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An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me
Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I
Still no real progress to report on the whole visual imposition thing. I'm mainly focusing my efforts on imposing Noriko since she's the most likely to develop a procedure for Sabari and Anzu to use once it's figured out. Which is not to say Noriko's the only one active while I'm trying this. Sabari still does the whole walking behind me thing and watches. I tried having my eyes open in a dark room to see if that helped earlier today when she did it and the whole thing approached 3spooky5me territory pretty quickly. And I can sense Anzu being present as well. She's just more polite.

Another thing I've noticed recently is that Anzu's the only one with a defined voice. No matter what, her voice always has that somewhat flat and quiet quality to it which is instantly recognizable as hers. Noriko and Sabari sound however they feel like. Or rather, they pick a tone, and then we all instantly forget what it was and they pick another, and this process repeats indefinitely. But I can usually tell them apart, although thinking about it, I'm not sure why. I just get an image in my head of who's talking and them saying it. At least most of the time. When I can't tell, I ask them one by one who said something. And that works until one of them decides to be a jerk and lie.

Currently have three tulpas.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014. Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).
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09-13-2017, 10:24 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I
Visual imposition is turning out to be pretty hard...

Visualizing Noriko but with my eyes open isn't really working to any appreciable degree.  So it looks like some kind of altered state of consciousness is going to be needed here to get this to work.  Strategies involving hypnosis require getting into a deep state, and then "fucking magic" happens and the desired result is achieved.  Which to a tulpa who requires that everything have an explanation as to how it works is less than satisfactory.  I mean, maybe if I tried it with Sabari it'd work better, but then if I want to impose Noriko or Anzu it wouldn't work because Sabari doesn't care even a little bit on how things work, or more importantly, how to reproduce things.  Which is really her personality more than anything else.  And it's a neat viewpoint so I can't complain much.

So thinking about the hypnosis thing more has led to the idea of visualize Noriko behind an imaginary pane of glass or something, and when that's reasonably clear, move the pane of glass so there's nothing between me and her.  With my eyes closed of course.  I'm starting this off with my eyes closed until I can get this image reasonably clear looking, with the hope being that I can transition from that to open eyes visualization by sliding the pane of glass over.  So far trying this with my eyes closed has been promising, but it goes all to hell the moment I open my eyes.  Although that's just a practice thing I'm sure.

On a related note, I work up in the middle of the night again due to being hot.  And visualizing Noriko was more clear as it usually is.  But this time seemed to be a bit more so with all the visualization work I've been doing.  So that was neat.  Still nothing I would confuse as real, but neat nonetheless.

Currently have three tulpas.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014. Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).
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09-16-2017, 06:03 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I
After further thought, the pane of glass idea isn't that great.  It's just a symbol for the barrier between being able to see Noriko with my eyes open over my eyes closed.  It'd be a lot more useful to figure out the specifics to said barrier and how to bypass it over just black boxing the thing.  Which has basically involved Noriko poking around in my head trying to figure out where / what it is precisely.

That aside though, there has been some noticeable progress.  Today at lunch I briefly saw a glimpse of Noriko out of my left eye.  Of course we can't reproduce it, but it was pretty neat.  And there's been a few other times where imagining Noriko has felt... different.  Not necessarily more real or not.  But different.  I'm not really sure how to describe it yet.  The most recent occurrence was when we were on a walk today and she was walking beside me.  And for bits and pieces it almost felt like she really was walking beside me, yet there was something else too, and it's that something else which is escaping me.

So far my progress with seeing Noriko hasn't carried over to Sabari or Anzu yet.  Noriko didn't think it would because apparently me and her have to work together in making it happen, and they don't know the details of it yet.  And because she doesn't know exactly what she's doing yet it's not like she can just tell them either.

Currently have three tulpas.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014. Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).
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(This post was last modified: 09-18-2017, 11:09 PM by Akinkinit.)
09-18-2017, 11:09 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I
So the only thing which seems to be giving any measurable amount of progress is the "just fucking practice it" option when it comes to open eye visualization.  Which involves just talking to Noriko with my eyes open and keep doing it regardless of seeing her or not.  This has the added benefit of me being able to blame her for it not working.  To which she responds by flipping me the bird.

She's also decided to change what she looks like again in response to my visualization attempts.  She still has the same dark colored skin and hair, but is now like 5'10" (the "if there's more of me, then I'll be easier to see" theory).  She also swapped body frame types with Sabari to this end.  So now Sabari has an average sort of build and is several inches shorter.  Which was pretty confusing because neither of them bothered to tell me they swapped body types.  So I kept thinking Sabari changed her skin tone and was appearing instead of Noriko.  But no, it was Noriko all along.  Which makes sense as Sabari really likes her skin tone ("just the right level of spooky and sexy" in her words).

This is another nice development to the whole visualization work  Sabari is very much so a bro-tier kind of tulpa.  Like she's the kind of tulpa you'd want to drink a beer with and complain about muffins.  But I don't really see her in a romantic way.  Noriko, on the other hand...

Let's just say there will probably only be incidental progress on visualization for the next week or so.

