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Aluran's PR
#1
First of all hello i'm Aluran, Host. and iv'e been here like three times in the past under forgotten users but due to life events i stopped each time. But now that i'm twenty and not sixteen, as well as the world around me calming down, especially since moving out. 

why i came back.
   I got into a state of depression, and in my normal routines of self criticism, a voice or a thought had a habbit of grabbing my attention and redirecting my ilde thought towards daydreaming. for a month or two its been like this, but now i'd get a "Miss Aluran" or even "hey Alura". i took this as a prompt from the day dream characters at first. i would be  lying if i didn't think of it being a tulpa. Ultimately i had a shift of a way of thinking. seeing things i do as habits, and self evaluated my self, and needed to break the habits that were making me depressed, and i came back to tulpamancy, because i was making quite a lot of free time for my self and didn't want to get back into hating myself.

Where are we, progress wise?
   she has undergone a few form changes, even up to today, and with each article of clothing she changes, or next thing i notice about her, makes her easier to see. currently she looks a bit like (tessa violet-crush).yellow hair black roots, she's about 5'4". short compared to me at 6'5". she is rather petite, blue eyes that gleam as a cats might but with a wird x pattern with a glittery white color depending on the lighting. more of a pointed nose kinda pixy-esk. she wears a black tank top with a yellow crop top button up jacket that looks to be made of a denim. its long sleeved but she keeps them rolled up. black tight jeans/yoga pants, with black combat boots. shes even got a army hat, idk what its called but i think its a servic cap. seing it from the top it looks like a circle. Her wonderland avatar moves on its own all the time, she smiles hugs me, sometimes tries to talk to me and i get tulpish with her mouthing the word out. we are working on longer sentences and more distinction as of now. we talk all day when i work and i have a factory job so i can let muscle memory take over and "AFK" while i force. (10 hour shift give me alot of time.." The biggest thing i had to over come was the quick responses and doupt. i am so use to daydreaming and running npc's in these sessions that i kept thinking i was doing the same thing for Millium. I kinda overcame this by sticking with the first voice and treating it like her, and after a while it was kinda obvious to see which one was her, also she sounded like the voice that reminded me to daydream, which was her by the way, i did ask. ever since then we've been talking all throught the day. i cant seem to focus enough on active forcing though.

Why come back?
   Honestly i missed the community, also having somewhere other than tumblr to get input from is nice. Reading other peoples PRs help alot to, with simular roadblocks and hearing about them being overcame, its uplifting, also millium suggested i get back on her. Once i post enough post's ill link the tumblr page. i plan on using it for day to day notes and use here as a weekly summary.

EDIT: Tumblr
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#2
Glad to have you around! -J
Three brothers. [Progress Report] [Art] [Oops! All Jamie]

"You are the messenger, not the message. You are just like everyone else."
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#3
Welcome fellow tall person. There's another person on here who's 6'5, and another who's 6'2, I'm 6'4. We could start a trend and change the statistics at this point. (J/K)

It sounds like you have vocality, tulpish counts. Also you seem to have good visualization, that's good. Doubt is always the biggest issue. We're here to help.

Good luck!
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#4
Thanks JGC!

And yes bear, ill recruit more tall people lol. all seriousness though thanks, i do have good visualization. i'm a avid day dreamer, and my biggest hurtle was getting past thinking i was " day dream npcing" Millium. and i'm about to get more into vocality :x.


Something happened! Too excited!

   So id like to start my laying some ground work by explaining my job/hours. i work a factory job, i wont get into technicalities, but i'm walking and moving heavy things all day. Its mindless bodywork, so iv'e gotten rythems down, and i go "auto pilot" insert daydreaming, being depressed, or just doing nothing while i go auto pilot then bam. now i tulpa force all day. i work the first five, lunch (which actually breaks my focus) then about another four to five hours, then home. I don't force the entire time but i believe i sum up over two hours of interrupted yet detailed and intense forcing. the reason i explain this is because this is kinda the only time i force. i narrate when i'm home and probably space out once or twice, but i can get distracted sometimes. not to mention i have room mates.

