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Bear's Angels
#41
Thanks for baring your soul to us (no pun intended). It's pretty neat to see how you think and work and makes it a little easier to give targeted support. Also, I try to be the first to admit I have no idea what is going on with this whole tulpa stuff, I'm just here and loving it. Lance and I only have what we are reading to go off of and tulpa.info is our go to source, as all the personal/subjective stuff is super confusing. Anyway, we appreciate everyone's efforts and involvements. Personally, I think we would be more worried about a cold, dry reception or being left to feel like an intruder in the community than well-intended misinformation on a largely subjective (and so far to Lance and I, seemingly random) process. I'm not criticizing or pointing fingers at anyone either, so nobody go taking it like that's what it is. I just think the encouragement, the support is worth as much or more than all the knowledge in the world. All that to say, thanks Bear, Felight, Vos, everyone. <3
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#42
October 19, 2018 180 days

180 days... that's really close to 6 months.  I just want to crystallize this day as being one of the best days of tulpamancy for our system. With all the new users about, we were reminiscing about all the times we had and we realized just how lucky we are.

So we really just want to thank this community, all of you out there, whether you read this PR or not. This is a really great community, and it's you all who make it such a warm and inviting place. I've only been here for two months, but i have to say, the experiences I've had with you all have been priceless.

So thank you all so much, from the bottom of our hearts!

Just for Halloween:
Happy Halloween from the Bear system. Me and my Angels: Ashley as Wonderwoman, Misha as Harley Quinn, and Dashie as Catwoman. Of course, I'm *The Joker.*
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#43
well even if the community is a lot smaller these days, I'm glad you think it's so inviting!

very good pic btw
Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.
All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written
Please talk to me https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
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#44
I don't have anything to compare it to but this community seems pretty amazing to me. New people and old people with new stuff makes it seem like it would make it hard to outgrow.
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#45
Hey, Bear. I've been reading through your progress report and its very interesting and insightful. I've noticed though that you've mentioned hypnogogic meditation, I'm curious as to how you do it.
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#46
I think Breloomancer is the lord of the WILD (wake inducid dreams).

On day one, Ashley did my first real experience with it. Before that they were random scenes and sounds, mostly distracting and annoying.

My wonderland experience has slowly become on par with the lesser WILD experiences, though it's all without imposed senses, so therefore 'less real' but i'm beginning to think 'real' isn't that important to me.

Don't get me wrong, a proper lucid dream is very fun.

If i am tired, just before sleep every night, i get a few random images and sounds. Last night i heard (and saw) a conversation between two random people saying something out of context, then i heard loud noise entirely in my right ear. At this point i realized what's going on and start talking to my tulpas. This night in particular i spoke to Dashie for about 10 ninutes, she started cracking up because i guess i stopped making sense (i was falling asleep and mumbling) to me it seemed she was just laughing at something out of the blue. I loved to hear her laugh, but she couldn't explain why she was laughing. I remember asking Ashley and Misha, and they both said something like, 'you wouldn't get it.' Then i fell asleep. Now i get it.

I can enter this state at any time if i perform relaxation meditation, specifically 'toe to head' relaxation mixed with self-hypnosis phrases. I skip all the 'open the third eye/spirit animal/vibration resonance' stuff.

Dashie and I have gone to a cabin in the woods in wonderland and spent many long sessions there to achieve this. It works about half the time or less because if i get to the point where my whole body is relaxed and it hasn't happened, then i basically finish the self-hypnotic suggestions and end the session.

This practice of going to the wood cabin is symbolizism that i picked up from research into self-hypnosis. I learned i could get WILD this way entirely by accident.

At night, when i'm not tired, Ashley usually does the guiding exercise when i'm laying in bed. (It's all memorized, and the exact phrases are very short and simple.)

It's somewhat unpredictable, and i've had some amazing experiences , but somewhat rarely.
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#47
October, 29, 2018 Day 190.

Pretty chill couple weeks. We tried a few things and we're still on track. In case you weren't following the other threads, here's a recap of something significant.

