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Cas and Sam's adventures


Stanheights

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Well, hello. I'm Cas (I have two names actually, but Cas is a nickname of mine that I like so I'm just gonna use that) and I just got into this thing like.. a day ago or so. But I think I've made progress so I guess that's good.

 

I 'created' a tulpa yesterday, I guess. But at that time it was just a black blob that I spent some time talking to and putting traits into. I think it only had around 4 personality traits yesterday (Pretty shy at first, introverted, etc) and today I added some more by just imagining the blob in front of me and saying things like "You're introverted, and.." blah blah blah. Stuff like that. He has a pretty solid personality now and I think I'll just keep adding to it each day so I don't do too much in one day. I spent most of my morning talking to him, just describing things to him and talking about random stuff. Honestly, I talked so much even I got a bit tired of talking after a while, even if it was just in my head. But I kept doing that for a while and I'm pretty sure he's okay with just listening.

After doing that I decided to try and meditate so I could get a better look at him. He was still just a black blob when I started meditating but then while I was doing that I started imagining him as a human.

 

I just kind of.. molded that black blob into a body, starting at his feet and working up to his face. The face was the hardest part and it's still kind of hard to visualize it, but I think I'm getting better and I will get better if I just keep trying. Anyway, I got a pretty clear image of the blob at first, just right there in front of me, and then I made it into a body. I wasn't sure what his hair colour and eye colour would be, but after a while I just went with ashy brown hair and light/golden brown eyes. When I was done with some smaller details I just imagined him running around in his underwear in my room, just to see him from different angles and to see him move. That was pretty cool, because I saw him pretty clearly. But then my timer went off (I set it to around 15 minutes so I could get the hang of the meditation thing) and I was brought back to the real world.

 

At first I was pretty neutral to the thing that had just happened, my reaction was just kind of "okay..", but then all of a sudden I felt really happy and if I remember correctly an image of his face popped up in my mind for a split second. I was just so happy then and it came literally out of nowhere. I don't even know what really happened there, but now that I think about it, I think he was the one who did that. Maybe he was happy that he finally looked like something other than a blob or a shadow of a body.

 

After that I just walked around for a bit and talked to him but I didn't get any replies, at least I don't think I did. And then I went on google and looked at some pictures (like pictures of eyes, noses, mouths, etc), just for reference. And I'm pretty sure I chose a name for him around that time. Or perhaps I did that earlier. I can't remember, my memory really isn't the greatest. I chose to name him Sam, until he can tell me what he wants his name to be.

 

In my opinion, I think I've made quite a lot of progress on my first (technically my second) day. I've 'visited' him in the dreamscape, though I gotta admit, that's pretty hard for me to do still. I think it's that it's so big, y'know? Like the dreamscape I created is fairly big and the apartment/room where he lives is also kind of big. He hasn't made any real movement when I've visited him, at least I don't think he has. At least not on his own. That's one thing that's still kind of hard for me to do, like knowing if he's moving or talking on his own or if it's just me.

 

I have gotten some replies from him though, at least I think I have. Like, I can ask him if he's with me in my mindvoice and I usually get a faint "yes" back. That's basically the only replies I've gotten from him; "yes", "no", "sure". Just short answers. I understand, though, like he's new and he's probably not super comfortable with speaking to me yet. I mean, he is shy, introverted and kind of quiet at times. One thing's kind of strange, though. When I was outside with my dog and I just talked to him a bit, he said "Joel" once and then "Troy" or something starting with "T" once. For no real reason. I don't think I asked him anything, I don't even recall talking to him the moment he said those names. Maybe he just.. likes those names or something? Hm. I gotta ask him about it later, when he's more comfortable with talking. That'll probably take a while, though, but I'll keep going.

 

I also got an image of him sticking his tongue out and making a funny face right after I made one in the mirror earlier today, and that was fun. And I think he's changed his appearance a bit on his own (I told him he could do that) because when I went to see him real quick earlier his eyes were green instead of brown and another time his hair was white. I'm fairly sure his hair colour is back to that ashy brown now, though, but still. I like seeing him and things. And I like how he just chose to appear in my mind doing that silly face because I did a silly face. It was pretty cute, to be honest.

