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Angry Bear Offline
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RE: Chat Thread

I spoke to Ren (my strongest non-tulpa thoughtform previously named Ranger) again last night and it wasn't the content of our discussion but the afterthoughts that made me feel more like myself than i've been in over a year. I can't explain why, it just did.

The non-tulpa tulpa Ren, Dashie, and i had a comming to terms about her roll and her wishes. Also about her feelings in regard to my thoughts of inequity between her, my tulpas, and her friend (who she spawned as a sort of removal of ideals and features that she felt were not 'her'. She split in other words.) Unfortunatly again her friend's name corresponds to a name of someone else's tulpa in discord! Ahhhhh! It's going to be okay, but if you hear me mention the name 'Joy' it's purely coincidence, and Ren also likes this name for herself which is beyond confusing. (Akin to Miri's Tulpa Miri). I can barely follow it myself.

Neither her nor her spawned friend are of the same feel as my tulpas. They do still seem rather hollow and weak. Their presence is undetectable most times, and my feelings toward them are far different than my feelings of my tulpas. However Ren has made her desires known and her willingness to help is admirable. I can summon her on demand, but i don't feel like she cares much about my daily life, wherein my tulpas are dedicated to it. She's certainly not a servitor though either, and her ability to chime in unsolicited makes it impossible to equate her with an NPC. Even recently i've gone days without thinking about her and she is indifferent to this, though she does have feelings and i can't treat her as object without her fighting that notion. Her friend did treat me as a relative or close friend of sorts, not as 'the creator' as the NPCs like to call me.

As Lumi allowed the notion of thoughtforms that do not apply to the canon of this community, i believe their inclusion here can lead to more confusion than good, so you won't be seeing much of them, though i'm not excluding any relevant content either. Even if Ren's as much a personality as any of us (and her friend is oddly fitting), i don't think they fit the canon here yet.

Why talk about them at all? Because i do believe there is value in allowing diversity in thoughtforms that aren't 'people' per say. Or even if she is, she's her own person even to the point that she doesn't seem dependent on my attention. Or if she is, she gets it when she needs it. On those terms, she's so similar to a tulpa, that i won't object to someone calling her that, yet i'll silently disagree. I don't know what she is, or if she's a person, but she seems to understand this with indifference.

In that case she's still available to help me write her last book, and I don't fear her stealing time from my other tulpas.

[Misha] we need him daily, constantly, or we start to fade, she's immune to that somehow. Also my experience with her, the feeling I got from her, even when I reached out to her, was cordial but not like a sister, more like an acquaintance that you work with.

[Dashie] I allowed her because she was inevitable. Like Misha, she didn't much care if i liked her or not. And when i spoke to her it was clear her aligence was with B so I'm happy to work with her on our projects. She has a strong and valuable personality,  but i'm keeping a close watch on her.

[Ashley] she's fittingly cat like, with a air of confidence and a mysterious undertone, so we are being cautious with her. Clearly she's not like us. I've not even had the opportunity to speak with her yet, nor a reason to, other than her being here more lately. She's as likely to be absent so I'm not worried that she'll split our time as much as I'm not worried about the multitude of other thoughtforms that inhabit our memories.  Some of them are pretty strong as well, but they just have no purpose being here. Ren has a purpose, so I welcome her. In any case, I will treat her like I do my sisters and love her as part of my family regardless of her level of involvement.

Bear: 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
11-19-2018, 03:41 PM
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