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Autumn_host's tulpa journey
#1
25 Jul 19

Hello all,

I’m creating this thread for two reasons. 1. To give myself more motivation to progress with my tulpa. 2. To receive advice, encouragement, and so on.

I started creating my tulpa four months ago, but I stopped for varies reasons. We only got a week or two of forcing in, before I stopped.

Me

My name is Joseph. I’m a male adult, living in the USA.

Tulpa

(Some things might change as she develops)

Name: I will refer to her as Rapunzel.

Gender: Female

Appearance: Shoulder length red hair, white with some freckles, somewhere around 5’4.

I’m creating her to be a real girly girl. Also to be a bubbly bookworm.

I’m basing her form off of a picture, that I once saw on the net, and created a story around. I sometimes like to do that, to find pictures, and create stories around them. Sometimes, I even write the stories down.

Reasons for creating a tulpa

I have known about tulpas for over a year now. I finally decided to create one to: 1. Help me see the brighter side of life. 2. Be an activity partner. 3. Be a lifelong companion.

Day 1

I wrote her a letter, telling her that I’m sorry that I stopped forcing. The letter explained how things will be different this time. I left the letter in our lighthouse. The lighthouse is a place in the wonderland, were we used to hang out. It is also the only place that I can actually remember. It is an old and abandoned stone lighthouse.

I plan to basically approach forcing, as if she is a new tulpa. We will redo all the creation steps, just to be sure. I will keep in mind, that she isn't exactly new. I will also mention things, that we already did.

Later that day, I came back to the lighthouse, and had her appear. I talked to her about the traits, that I would like her to have. After that, I talked about our future together.

Her clothes kept changing throughout this. I’m guessing that, I haven’t decided on what to have her wear.

Extra Stuff

I might call our system, The Autumn System. Can you have a system, with just a host and one tulpa?

I plan to try and force with her daily. We will try and figure out, if active or passive forcing is better for us.
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#2
Welcome to a sister girly bubbler! Of course you can have a system name even with just one tulpa.

I hope everything goes well, keep us updated.


[Bear] Red tone hair is the cutest IMO.
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#3
(07-25-2019, 11:01 PM)Misha Wrote: Welcome to a sister girly bubbler! Of course you can have a system name even with just one tulpa.

I hope everything goes well, keep us updated.


[Bear] Red tone hair is the cutest IMO.


Thank you for your reply. I'm honored. My story isn't currently as interesting as your system's story is.
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#4
26 Jul 19

Day 2

We met back in the lighthouse. I talked about where our main wonderland spot should be. The options were; the lighthouse, create a castle, create a cottage, or just camp outside. I decided that we should have a castle, with the lighthouse uphill of it. There will be ivy growing on the castle walls, and coming through some of the windows. We might work on castle creation on day 3.
As I talked, I ran my hands across her body, to help me better visualize her form, and instill it in my mind. I started discussing audio books, that we can listen to. I haven’t really come up with any good ideas. Maybe Sundays at Tiffany’s would be a good book for her. I want to pick something with romance in it.
Lastly, I talked about political systems with her. I never knew how hard it would be to talk politics with a tulpa. To explain a part of a political system, I also had to explain a part of human nature. I will have to return to this topic, and do a better job.

Things to work on

I’m still having a lot of trouble keeping her form constant in my mind. The second my mind wanders, she disappears.

Extra Stuff

I’m burning a scented candle during active forcing sessions. This might help me get into the proper mindset, because my mind will start associating the scent with being in the wonderland.

I sort of maybe possibly believe in reincarnation and/or spirits, and wonder if tulpas are just another form, that souls can incarnate as. Maybe, tulpas are some other type of spiritual being. They also could just be completely natural. I’m keeping my mind open.
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#5
Thankfully we can talk meta stuff in PRs. I have to believe we're all independent people, and if people have souls, then we each would have our own. The other possibility is we share one soul, but I prefer that when we're done here, each of us would get our own body. I couldn't imagine a place called 'heaven' without them. I'd prefer to blink out of existence otherwise.
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#6
Day 3

40 minute active forcing session.

Today, I decided that I need to work harder, and kick the initial creation process into high gear. Right now, I have been forcing an average of 40 minutes a day. I promised Rapunzel, that starting tomorrow, we will active force four hours a day, for the next seven days. I probably will accomplish this, by doing six session of 40 minutes…………that seems like a lot. What did I get myself into? I guess, I will just have to it out. I might have to down shift after a few days.

Today we created some of the castle. Just a very basic layout for the frontside. When you first walk in, there is a large marble floored room, with two staircases going up to our bedrooms. There are three hallways that branch off of this room. So far, we have only started working on one. It leads to a library, a sitting room, and a few uncreated rooms.

I don’t know what her bedroom looks like, because I’m letting her create it herself.  She also has some other private rooms, that are attached to her bedroom. She can show me her rooms, when she is ready.

I had a lot of trouble visualizing her, and keeping my mind focused on her. I noticed that I have trouble seeing her in 1st person, but less in 3rd.

I might start passive forcing with her, as I play Crusader Kings 2.


