I finally have a progress report. I figure this will get me a bit more motivated to work on things. The original reason I didn't create one when I started was I didn't want to be "mainstream", and look where I am now :^).
I guess this is the part where I talk about my tulpa. I've said bits about her here and there, but I'll let you tell her all about herself.
: Hey guys! Geez, I don't know where to start. I would describe myself as kind, motivational, assertive (but a bit passive at times), sarcastic, in the middle of lazy and productive, forgiving, and I enjoy getting together with people. I take the form of a 16 year old white HUMAN girl (I grow with my host), with long honey blonde hair that goes down to about my chest. I wear a plain white shirt with a long cardigan and jeans. I usually like to wear flats, but not all the time. I have green eyes, and have glasses with blue frames. I used to just let all my hair flow out, but these days I usually tie it back with a bang on the right side of my face. Some things I enjoy doing is art (I don't do it as often anymore), exploring, and taking naps. It's nice to meet you all!
It's a small island in, roughly, the shape of a circle. At the bottom of the circle (south) is a dock with a small speedboat for us to ride into the ocean. Leading up to the shore is a path up into a fairly large, half oval shaped clearing and a bit of a hill up to the house. The house has a nice entrance balcony similar to this
. Going into the house you have a closet and step up directly in front of you, and straight ahead is a door out to the backyard. Right to your left up the step is a wall dividing the kitchen and the living room. The living room is to the left, and the kitchen is to the right. Between the living room and the entrance area is a half wall, so you can see most of the entrance area from the living room. In the living room, the far left side has a couch, a nice table in front of it, and a TV across it in front to the wall dividing the kitchen and the living room, which isn't really used much for now other than aesthetics. Behind the couch is a nice window giving a nice view of the dock. Flowing through the living room leads you to the stairs to the upper part of the house. If you head right from this point, you can head into a loop back into the kitchen. So, essentially, the kitchen and the living room areas are lines of sections into the house divided by a wall. There's an opening between the kitchen and the entrance corridor. If you go straight through the kitchen, you can head through the wall into a small room housing a fireplace. Upstairs leads to a big opening, where the right side has a huge window and the left side has doors to three rooms - one of them mine, one of them Sceena's and one being the washroom (why do we have a washroom? Idk). That's about it for the house.
On the island, right in the middle there's a huge mountain. Coming out from the dock again, with the house being in front of you (also the clearing around here extends further enough to get to the base of the mountain), to the right and left are forest. If you go to the middle right direction, you can head to a treehouse we used to play on very early on, but is now unused. A bit north from there and you go to a river that leads further north through the island, but I haven't completely explored the northern part of the island. In the left side, you go through a path surrounded by trees, that looks like this
but not as straight. This leads a huge clearing with a huge, steeper (but not super steep) hill that looks like one of the levels in The Legend of Zelda: Majora's mask
. Just like in the picture, there is a great big oak tree at the top of the hill that's so tall that you'd need to multiply me and Sceena 5 times each to reach the full height of its trunk! Also, on the path to the hill, there's a secret passage that leads to a hidden tree grove, where the trees are densely packed into a circle shape to make it seem as a boundary, but inside there's, conveniently, a log to sit on to watch the beautiful fireflies shining in the night.
In our wonderland, the seasons mirror real life, but whether it be winter or summer, the temperature is always mildly cold/warm. The time of day does the same thing too.
There are lots of other islands in our wonderland. The most popular one is a couple of kilometres north west from the island, called Chester. It's a large port city that's sort of modern-ish. It's one of Sceena's favourite places to go. There was also a farm town and a faction called the Frent that are colonizing other islands, but we don't interact with them often anymore.
My whole career started out in early May of 2015, when I happened to come across this website. Long story short (and spoiler alert: ) I ended up making a tulpa a couple of weeks later. My original design of her personality was to be kind, caring, patient, forgiving, very emotional, and not very sarcastic or humorous (which I'm actually glad she deviated from). As well, I originally planned for her to wear a short casual dress, similar to Mayuri
from the Steins;Gate series (but with longer jeans that covers up to the end of her knees). I kept forcing her and stuff for about a month later, where I was like "woo summer" and completely forgot about her (thank god she wasn't sentient and doesn't remember about that, but I do something just about as bad later on). A week back into school, I thought about getting back into it, which I did.
It was at that fateful day, at Thursday, September 17, 2015 that Sceena had officially become sentient (or only just vocal?). I remember her first words as "hi" or a greeting similar to that that resonated and rung with me a lot. In the beginning, she could barely string words together in a coherent sentence, but now look at her
. I just kept narrating to her day after day and going in the wonderland... but over time something changed. One of the reasons behind making a tulpa personally was so that I didn't have to have friends, but Sceena was highly resistant on that idea. It was 2016 when I found things I had in common with other people and after the passage of time I just... didn't force her anymore. I didn't neglect her as bad as I did when I first started but, this went on for much longer. I can't even remember if I spent time with her more than just a short conversation, which you could argue is narrating and is fine but it didn't feel fine to me. If I can't remember her being in my life in that time period, then that isn't good at all.
History repeats itself and in the summer I don't even know if I interacted with her at all. Fast forward to the start of the school year and you can tell she made a decline. She felt more lifeless, had less of a presence, and frankly she sounded as if she had a bad cold. I felt and still do feel ashamed. This was also the reason why I went a long, unannounced hiatus. She constantly reminds me now that she's okay with it and she forgives me, but do I really deserve that?
Now, I can't slip up anymore. I can't forget about her existence anymore. I'm determined now to advance her development so I can get to the point where I don't have to worry about forgetting about her. This progress report was certainly not the first step towards that goal, but I'm sure it will help me even in the slightest to stay on track and START FORCING!
Me and Sceena are currently working on a couple of things: One thing is the ability to parallel process. I've been reading up on independence guides and I've been getting her to do math problems, even if it's in class and I make it up on the spot. Our progress with that is that she still often has to use my thoughts to process the problem, but sometimes when I intentionally hold back my train of thought she can almost do it without needing the help. So that's some progress, but still a long way to go.
We're also working on possession. She can control some of my body parts pretty easily (though I have some of my doubts if it's really her), but not my whole body. I'm also doing some meditation exercises to try dissociation. I lay down and relax and use symbolism (thinking my whole body is a vessel filled with a liquid representing me, trying to drain it out, etc.) to try and dissociate. I tried one session so far and my arm shook when I imagined the liquid being drained out of it, but that might have just been me considering it's unlikely to have results like that so early. As well, I could still feel my arm a bit.
I'm not disciplined enough to do these exercises every day (some I only do like 3 times a week). But at the very least, I'm talking, engaging, and visualizing my tulpa every day which is at least a sort of improvement from back then. I applaud you if you read until now. I'll only be posting if I actually have some development or advancement in my forcing sessions, so beware for week long posts (lol).