 

I've decided that I'm gonna talk to him as much as I can every day and I'll probably try and meditate twice a day or something, just so my thoughts get more quiet and I get a chance to see him more and/or maybe communicate. I guess my current goals are to build on his personality and things like that a bit more and maybe get him to talk more. And of course to make my mind a bit quieter because it can get super loud and messy sometimes.

 

I guess that's it for now. I'll probably update this every day or when I feel like it. I'm really bad at doing things but I think (or hope) this'll be something I can keep doing for as long as possible because it seems like a really fun thing. And I'm enjoying it very much and I really like Sam, so I'll just hope my brain doesn't screw this up.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Small Update:

 

Okay, okay, okay... so... I'm very confused/scared/freaked the fuck out right now.

So, I've read about how some tulpae can possess a part of or their host's whole body. I haven't read much about that honestly, but I decided to try it out, just to see if it was more difficult than just trying to have your tulpa control a part of your body. I went into dreamscape while lying on my back in my bed and went and found Sam. He looked a bit different than the last time I saw him but that's probably just because I haven't completely 100% gotten the hang of his form. Anyway, I found him and I knew that my physical body was in my bed and my not-physical body was with Sam. Now, I started doubting a bit today, like.. I had my doubts he's actually with me, I wasn't sure if he's really there. But this, this must be a sign or something.

 

I went up to him and told him to try and move my hand/arm. Not the upper arm, but yeah. I asked him to try and do that. My dreamscape is still kind of.. blurry, because this is just my second day and I'm still not 100% about everything in there and Sam is a bit blurry as well. But to the point;

I knew I was lying in my bed, and I felt like my right hand/arm, the one Sam was gonna try and move, was asleep. It felt like that, but a bit stranger than usual. But he moved my arm around in the dreamscape, and I felt my arm move. It was a bit strange, because the movement of it was just.. kinda weird, but it started moving. It moved slowly to my side and only got a tiny bit upwards before I opened my eyes and it stopped. I felt the fabric of my bed and everything, but I knew I wasn't the one moving my arm. I knew it. I only felt my own arm once, but even after I relaxed it again it kept moving. My arm was completely relaxed and asleep basically (though I doubt it was really asleep, because I know what that feels like) but it was moving. From how it felt and looked when I opened my eyes he must've grabbed me by the wrist to move my arm.

 

Another weird thing is that he grabbed me by my left arm at first, but I had told him my arm was connected to my right arm in real life so perhaps he didn't get that it was my right arm. And after he grabbed my other arm it moved a bit better, but it was still very slow.

 

That was so, so strange. I had no control over my arm and it was a bit tingly, kind of like when my arm falls asleep but it was definitely a bit different than that. I seriously felt so confused and freaked out when I opened my eyes again. But at the same time, it's so cool. I gotta try that again.

 

And now I know that Sam's really there with me, even though he doesn't talk a lot. My arm and hand feels a bit weird now, though, so that's annoying. But still. He's with me and I'm happy about that.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Another update:

 

Okay, I think I might have parroted some of Sam's responses or whatever if not all of them. Which is kinda disappointing but hey, I'll get there eventually.

 

I noticed just now that the dreamscape is kind of weird and how Sam appears there is also weird. Like I was there for a while and his appearance changed a lot in a matter of seconds. I did like.. put his regular face back there, though, so I think that's fine now. I'm not sure.

 

While I may have parroted his responses, at least when he's said things, the other responses I've gotten are real. Like I just know they are. And when he moved my arm was real as well, like yeah, it was really weird and stuff but I know that happened.

 

I'm not really sure what to do about his appearance changing and also him not responding in speech. I mean, I know I'll get to it eventually and he'll say his first words, but I'm a really impatient person. I'm gonna try and be as patient as possible with this, though, for Sam. Because even though he hasn't talked back to me, I still like him. And just because I've parroted his responses and replies probably doesn't mean we haven't communicated at all. Like I know we have in some way. I'm not sure how, though.