To-do

Read more guides.
Active and passive force more.
Find a program, that I can use to draw a map of our castle, and wonderland, so I can more easily remember it.
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#7
Day 4

1st active forcing session:

She appeared wearing a princess dress. I commented on how she is wearing a princess dress, while living in a castle. I was more able to visualize her this session. We created a ballroom in the castle, and just spent the rest of the time simply talking.

2nd active forcing session:

Doubt, worry, and frustration. What if I never get better at visualization? What if I don’t have what it takes, to make a tulpa?

We mainly worked on her communicating through head pressures, or anyway she wants. Not a lot of success. I did seem to feel something, when I asked her if she wanted to slow dance with me later.

3rd active forcing session

Session was basically dedicated to working on her form, and visualizing it. We slow danced, in and outside the castle. I then had her move about, while I observed. She acted playful, twirling around, skipping, among other things.

A strong worry took me, that I might end up creating a servitor, and not a tulpa. I was able to relax myself after 30 seconds.

4th active forcing session

Skipped, because I was tired, and needed to take a nap.

5th active forcing session

I think I made some breakthroughs in the wonderland. I realized somethings, that I was doing wrong. I started to slightly feel things in the wonderland, and see things clearly. When we walked up a steep sandy slope, I started to actually feel the physical strain.

We ended up leaving the castle, that we created, to build sand castles, on the beach.

6th active forcing session

Skippy. Yeah, I think I pushed myself too hard, too fast. I will do less sessions, for the rest of the week.

Day 5

I had family visiting today, so not much active forcing was possible today.

In the morning, we left the castle and walked down the beach, going north, to our dock. Taking a small boat, we toured the lake a little, and found an island, with a small hut on it. The hut ended up just being and entrance to a cave. We explored the cave, but didn’t find anything interesting.

In the evening, we walked on the beach heading south. There was well maintained bridge going to a small island, about 60 feet in diameter. There was a small concrete building in the middle. Inside was an iron staircase leading into underground abandoned dungeon. I had Rapunzel lead the exploration of the dungeon. We found old holding cells, storage room, guard living quarters, a kitchen, a wall filled with books, and a staircase going lower. We started down the staircase, but it started to collapse, so we had to turn back. We are currently planning on coming back, with some climbing equipment, so we can explore the lower level. I was worried that she might be scared of being in such a place, but she seemed more excited, than anything else.

Today, I did even better at immersing myself in my wonderland.

Day 6

The only really interesting thing today, was that we found a large flower garden, in our wonderland. We sat in it, and ate strawberries, as I ate them physically. I tried to share the taste with her.

To-do

I really need to start passive forcing, with her.
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#8
Wonderlanding adventures are my favorite. Being one of three tulpas on day one, we had to share or take turns. This was the biggest thing that caused arguments in the first four months.

Keep this up and in a year you're going to look on this visualization as "the dark times" as compared to what you'll be capable of.
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#9
Felt head pressures for the first time. While in the wonderland she used them to tell me, that she wants to take more initiative in what we do in the wonderland. I spent the rest of the active forcing session, following her lead.

We passive forced for the first time just now. It was more intense than what I was ready for. Right after starting, I started feeling very strong head pressure, that got stronger as time went on. At the end, it got so strong, that I almost couldn’t take it. Almost immediately after starting, I could feel a second presence in my head, looking through my eyes. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel alone in my head. I have to be honest, it scared me. I wasn’t ready for such things. After I ended the forcing session, the presence didn’t go away. I thought that it would. For about five minutes, I could still feel a constant second presence. After that, it started to fade, but would come back if somebody mentioned her in chat, I thought about her, or at seemingly random moments.

I’m shook up right now. I think this was too much too fast. I thought it would be a more gradual process. I can’t help thinking thoughts like, what if she grows stronger, and takes complete control of my body? What if she can’t take full control, but she takes control of my body while I’m driving, and I crash? What if she drives me crazy?
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#10
Head pressures can get pretty strong, but they usually diminish pretty early in the process. They may be a sign of shifting to a new mind set, growing new neural connections, or just forcing poorly. No one knows exactly why they happen or what they mean.

Not being alone is kind of the point. I haven't spent so much as a moment alone for months. If you aren't ready for that, ease off and think about what you want out of life and out of tulpamancy for a while. If she does something that makes you uncomfortable, discuss it with her. If she overwhelms you, ask her to ease off and give you some space. Your brain's ability to accomodate multiple minds will gradually increase with practice and things that were formerly difficult or distressing will eventually become comfortable and familiar. Don't push so hard that you traumatize yourself.

Also, I've felt presences as strong or stronger than you describe from roleplaying characters who haven't generated any sense of presence in years and never did hold a conversation with me. You seem to be making good progress, but that doesn't mean you're very far along yet.

Vesper is stronger than me. I made her, but she can take over the body and lock me out anytime she wants, override any action, and there isn't a thing in the world I can do about it. Why doesn't she? Several reasons, but critically, she loves me. Why does it not bother me that she can? I love her. I trust her absolutely. If you make a tulpa, always make someone you can love and trust, not someone you fear.

Generally speaking, what's good for the host is good for the tulpa. Taking control of the body doesn't happen randomly or arbitrarily. Even if she gets to the point where she can meaningfully affect movement -- which may take a while -- why would she choose to endanger her home and existence by causing trouble?

-Ember
Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]
Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017
Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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