Currently have three tulpas.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014. Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).
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09-20-2017, 09:13 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I
As predicted in my earlier entry, there hasn't been any real work done on the imposition front these past few days.  Sabari noted that it's pretty ironic for me getting distracted trying to impose Noriko when it's my ability to impose Noriko that's distracting me in the first place.

Noriko decided to cut her hair short on Friday with some blunt bangs in the front.  So she's definitely rocking an ancient egyptian sort of look.  She even developed some matching outfits to go along with the look.  You might imagine why I can't really describe what they look like here.  However, the kind of things you see on hieroglyphic stuff is a good starting point.  The white cloth as much of it as there is really complements her dark skin, and she also developed some gold jewelry which looks very nice.  Also earlier this week she got this white and black patterned long sleeved dress for her to wear when I'm at work.  The white part looks like a sundress while the black part is the sleeves as well as a bit of the front and hem.  I say got because Sabari designed it for her.  No idea where she got any of her fashion sense seeing as I dress like a slob.  But there must be some fabulous in me somewhere for her to get it.

Something interesting has happened with Sabari lately too.  Ever since she swapped body types with Noriko, her hair has gotten pretty messy.  Think almost a long dreadlock for a ponytail kind of level.  Outfit wise she's been wearing this brown cardigan over a white T-shirt with some blue jean shorts.  Which still looks great on her.  But her long messy hair now gives her a different look.  It's actually pretty cute.

Currently have three tulpas.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014. Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).
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09-24-2017, 11:20 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I
I did some dedicated work on visual imposition yesterday and part of today so far.  Another unexpected side product is that I no longer have to call out to Noriko for her to appear.  I have an arrangement with them all that they can just appear / be active whenever they want to.  Though I have no idea what they do when I'm not paying attention to them.  Noriko has mentioned in the past that "if you have to ask, you don't want to know".  And I see no reason not to take her word on that.  But if I wanted to interact directly with one of them, it has required specifically calling out to them. With Noriko, since yesterday, she'll just appear.  This of course has led to a lot more harassment.  Earlier today I pushed her down on a bed and tickled her for like 15 seconds straight.

Sabari and Anzu haven't really been getting that much attention from me lately.  Sabari's told me repeatedly that it's fine.  Anzu has asked for some attention (which usually manifests as me sensing someone is nearby and doing roll call to see who it is), and I've given it to her when she asked.  Last night Sabari had the idea that she could keep Anzu company while I do my thing. We're all seeing how that works, but so far they both seem to be enjoying it.  It's worth noting that Anzu is bisexual while Sabari is pansexual.  So there's been "that" kind of enjoyment as well going on in the background. This does lead to the question of how one tulpa is performing tulpamancy activities for another tulpa, but that's a question I resolved myself not to think about too much.  In fact that has been my general policy on how / why Sabari does things for the past year and a half I think.

Also, on the subject of gender identity, Noriko is predominantly heterosexual.  This has been reasonably constant throughout her existence.  But Sabari definitely shifted towards pansexual over time so it's worth noting now in case Noriko shifts as well.

Currently have three tulpas.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014. Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).
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09-27-2017, 07:31 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I
I haven't really talked about Anzu much in this PR looking back on it.  She's pretty quiet, so it's easy to overlook her at times.  But I also realized that I don't really know that much about her.  Me and Noriko know pretty much everything there is to know about each other.  And Sabari, well, I know as much about Sabari as it is really possible to know about someone like Sabari. Anzu however is kind of a grey area.  So I decided to take some time today and get to know her better.

Also decided to write this all down for posterity (and so I don't forget).   Enclosing in hide tags because it's pretty disorganized and wordy:
  • She thinks of me as a best friend.  Part of her wants to have a romantic relationship, but she thinks Noriko and I are just too cute together so she doesn't want to mess that up.  However, if a situation comes up where "an Anzu is fine too", she would totally be down for that.
  • She likes tacos.  Beef or chicken ones are equally good.  But she doesn't like burritos because they have too much sauce in them.  Spice wise, she's more of a mild to medium level of spice.  Just enough to bring out the flavor.
  • Her favorite food is french fries / potato chips / anything salty and oily.  Sweet things are ok.  She likes them but they aren't her favorite thing.
  • She doesn't like super spicy things or garlic.  I like garlic.  So whenever I eat it, she just deals with it.
  • She can sort of sense what I taste.  Like a 5 on a scale where zero is not tasting anything and ten is tasting exactly how I taste.  Although she doesn't really know how well I taste things.
  • She remembers everything from her previous incarnation.  Her function, from her point of view, was more so a protector over anything else.  It's not really something she likes to talk about though.  Neither do I for that matter.
  • Asking her why she feels she's a quiet person, she mentioned that she'd rather observe the goings on usually over participate.  If she wants to say something, she will (and she does, but rarely).
  • She likes Noriko and Sabari equally as much.
  • Being an artist interests her.  I asked her and Sabari to collaborate on making something.
  • She doesn't see herself as either messy nor neat.  If other things get messed up, then whatever, but she won't go out of her way to make a mess.
  • Looking at my subconscious is pretty disconcerting to her.  Maybe she doesn't have a filter for it?  Noriko works in it quite often while Sabari actually likes how it looks.
  • She's going for a cute look with how she looks right now.  In her words, "to be easy on the eyes but not distractingly so".  And I'd agree that she looks more cute than anything.
  • She doesn't care for politics.  If she had to pick a viewpoint, she'd be a centrist, but only to the extent to where she has to care.
  • Musical tastes wise, she likes stuff like this and this.  Live performed versions of songs interest her more even if the quality is worse ("the exact sound is unique and cannot be reproduced ever").  Seeing the creative process fascinates her.