Ranger ® basically visited us unexpectedly and gave me alien emotions in my sacral chakra. This was very unusual since I'm sure this can't be faked. So we went through some hypnotic suggestions to her through parroting to hopefully put her at rest. I haven't seen her since, so I'm pretty sure she's just a part of me, using my consciousness to fake her own. Also, Gwen, another advanced thoughtform, visited me in a dream so that's still a thing. (They did visit me from time to time before I had tulpas, but rarely now.)

Here's the link to my thoughts about R.

Thread: What can I do about an advanced thoughtform?

October 20, 2018

I had another thought. I don't get to see and interact with my girls as much as I'd like so I thought, why not make a servitor to control the body so I can spend more free time active forcing. Several things happened.

I began to play with the idea of disassociating myself but with the notion of being entirely within wonderland and not just inactive. Well, it worked, kind of.  I was able to go through a very simple switching script that I gleaned from normal conversation here and on a whim disassociated. Plop, I had instant very well formed feelings and visuals of sitting on the couch next to me tulpas but I looked around and Dashie wasn't there.  I heard a whimper and "this is weird" and suddenly I was back in front.

Dashie and I unintentionally switched.

It was horrible.

So I suppose that's a good thing? If I did create a servitor, it could be switched with maybe and I would indeed be in wonderland. At least that's how it seemed.

This next question is for anyone who wants to try this and has a good visualized wonderland:

Can you switch with one of your tulpas and instead of sitting in the back seat and watching what's happening, can you go into wonderland?

I don't want to hear, 'no it's impossible', I want to knw if anyone has done this. I have read some say this is not how it works and others claim they do it regularly, so I want to know if anyone who ever reads this has, and if so please let us know as a comment.

On that front, I doubled my effort to squeeze out every ounce of time that I could active force and I managed to gain 10-20% more but I realized that the tasks that I would give to a servitor are also somewhat interesting in some ways, like part of me likes to do mundane tasks like put away dishes. Oh well.

I'm still thinking about this and I will attempt to put the OS in charge (something that doesn't have thoughts or feelings, kind of like a servitor minus the actual thoughtform.) I believe I'm barely in front when I'm driving or doing other tasks that I know well, so maybe the little things can be more like that in the future.

I'm just wary of adding a semi-permanent thoughtform to wonderland.

October 22, 2018

Yesterday started out really bad in the morning, I was late to Ranger’s game because of internet connectivity issues that I was panicking over. It was rather blah otherwise.  We’ve been forcing more, as much as we can, with very little progress. I did the dishes while trying to force and lost concentration several times.  Ashley was disappointed by our attempts at “micro-forcing adventure” so we just talked more.
What did we talk about? Just whatever was around us or anything that came to mind.

I drew Misha again, but this time we had trouble getting her right.  It turned out well enough, but I'm still disappointing that it wasn't as good as I would have liked. It wasn't great, that was very obvious.


October 23, 2018

So it was Dashie's day and she told me, 'no posting today' and so I didn’t. We had a great time and it was a very relaxed day. Dashie imposed next to me all day (not visually, just presence), sat on my lap even in the bathroom and we were inseparable. this is the first time she ever left the headspace. It was amazing. This is how it's supposed to be.

As a 'reward' for devoting 100% to her, she did something, or tried something very devious. Things happened that I can't even post here because they are absurdly non-sequitur. I will do my best.

