Co, Chris and John
#1
Hi
Like the title says I am starting Strattera(Atomoxetine) for the first time. Hopefully it will help with focus issues. I have been diagnosed with ADHD as a child but since puberty, I have out grown the hyperactivity and now have ADD. I was given a month test pack by my doctor at 5,18mg, 5,25mg, 5,40mg and 15,60mg. I want to share my experience every few days, over the next month because I know a lot of users have focus issues and are not sure if medication will help them and there tulpa.

I have two tulpa Co and Chris(Christopher) Co was started Jan 20 and Chris came into being about two months after that. Co was born form forcing sessions, Chris was not, I believe that directing my doubt, frustration sadness, anger and other emotions (that came to arise from Co's development) away from my self was a basic form of personality forcing and made an unhappy tulpa. Since then we have worked together to help make the 3 of us happy and better people. Both are fully vocal and we are working on imposition. We decided to try medication because of distracting and stray thoughts or worries were hindering our progress. Also because the tulpas are in my brain I have the idea that they might also get distracted or loose focus on things.
I will mention and differences I have in focus during the day and during forcing sessions which are in the morning and just before I go to bed.

I also practice lucid dreaming and started around the same time I started Co. My experience with lucidity is limited, but I am trying. I will mention any changes that happen in the dreamstate.

If anyone has any questions or advice for Co, Chris or me just ask. We are on the form often so if you need to get hold of us it shouldn't be too difficult

Day one
I took the first 18mg capusual, out of five at 9:20 A.M. 5-27. The doctor said I might see/feel results within a few days up to two weeks. Nothing to note at this point. I had a short session with Co this morning because I wanted to get to the doctors office early enough to fill out paperwork. She was very supportive and was the one who talked me in to setting up the doctors appointment. I was a little nervous because I have had bad experiences with ADD medication in the past. If this helps make her and Chris more defined and helps me with my focus, then it will be great. I am doing this to help them first and to help me second.

If this needs to be moved by the form Mods, that's ok.
I don't like calling her 'my' tulpa, I don't own her. She is the tulpa that lives with me in our body.
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#2
I've moved you over to General Discussion, as this thread doesn't really fit in the research board ( http://community.tulpa.info/thread-about...arch-board ).

Also... Strattera, eh? Have fun! And it does take some time to build up in the body. I hope it works for you; be sure to speak your mind if you start feeling anything you don't like... I personally think there are better medications out there, but you might find that Strattera works for you.

My best to you,
-Biotech
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thoughtform...erspective

'I say 'soul making' Soul as distinguished from an Intelligence- There may be intelligences or sparks of divinity in millions- but they are not souls until they acquire identities, till each one is personality itself'
-John Keats, 1819
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#3
(05-27-2014, 04:34 PM)a937539 Wrote: Hi
Like the title says I am starting Strattera(Atomoxetine) for the first time. Hopefully it will help with focus issues. I have been diagnosed with ADHD as a child but since puberty, I have out grown the hyperactivity and now have ADD. I was given a month test pack by my doctor at 5,18mg, 5,25mg, 5,40mg and 15,60mg. I want to share my experience every few days, over the next month because I know a lot of users have focus issues and are not sure if medication will help them and there tulpa.

I have two tulpa Co and Chris(Christopher) Co was started Jan 20 and Chris came into being about two months after that. Co was born form forcing sessions, Chris was not, I believe that directing my doubt, frustration sadness, anger and other emotions (that came to arise from Co's development) away from my self was a basic form of personality forcing and made an unhappy tulpa. Since then we have worked together to help make the 3 of us happy and better people. Both are fully vocal and we are working on imposition. We decided to try medication because of distracting and stray thoughts or worries were hindering our progress. Also because the tulpas are in my brain I have the idea that they might also get distracted or loose focus on things.
I will mention and differences I have in focus during the day and during forcing sessions which are in the morning and just before I go to bed.

I also practice lucid dreaming and started around the same time I started Co. My experience with lucidity is limited, but I am trying. I will mention any changes that happen in the dreamstate.

