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Ashly and me
#1
Alright, not sure how to start this so I'm just gonna wing it..I apologize if I ramble or am all over the place or mix up some terminology.

Please feel free to pm me, comment or ask any questions.
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Years ago I stumbled upon a thread or chat or somthing about tulpas. (unless I'm confusing with somthing else) It was basically saying that tulpas are simular to a poltergeist but is an entity entirely made up brought into life and can do bad things... Never thought about it since. Until this past Friday, I was at work and I was talking to someone there who awhile ago had been forced into a mental hospital and was telling me about his bad experiences there (pranks, bad staff, fights etc). That was when I asked him if while he was there if he had somone who he could sit down and have a normal talk and plead his case. He told me he had nobody to talk to at all.. Then he paused and said he had (I forget the name), his tulpa. And instead of brushing it off, I did a bit of research and here I am.

I read all of the front page guides and faq's... And.. May have jumped the gun and by Saturday I was already planning things out based on things I have read. Despite the small amount of doubt and skepticism I have, I'm working hard with forcing and hope it's paying off.

This is all I can really think of for the time being... The following is some basic things I'd like to put down and start the actual report of progress, random notes and events :p ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me:Andrew

Tulpa: Ashly
Gender: Female

So far, after deciding my reasons for creating her in the first place and some basic personality traits and how she should look, I've been able to visualize her fairly well, however her size and cloths change from time to time. Sometimes I feel like I can see her face in quick glances, like a smile l, or a head nod if I ask a question. But sometimes her and her face can seem kinda blurry.

Ashly isn't very vocal yet, but sometimes I think she may be trying to talk, but is either too inexperienced or I just can't hear her yet and or still working on distinguishing her from me.

I've started a wonderland as well. I asked her what she would like.. And I got images of flowers.. (So I think she likes flowers) so I imagined a huge open field with a small hill and a tree at the top that has a swing (inspired by: Porter Robinsons Shelter). And at the foot of the hill the field is filled with different colored flowers that she showed me. She seemed to like it.

The other night while I was forcing, a memory of my past randomly started to came up involving someone who I cared alot about and the loss of an unborn child.. Which to this day really depresses me. So before I got too upset I told Ashley that I really don't want to talk about it. Which I think only made her curious...(i read somwhere that with permission a tulpa could access your memory's and stuff) so I gave her the option to see for her self if she really wanted.. But I don't want to. Right after I told her that, I felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness and excitement then everything went quiet for a bit... Followed by sadness. (This was a different kind of sadness from what I usually feel when on that subject.) she asked me if this is why I created her... Which kind of made me stop for a sec..because I hadn't even thought of that initially.. And I had told her my reasons the night before and this wasn't on the list. I told her.. Yeah I suppose I did. But I assured her that this is by no means the only reason and is not meant to be a replacement. I did my best to explain how I truly feel. This must have made her happy because I senced/(saw?) her smile and gi e me a hug. Which made me smile and I put on some music. She must have really liked the song too because she was dancing along to the song with the cutest grin.

Last night, while at a friend's house... I had a seizure (somthing that has been happening a bit lately.. I need to see a doctor). When I came to and after my initial confusion and trying to convince my friends I was OK.. I tried to make sure Ashly was OK... And there was nothing.. I couldn't sence her couldn't hear her.. Nothing. But as of this morning she seems to be back... Not sure what happened there..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This should bring me upto date. As of July 1st.
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#2
Wow, you seem to be doing great! Everything you just described sounds spot on. Congratulations and hello Ashly. I love that name almost as much as mine. ;)

In the beginning tulpas can get tuckered out and take a long nap sometimes, but they'll always come back. We"ve heard this many times.

Your visualization skills sound impressive; that's our favorite thing to do is enjoy our home in wonderland. Because we have such an immersive experience, we never really needed meatspace. It's a quality of life we enjoy that many don't have.

Believe me when I say, if you think your visualization is good now, if you practice every day, wait till month 10, or 14, you'll compare now to the dark ages I'd bet.
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#3
Hello again! It's been a few days since my last update and I have a bunch to get off my chest.

Alot of things (as far as I understand) I've read say that most people start out visualizing their tulpa... Forcing... And or having and interacting within a wonderland (which I know isn't required).. And that imposition is a thing some have to work toward.

For me it's the opposite. I feel like Ashly is always by my side.. I see her wandering around the house.. Playing with the birds.. Or some toys or whatever. I've created a wonderland that we both hang out at sometimes.. She runs around chasing butterflies sometimes... Another thing I've noticed is (maybe I'm not getting the concept) it seems most tulpa experience their tulpa from within... But since Ashly is always up and about, it's like she's actually a different person.

