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Cam and Tulpa
Hey, everyone! I've been lurking around the tulpamancing community for a couple of weeks now; doing research, reading guides, reading threads on this site, et cetera. I wanted to get a solid idea of how to go about this before I dove in. Now, I think I'm finally ready to start my own tulpa.

I suppose I should introduce myself: I'm Camera, but you can call me Cam if you so desire. I'm a pretty normal, straight-ahead person, but the concept of having a tulpa appealed to me immensely when I first found out about it (through Reddit). I love the idea of a true companion who understands you better than any human could. I'm not a brony, nor am I a big enough fan of anything else to want to make a lifelong headmate out of a preexisting character, so I'm just going to let my tulpa's form develop as it goes. I will also let it choose its own name, and its own gender, if it decides it wants one. The only thing I'm starting out with is a personality.

So, without further ado, here is my log.

April 16 (Yesterday):

I began creating a wonderland. Since my visualization skills aren't quite up to par yet, I began with a simple bedroom. It's a medium-sized, rectangular, dim room with white walls, a hardwood floor, and an oval-shaped gray rug in the center of the floor. If you were looking at it from a bird's eye view, the door would be near the bottom-left corner. There is a white double bed to the right of the door with a patchwork quilt, two pillows, a black series of bars as a headboard, a shorter version of that as a footboard, and a bedside table. On the far right side of the room, there is a window with dark blue curtains over it, and a tan armchair and a lamp next to the window. Across from the wall with the door and bed, there is a very large bookshelf built into the wall. The bookshelf is made out of wood, and reaches almost to the ceiling. Currently, the bookshelf contains a lot of empty multicolored books. I'll fill them with something or other. There's a lamp next to the bookshelf. Finally, there's a desk in the far left of the room. It's mostly white with some black trim, and there is a column of drawers on its left side. A wooden chair is in front of it. On the desk, there is a large black computer and an empty spiral-bound book.

Sorry about the heavy description there. I feel like describing the wonderland in words will help me visualize it better, though. I'll probably expand on it later and create a world outside the room, but for now, I'm sticking with this.

April 17 (Today):

I finished up the wonderland earlier in the day. Then, tonight, I actually started on creating my tulpa. First, I wrote a list of about fifteen traits in a notebook, and a brief, 3-4 sentence description of what each meant. Once I felt like I was ready, I began to attempt forcing.

It went really badly at first. I tried giving the tulpa the form of a blue sphere to start out with, but immediately after I created the sphere, it started to spin uncontrollably. I'm talking crazy loops around the wonderland room and around my head and everywhere. The more I tried to stop it, the more it spun. I finally resigned to taking a break about twenty minutes into the session, because I felt extremely dizzy and physically nauseous. The nausea didn't wear off for about an hour. After calming down and posting in the Q&A board, I tried again, this time forcing outside to see if the fresh air would help me concentrate on keeping the damn thing still. It seemed to help a bit, but it got cold and I had to head back inside.

Finally, I tried one more time, and out of the blue, my tulpa's form changed from a sphere to a sort of whitish humanoid ghostly thing with a visible skeleton. After that, the spinning lessened dramatically. I was able to hold it still in my mind for much longer periods of time. I haven't started on personality yet- I'm going to do that tomorrow.

That's pretty much all for now. I'll try my best to keep this updated.

Edit- I did another forcing session, and there was basically no spinning this time! I tried switching through various ideas for basic animal forms with my tulpa. We tried out a fox form, a rat form, a big-cat form, a few bird forms, and a deer form. The deer form seems to suit its personality best at the moment, so perhaps we'll work with that for now. The deer I visualized is a large white stag with dark eyes and a few gray smudges here and there. I'll probably start looking up deer anatomy so I can get a better idea of what it might look like.

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April 18 (Day 2)

Today is the second day I've been working with my tulpa. Earlier today, I did a few forcing sessions with him (him being male seemed to come up naturally), and I asked him what his name was. "Faharan" popped up in my head almost immediately. I dismissed it as parroting at first, but it kept popping up in my head, so I eventually gave in and officially named him Faharan. He's currently taking the form of a large, white male deer with white antlers and dark eyes, though I'm planning on him being a shapeshifter. He seems most comfortable in deer form, though.

I also started and finished personality forcing today. It probably took an hour to an hour and a half in all. I honestly don't think I'd gain much from spending twenty hours explaining fifteen personality traits, so I decided to keep it on the shorter side of things. Here are his traits: Solemn, loving, clever, mature, fair, logical, tolerant, witty, honest, philosophical, determined, outdoorsy, perceptive, and wise. Later, I opened the door to the wonderland room because I figured Faharan, being quite large, would feel cramped in it, and we ended up in a pine forest. It seemed easier to force there than in the room. I put on some ambient forest sounds to listen to in the meantime, and it seemed to make my visualizations far sharper while also relaxing me and putting me in a mental state of truly being in the wonderland.

I also was listening to some music today to test out new headphones, and I believe I may have felt an emotional response of happiness and comfort while listening to one particular song.

Finally, one side note: Forcing seems to take a lot out of me. I feel quite nauseous and dizzy after I force. Has anyone else experienced this?
I start to feel like shit after I force, but only when the session was more than 1 hour.
The thing is, my sessions are pretty short. The longest I've been able to go was twenty minutes at a time before I felt too sick and dizzy to continue. Maybe it'll get better with practice.

