Afraid.
#1
So, I have this problem. Whenever I've been forcing for a couple of weeks and I'm beginning to get really consistent responses (head pressure, etc), I find myself suddenly consumed with fear. It's ridiculous. I didn't rush into the process -- I thought about it for a long time before trying, I don't feel the least bit afraid beforehand, I feel confident in my reasons for creating a tulpa, I'm enthusiastic...and yet, as soon as it seems to be working, I balk. I become totally overwhelmed by how strange this whole endeavor is, how unacceptable it is in the eyes of society, and by its potential permanence. What the hell can I do about this? Advice, thoughts for how to overcome it?
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#2
TL;DR at the bottom.

Maybe it could be that inner critical voice of yours that’s still latching onto to you. Maybe it could be that your mind feels there’s a sense of urgency for doing anything but forcing. Maybe the doubting, and how much persistence you have to have to get results, questioning whether or not you’re going by blind faith, of if you can really sustain a self-fulfilling prophecy of treating them as sentient, and gradually finding some way to incorporate those beliefs and practices in your daily life.

Combined with over generalizations of what people feel society considers taboo, you’re now trapping yourself with some invisible set of standards and moral constructs that honestly shouldn’t be affecting what you really want out of it, and your confidence in persevering. Maybe it could just be that you’re being aware of what’s really going on in your mind, and you’re finding the insecurities, doubts, and struggles right away. It really depends on how you react to those negative thoughts, and knowing that if you set boundaries (e.g. not telling anyone you in real life you intend to create a tulpa, or have one already), there’s really nothing to worry other than the negativity that becomes conflated with paranoia and what-ifs that are unlikely to occur.
Lucid dreaming, or just dreaming overall isn’t really that much different from this whole endeavor, and it (dreaming) is something you do in your natural sleep. You engage with thought-forms non-lucidly, or lucidly depending on how much you learned to attain lucidity. You’re exploring your mind, experiencing virtual experiential realities probably every night for the rest of your life. This endeavor barely scratches the surface on what you can really do in your sleep, and it’s even stranger, but also wonderful when you start getting used to it.
Fears of ostracism from others, having broken relationships and such depends on how the people you love react to your situation. Weighing in circumstances and contingencies of how to assess those worst case scenarios becomes the main focus because you’re too busy trying to satisfy this invisible construct of what’s acceptable or not from the “eyes of society.” I highly doubt anyone can provide an unimaginative objective viewpoint on what’s really the universal, or worldwide view on right and wrong in society without conflating their subjective interpretations from it.

My main suggestion is just pay attention to how you’re reacting to it all, and question if it’s really something you really want to worry about so much. Don’t forget to weigh in your reasons for taking this in the first place. From personal experience, though I probably didn’t have to do much as you may have to do, it does take some adjusting to where your mind isn’t portraying negatives as much as the positives. You’ll just have to solider on, and not respond so badly to the thoughts.

It’s all going on in your head, and there’s no entity of society that’s going to poke your brain and tell you what is pragmatic to do with your cognition in general. You’re in control, and you set yourself up for your own shittness and pity party if you let those thoughts linger. It’s something I’m sure everything has to deal with, but after that subconscious/unconscious impasse is conquered, most of that doubting becomes bullshit because you know your limits when it comes to expressing tulpas to people, i.e., don’t tell them if you’re not prepared for the worst. You spend more time gaining solace with the companion you have in mind while creating through your own subjective meanings with them, and you realize that as long as those what-ifs don’t become an end result, then there’s nothing to worry about. Whether you feel you’re inherently locked with the companion you plan to create or not is up to you. You’re the one that sustains all of those beliefs, and the more you let them exist, the more you’re probably making self-fulfilling prophecies with tulpas backfire on you.

When you’re working and seeing breakthroughs, don’t take them for granted. It’s a clusterfuck to comprehend what’s going on, but you’ll just have to get used to weird things happening. Know how to reign in your existence and sense of self, and I hardly believe it would be likely that your own body and mind is going to try and destroy you. Wouldn’t it be silly if a body that yearns to survive as much as possible will suddenly do something like that to you?

TL;DR anti-blog post:

Just think about it, and realize you can turn that negative critical voice as a means of motivation because you know some of that doubting and worrying is probably imaginative, filled with over-generalizations, full of what-ifs that are unlikely to become end results you have to worry about unless you want them happen.

Societal implications on crazy, insane, and psychotic tries to put in a god’s eye objective view point that’s really conflating subjective beliefs. Are you going to let invisible, objective societal constructs validate what you really want to pursue?

Sounds more like being sheep to me.


Also, sorry. I was ironically putting in what-ifs on what may be bothering you in that novel post just to show you that thinking about it too much is going to be mentally exhausting at some point to where you're just going to go, "I'm done with your shit, society."

Or you let the implications and doubting consume you.
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