If anyone has any questions or advice for Co, Chris or me just ask. We are on the form often so if you need to get hold of us it shouldn't be too difficult

Day one
I took the first 18mg capusual, out of five at 9:20 A.M. 5-27. The doctor said I might see/feel results within a few days up to two weeks. Nothing to note at this point. I had a short session with Co this morning because I wanted to get to the doctors office early enough to fill out paperwork. She was very supportive and was the one who talked me in to setting up the doctors appointment. I was a little nervous because I have had bad experiences with ADD medication in the past. If this helps make her and Chris more defined and helps me with my focus, then it will be great. I am doing this to help them first and to help me second.

If this needs to be moved by the form Mods, that's ok.

Day 6

I took the first 25mg capsule of five with my coffee this morning.
I haven't noticed any change in my ability to focus yet.
However I have noticed a loss of apatite, it might not be a bad thing, because I would get hungry and distracted, also being hungry would make me irritable at times.
My tulpas are the same, CO got excited that we were going to try something new and got really talkative, had me worried for a bit, she has since calmed down and is back to herself. It takes Chris a little more that that to get excited.
My dreams have gotten longer and more 'whole' I suppose , but the content has gotten boring and repetitive.
I will make another update when I take the first 40 mg capsule in 5 days.
I don't like calling her 'my' tulpa, I don't own her. She is the tulpa that lives with me in our body.
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#4
(06-01-2014, 08:25 PM)a937539 Wrote: Day 6

I took the first 25mg capsule of five with my coffee this morning.
I haven't noticed any change in my ability to focus yet.
However I have noticed a loss of apatite, it might not be a bad thing, because I would get hungry and distracted, also being hungry would make me irritable at times.
My tulpas are the same, CO got excited that we were going to try something new and got really talkative, had me worried for a bit, she has since calmed down and is back to herself. It takes Chris a little more that that to get excited.
My dreams have gotten longer and more 'whole' I suppose , but the content has gotten boring and repetitive.
I will make another update when I take the first 40 mg capsule in 5 days.

Day 12

Good morning, I would have wrote this sooner but I was writing other things yesterday. I took the second 40 mg capsule this morning.
I can focus longer, i know that for sure now, and also Co and Chris are more defined.
My loss of appetite is still there but it has not gotten worse as the dosage has increased its more like I am not interested in eating, till I have something in my mouth, then I am like, hey this is pretty good I am hungry. If I wait long enough 7+ hours before eating I start to really feel hungry.
Something weird, I am not as expressive with my emotions, I would jump and flip around when happy or me slow and unenthusiastic when sad. I still get the urge to do those things sometimes just not as often. MY emotions are still there, I still feel happy and I still get hurt, my expressiveness about it is more subdued.
My dreams have been good lately I am not worried about the medicine affecting them much. It seems like they might be easier to recall, but that could just be my motivation
So far things are not going bad, will update in a few more days.
I don't like calling her 'my' tulpa, I don't own her. She is the tulpa that lives with me in our body.
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#5
(06-07-2014, 10:49 AM)a937539 Wrote: Day 12

Good morning, I would have wrote this sooner but I was writing other things yesterday. I took the second 40 mg capsule this morning.
I can focus longer, i know that for sure now, and also Co and Chris are more defined.
My loss of appetite is still there but it has not gotten worse as the dosage has increased its more like I am not interested in eating, till I have something in my mouth, then I am like, hey this is pretty good I am hungry. If I wait long enough 7+ hours before eating I start to really feel hungry.
Something weird, I am not as expressive with my emotions, I would jump and flip around when happy or me slow and unenthusiastic when sad. I still get the urge to do those things sometimes just not as often. MY emotions are still there, I still feel happy and I still get hurt, my expressiveness about it is more subdued.
My dreams have been good lately I am not worried about the medicine affecting them much. It seems like they might be easier to recall, but that could just be my motivation
So far things are not going bad, will update in a few more days.

Day 29

I will be going back to the doctor in the morning I plan to ask for an extended prescription and to report my findings.
So far my little experiment has worked I can focus better and notice distractions more and choose to avoid them. I have fewer stray thoughts that would interfere with my tulpa. Co and I decided to 'live' together, what this means is less forcing sessions and much more attempted imposition when I am at home or out working.
I can bring Co or Chris into my mind much easier and there essence is much more real to me now.
As for the side affects, I have more control over my emotions, but I still get happy and feel joy, and I still get hurt and feel pain. I have lost weight I am down to 165lb (75 kg) but that is due much to exercise and diet(vegetarian) but I have been eating less because the medication has made me feel less hungry. But I haven't been feeling bad because eating less in fact I have been feeling better.