 

I think I'm gonna work more on his appearance and personality tomorrow and instead of the dreamscape being a big city I'll just change it into a small park or maybe a room, just so it's easier to visualize. I mean I have met him in a park earlier today, so that should be pretty easy.

 

And, well.. I guess I'll never really know until later if I've really parroted his speech and controlled his movements in the dreamscape or not. I guess we'll see.

I'm definitely not giving up.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Day 3

 

Alright! A new day, and lots of new things to do. I don't know why but just going onto this forum makes me really motivated and pumped up.

 

Last night I didn't do much, I just went into the dreamscape a bit and made Sam move my other arm a bit. The movement's super jerky and weird but it's working. I gave him a pair of gloves that he can use to control my hands in real life if he wants, but of course that's gonna require practice. Like before his appearance changed a lot and that was almost a bit scary. And when I moved a feather above his head to try and see if he could move on his own he kept sinking into the floor and I don't know why. I couldn't exactly control him then so I guess he just did that on his own.

 

When I was lying in my bed last night, about to go sleep, I decided to remake the dreamscape. I just made it into a small part of a forest and put a house or cottage or whatever you wanna call it in the corner there. And after doing that I just went in and put things in there, like a bed, a tv, a bathroom.. and etc. It's looking pretty good at the moment.

 

I did see some weird people in the dreamscape there though, but I think that's because I didn't meditate in any way before going in there so my thoughts were just super messy. Yeah, I totally need to work on that.

 

I saw Sam, and once again his appearance changed but this time it was mostly just his face. I put a mask on him for now, because it's actually kind of disturbing to see his face change so much like that. His hair was blonde for a while but then when I put him in bed and lied down next to him his hair became dark grey or ashy brown again.

 

And when I was just lying there (I apologized for putting that mask on him and stuff) he put his arm around me and just kinda.. hugged me. And I don't think I made him do that. I almost felt it in real life as well. It was weird, but pretty comfy at the same time. And I didn't move at all for a while but then I kind of went out of dreamscape and turned around and fell asleep.

 

I visited him real quick just now and he was just sleeping on the bed there. I think I'm gonna work more on his personality today and maybe on the dreamscape because I've noticed there's absolutely no sound there at all. And that's just weird.

 

I'm probably gonna update this several times a day. Oh, and I think I might try and draw Sam today, if I feel like it. But that's probably gonna be a bit hard since his face is so blurry sometimes.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Update:

 

 

So I was just in dreamscape, and I think things are getting better with all that. I can see more clearly now than yesterday so that's good. I spent some time describing Sam's personality to him again and then I gave him a brain and stuff like that. And a weird thing is that when I did give him a brain (I tried that yesterday but it didn't seem to work, but yeah) he just seemed to slide down from his chair onto the floor. So I guess.. I guess he doesn't know how to sit? or walk, because I had to drag him inside the house and put him on the bed. And when he was there he acted weird, like a video game character glitching. But that might just be me again, being kinda sucky at visualizing things. But yeah, he really doesn't seem to know how to sit properly. But his face does seem kind of.. more solid, now. He looks a bit different than how he looked when I made him, like his hair's blonde now and his facial features are a bit different, but that's fine by me. As long as he doesn't turn into some weird creature or changes his appearance a thousand times.

 

He seemed to make some movements on his own when I described his personality to him, and that's good. He even pulled out a guitar out of nowhere at one point and did something with it but since dreamscape doesn't have much sound yet it was just silent. It's weird how he was unable to sit or walk when I gave him a brain. Maybe he just got overwhelmed since I've tried to give him one once before. I think it worked better this time, though.

 

I also touched him a bit, like his hair and arms. His skin is soft. And his hair feels like.. well, hair.