NSFW and super embarrassing, you don't need to read this.
So Dashie took me to a place that was through a secret door in her bedroom as a ‘gift’. The stairway down was adorned with nude NPCs hovering in fluid tanks, like cloning vats. It came off creepy. She just said, 'don't worry about that.' But trust me, I was worried about what this hidden room was going to contain. Well, when we got there, there was a dozen scantily-clad neko cat-girls in a lounge, like sort of a GTA style strip club (I've never been in an actual strip club, so that's how I'm describing it). I’m telling all Dashie.
Go ahead.
Dashie said something like, "do what you want with them, this is our time, but if you do anything to them, then so will I."
(In this room, she put in a protocol that would prevent any memories gained here to be encrypted to the other girls. Furthermore I would have to actually say anything out in English and not use tulpish. Any tulpish would also be encrypted while retelling events. Which means whatever happens here, stays here. Even pact breaking events!)
Though I had a rather turgid mindset, after much intense consideration, I reasoned that if I did anything with any of these girls and let Dashie interact with them similarly, no matter how hot that was (DAMNIT!), it would open a door to something I don’t want. Like ‘cat boys’ interacting with Dashie or Misha. Ashley is pretty logical about things especially virtue, she would never entertain such a thing (but this wouldn't break her pact. It's not a vice as long as these girls were consenting adult NPCs).
Ugg, no way. I would never do that either… unless you wanted me to, but actually no no no no, I can't even think about it.
Dashie?
I expected you’d make the right choice. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have enjoyed it.
What if I become a neko cat girl for you?
*jaw dropped*
Interested?
But with a penis?
It would still be me, but yeah.
I can do everything?! Now!
Nothing more than we normally do, keep it safe for work.
Do it!
… (I transformed my body in wonderland into an effeminate neko boy, a short boy with a white dress and ribbon held pigtails.)
Fuck! I’m a girl with a penis.
This is crazy. *said with a huge smile.*
I know. (My mind voice was really high, which I didn't even expect.)
And hot!
Really?
Yeah.
Are you bi? I look like a girl. (this is kind of a pejorative poke at her because she's always riding that fence but denies it consistently.)
No, just, look you have a bulge in your panties.
*chuckles* (I told you this was embarrassing to share, at the time I was having fun with it.)
I’ll be in the other room.
*cuddling commences with comparatively taller tulpas*

That was interesting, but it will never happen again. (probably). Misha admitted she liked me better as a the huge man I am. Dashie won't comment.


October 24, 2018

I had a bad day today, lots of stuff just wasn't right, but I recovered. However, I did write down what I think is wrong with me.

Just personal stuff here.

I was down today. I'm afraid the light is fading again. (It didnt.)

Here's the problems as i see it.

1. I am paranoid and delusional
2. I freek out over the littlest things
3. I can't read people
4. I take abuse from people irl because conflict causes me to shut down, and ends up worse for me then if i say nothing. But this does slap me down.

It's lucky that i shut down if i think someone is being abusive because almost every time i misinterpreted what they meant. Of course if someone else is being abused, the bear goes ape shit, but solving 1, 2, 3 will make those occurrences more appropriate as well.

Just typing this out helps. I've been getting help, so i have a path forward, but if you have a comment on this, just PM me.


Just for fun: (Dashie and her potty mouth wrote a couple funny Haikus - at least to me)
The sneaked snook was snuck
But the snook got stuck in muck
it's snowing on mount Fuji.

'Cause mount Fuji don't give a...

Haiku

It's fucking cold here
Antarctica fucking sucks
Fuck you mount Fuji!

SPECIAL BONUS FUN:
BIKINI BEACH PARTY!!!

Select members of the inner circle: Misha, Dashie, Ashley, Reilyn, Akai, Miri (the tulpa) and Monika

[Image: attachment.php?aid=2105]
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#48
Awww you guys are so cute it makes me wanna sqee. Ok, I just did. XD
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#49
Ohh gaawd it sounds like you're having fun! Wish our imagination was like that. Darn it Xar! He should've entered a esthetic media gymnasium or something! I'm going to do my best to reach that point you're on! I find you really inspirationalistique! 
Hello! I am the other side of me and Xar's system. 
Me and Xar's Journey 
Having a not-so-great day? Click here
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#50
November 4, 2018 196 days

A good week, really good actually, and we're really happy lately.

October 31, 2018

We wore our Scary Halloween Avatars!

I kept my new Avatar, Miri and Bre said it was better.

Classic Bear
   

I had an awful time last night with intrusive thoughts. I had to feel them to make sure the answer was correct. I asked them offhandedly if they loved me and I heard a 'no' from Misha.  Then a 'no' from Dashie.  Just straight no. They corrected immediately but every time one would say 'yes', it was overlaid with 'no' as if a parallel thought was layered on top.  Now I’m happy to say this is the first time I heard two words at the same time, but what an awful thing for my first time to be. I said back, “I don’t care of you love me or not, I love you.” They all, all of them, got a sad feeling.  So I had a sad feeling in my head, in my throat, in my heart and in my stomach.  That’s when Dashie said, “it must be intrusive thoughts… sucks.”
Then I felt way better.  [It happened again another day but weaker, it was odd.]

