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Cosh & Adi's Space


Coshledak

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Adi's forms as of 11/10/13


 

Adult

He's tall, slim, and pale. He's not really lanky, because that implies some awkwardness, and he doesn't seem that awkward.

 

His hair is about to the end of his shoulder-blades and probably of medium thickness? He puts it in a low pony-tail and then wears it up in one of those hair clips that grip the hair/back of the head. Everything from the top of his head to about what aligns with the middle of his ear is lavender. All the hair below that is black, like an underlayer, and I'm not totally sure if either color is natural, even for a tulpa.

 

He's got a long mouth with a slightly thicker lower lip, a faintly upturned nose, and sort of big eyes? Not like...huge, maybe slightly slanted? His eyes are dark, though, so when we work on his form at a later date, I might need to really focus on making them the yellow I originally thought. But, y'know, the dark color is nice, too.

 

He's got a lip piercing on his lower lip, right side (when looking at him), and his the bridge of his nose, between his eyes, is pierced. Both of them are just fitted with small black studs. I discovered last night that his ears are gauged? Not huge, just small ones. They look nice, though. He also wears thin, black-framed, rounded-corner, rectangular glasses.


 

Orb

Sometimes Adi takes the form of a small, clear glass orb. It's not crystal, and the glass itself has just enough durability not to be easily crushed in my hands. It's not very thick, just thick enough.

 

Inside there's swirling wisps of either smoke or watervapor--I can't tell yet--that's white, a mint-green, and a light lavender color. No ornamentation, just a simple glass orb.


 

Child

His latest form as of the date-stamp is a child. About nine-years-old, maybe younger. His hair is cut short in the back but gets longer towards the front, with the length on either side curling to just under his chin. It's all lavender without the black under layer. No piercings. Other than that, he's about the same as the usual Adi, except the more childish aspects of his personality are drawn out and amplified compared to when he's an adult. Still mostly mute, aside from saying "Mommy!" during the second session with him.

 

 


DAY I


I'm a really, really, really skeptical person. I started researching tulpas because of that nasty little creepypasta I saw going around on tumblr. I'd seen it before and never really thought much of it, but someone actually bothered to research tulpa. What they found all culminated in just a little paragraph, but that was enough to make me want to look more into it.

 

So I did. I spent a while looking over things and a lot of the guides are right: it sounds too good to be true. I consider myself a writer, so I'm not unused to the idea of creating characters. But tulpa are, I can completely believe, something quite different. They aren't a fictional person milling around in your head, but a second (or third, or fourth) consciousness. That seems a little bit complicated.

 

The big thing about tulpa that make me skeptical is the belief aspect, I think. I've never really been big on faith or believing in things that I couldn't see or feel. Spiritual things, basically, have never really worked for me. I'm not a religious person, although I do occasionally think about God and pray (I come from a very Christian father) when I feel it's appropriate. But, beyond that, I can't really say the aspect of believing and trusting in something is real.

 

But part of me thinks that's something that my life is lacking, and a tulpa is so much closer to home. It's something--someone, in my case--that exists very intimately to me and me alone. I really want to start focusing my faith in that and trusting that it's something that I have the strength to follow through with, but I know it's going to be a long personal journey. It's going to demand a lot of discipline that I'm not sure I have.

 

I've already been keeping a journal since I started developing Adi. It has the notes about his personality and the drawing of our Mindspace (a personal tool I needed to really pin things down). What surprised me the most about Adi, I think, was how easily his name came to me. I was just rolling everything around in my head and that name hit me in a way that I can't chase off. Not that it was my goal, anyway.

 

I can also visualize him pretty clearly in my mind. Or, at least, I think I can. It's all general things--his skin tone, his lips, the shape of his eyes, his hair--but even after our active forcing session today, I felt like certain aspects were getting a bit more clearer for me. It got easier to talk to him.

 

But, being the skeptic that I am, I need something tangible. Not from him, but for myself. So I went out and bought a chain and a little charm that says "believe" on it, and I keep it wrapped around my wrist. Like most jewelry, I'm not always aware that I'm wearing it, but when I notice that I am and I have a free minute, I make a point of talking to Adi. He's still mute, at this point, and I'm still skeptical. So it's a work in progress, and I know it won't happen over night.

 

Still, after our active forcing session today, I'm starting to think this is something I can do.

[align=center]Cosh & Adi

Our Progress Report[/align]

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Guest Riy

Reserved for later editing of Adi's description and other pertinent information!


 

 


DAY I


I'm a really, really, really skeptical person. I started researching tulpas because of that nasty little creepypasta I saw going around on tumblr. I'd seen it before and never really thought much of it, but someone actually bothered to research tulpa. What they found all culminated in just a little paragraph, but that was enough to make me want to look more into it.