 

I keep getting flashes and stuff of people who aren't Sam while in dreamscape which is strange, but I'm fairly sure that's just my brain doing dumb things. Like for example, when I was sitting in the grass outside of the house, where I appear when I go into the dreamscape and from now on, out of it as well, some person walked down the stairs and was about to punch me. But I just made it move backwards and then I went out of dreamscape. Those people that aren't Sam feels less real, though.

 

I'm pretty much done with his personality now I think, so now I just gotta work on my visualization skills and maybe a bit on his appearance. I put a skeleton and muscles in him today though and he seems more.. normal now, though, so maybe I won't have to work so much on that.

 

I've also decided I'm gonna let him use this old phone of mine later, when he can possess my hands or something so he can do stuff with that. I mean, I'm already pretty sure I'll let him have a blog later on, in the future sometime, so a phone could be useful for things.

 

My head feels kind of weird at the moment, maybe because I was in dreamscape for so long, but that was still pretty nice. I think I'll try and take it easy today and maybe just talk to him throughout the day and take a pause from working on things for now.


Very small update:

 

I went into dreamscape again while listening to Spooky Couch by Albert Hammond Jr, and I just generally had a pretty good time. I kinda showed Sam how to sit, which was kind of frustrating because half the time he just went on the floor again, but he got it eventually. I also taught him how to walk but that was also a bit hard because I myself aren't so sure with walking, at least not in dreamscape. Like I'm not completely sure how it's really supposed to look. It was kinda wonky but at least he did it. We kinda walked off the terrace by the house while walking and just walked in a dark space or something, but that was just good because I don't think walking right into a wall would be too great. And besides, we did walk back onto it again. When we got there I sat him down (that's still kind of hard to do) and drank some tea. I just told him to repeat whatever I did if he found it hard to do, and he ended up trying to drink out of an empty cup. So I poured him some tea and had him drink that and that went well. I'm really starting to enjoy going into the dreamscape, even though I told myself to not go there a while ago. But that's just how I am.

 

The dreamscape actually had a bit of sound when I got there, like I heard leaves and stuff shaking in the wind and what-not.

 

I've still got lots of things to work on. I've decided to not spend too much time on Sam's appearance until later today or maybe even tomorrow, because his appearance seems pretty solid right now. I'm just gonna try and talk to him (and maybe not update this thing too much, because this is just my third day and yeah) and maybe teach him how to walk more.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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I think I might have actually accidentally mixed together thoughts and mindvoices. I'm fairly sure I puppeted most of or all of Sam's replies yesterday, but "Joel" and "Troy" (what he 'said' yesterday) are probably just thoughts he sent me. I think that's it. Because while I was fixing things with his personality yesterday all of a sudden "left-handed" came into my mind. I hadn't thought of that at all. Like it was just a thought, a thought of.. words, I guess. And it just popped up out of nowhere, like that image of him doing a silly face. It even interrupted me a bit. I think that was him. I think thoughts involving words and his and my mindvoices are different, but I just haven't realized that until now.

 

I was in dreamscape just a while ago again and I was feeling sad because.. well, Sam acts weird in there sometimes and I'm not sure if it's him doing something or if it's me. He's been kind of like a ragdoll a couple of times now and that just made me a bit sad. I was just sitting on the bed and then he appeared next to me and hugged me. He didn't speak, but he just held me. He must've been the one doing that.

 

I know he's in there, I know he's real. I just gotta learn to focus and I gotta learn to listen more. Gotta get better at visualizing him and dreamscape. This is gonna work out, I just have to learn and have patience. That's how I'll make this work.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Last Update for today probably:

 

I've been reading a lot of stuff, mostly tips for people who are parrotnoid. I've decided to just apologize to Sam before I ask him things (I haven't asked him anything more than simple yes or no questions since I made him) in case I parrot his response, and then he can tell me later on if it was him or not. Like, most responses I've gotten other than images and thoughts since I created him have just been yes and no, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to just.. believe that it's him, until he can speak more for himself.