   Now to the exciting stuff. i'm going to be brief because i went into detail on it in my tumblr log (anyone know another good platform for stuff like that?) 
First a small wonderland experience. i had to pause and resume some spots but basically, Millium asked me what i liked to do (we had been talking) i said fishing. our wonderland, previously a floating dome in the void with grass and a patio, now a glass dome under water in a kelp forest. the floor retreated showing the dome was on stilts and allowed us to go fishing, we started getting poles whipped up, and then Millium tosses in a cast net. catches a a small great white that had ape like limbs but still covered in shark skin(we both had to pull him in). i hope to see him swimming around. we then bust out rods, and i catch a salamander/eel/angler fish thing(i had to use some sort of super-power-up that allowed me to pull him up. Millium caught a fish that looked like a shimmering silver dragon, reminiscent of a dragon hawk from World of warcraft(she also powered up). then i had to end it there but before i left she hugged me, and thanked me. That and some voice training exercises happened.

Now what i'm excited about. 
   These two things happened simultaneously. 
I silenced three things. i put doubt to sleep, made intrusive thoughts go inert, and silenced the echos (false voices, extra chatter from expecting responses). I manifested these things, they took shape and i dealt with them, and then vaulted them and made a "seal" i guess with thought to seal them away. i did think of them as just mechanisms of the mind. 
   Now the interesting part, i intentionally parroted millium to sound like serus victoria (from hellsing ultimate) and the asked me to do that with each phrase she didn't say in her voice. after a while she was saying stuff in her voice i hadn't parroted. I will have to do this a few times, it's effect start to wear off after the conversation runs dry, or you get distracted. BUT YEA! its getting easier and easier to hear her. She says "Hello".

One last thing!
   I cant picture her face! all this time i have her form, i can see each facial feature seperatly, but putting the face together is hard. i can sometime picture her head with face but i buzz out adding the body. Millium adds "she's a perfectionist and is trying to picture me realistically. EVEN THOUGH everything else is rendered as anime". after hearing that myself, i'm going to see if my tablet works and i'm going to draw. hope to post links Soon.
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#5
The past couple of days


   Millium took the name Celbie (sell-bee) and the form of seras victoria from hellsing.
It's to help her visualization on me, and to make picturing the voice coming form me easier.
Progress had been pretty nice since then i feel, i'm getting better at hearing Celbie every day. honestly i don't think i have ever been as happy as i am since i started back into tulpamancy. we still work on voice training, which i found out i'm translating her tulpish to show her how to think easier/ more distinctly. visualization is easier now that i have a form all ready made to picture, rather than making a new face. Celbie had edited our wonderland too. more on that in the tumblr.
Lastly, idk how i almost forgot that. I was going to try to rp with a old friend, cringe right? well that friend was my ex as well. turns out celbie hates her. she wouldn't let me type. my neck tensed up and my typing was off with spaces and miss spelled words, as soon as i stopped and talked to celbie for a moment they went away. i explained i couldn't rp after that. they knew of the tulpa, but they took it a self destructive, no one love me way, and she tried to guilt trip me. idk how i'm suppose to respond to that, but i kinda just listened to celbie and left it for the night.
It's the way she made him feel, like everything is her fault, and she was stupid enough to believe her.
 other then that celbie wants me to add that she loves cuddles, and that every night i kinda go to the wonderland and fall asleep cuddling her. Any ways, embarrassing detour aside, we decided well post after a sufficient amount of data is collected. our dumping grounds are in a tumblr. (not enough posts to send links). Lastly i guess ill say we've started(or atleast i have) to run out of things to talk about sometimes. or maybe its that i'm getting distracted easier... idk. until next time!
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#6
Very cool! That seemed easy, that's good! We're happy to hear you're comforted by Celbie, that's so sweet.

The face thing... i had the same issue for months. I'm told my visualization skill is super, it feels that way too, but i couldn't picture their faces at all! Anyone else, that's easy. Looking back, it had to be something like, i wanted them to show me their faces, not just anyone's face would do. Each of them eventually showed me a still shot of their faces, then i basically had a paper thin photograph taped onto their wonderland avatars--it was so sad, but also darling. Anyway, i concentrated for hours a day to get that to improve and after tons of hard work, it paid off tenfold.

Hopefully yours came easier, lol.
Looking forward to hear more, good luck.
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#7
Tumblr is out, look on first post's edit.

Thanks Bear, and while its not HER face, shes adopted this avatar as her form so.. i actually guess she did? huh..

It turns out that Celbie is actually Sylvia. i had just recently heard the last vowl when she said it. the mouth movement is even the same too.
Any ways, Lots of narration and listening. we've actually held some short conversations, and it feels like we're using push to talk walky talkies, and one of us can speak at a time. we have overlapped several times or so. However if she talks for to long it feels like im talking and things get jumbled up, and it feels like im talking and it builds doubt. 