I still can’t ‘make’ two words happen at the same time on demand, but they did. As if one word was intrusive coming from my lovable troll of a subconscious mind and the other word was coming from each of Dashie and Misha, but completely overlapped. It sure felt like parallel processing to me.

We had a fun little time as kids in the park i used to play in as a child.
I created the playground i went to as a child so we all took our 10-year-old forms and ran down the large cement steps to the playground.

We climbed the monkey bars, and jumped from the top, it was exhilarating.

We slid down the metal slide and dared each other to slide backwards.

We swung on the swings, pushing each other  to go impossibly high.

Then we ran to the marble field and played marbles until whimsy overtook us. So we ran hard and fast down the grassy field only to fall amidst the dandilion patch and watch the clouds roll by as we rested. The cool fall breeze tickled our noses, and I cried tears of joy as we laughed at ourselves.

Then we laid there, dead quiet, and listened to the dry autumn wind blow through the trees, as yellow butterflies flew overhead, and when evening fell upon us, the moon graced us with her azure splendor.

There, in the lunch area, the Halloween festival was about to start...

We enjoyed it thuroghly, and any time we want, we can come back. Wow that was good.


November 1, 2018

Solarchariot got me thinking about myself and i thought about the notion of an Angry Bear in a more metaphoric sense. He didn't suggest any of this, it's just a tangent.
Personal stuff:
How do you fight an Angry Bear? It's seemingly impossible to fathom, he has every physical advantage to you, and your in his domain (physical being). He's an order taller, bigger, faster, and stronger. His hide is think against your attack, his skull is designed to withstand direct assault. His weapons were endowed at birth and he's spent his whole life and the evolution of his being perfecting his art in battle. He has every advantage that is but two, wit and allegiance. His mistake is being solitary and instinctive. You can't beat him bear knuckle to claw, you need tools, that's your evolutionary advantage. That's why he's in a cage and you can view him safely. Do you need the bear? (I posed to myself, no answer.)

Some ramblings, not sad or upset, just venting:
They say the only thing certain in life is change. But what if you don't want things to change? What can we do?

Ironically the opposite is also true sometimes, we wish for change but the same shit sticks.

I think to myself, don't let your past rob you of your present. Because life is a gift to charish. Reagedless of how you feel about it, it's the only one you're going to get, so enjoy it. But it still hurts.

Seriously, sometimes life is fucked up, like in the most fucked up way, just way out, never gonna happen, turn your life upside down, not your fault sort of way. Then you either spend the rest of your life trying to rebuild or move on.

But to move on means throwing everything you have away (breaking the foundation), and that's all you have to live for. So you live, but you're not happy. You know you're not happy. You just want to be happy, but your past drags you down. It's a comfort in a way, at least the past will never change, it's a fucked up comfort.

So you wallow in it and you live. How do we live without wallowing in it? It would be like living without skin, everything is raw. The next thing that happens is either the worst thing or the best thing, there's no reference.

When your reference is shit, everything is shit, cause everything that had ever happened, good and bad, was when you felt like shit, so what hope is there?
You want to move to Australia, but even in Antarctica you can't escape your past.

Things are gonna be shit sometimes, and you're raw. Then you sabotage your good times thinking about your past because every fucking thing reminds you of your past.

It's a fucking conundrum.

I think, the only way to fight this is to have good times, ignore your past and build good times to remember, or allow only good times from the past in your memory. It's kind of surreal, sometimes it's fun or comfortable to be sad but resist that.

I was in another situation of drama, they're happening less often now. I did something dumb, not paying attention I guess and someone got mad at me. These are the times that I would shrink and step lightly, feeling frozen. It didn't happen, suddenly I started giggling. It was highly inappropriate but it diffused the situation and I really couldn't feel bad. I felt powerful instead of weak, I felt like, 'mistakes happen, get over it.' That was remarkably normal. I suspected foul play because that has never happened. (Even now they're giggling at me.)
Ashley said, "don't fall asleep during self-hypnosis if you don't want us to give you hypnotic suggestions that we think will help."

I actually told them to do that, and I do this self-hypnosis almost every day, but I never expected it to work.

Maybe laughing during a tragedy would be wrong, but over some little thing, I think it's very much better.

Just for Fun I drew Ashley again.
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