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A New Member To the System


cartowheel

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For anyone who decides to read this, I am a median system -

Median: Someone whose others are more closely mentally related to one another than in a full-blown multiple system, where everyone is a separate entity.

 

Consisting of three alters - Kita, Cart, and Zero - and we go by the Zero System, and we're planning on adding a new member to our system. ^_^

 

Day One

 

I've reading up quite a bit on souldbonding and tulpas for awhile now, and tonight, I'm going to have my first conversation/personality assigning session. I have a decent idea of what I'd like him to be like, and a good idea of what he'll look like.

 

tumblr_mk1974w3HR1s7jhvdo1_500.jpg

 

I'm probably going to give him a few basic traits and let him develop on his own from there - a normal process I use for character creation in school as a character designer. As far as his name goes, I'll give him the choice for that.

 

I'm very excited to begin this journey and to have a lifelong companion.

System Name: The Z Squad

 

Original: Zoe, The Organizer

Gender: Femme Genderqueer, they/them

 

Headmate: Zach, The Protector

Gender: Male, he/him

 

Headmate: Zero, The Confidence

Gender: Agender, they/them, he/him

 

Tulpa: Chael

Gender: Male, he/him

Form: Fallen angel with rabbit features and horns

 

Tulpa: Celeste

Gender: Female, she/her, they/them

Form: Android

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I'm interested in seeing how this works out. I'm familiar with medians, but I've never actually spoken to one on the forum before. It'll be neat to see how having alters affects your tulpa, and how having a tulpa affects your alters.

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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Day 2

 

Zero was out most of the day, so I ended up passively forcing the whole trip I went with my roomie to get our blood work done, to seeing her parents, to when the spark wires in her car malfuctioned. Chael, the name I'm sticking with until he asks me otherwise, since I can't hear him at all yet, was still just a small, purple orb at the time, and just listened to me while I rambled about whatever was going on.

 

That night, I switched to Kita, and did a second personality assigning session (I gave him compassion, kindness, a little bit of snark from time to time, understanding, and honesty, though I'm going to let him develop on his own for the rest of his personality, since I want him to have a say, too), and our first visualization session. He seems okay with what I gave him, since I didn't have a hard time with it, nor did I feel any negative energy from him.

System Name: The Z Squad

 

Original: Zoe, The Organizer

Gender: Femme Genderqueer, they/them

 

Headmate: Zach, The Protector

Gender: Male, he/him

 

Headmate: Zero, The Confidence

Gender: Agender, they/them, he/him

 

Tulpa: Chael

Gender: Male, he/him

Form: Fallen angel with rabbit features and horns

 

Tulpa: Celeste

Gender: Female, she/her, they/them

Form: Android

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Day 3

 

Sort of had a passive forcing session while I took a shower today with Chael. I'm not sure how much knowledge he has right now, so I was narrating and explaining everything I was doing to him. Figured I'd try some imposition as well by trying to touch him and feel his skin and hair - feathers will have to wait until I can have a recent experience feeling them - but I found it doesn't work that well with wet hands. ;w;

 

I also just got back from taking him to the art museum across the street from my school. Figured I'd give him some culture and knowledge of different cultures and histories while it's still early on in his development. We only got to get to the Native American, Middle Eastern, and African sections before the museum closed. He seemed to like the Native American, but didn't have much interest in the other two (I kept feeling 'pulls' of sorts to each and every art piece and information plaque in that section, but not much in the other two), which is interesting since I have a lot of interest in the African section and could have stayed there for hours, but only got maybe 15 minutes in until I was 'pulled' out. And so, I figured, for something for the two of us to do when I have a break from school, we could make a weekly trip to the museum until we finish seeing everything, and there's three large floors full of things, so it might take a while.

 

Since the day's not over, I'll make another post later tonight about the rest of the day.

System Name: The Z Squad

 

Original: Zoe, The Organizer

Gender: Femme Genderqueer, they/them

 

Headmate: Zach, The Protector

Gender: Male, he/him

 

Headmate: Zero, The Confidence

Gender: Agender, they/them, he/him

 

Tulpa: Chael

Gender: Male, he/him

Form: Fallen angel with rabbit features and horns

 

Tulpa: Celeste

Gender: Female, she/her, they/them

Form: Android

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Day 3 cont.