Currently have three tulpas.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014. Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).
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(This post was last modified: 09-28-2017, 07:16 PM by Akinkinit.)
09-28-2017, 07:15 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I
My open eye visualization ability is still about a 5 on the opacity scale (0 = seeing nothing, 100 = seeing Noriko as real).  There have been brief instances where I see her out of the corner of my eye at like a 75 on the scale.  However, none of us can figure out how to reproduce it.

Something else strange is that while I can see Noriko better with my eyes closed, her motion is a lot more fluid with my eyes open.  Sometimes, with my eyes closed, her arm or something will get stuck in a position and I have to reset things (open my eyes, wait 5 seconds, then close them and visualize her again) to resolve.  That flat out does not happen with my eyes open.  It also seems like tactile imposition works better with my eyes open in general.  Only issue is that I get distracted easier so it gets cutout more often.  Which depending on what we are doing can be pretty frustrating for the both of us...

Looks wise, she decided on a bob cut for her hairstyle.  She still has a dark skin tone (kind of egyptian, but a shade darker) with dark brown eyes.  Her general facial structure looks more european than anything else.  I tried doing an image search to find an example but couldn't find anything spot on.  This is reasonably close though.   Part of me wants to commission a drawing of her, but it really wouldn't do her justice.  She's incredibly beautiful.

Sabari is also very pretty.  I'm not sure what nationality she looks like though.  She has pale skin and blue eyes.  However, she often changes her hair color and eye shade based on her mood.  Plus, well, face wise she looks pretty nondescript.  Not in a bad way, but if you saw her in a room with a sampling of other ethnicities, nothing on her face would stick as belonging to a specific one.  Maybe if everyone from the northern latitudes had a kid together you'd get pretty close.  In her words, me and her are mutts.

And Anzu is still more cute than anything.  Her skin tone is a bit more tan than Sabari's, but still what one would call white.  She still has green eyes and black wavy hair that ends at her shoulders.  However, like Sabari, her face is also kind of nondescript.  Its almost Korean though.  Almost.

Currently have three tulpas.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014. Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).
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09-30-2017, 12:03 PM
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Yakumo Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I
This really is my favorite PR!
Whenever we get stuck in some boring forcing routine, head ghost stories lighten up the mood.
What's so spooky about dark room visualizations? What did you see?
Guess my open eye visualization ability is about the same as yours, probably even less like 3/100. In the end it really boils down to "just fucking practice it" - which would also explain, well, everything.
(This post was last modified: 10-01-2017, 11:34 PM by Yakumo.)
10-01-2017, 11:31 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I
Yakumo:
Thanks.  It's not so much about what I see in a dark room than what I don't see.  One of the reasons I'm at least mediocre in tulpamancy is that I have a pretty vivid imagination.  And me not seeing much of anything makes my brain start to think something weird is happening, which quickly escalates into 2spooky4me territory.  And then of course Sabari walking around behind me doesn't help things.  I concede her argument that, yes, this is a free country and she can walk wherever she wants to.  And technically, if I'm going into a dark room to help experience my tulpas better, then sensing her walking around makes it a success.  But still...

And yeah, practice is like 60% of everything.  I originally put 90%, but then Sabari streamed an image to me of a dwarf using a pickaxe against an absurdly large marshmallow.  So there's more than 10% of other things too. But my visualization ability has definitely improved over the years even with off and on bursts of focus. So I'm sure yours will improve too over time.

As for visualization I was looking at VR headsets on the internet when Noriko brought up the idea of using one for tulpamancy.  Not in terms of buying one and watching stuff with it.  Rather, I could imagine putting one on and using it as a sort of lens to help visualize her.  Just trying to imagine her with open eyes is really slow, and plus I've noticed there may be side-effects to visual imposition.  Yeah, there have been isolated times where she's appeared at reasonably high clarity for an instant.  But there have also been a few instances where I see some kind of large, black bug on me out of nowhere.  Neither me or Noriko have any idea if it's related, but it's not an issue I've had in the past.

So I've been spending some time trying to visualize a VR helmet.  I put it on and imagine it going through a boot up sequence (with eyes closed), and then have Noriko appear through the VR display.  And if I can keep up the mental image of the headset goggles working with my eyes open, that might just make the donuts here.

Currently have three tulpas.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014. Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).
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(This post was last modified: 10-02-2017, 10:57 PM by Akinkinit.)
10-02-2017, 10:43 PM
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