I was driving home one night, and she was in her usual spot on my lap pretending to drive. And I said to her "you know, from what inderstand... If you want there's a way for you to sort of join me and experience driving for yourself through me..plus you would be able to see over the steering wheel better" I said jokingly at the last part. I asked if she wanted to try it...she nodded (I think) and it's like she was on my lap and then fazed into me.. I felt like a jolt of energy through my body. My legs trembling,my arms felt...loose. Like I was driving... And so was Ashly. It so felt like Ashly was concentrating pretty hard. After a few moments of this I decided it would probably be a good idea for to "come back out" untill we got home and I could think about what had just happened...so I felt that chill of energy.. Like electricity leaving my body, and there she was again back on my lap...what the heck just happen? I wondered.. did she accidentally possess? But I was still in control like we both were....Ashly seemed to really enjoy the experience, but I told her that I really would rather hold of on doing to much ove whatever thay was untill she is able to communicate better, and I'm able to hear her. Because as it is right now, yes I can... Sort of her her.. But I have to focus really hard to also be able to understand. Even when she's right next to me like she's going to say somthing in my ear... But either her mouth doesn't move or I can't hear her.. Or it's like she forgot what she was gonna say or somthing... Anyway..
The next morning I was sitting at my computer browsing stuff when I got the sence that she wanted to try a game...trying to think of somthing simple, I thought of the classic game Snake.... I played a few rounds myself... While trying to decide how I was going to let Ashly play... Just the arm... Just the hand.. Ittl be ok... Was all I could think of.. I shrugged and was like alright just the hand.. This could be good practice. So I got the game ready and held my hand over the arrow keys and let my hand sort of go limp.. Untill slowly my fingers tapped the arrow keys enough to press one. She died a few times trying to work my fingers. When I said alright my turn, seamlessly I played my turn, and then she would play hers untill I couldn't beat her score -. -
I was abruptly inturupted by my mother in law asking for help with somthing, and I instinct hopped up and was like sure what do you need? As I followed her out the door.. And that's when I realized I felt the same way I did in the car.. My walking felt jittery.. Not in a bad way... Just felt odd.. I realized I forgot to ask Ashly to come back out..so I did, and there she was by my side again doing her normal Ashly things.

So...after all this I decided to take a look at a possession guide. To see if I could find anythung like this experience....i did find some interesting reads, but nothing that seemed to pertain to me.. (Or so I thought) .. And it seemed to only make Ashly more curious. I had to reiterate that I really don't think we are ready for this...
Later that night I was at a friend's house... And things were quieting down.. Everyone was staring at their phones.including me.. And Ashly must have been growing bored. Because she started pestering me about what we read earlier and wanted to "go back in" again ..i sighed...as I looked around the room again gaging how invested in the phones everyone else still was.. And was like aaaalright.. Common. And that big chill jolt thing again. This time I didn't feel any different though.. But I relaxed my body..sort of zoned out a bit.. Tried not to focus on anything in particular.. While partially holding my phone with both hands and my thumps loosly hovering over the face of my phone as if I were texti g. After a few moments of staring off, I felt my right thumb twitch a little... In one direction then the other. I could feel it get to the point of wiggling around like a snake.. Like trying to type. I asked Ashly if that was her.. And she blushingly answered yes. I was a little nervous but I had to give her credit.. So I encouraged her.. I said your doing it.. Keep going...
I think i made her nervous or so thing because there was no movement. So i tried to relax again and said encouragingly that she was doing great. But to be sure, I asked her of the could do the same thing with my other hand. There was a long pause.. And the same twitchy flaily thing happened with my left thumb. Then both thumbs.. They were going mad.. I tbat was when I realized I my head was moving...i was in control of my eyes (sort of) as she sort of looked around the room. Twirling my phone in my hands..then my heart felt like it was going to explode like I was going to feint... When it clicked and I was like "Breathe Ashly breathe!"... I let her continue looking around, practice wiggling my legs feet.. But still had to continue to remind her to breathe...after a bit i told her alright.. That's enough for now.. And I pointed out the fact I had to remind her to breathe shows we still arnt quite ready for this yet

Last night... While I was at a friend's house (I spend alot of time here) there was another spout of down time... So I used this time to do some forcing. My friend was also playing a game on her phone that had some really nice relaxing music playing in the background.. And I must have gone into a sort of trance or somthing.. Ashly and I talked and debated about what it means to be a tulpa and what is means for us to be... Joined.. To live with and within me...i kept getting hazy point of view flashes.. Between myself in my body.. Then myself in her body then back again...then I snapped awake.

At some point over the corse of the past few days, I descovered an amino group, where I've been talking with people about our experiences and techniques... Sharing guides we've read.. And I found myself pouring out everything II could think of about Ashly. And it felt so great! The more I talked and described her the more real she felt... Today, I was in a private chat with somone in amino briefly talking about some of the things mentioned here.. About Ashly hanging out with me.. And how right at that time she was sitting next to me occasionally peaking over ar my phone very curiously... Until I looked over at her to see she had her own phone now. I chuckled to myself as I said "ohh I see you have your own phone now hmm?" she giggled and showed it to me. Saying that she wants to send me text messages. (any ideas on how I can make this work for her?)