 

The big thing about tulpa that make me skeptical is the belief aspect, I think. I've never really been big on faith or believing in things that I couldn't see or feel. Spiritual things, basically, have never really worked for me. I'm not a religious person, although I do occasionally think about God and pray (I come from a very Christian father) when I feel it's appropriate. But, beyond that, I can't really say the aspect of believing and trusting in something is real.

 

But part of me thinks that's something that my life is lacking, and a tulpa is so much closer to home. It's something--someone, in my case--that exists very intimately to me and me alone. I really want to start focusing my faith in that and trusting that it's something that I have the strength to follow through with, but I know it's going to be a long personal journey. It's going to demand a lot of discipline that I'm not sure I have.

 

I've already been keeping a journal since I started developing Adi. It has the notes about his personality and the drawing of our Mindspace (a personal tool I needed to really pin things down). What surprised me the most about Adi, I think, was how easily his name came to me. I was just rolling everything around in my head and that name hit me in a way that I can't chase off. Not that it was my goal, anyway.

 

I can also visualize him pretty clearly in my mind. Or, at least, I think I can. It's all general things--his skin tone, his lips, the shape of his eyes, his hair--but even after our active forcing session today, I felt like certain aspects were getting a bit more clearer for me. It got easier to talk to him.

 

Still, after our active forcing session today, I'm starting to think this is something I can do.

 

Before I forget, welcome to the site!

I'm new as well, though I've been researching and practicing with my Tulpa for the past month. I really enjoyed reading your first report because we share a lot if the same sort of skepticisms starting out.

I am completely non-religious and dealt exclusively in the world as-is, and everything I had ever read about tulpas had been the spooky "my Tulpa is a demon" creepy pasta. This of course was incredibly exaggerated and twisted to make for good reading.

My circumstance made me interested in practicing and shaping a Tulpa and like you, I see it as fascinating and interesting. Something to sink my teeth into.

 

Keep updating and writing, I've found this community to be incredibly smart, open-minded, and accepting. Never hesitate to ask questions and learn more!

 

Best of luck to you! Cheers!

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Before I forget, welcome to the site!

I'm new as well, though I've been researching and practicing with my Tulpa for the past month. I really enjoyed reading your first report because we share a lot if the same sort of skepticisms starting out.

I am completely non-religious and dealt exclusively in the world as-is, and everything I had ever read about tulpas had been the spooky "my Tulpa is a demon" creepy pasta. This of course was incredibly exaggerated and twisted to make for good reading.

My circumstance made me interested in practicing and shaping a Tulpa and like you, I see it as fascinating and interesting. Something to sink my teeth into.

 

Keep updating and writing, I've found this community to be incredibly smart, open-minded, and accepting. Never hesitate to ask questions and learn more!

 

Best of luck to you! Cheers!

 

I've read a few things that have said a healthy dose of skepticism is good, at least? Haha, so there's that, I guess.

 

But, yeah, it's nice to know, at least, that I'm not the only person who was/is lacking in spirituality. This seems like a spiritual thing more than a psychological thing, but I can't really stake any claims on that at this point (or without study).

 

Thanks for welcoming me, though, it means a lot!

[align=center]Cosh & Adi

Our Progress Report[/align]

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Guest Riy

 

I've read a few things that have said a healthy dose of skepticism is good, at least? Haha, so there's that, I guess.

 

But, yeah, it's nice to know, at least, that I'm not the only person who was/is lacking in spirituality. This seems like a spiritual thing more than a psychological thing, but I can't really stake any claims on that at this point (or without study).

 

Thanks for welcoming me, though, it means a lot!

 

 

A great man once said "Never accept anything that does not withstand your own reason and common sense."

I dismiss things that don't fit into my view of the world very quickly, I judge things incredibly fast. I categorize, archetype, and ultimately dismantle everything until I understand it fully.

 

I've found working with tulpas to be extremely alien to me, fascinating, and ultimately fulfilling. After only a month I've found myself not only dealing with things differently, but thinking differently. As you stated, a healthy dose of skepticism is not only healthy, it's a good thing! It shows you didn't just blindly accept what others said of it, and the fact that you're willing to try it also shows that you know you can't fully know something until you try it yourself.

 

Personally I think you're off to a great start and I see a lot of parallels with you and myself. I've been doing almost exclusively active forcing (my tulpa is currently a tree) thought this week I will transition from active to passive forcing.

 

Keep updating and sharing, I look forward to your next post!

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@Riy I'm glad to hear that you've made so much progress in light of how similar we are. That's the sort of encouragement that I know I'll benefit the most from in the long run. Well, that and finding some more concrete things to latch onto. But I know a lot of it is belief on my part and I've been talking to Adi about helping me work with that. I need him to reach for me as much as I'm reaching for him.