 

Didn't really do much for the rest of the day, but I thought, since I'm trying to practice tarot reading, I'd do one on him. It's still a tad early, maybe, but I got some accurate results from the present cards. I may do one later, so I might be able to get to know him better while I can't hear him.

 

Also created our wonderland. Making a house on The Sims 3 of what I wanted really helped me visualize it where it's supposed to go. So far, it's a simple house with a living room, kitchen, bedroom for Chael and each alter, two bathrooms, a room for my memories, and one for my subconscious with a pool in the backyard. I'll probably expand as I get to know Chael better to accommodate to his tastes.

System Name: The Z Squad

 

Original: Zoe, The Organizer

Gender: Femme Genderqueer, they/them

 

Headmate: Zach, The Protector

Gender: Male, he/him

 

Headmate: Zero, The Confidence

Gender: Agender, they/them, he/him

 

Tulpa: Chael

Gender: Male, he/him

Form: Fallen angel with rabbit features and horns

 

Tulpa: Celeste

Gender: Female, she/her, they/them

Form: Android

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Day 7

 

Well, it looks like I lost around four posts in this thread after the forums went down. ;_; Not like much happened since then besides wonderland expansions and Chael responding to questions with temple pressure.

 

Though I have decided that his voice is going to sound like Wheatley in Portal 2.

System Name: The Z Squad

 

Original: Zoe, The Organizer

Gender: Femme Genderqueer, they/them

 

Headmate: Zach, The Protector

Gender: Male, he/him

 

Headmate: Zero, The Confidence

Gender: Agender, they/them, he/him

 

Tulpa: Chael

Gender: Male, he/him

Form: Fallen angel with rabbit features and horns

 

Tulpa: Celeste

Gender: Female, she/her, they/them

Form: Android

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Yeah, the forums went down and pretty much everyone who was active in the past few days lost some posts. At least you didn't lose too much. Some people lost entire pages of their PRs.

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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Day 11

 

So not much has been happening lately as far as forcing goes. I took Chael to the art museum again; we got through the Islamic, Egyptian, Asian, Italian, and Greek/Roman sections this time. He didn't seem all that interested in the Islamic or Asian art, but was quite fascinated with Egyptian and Greek/Roman.

 

I've also been parroting and puppeting a bit lately, both for my advantage for visualization, and his so he can learn to use the mindvoice we picked out. We decided on Wheatley's voice from Portal 2 (

), and I downloaded mp3 files of voice samples to listen to while puppeting Chael saying them.

 

I think I've heard him a few times, more in thoughts that are in the back of my mind but I don't recognize as mine. It's usually answers to rhetorical questions that I think about, or when I asked if he wanted to go to the museum, I 'heard' a 'yeah!' in the back of my mind - kind of like how I'll hear the alters when they aren't fronting, but these thoughts are not coming from familiar sources, so I'm assuming it's Chael trying to communicate.

 

I tried going back to our wonderland last night and this morning but couldn't concentrate due to lack of concentration or my concentration being more on the fact that I've been freezing at night (my dorm's heating system hasn't been turned on yet, and the temperature's been getting down to around 40 degrees F at night) and less on anything else. I'll try again tonight, though.

 

I did find, however, that when I was working on imposition last night (figured it was better to start as early as possible), I ended up stopping because my fiance and I got into a small quarrel, and I went to bed feeling upset, I tried getting myself to feel Chael next to me - my fiance has done this on multiple occasions to simulate me holding her when I'm off at school with success - and I've had the strongest imposition yet. While I couldn't feel his body lying next to mine, I could feel something wrap around me, and I assumed that it was his wings. I might have been convincing myself of that, since I wanted it so much, but, I've been told to assume anything out of the ordinary like that is him. If that's the case, I know he's a darn good cuddler and comforter. ;w;

System Name: The Z Squad

 

Original: Zoe, The Organizer

Gender: Femme Genderqueer, they/them

 