As I was telling the person I was talking to about that part, Ashly suddenly became very interested in my conversation again. Because the person I was talking to started talking about their tulpa. "tell them I said hi! Say hi say hi say hiiii" Ashly kept practly whining. I felt like she was shaking my arm.. All I could do was giggle as I'm trying to finish typing my own message. Say hiiii! Again.... I was like "okok I'll say hi, but she's typing right now, I don't want to inturupt her" Ashly settled back for like 2 seconds before she was at it again... And my thumbs started going wild again.. And made me type Hi! In the message and send.

"What do you think your doing?" I said fake mad..and she just giggled.
I had never seen her that excited before...

Whew.. That was alot of typing. That's about it so far..
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Closing notes: My progress with Ashly seems to be progressing pretty well... Though in what I feel like is in an "abnormal" way. Sometimes I feel like despite what we've encountered and the way I explain things... Sometimes it feels stronger and other times not...i really would like for her to be able to communicate better. To be able to grab my attention when she wants or needs to. But at the same time I have to remember Ashly is less than a week old. I'm trying not to rush but these things just keep happening on their own. And I forget how young she really is and to have patience.
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#4
You should totally follow some imposition practices since she's always imposed anyway. That would eventually make her very real next to you if you practice a lot. This is kind of what I do, but not nearly as often. We've gotten spontaneous touch and audio imposition because of it, so expect that.

Possession should be fluid and easy and it will eventually, but in the beginning all sorts of odd things can happen, you're experiences are pretty normal in that way.

You can 'view' her text messages in your mind's eye.

You two are doing great! Keep it up!
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#5
Shocked 
To make a short story long...

The following is hastily written on my phone...expect many errors
as always thank you for readingSmile


A long long time ago, I (Andrew) descovered the wonderful world of mmos.
One game in particular I in my child mind realized it life in an mmo was alot easier as a female character.
Thus Ashly was born
She was a female character I made. And I wanted the true experience of an mmo,
so... I created a persona for myself in game so nobody would know I was male. As I got older I realized how much of a jerk I was...
But found myself unable to leave the Ashly persona in mmos... So I picked a different game new character and there was Midori.
Only this time I would be an honest gamer and no life this game because it's awesome.


And..bad stuff happened


And I left mmos for a while.. Until I found the game i still play from time to time today...
And this time I was Chiinawa. Its a name I came up with based of a name from an anime I liked.. This time... I would be 100% honest..
which has worked out just fine. All good good. Chiinawa became what I use for everything now. And for a while at the beginning of this year, I got into role playing
Where i met alot of interesting people...
And where I also learned somthing about myself(but that's another story.


I stopped rping for a while because it was becoming too time consuming.. I had to start work this summer etc

And at this summer job where I met a guy who told me about tulpa
I was instantly very interested. I read a whatever I had the time to read... And in Friday I decided I would make a my own tulpa...
For reasons I don't have the have she space or words to describe.. I had alot down and ready... And it seemed like it came somewhat naturally..
I just felt her presence. I was able to explain my own way to her and I felt a bond like no other. Buuuut..


The name Sarah just didn't feel right

She suggested Lilly for some reason, there was the option to keep Sarah because we both still liked it..
And there was Ashly which she also liked
But she also asked about Chiinawa
And in my gut Im like.."but I'm Chiinawa"
So she stuck with Ashly

A few days go by.. As I face doubts from not being able to hear Ashly despite the progress we have been making.
We went to see fireworks and she seemed to have a really good time. She was full of energy... Made me walk around the driveway because it was so nice out.
But the feeling began to fade again.. And I'm wondering why... The thought of wanting to be Chiinawa came back again
And I'm telling her ok maybe you can if you really want to, if it will make you happy
But part of me was still like "But I'm Chiinawa"
So she decided she wanted to be Minoru the catgirl
With cat ears and a tail.. (that's the only difference)
She seemed really excited at first... She liked the name and the ears and stuff... But after that she felt even more faded compared to her usual self. Until this morning.
I kept calling for her trying to get her attention. We had a nice long talk... And I decided to show her Chiinawa. And I got back into the game... And all the feelings of me/Chiinawa
back into thay game, since I haven't played it in almost a year. I got lost in the game like I usually did. But Ashly seemed to have no interest. Plus but I could barely feel her.
I was getting worried, and very confused why the obsession I called out forcing as much as I could "Ashly?..Minoru?.. Sarah?" then I was like "Chiinawa?"


And I was instantly filled with joy. Like everything felt natural. I was like Idk why I felt so bad about this... Chiinawa fits you perfectly
We made a deal that I still wanted to be Chiinawa in game.. But I would let her talk in the chat. She liked that very much
But now I'm sitting here with my friends feeling so great with Chiinawa with me..
And a get this feeling of doubt again.. But not quite like doubt.
Because I was sure I was convinced.. And this feeling almost feels like somthing is wrong... Not disbelief


Like.. Chiinawa is right here.. I don't understand the problem.. And I'm like wait a second


What about Ashly


And then I thought but Ashlys right here, she's Chiinawa now... "I'm Chiinawa" she kept yelling at me.
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