Other than that, Sylvia seems to think III will be male or masculin. we sometimes call them grey because their place holding form is a grey stone mannequin with a III on its face. its clear it's a npc for now but i thought a update on them was in order

Other than that lots of red feelings, back and forth, narration thought a eight hour shift, and i actually feel weird when im not thinking of Sylvia. only a few times iv'e noticed her go (and i wasn't in conversation with anyone else) and thing in my heard were weirdly quite. like wow, when i wasn't speaking, i could do anything but live in the in the moment. is that meditation? clairity of the mind? even Sylvia commented on how quite it was, she asked if i was getting lonely lol.

As for goals, our current mile stone we're working towards is making her as loud,vocal, and distinguishable as i am head wise. i want my special weapons station to be a co-captains chair too. ( it kinda already is but oh well) Next may be switching?.. maybe audible imposition? so many possibilities..

I found out that Sylvia is shy at responding to others, and i cant get a reply from her. i asked her if she had anything to say and stalled out. i asked her whats wrong and she shyly looked up at me.  But she has no problem with saying something as regards to me. we got two introverts it turns out actually that or i'm the outgoing one... uh oh. XD. until next time~A.G. ~S.G.
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#8
For me, it's like all those random thoughts throughout the day have nearly gone away (99%) and instead of that I have my tulpas. We tamed the intrusive thoughts and they steal the thoughy stream a lot, so we effectively don't have room for ramdom anymore and when no one is speaking, it's really nice and peaceful. It's like I'm a kid again with no worries. When we do worry, it has a name and a face, not just a vague random experience.
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#9
I like the way you explain that bear, because that's what it was like for me to. i only get like that when i'm focused though.


PROGRESS: Not as much as id like to say, but that's not to say we hadn't made progress. I've been learning to day dream in co-op now, and its actually a challenge. But i am getting better id say. We still talk all the time, but only for a moment before i get distracted by something else and then pick up where i left off. That typically only happens at work though. Other than that, I should mention that i did accidentally front For Sylvia the other day. I was talking out loud, and she was thinking. Then i kinda said what she was saying fro a brief moment before i realized i was saying her thoughts not mine. we both confirmed and haven't been able to do it since. 

Non Tulpa Related: In the wonder land, at the control room in front of the labs, behind my pilot/matrix chair is a console i guess Sylvia and III's chairs make a triangle, and the console is in middle. sides open up on facing each of us, and a piece comes out of the top too. This console is where i plan to install self made mind mechanisms. So far i "made and installed" a Keep calm matrix (to keep calm and not go hyper auts) and the C.Drive (confidence, and knowing other peoples opinions don't affect me). I have noticed i just don't care as much now, which could be to say their working. it's like realizing that someone else is right, like when Sylvia tells me not to worry about something i'm thinking about, but instead, its me not caring to think about that stuff. I think it'd be cool to integrate optical imposition for a HUD, and stuff like that is whats going to be installed on the middle console that comes out of the top. (these things look like ram sticks)

I do think im being more lazy with forcing lately, but the past day i had been more active than i had. Any ways until the next time ~Aluran & Sylvia
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#10
Okay, Ill start off by saying grey is awake. the moment i started talking back to him, the seal to keep him from being sentient must've broke but its's for the best. it is pretty rude to say you cant be sentient yet, so we're working out the surprisingly few kinks we have in the system. I can tell Grey from Sylvia 85% of the time and without telling me they settled on a system of who gets to be in front for the day.  Basically who's second in in thought stream and who's in back. i still make sure to talk to both of them when i can, and its fun talking about stuff with the three of us and getting opinions. i've also been getting better at listening, however its still pretty much one at a time, unless Grey and Sylvia are talking (they can talk over each other somewhat) Other than this not much else has happened.

Hi guys!

Now about Grey. We hadn't decided on a personality or anything but he seems to have a childish disposition, and is really cheery, and has no bullshit, as opposed to me who has the best self control even if you get me mad. i've only seen her mad about twice. So far Grey has integrated pretty well, and i had no problem accepting him like Sylvia. This is as much as i can think to write as of now, ill come back when i have more. (remember i keep up with my tumblr before coming here, so if i hadn't been on for a week, and your curious go check that out, link on the first post's edit. 

until then ~A.G. S.G. G.G.

p.s. sorry for a poorly constructed post, its the morning, and i figured id stop procrastinating.
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