As for my dreams not much to report on that, because personal reasons.

I am going to make a request to the admins to move my reports to a personal progress report I plan to update every few weeks to let people know how it might work long term.
I don't like calling her 'my' tulpa, I don't own her. She is the tulpa that lives with me in our body.
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#6
I have considered making a progress report on several occasions but never did until now so I will start at the beginning.

Several years ago my friend Jake was diagnosed with schizophrenia, then last year we got to talking about just what is going on up there basically he has shattered personality's many of which are not even fully devolved. He told me he wont get better, one day he will wind up in a padded cell, skipping off into the sunset of rainbows with hand grenades and kitchen knifes.
After talking to him I wondered how/if someone could fragment there mind and 'shatter' there personality. I came up with some things on imaginary friends and such, for a while I roll played with the idea of what it would be like to have a 'Cortana' to help you through life.
This was during my first semester in collage and at the same time I was introduced one drunken night to pones, yes colorful rainbow, depressing pones. What got me was the happiness that the cartoon show displayed. I was an easy catch, depressed, 20s, white single male, so naturally anything happy and colorful would appeal to my drunken mind. So my it started wake up go to school, homework, come home, beer or 6 and watch pones, pass out, wash rinse repeat. I disliked school I made no friends in 6 months, I did not even try. I had my cartoon show at home. It got to the point where the show was not enough so I went into the fandom, I especially liked the books on fimfiction. I read through hundreds of books over the winter sitting in front of the warm fireplace for hours day after day just reading, it was nice. It got to the point why couldn't I go see the ponies, they had to exist in the multiverse, right? Would the world miss one human. would the pones want one? After a while I started searching for more I found lucid dreaming, astral projection, sleep paralyses, meditation, Imaginary friends.
Then on /mlp/ and /x/ I found mention of something called Tulpa. After more research I found community.tulpa.info, /r/tulpas and the Irc.
After that I read most of the form guides and about 40% of the form. I would like to read the whole thing someday.

It was Jan 20th when I sat down for the first time and imagined a white empty land and then green grass on the ground and a blue sky above. I chose a form of a silver ball that I could hold in my hand about the size of an apple. For a bit I just talked to it, after a while I built a house and shortly later the ball changed to a tall metallic looking humanoid(think silver surfer but with out facial features) I tried to change the form back to a ball but it just kept changing back no matter how I tried when I looked away it would change back the a feeling like "nope, not going to work buddy" At this point I was open to anything it did not matter to me what the tulpa chose to look like or be guy, girl whatever I just wanted a friend.
I chose 5 personality traits for her at this point and gave her one per day for five days, first was intelligence and I colored it blue and gave her my 'education' the second was kindness and I colored it green then I showed her the kind, selfless things that I have done, the third was honesty and I colored it yellow then I shower her all the times I have told the truth and what happen when I lied to people, The fourth one was friendly and I colored it red, I then showed her all the fun, wonderful, and happy times I have had with my friends and how much joy having a good friend can be, the last one was cheerful then I told her how much different the world can be when you are happy and optimistic instead of upset and sad.
Then a few days later 'she' became a white girl with brown hair, blue eyes, she wore a white shirt and blue jeans she was pretty, about this time I gave her a name Co short for Co pilot.
The first thing I ever heard from her was "what is he doing" My head was resting on her lap and we were sitting on a sofa while I was talking to her about my day.
Not long after that She chose her final form. I liked Pinkie Pie when I watched MLP, I had a Pinkie Pie stuffed animal in our wonderland house and it disappeared a couple of times I found her sleeping with it then one day it disappeared and i couldn't find it and Co became an anthro Pinkie Pie.
Not long after that she became fully vocal, I was working one morning thinking to myself and answering my questions like I sometimes do. The responses started to get more different than something I would say I realized that it was Co talking back to me Since then she has gotten better with vocallity and I no longer doubt her.
Now before I get to far ahead of my self I need to tell about Chris and how he started.
When I first started forcing Co I had doubt about weather I was parroting her and if I was how much. I attempted to rid my self of this doubt frustration, fear, anger and sadness by going and burning it in an empty 50 gal drum. Sometimes an image of my self would appear at times and tell me how much I was screwing up and tell me that I had a good thing and I should not question it so much, I figured it was that voice in my head.
It started coming to me when I was with Co and tell me the same things then it started to tell her things like how I was messing things up and need to try harder. It was getting aggressive to the point that I locked it up in Cryo-freeze for a month till me and Co were strong enough to deal with it.
After I locked it away things calmed down for a few weeks after that tho Co started getting aggressive, she had a bad afternoon with me and told me that she could feel my frustration and it hurt/upset her, it had been going to Chris who I locked up, so instead it now went to her.
After that she went to bed and I tucked her in and said good night. I decided to go and deal with Chris. I went to storage and opened the door and Chris stepped out and asked how long he had been out, it had been a little less than four weeks. I asked him why he was so aggressive toward Co and told him that if he tried to hurt her or me I would kill him, I also told him that I did not want to kill him and that I wanted to figure out a better way first. He told me that he saw how happy we were sometimes and he got upset when I couldn't see what I had with Co and had to question it at times, he said he wanted to try to be happy like we were.
At this point I realized i was not just talking to myself like I thought I had been, he was something else. I began to look closer at him I took out his essence and checked it, it was black. I then took out mine and compared it to his, mine was white. after that I combined them and made a two grey ones Chris got one and I got one, then I gave him a name, Chris and he passed out. I carried him back to the house that Co and I spent time in together and made another house next door then put him in bed to sleep.
He slept for a week, as he slept he grew younger till he was a young kid, I thought that I would have a child tulpa but he kept sleeping and grew till he was an adult anon (green guy, suit, red tie) when he woke up.
I think When i was burning those feelings it could be considered personality forcing. Chris has always been different from Co He was fully vocal and had personality from the moment he woke up. He also appeared in lucid dreams before Co did, and has appeared in more dreams than she has I consider him my brother and Co is my girlfriend.