 

I visited him again just now, without meditating which is dumb, but I just love going into dreamscape a lot. I just sat and described his general.. I don't know what to call it. How he makes people feel when he's around them I guess? I did that, and almost the whole time he was just resting his head on his right hand and looking at me. Like.. he had this calm, almost happy expression on his face which made me smile. His face is pretty much solid and the same now I believe, and I think that's mainly because right before I went into dreamscape I saw this picture of someone and thought "Oh! that looks quite a lot like Sam!", so his face looked a little similar to that person's face. His hair is blonde and pretty long I'd say. Not down to his shoulders or something, but not super short either. It's a bit hard to describe.

 

I also imagined him and me singing and dancing together while listening to music a while ago, which was fun and really nice. I should do that more often.

 

I guess I should mention he's wearing clothes now, which is good. He had clothes yesterday when I put a mask on him because of his facial features changing so much, and I didn't put them on him so he must have done that himself. I did change his clothes to something more comfortable to sleep in before putting him to bed, though. But he has changed his clothes a bit several times today.

 

He's acting more.. natural now. And I gotta say, I'm really happy about that. His movements just look more natural and feel more natural, though I think I should probably practice walking with him a bit more. I also think I need to stop thinking so much about his movements, because I believe those times he's gotten all floppy is when I've thought a lot about his movement and how he sits and all that. I think I'm gonna try just going with the flow.

 

I'm pretty sure this will be the last update for today, because I really need to calm down with all the updates and I'm getting a bit tired so, yeah.

Also, I hope everyone on here has a great weekend.:)

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Day 4

 

 

Alright! Today I'm gonna try and talk to Sam more, because yesterday I just sat and didn't talk to him for about an hour before going to bed. But I think we can both use some time to ourselves sometimes so I hope he wasn't bothered by that.

 

I went into dreamscape before falling asleep, and it was kind of weird because it all got mixed with my other thoughts. But it was still nice. I noticed I puppeted him at some points, though. Like, when I wasn't sure if he was moving on h

is own. He became all stiff like a doll. I should probably apologize for that.

 

I'm gonna try and meditate today, too. Like not go into dreamscape or anything but just meditate. I'm not too good at that so I think practicing that could be good.

 

It's almost a bit surprising how I'm still excited to do this, because with my ADD I usually lose interest after a day or two. I have decided to keep going for Sam, though, so maybe that's why I'm still going.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Update:

 

So I was just in dreamscape real quick, and I just sat and had a quick chat with Sam. I've felt kinda bothered that the replies I've gotten from him has been in my mindvoice or at least something similar, so I decided to just make him a new one. I came up with one that's pretty easy to imagine and.. to speak with, I guess, and then I just said a couple of things to him with it and had him repeat it.

Then I kind of used symbolism I guess, and put the voice in a small red drop that worked like a pill and put that in a small black box. I gave it to him and he took the "pill" and then he actually spoke up with the voice. I got this tiny fluffy feeling when he spoke with the voice. Like, it was very tiny, but the feeling was there. I kinda jumped at him and hugged him and he seemed pretty happy, too.

 

I hope that'll work and I hope he starts speaking more now that he has his own voice. And I mean, if he suddenly starts thinking that that voice doesn't fit him he can change it if he wants. But yeah, that was a nice moment.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Small update:

 

I've been.. thinking about doing some more things with Sam today, like talking and all that. But instead I started talking to a friend of mine and I haven't heard much from Sam since I started talking to her about two hours ago.

 

He was pretty active in talking and things like that before I started talking to my friend. And to be honest, it feels really empty to not think about him or talk to him in mindvoice and I kinda miss him, even though I know he's right here with me. I guess I gotta understand that some time apart can be good for us, maybe not for a really long time but yeah. And I feel I can't really talk to him and another person at the same time, like my brain doesn't seem to wanna handle that. So I haven't talked to him much, except for just a while ago when I apologized for not talking to him.

 

I really look forward to spending more time with him in dreamscape, even if we don't do much. And I've got a feeling that what I see there gets a bit clearer every time I go there, and that's good.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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