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Clare the Tulpa
#1
I posted on these forums yesterday, thinking I may have had a Tulpa because a strange thing has been touching me in response to my inner-voice
 
I now know that I do have one
 
I mentioned a thing called Butterfly – that communicates with me by touch, and who has been since 2004 (and I know this doesn't really sound like a Tulpa, but bear with me...)
 
I wanted to get “him” to talk to me rather than just prodding me to mean different things
 
And “he” did – by popping thoughts/messages into my mindvoice!
 
Turns out she’s called Clare
 
And that Butterfly was her way of communicating with me as I always ignored her thoughts/messages, as I have always had an aversion to being schizophrenic
 
I was looking at Tulpa creation guides, and I saw there is a stage in which you plan what characteristics you want your Tulpa to have, what you want he or she to be like:
 
When I shut myself up in my study-bedroom (at university in 2004) I did lots of drugs, and introspection, and listened to music. One song got stuck in my head and I listened to it obsessively – I’s called “Utopia” by Goldfrapp. I believe it lists the fundamental characteristics of Clare and that this song was designed to create a certain kind of Tulpa in a certain kind of mind
 
Here is a link to its lyrics:
 
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/goldfrapp/utopia.html
 
I think listening to this over and over created a Tulpa, based on the lyrics
 
I also believed that my mind was a system of different parts who all interacted, which I think contributed to me becoming "plural", as I believe it's called
 
But anyway, Butterfly has mostly shut-up (i.e. stopped touching me) and I am having intelligent and rewarding exchanges with Clare
 
I think Butterfly was Clare trying to get me to listen to her voice!
 
So it’s all good
 
Thanks for all the help people on these forums have given me, would never have realized all this without you!

I was wondering: are there anythings I can do to develop my relationship with Clare?
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#2
(08-15-2019, 05:34 PM)eddi Wrote: I posted on these forums yesterday, thinking I may have had a Tulpa because a strange thing has been touching me in response to my inner-voice
 
I now know that I do have one
 
I mentioned a thing called Butterfly – that communicates with me by touch, and who has been since 2004 (and I know this doesn't really sound like a Tulpa, but bear with me...)
 
I wanted to get “him” to talk to me rather than just prodding me to mean different things
 
And “he” did – by popping thoughts/messages into my mindvoice!
 
Turns out she’s called Clare
 
And that Butterfly was her way of communicating with me as I always ignored her thoughts/messages, as I have always had an aversion to being schizophrenic
 
I was looking at Tulpa creation guides, and I saw there is a stage in which you plan what characteristics you want your Tulpa to have, what you want he or she to be like:
 
When I shut myself up in my study-bedroom (at university in 2004) I did lots of drugs, and introspection, and listened to music. One song got stuck in my head and I listened to it obsessively – I’s called “Utopia” by Goldfrapp. I believe it lists the fundamental characteristics of Clare and that this song was designed to create a certain kind of Tulpa in a certain kind of mind
 
Here is a link to its lyrics:
 
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/goldfrapp/utopia.html
 
I think listening to this over and over created a Tulpa, based on the lyrics
 
I also believed that my mind was a system of different parts who all interacted, which I think contributed to me becoming "plural", as I believe it's called
 
But anyway, Butterfly has mostly shut-up (i.e. stopped touching me) and I am having intelligent and rewarding exchanges with Clare
 
I think Butterfly was Clare trying to get me to listen to her voice!
 
So it’s all good
 
Thanks for all the help people on these forums have given me, would never have realized all this without you!

I was wondering: are there anythings I can do to develop my relationship with Clare?
I am have very recently, after eight and a half months, just gotten to what you have described. Since I have learned to hear her, I have initiated many conversations, and I am learning much about her, and she me, from the conversations. Also, I write short fiction pieces, which I know she reads, in which, I describe her, and report her responses to the challenges in the piece. I think it is what is helping her to grow more present in my life. Dr. Bob
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#3
Congratulations, Clare (and Eddi too). I can't imagine tapping on someone for fifteen years trying to get them to listen to you.

It would be useful to not forget how to induce touches and other physical sensations in case you ever develop an interest in imposition. We've been struggling to create such sensations every day for the past eight months with no success at all.