That is the short sweet version of how Co and Chris started.
Co is the girl in my profile pic.
I don't like calling her 'my' tulpa, I don't own her. She is the tulpa that lives with me in our body.
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#7
I'm glad you found something to make you happy and it was a interesting/nice story to read. I don't drink but when I have anxiety/I'm sad I like to watch happy, nice, relaxing things too. Honestly on a day when I can't sleep for hours I watch kiddie shows on TV. Its the way they talk on some shows that make me feel safe and relaxed. ^^
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#8
[Good morning, this is Co *waves to you.
John has been letting me talk a lot more we have found that it really helps me out when i get to say things. It gives me focus and direction.
We have not had much progress in dreams lately but i have been urging John to start again, His work schedule has changed up a little so i think is causing him a little frustration. Moving ever onward, he is working on it.
We have decided to take classes at the local collage this fall we are aiming toward computer programming. This has me excited because we will be going out among the people. John is usually very quiet and reserved more of a watcher and listener, than a talker but if you get him around someone he comfortable with he wont be quiet. Going to school has me excited to meet new and interesting people, I look forward to making new friends.
Living with john has been nice I get a lot more attention this way, sometimes we look at clothes on the internet, he brushes my hair often.
I try and go to work with him but its not long before he gets to focused on what he is doing to talk to me, but that's alright I understand.
Soo, cotton candy is pretty awesome!
All in all life has been going pretty well for us.
John had a little idea.

first apex 1. vocallity
second apex 2. full imposition
third apex 3. switching
fourth apex 4. tulpa dreams

this is not in any sequential order and can happen any time. (how many apex have you crossed, what apex are you working on?) They are milestones that we will use to measure our progress currently we are working on 2 and 4.
Any body have any ideas on what other apex might be?]

Hi everyone its John had a little update on the ADD experience I skipped my med for 2 days and noticed a big difference in my focus. I kept getting distracted and bounced back and forth between things, I left the cabinet doors open and almost burnt my pancakes. I also had a bit of vertigo and disassociation during that time however most of that did not show up until the second day, the first day was not bad and I spent most of it with Co.
And for the second day I could feel Co and Chris there but I had a really tough time focusing on them and talking to them, I went almost the entire day not talking to Chris but when i did find him I gave him a big hug.
I suppose that my medication has helped me focus in life and on my tulpa.
I don't like calling her 'my' tulpa, I don't own her. She is the tulpa that lives with me in our body.
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