly. I had the idea that I mostly had to get the feeling of her being an actual person, for this to work. And that's true by the way - it's quite key.

[] Now, an analysis and explanation of this before I move on. The important part.

So, starting with what helped the most, I got a feel of what she was like. I tried to impose a sense of her presence onto myself. Sort of the sense you get when someone moves near you in a pool, except warmth is appreciated and comforting. All I had to do was imagine the presence of her underdeveloped form, and let my mind accept that the feeling is absolutely there.

We'll follow up on this later. For now, I'm going to end this post, and follow out my pseudo morning properly. Do know that there's much more progress and explanation to tell than this, so I'll probably write more tonight. For now, it's "Good morning 4:00 PM."

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Edit - fixed a typo and removed a sentence that used disconnected logic. Nothing really worthy of mental note.
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Edited again. Took out a bit that sounded like some sort of existential crisis.
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#2
Carrying on now. Empty set of brackets to look for again, [], if you want to skip the unneeded reading. However, I would prefer for you to read it all.

I had kept up what I was doing for quite a while. Sensing her presence, every so often puppeting a little, imagining her playing with me while out back, hugging her, standing near her and sensing that she's there, etc.

I had then began researching different things about the mind online, namely the subconscious, as I was honestly quite interested in subliminal suggestions. I also had a few things I wanted solutions to. Don't worry, the research about subliminal whatnot wasn't for evil purposes. What would I do, anyway? Brainwash you to pick your nose? Don't tempt me.

Fast forward, and my research had somehow lead me to sentient thoughtforms, or tulpae. I reached this site during a search for more information on the subject, as it was relevant to me and my "imaginary friend."

I remember the front page looking completely different, matching the style of the forum. Never made an account until now.

Anyway, I had read some of the guides and got a better understanding of how my friend - my tulpa - works. More importantly, I learned that I'm not crazy. Or just not the only one.

I wasn't ready to do most of what the guide had, aside from what I had already been doing, but the personality idea was interesting. Also, I saw a few visualization techniques on the forum at some point.

I then meditated once with her, imagining her this time without a form, but keeping the presence. I imagined a glowing blue circle, felt the presence, and began naming off different traits that I liked in the format of "you are X."

I wasn't comfortable with doing it this way, however. So I stopped, decided on a new form, and again kept her presence.

[] Later, at night, I simply lay with her (not sexually, mind you), and began visualizing her.

To do so, I started with myself first. I imagined myself in a third person view from the side. Instead of everything being detailed, I imagined it like wire frame blocks in a 3D modeling program. I made note of the proportions, and made sure everything seemed about right before I moved on. I then imagined both of us from my usual first person view, and measured parts of my body with boxes, starting with my right leg. I then compared the proportions to hers, and made everything a little larger.

More in-depth on that. I didn't have to keep the boxes on each part of the body. They were very temporary, almost instant. The boxes were only for an understanding and mental note. I made sure I felt the bounds of the boxes. Not touching them, but understanding their dimensions with feelings. Like when you look at a few differently sized boxes, and get a sense of their shape - similar to how you look at a person and perceive their personality by their posture and facial expressions.

After sizing up her form and establishing most of what she looks like, I decided I would add details to her form later, and stuck with a general idea. Then I moved onto personality.

For this, I gave her a hug, with my chin on her shoulder. I did this for two reasons - first so that I could feel her presence while doing this, and second that it's a hug and that's what I like to do. Hug. At least I'm not doing it to you, right? Don't tempt me.

I began thinking about things we've done together, and the alien feelings that emanated from her which guided our courses of action. I told her things like, "I like how x you are, you seem to be quite x, you've shown a lot of x," etc. naming off the traits that she has shown. With each one, I tried to get a feeling of what it was like to be such a way, along with thinking about each time she had shown it, and how her expressions and mannerisms show that she contains the quality. I had this information because I had parroted her before, and she was also showing responses to different actions.

I then slept, her being beside me, and that ended that. So, now we fast forward again.

I've been continuing this method of forcing, but without having to use the blocks each time. Recently however, I had been forcing less and less, closer and closer to the time that I fall asleep. Sadly, with less effort as well. She has been staying alive however.

With that in mind, I have just recently begun tulpaforcing with more effort, and also narrating whenever possible. Even trying to keep in mind that she is there, and able to understand what I'm doing. The increased amount of attention to her presence has shown immediate strength in her.

In her current state, she shows many responses which I sometimes parrot a vocal response for, based off of her tulpish thoughts, in a voice and mannerism that I think is fitting. I do the same for her pseudo-physical actions, as well. Again, I don't always do this.

The vocals have become more and more disassociated as time has carried on its hopefully endless life. I find it to require less and less effort thinking about her responses, and sometimes not fully expecting the responses that come. They are also much more frequent and spontaneous. Same goes for her pseudo-physical actions. She still requires a pool of thought from myself in order to do this, but her responses and actions are also increasingly different from my own.

Well, we're pretty caught up with my progress now.

I'm going to be narrating more, feeling for her presence/personality, and defining a few details of her form. I'll update this with any progress and detailed methods I've used, and maybe even try a new stage of development soon. Wish us luck. Also, watermelon is a great food for rejuvenation and sustained focus. Eat some, and have at forcing. See you soon.
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#3
Small bit of information here.

A large quantity of lost sleep can affect your mind in many ways that you may or may not notice.

While this has a small negative affect on you, it also has a small negative affect on any developing tulpae, as a tulpa in development will mostly draw its behavior from your pool of thought. There's a simple solution that we have for this. When she isn't quite behaving normally, I don't ignore it. I address what just now happened, and we both agree that it was either a response taken from a bad pool of thought caused by sleep loss, or something I just made up on my own which was again caused by sleep loss. Simple, true, and effective.

The important part about our solution, is that we establish the fact that she does not act that way. Rather that it is indeed a fluke caused by an outside source, and not her. We can carry on normally.

Now then, I've stated this before, but watermelon is wonderful for rejuvenation and mental stability. You will most likely notice a difference if you eat some watermelon to combat the affects sleep loss. I've been having this problem for a while now, and watermelon always helps quite a lot. Watermelon.

We should end this post now before it becomes too lengthy. See you soon.
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