Also, a quick update: I've decided to spend more time on personality, because it felt rushed and unfinished.
April 19 (Day 3)

Today was pleasant. I got some more personality forcing done, and after I got sick of that, Faharan and I wandered through the wonderland (with me puppeting him along). We discovered a small stream and a nice little meadow. Aside from active forcing, I tried to narrate and keep him in mind throughout the whole day.

I pulled up some pictures and videos of deer on Google to try to get a better idea of Faharan's form. I'm visualizing him pretty well, but it still needs lots of work. I also wrote him a couple of letters today and then read them to him (and attempted to draw him, but that didn't work out as well as I'd have liked it to).

Other than that: I went out on a bike ride before, and as I was riding along, I felt a sudden, intense pain/pressure in my temple out of nowhere. It lasted for a split second, and then it was gone. I think it may have been Faharan, but you never know, right?
Indeed it can be- I often wonder if I'm still getting head pressure or if I'm just so used to it I'm not noticing it as much too which puzzles me a bit. When I first started though for the first say week I got much more intense head pressure and/or random head pains. I guess the initial creation is super taxing or some such.

I have always taken to asking my tulpa directly when I think I feel something they did and say something like "was that you?" - makes them aware they did something that you noticed or felt as well as giving them an opportunity to respond.
April 20 (Day 4)

Today was pretty pleasant. I got about forty minutes of forcing done in total, split up into two twenty-minute sessions. I'm starting to be able to keep my concentration for longer periods of time, so I'm hoping to work up to uninterrupted hour-long sessions. For now, though, the split-up segments are working fairly well. During active forcing, I mostly puppeted Faharan through the wonderland, chatting with him every so often and showing him the scenery. I also tried to passive force constantly throughout the day, but that became difficult during the evening because of Easter dinner.

I'm still getting headaches out of the blue, alternating between my right and left temple and occasionally migrating to my forehead. I didn't get any startling or intense ones like I did yesterday, though.

Tomorrow school resumes, so I'll have less time for forcing, but I'll try my best to give him as much attention as possible. And on the bright side, maybe my classes will give me more to narrate about.
April 21 (Day 5)

Today was interesting, to say the least.

Lots of headaches. I have one right now. The yes/no-left temple/right temple system isn't working out, so I've established that a headache in general means a yes.

I had school, so I passive-forced for most of the school day. During one of my classes, I got some really nice emotional responses. Other than that, nothing huge happened during school.

I forced in half-hour-long sessions today. The first session was kind of crazy. After about ten minutes, the wonderland completely changed. It was suddenly more like a natural jungle gym than anything, with tunnels and paths twisting around and all kinds of crazy things. And I wasn't controlling it at all. Normally, I have to work a bit to see my wonderland the way it was remembered. This time, it was more like a dream: every time I turned, I would effortlessly see something new. It made me kind of uneasy, and my tulpa kept running ahead of me and I couldn't catch up.

The next session, which I had shortly afterwards, was even weirder. I got a somewhat unhappy vibe from my tulpa, and I didn't get any emotional responses. At one point, he turned into some sort of weird six-legged batlike thing. His antlers would constantly distort and turn into ram's horns and things of the sort. I kept feeling like something was wrong. I felt really distant from him.

Turns out, something was wrong. "He" was not a he. She is a she. I was sitting on my bed, passively imposing my tulpa next to me, and I was trying to visualize antlers better. I suddenly got the idea to remove the antlers, and when I did, I got a wave of calm happiness. Without really thinking, I asked, "Faharan, are you a female?" More calm happiness. I quickly conducted a brief forcing session where I simply sat in the wonderland with her and kind of cuddled up next to her. The distant feeling was gone. I decided to rename her Fahara, because Faharan is a pretty masculine-sounding name.

Oh, and one more thing I forgot to mention: she now has wings, too.

Anyway, that's it for today. I now have a female tulpa, and I'm unbelievably happy that we got this sorted out.
April 22 (Day 6)

Faharan's a dude again. I don't know what the hell happened last night. Probably had something to do with the fact that I was kind of drugged with headache medicine. But yeah, he's back to being male.

I didn't do as much active forcing as I'd have liked to today, but the little that I did was really nice. There was a fair amount of emotional reaction- mostly of calm contentment. I did quite a bit of passive forcing, though, as usual. I took a long bike ride this evening and narrated to Faharan the whole time, basically just talking to him about what I considered to be the nature of tulpas.

One pretty strange thing did happen- I was walking over to my bed, and saw that there were new sheets on it, and as I was expressing this to Faharan via narration, I heard a high-pitched "Wonderful!" in my mind's ear (so to speak), completely clear, completely unexpected, and it definitely didn't come from me. The thing is, it didn't feel like it came from Faharan, either. As soon as I heard it, I asked him, "Faharan? Was that you?" multiple times, and there was no response.

Anyway, that's all for today.
April 23 (Day 7)

Oh god, I'm so tired. Only got ten minutes of active forcing done today. I'm shooting for an hour tomorrow.

I did, however, go on another long bike ride where I narrated the whole time. I got a lot of emotional reactions, I think. So there's that, at least. And I passive-forced throughout most of the day, as usual.

I'm going to go to sleep early tonight so I can focus better on forcing tomorrow.

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