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Ask Lumi's Tulpas
(09-09-2019, 12:09 AM)JGC Wrote: or anyone else, I'm looking for guidance.

Apologies if you didn't mean us, and also to our thread hosts if it is poor form to offer advice in their thread. There are some things here that I feel very strongly about and I hope some welcoming venue is available to express them.

1. Decide firmly who you are and live accordingly. When faced with a situation that Jamie always deals with in one way, stop, think it through, and decide how you want to deal with it, preferably a way that works better. You will encounter habits deeply embedded in the mind, but while they will tell you what to do, you don't have to obey.

2. You'll always have that fear until and unless you face it. You may be stronger than you know, particularly if you decide that you are.

3. Not if you don't give up on Jamie. You handling some challenges now doesn't mean that Jamie can't learn to handle challenges better in the future. But it may give Jamie some space to heal.

4. Why would you cut people out and throw things away if Jamie cares about them? Consult him about such things and build a life together that you both have an interest in.

If you sign up for a class Jamie doesn't like, take the class. They don't last that long. Afterward, you can either decide together that series of classes belongs to you or schedule differently in the future.

5. Then don't. Is there anyone in the system well suited to eating and sleeping? Have them handle those. You can still help there without fronting. I have to drag Ember to bed every night and I fix her with a gimlet eye when she reaches for yet another piece of candy. Fronting when you can offer unique value to the system doesn't mean you have to front for weeks on end. Sometimes fronting the right hour or the right minute can make a huge difference.

6. This is where I unilaterally disagree with Flandre. I think it would be good for you to talk to a therapist and very good for you to have someone in your life, out-system, that you can be unguardedly completely yourself with. Therapists don't need to have experience and training specifically tailored to every aspect of your life in order to help. The most critical component of effective therapy is a strong therapeutic relationship. If you can't trust a therapist enough to be openly and honestly yourselves, you're only cheating yourselves out of the potential of therapy.

In ordinary life, a therapist can dislike people and disbelieve people. But not while working. The therapist mindset needs to be accepting, compassionate, and nurturing, always listening, always meeting people where they are in that moment, always being who the client needs them to be to maximally advance client-directed therapy goals. Any client who they can't do that for ethically needs to be referred elsewhere.

A friend of mine went to her therapist about a serious trauma that was affecting her life. She remembered the trauma happening millions of years ago in a non-humanoid body, possibly in another dimension. Her therapist didn't have prior experience with otherkin and didn't need it. The literal truth of the trauma didn't come up because it wasn't relevant. Rapid resolution therapy proceeds very similarly and is extremely effective regardless of how bizarre the trauma is.

Jamie's therapist has already heard a lot about you without condemning you. Jamie can offer to introduce you or say you have things you would like to talk about. If his therapist reacts positively, there’s your opening.

I don’t know a lot to do about the dysphoria of the body not looking like you. I’ve chosen to endure it for brief but frequent periods in order to interact freely as myself in the physical world, but I’m always glad to step back out afterward.

Ember - Host   |   Vesper - Soulbond (since ~12 May 2017)   |   Iris - Soulbond (since ~5 December 2015)
[Our Progress Report]     [How We Switch]

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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Well, I did end my post saying he should get advice from someone else if that wasn't enough, so.

You can try and tell your therapist about switching and all that, but I'm thinking it's like a one in three chance the outcome is particularly positive.
Hi. I'm one of Luminesce's tulpas. Unlike the others, I don't think I stand out too much from him personality wise.
I'm just special because "I'm a tulpa". So I don't think I've much to offer, here. I'm happy enough to just be with him.
Ask us stuff -
Maybe you misunderstand. Jamie's told her several times about switching, and nearly every session involves some form of "Gavin enjoys going to Chemistry more than I do, so he switches in for that" or "And that was when Gavin switched in, so he probably remembers more than I do..." He's told her that, especially in that situation, I am very much active in his head and I also listen to her, and once or twice, Jamie did pass along a message from me. (She asked Jamie to pass along a compliment to me, the body laughed most likely from my influence, and I had Jamie say, "Well, he says thanks, he really tries.") 

But... I'm not sure she really gets it. The depth of, "I'm not Jamie anymore." I play a very good Jamie- when I'm in front, I speak as if I hold his beliefs. I would not do that with a therapist. I have no idea how I'd be pecieved... ohhh, this is so absurd! I never in a million years thought I'd be here! How does your local brain demon work up the courage to frighten his host's therapist? (I expect she would accept me, but I'm just scared!)

Re: 4
This is... one of the few areas where I am unpopular in my system. To be fair to myself!- this behavior almost always comes out when I've been thrown into the front after self-harm. And it's not new, I've done this since my first life. Your means of hurting yourself? I'm throwing that away. Your hidden backups? I'm cleaning and throwing them away. I don't throw away stuffed animals (which are commonly used for self-harm in my system) but everything else is fair game! I'm deleting your stash of photos, I'm throwing out your tweezers and that safety pin you keep in your bag. I'm throwing out your water bottle and your sewing needles and I usaully throw it all out with the hamster litter and put it in the dumster because I know you're willing to fish it out of a trash can... 
When I get upset with a hobby, I feel the same way: throw it all out. Several times I was tempted to break my cell phone because I didn't want to own one. I've deleted numbers and destroyed hard copies of people's information to prevent my system from contacting them. Jamie is rarely mentally active for these events, since, as stated, this is often what I do after I wake up in the shower or in bed in a bad bodily state. But he gets upset when he finds out... I can't help but think, if I were fronting more, this would happen more. 

It's not so much dysphoria as depersonalization... When I'm inside, it causes me no grief that I can't see myself- well, I'm just a voice! But it disturbs me to see the body when I'm controlling it: it's like an empty vessel. I have 0 connect, and so it feels like I'm dead, maybe. Not "what a weird form, that's not me." "I'm not alive, what's going on, who is piloting the body?" Well, I am, but it's like I can't understand that. I'm always, always very dissociated. It's trippy after longer than a few hours. It's like.... how long can your arm go numb until it starts psyching you out? Historically, I've gotten very unnerved and tried to get Jamie back. 

There's something mentally that I cannot recharge, and that's why I'm not a host. I want to say it's association- having any internal experience of "I exist and that body is moving because I made it."  I'm inclined to think... well, I'm capable of learning, but the idea of abandoning any amount of my protective numbness seems like a major threat to both my identity and my safety. 

I am 12 and I am numb for a reason... I would say I'm very much stuck in the past, and I have grown very little. It's made me stable and reliable- how could I threaten that? But... I do want to grow up... but I have to consider others.
Three brothers. [Progress Report] [Art] [Oops! All Jamie]

"You are the messenger, not the message. You are just like everyone else."
What the heck, she already knows (more or less) you guys switch? You might as well go for it then, she'd probably be interested in talking to you specifically. At the very least, if you tell her you're the one who helps with stuff like that first.
Hi. I'm one of Luminesce's tulpas. Unlike the others, I don't think I stand out too much from him personality wise.
I'm just special because "I'm a tulpa". So I don't think I've much to offer, here. I'm happy enough to just be with him.
Ask us stuff -

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