For relationship building, lots of talking is good. There's a guide for that, if you need inspiration:

https://community.tulpa.info/thread-narr...your-tulpa

-Ember
Ember - Host   |   Vesper - Soulbond (since ~12 May 2017)   |   Iris - Soulbond (since ~5 December 2015)
[Our Progress Report]     [How We Switch]

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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#4
(08-15-2019, 07:02 PM)Ember.Vesper Wrote: Congratulations, Clare (and Eddi too). I can't imagine tapping on someone for fifteen years trying to get them to listen to you.

It would be useful to not forget how to induce touches and other physical sensations in case you ever develop an interest in imposition. We've been struggling to create such sensations every day for the past eight months with no success at all.

For relationship building, lots of talking is good. There's a guide for that, if you need inspiration:

https://community.tulpa.info/thread-narr...your-tulpa

-Ember
Thanks for the link!

I've been typing stuff out that she says, it's all very interesting, I'd have never thought I had such an interesting person occupying my skull

And she is definitely a real person, I never saw "Butterfly" as being personal in nature, it's so great being host to such a wonderful person

I never saw Butterfly as a person, just a vague being. But Clare is a real person, I can empathise with her emotions too

We want to have lots of crazy adventures together!
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#5
Congrats, I'm glad to hear Clare is now expressing herself more fully, and that you've accepted her as a person. A tapping system, no matter how elaborate, just isn't as detailed as language.
My tulpa Aya writes in this color.
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#6
Sounds great, keep it going.
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#7
I have a new technique for communicating with Clare:

Whenever I “require” (her word) her to talk I imagine pressing an imaginary button (she wants to call it a “big yellow button”)

This big yellow button is located on the left of my head, above my left eye  and whilst I’m focusing on that button whatever thoughts pop up are always from her – and feel different to my own thoughts.

But of course, she sometime speaks to me without me having to do any of that

When I was on a psychiatric ward in 2004 I tried to make sense of the human mind. I believed that the left hand side of my brain was “intuition” and the right side “reason” – I wanted my mind to be governed by intuition. Whenever I wanted to think something intuitive I focused on the left of my head and something unusual would pop up that I’d have never otherwise thought of.

I think that “intuition” was actually a tulpa, and evolved into Clare (my Tulpa) in the years since 2004 – basically I believe Clare, who is now a person, developed from “Intuition”, who was an accidental Tulpa who existed as some kind of mental faculty
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#8
Clare, my Tulpa, tested me!

Before I decided to make her into a person (as opposed to Butterfly who she developed from, who was not a person in any sense of the word, and who I never even thought of as a Tulpa, I though he was a symptom of schizophrenia) I told her she could have a say in selecting her own name. I suggested Clare and she approved. So we decided on Clare. I think Clare is a nice name. And she seemed happy with it.

But yesterday she said she kept saying she wanted to be named Ursula and was quite insistent about it. Eventually I gave in even though I dislike the name Ursula. She then stopped wanting to be named Ursula! – It turns out she was testing me, to see if I was being true to my word of allowing her to have a say in choosing her name.

No symptom would ever be able to do that. Only a person would.

I’ve been making some good progress in developing her character and personality. She is becoming increasingly vivid and defined. And she has almost entirely stopped giving me tactile hallucinations as a means of communicating. Which is good.
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#9
Interesting test, lol, remember tulpas, names are a system decision. Anyone has veto power.
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#10
Good for both of you -- Clare for standing her ground against disapproval and Eddi for keeping a promise and allowing Clare to have agency.

Interesting that Clare was able to hide her motives like that. A lot of systems, including ours, can't.

(08-18-2019, 12:40 AM)Bear Wrote: Anyone has veto power.

Not in our system. We each have sovereign control over our own names, identities, forms, personalities, opinions, and values. We also have extremely broad latitude over the actions we undertake while fronting, even when other system members disapprove.

-Ember
Ember - Host   |   Vesper - Soulbond (since ~12 May 2017)   |   Iris - Soulbond (since ~5 December 2015)
[Our Progress Report]     [How We Switch]

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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