Headmate: Zach, The Protector

Gender: Male, he/him

 

Headmate: Zero, The Confidence

Gender: Agender, they/them, he/him

 

Tulpa: Chael

Gender: Male, he/him

Form: Fallen angel with rabbit features and horns

 

Tulpa: Celeste

Gender: Female, she/her, they/them

Form: Android

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Day 13

 

Cart finally fronted since I did his laundry. ;w;

 

Anyway, one of my clear quartz crystals that had been bathing in my purification salt for the past few days was ready to come out, and I had read that if you meditate or hypnotize yourself with a crystal pressed against where your third eye is, it will amplify its sight. Boy was that right.

 

Unlike most times I try to visualize my wonderland, I saw it on my first try after getting myself into a very deep trance state. At the same time, Chael was full of surprises as well. When I looked around after first arriving in my wonderland, Chael was waiting for me outside our house... with rabbit ears, small horns, and lower body like a rabbit satyr, but the rest of him looking the same. This was completely different than how I originally visualized him, and this is his first sign of deviation. Throughout the session in my wonderland, I talked to him about whether or not this is the form he wanted, and every answer was either a nod or positive energy - he's at the stage where he's communicating in non-verbal means, not really speaking.

 

After just talking with him for a while, I asked if he wanted to go and do something outside, and before I knew it, he had scooped me up and flew over the ocean again, this time landing on a ledge with a small cave opening. I was a little unsure, it not looking very safe, but he urged me on, letting me know to trust him. Apparently, he'd been exploring on his own, since he managed to find a large jungle inside the cave. It was full of cool colors, having a blueish/teal tone and very lush plant life. It seemed this was where he wanted to stop, since he told me lay down and sleep (in reality, it was 4 in the morning and I had an 8:30 class this morning). To which I pulled myself out of my wonderland, rolled over, and went to sleep. It was a pretty productive night, if you ask me.

 

As soon as I draw his new form, I'll post an image in a new post. ^_^

System Name: The Z Squad

 

Original: Zoe, The Organizer

Gender: Femme Genderqueer, they/them

 

Headmate: Zach, The Protector

Gender: Male, he/him

 

Headmate: Zero, The Confidence

Gender: Agender, they/them, he/him

 

Tulpa: Chael

Gender: Male, he/him

Form: Fallen angel with rabbit features and horns

 

Tulpa: Celeste

Gender: Female, she/her, they/them

Form: Android

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Day 14

 

So I figured that I'd experiment with something interesting last night. I have been trying to astral project for months now, with nothing but failures or getting so close I can feel myself trying desperately to get out of my physical body but never actually doing it, and I figured I'd try getting Chael's help. I've been getting to the point I usually do during active forcing, where I lay on my bed until I feel so relaxed I can only move if I try hard enough and my limbs feel numb. I've heard of one technique to astral project being that you 'pull' yourself up and out, so I though I'd enlist Chael's help to pull me. I got very close, to the point that I could physically feel the pull for almost a minute before it suddenly stopped and I couldn't do it again.

 

In other news, it looks like the lagomorph deviation is staying for now. No matter how hard I try to visualize him the way I did originally either I can't do it or it doesn't stay longer than a few seconds.

 

This is sort of what he looks like right now (I couldn't get to a scanner, so his lower body, which is now furred and built like a rabbit, is still human, and I had to use a dollmaker of sorts).

 

chael_zps169eafda.jpg

 

I also doodled him nonstop in class today. I figured, since, when you physically write your notes down, you remember them better, the same might go for a tulpa. Hopefully drawing him more often will help the visualization process along.

System Name: The Z Squad

 

Original: Zoe, The Organizer

Gender: Femme Genderqueer, they/them

 

Headmate: Zach, The Protector

Gender: Male, he/him

 

Headmate: Zero, The Confidence

Gender: Agender, they/them, he/him

 

Tulpa: Chael

Gender: Male, he/him

Form: Fallen angel with rabbit features and horns

 

Tulpa: Celeste

Gender: Female, she/her, they/them

Form: Android

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