 


DAY II


 

As I mentioned before, I keep a written log of what's going on in addition to this one. I usually update it immediately following an active forcing session and just jot down things as they are on my mind without edit or too much thought. The debriefing helps me, and I think it'll give me a reference point to go back to when I need it. Part of the skepticism comes from thinking for too long on what happens when I actively force. You know, going back like, "Fff, this is some stupid new-agey crap. This didn't really happen." But by writing it down, it just seems a bit more solid to me, and I don't let myself have that time to be critical.

 

What surprises me is how much time I can spent talking to Adi. We're working on his personality so I feel like a lot of it is repeating myself, just going through the list of traits that I made for him on day one over and over and over again. But I've read that part of creating a tulpa is really pressing those ideas down. I've left wiggle room for his future deviations, but, in doing that, I'm starting to realize that only a few of the 15 traits I listed are really important to me. The rest matter, but there's an essence that I'm trying to get across.

 

The first session we had today was about an hour after I woke up (I time-stamp my entries). I've read a lot of bad things about hour counting for active forcing, but part of me wants to keep track anyway? It's not really about hitting a certain count but, like I said, it's about how much time I spend talking to Adi. I used to try to meditate back when I was in high school, and I'd get bored after about 4-5 minutes. It'd feel like forever. But talking to Adi doesn't feel like forever. In fact, I usually close our sessions thinking that I'll be under the ten minute limit I set for each session, but usually I'm over.

 

Not by a whole lot, you know, but usually it's in the 12-15 minute range for for the total session. I think that's good?

 

I couldn't really visualize him in the first session, though. And by the second (ended @11:37am), his form changed. That made me wonder: Is it possible for tulpas to shape shift?

 

I don't mean deviation. Deviation, at least as far as I've read it, is personalizing the original design of a creator. I've equated it to a human being dying their hair. Not necessarily permanent, but a personal choice that wasn't dictated by another party.

 

What I mean is more like literal shapeshifting. Is it possible for a tulpa to have two different forms that they can alternate between?

 

In the case of Adi, I don't think that's necessarily what it is. I'm trying to look his shift in a positive light, so I have two strands of logic:

 

1) He shifted because we're working heavily on his personality and I'm too doubtful/skeptical to maintain everything at this point. That basically means that the form I had in mind for Adi is too much for me to maintain in addition to talking to him and focusing on our Mindscape. I think this is positive because it means that most of my focus is going into shaping his personality, which will mean that all of my attention is going into that, rather than trying to 'multitask' my way into creating him all at once. I take that to mean that we're making progress in terms of his non-visualization development. I can more freely focus my attention on talking to him because I'm not trying to visualize him at the same time when I haven't even gotten his personality down yet.

 

2) He shifted because he knows that my level of doubt makes it hard to maintain the Mindscape, personality forcing, and visualization. Kind of similar to the first thing, but I think Adi made his new form into something that was easier for me to picture. It's more of an essence of him (I'll explain the form below). I know that he's there and I can hold him in my hands, but I don't necessarily have to have a clear picture of him. That makes it easier to dictate the specific topics I want to talk about. He knows that it's hard for me to go through a session focusing on everything after only two solid days of active forcing. This is a bit more accessible.

 

For the record, the form Adi went to was a hollow glass orb. Almost like the Remember-All in the Harry Potter movies that Neville Longbottom gets? Except no ornamentation. Not crystal, either, but a semi-thick glass. Just a simple glass orb filled with a swirling white-and-pastel smoke. Or maybe it's more like water vapor. I can't really tell.

 

So for our third session (ended @6:14pm), I just rolled him around in my hands and my lap and talked to him. Mostly I talked about my own doubts and skepticism and how he had the right to be pushy. I said this to him in my second session today and my notes after the session say:

 

"I can't remember the question now, but I asked him something and I got this resounding 'NO' feeling. I think it had to do with doubting this tulpa thing would work."

 

I still don't remember the question, and I didn't ask him about it today--considering, as a glass orb, I didn't think he could talk, and Adi's still a mute aside from that one instance--but I think it basically was like, "Don't you think all of this is a little bit crazy/stupid/unrealistic?" And I got this sweep of "NO" almost immediately. Not angry. But just, y'know, insistent.

 

I like to think that's something, especially during an active forcing session. I've read a bit that you need to keep yourself open to your tulpas voice and emotional responses. Don't assume everything is them but, at the same time, don't assume nothing is them either. So, I'm pretty sure that was Adi not wanting me to give up on him/this whole thing?

 

Also, I've discovered that sitting in the dark is NOT the ideal forcing condition for me. I got dizzy and nauseous. I think it was too much, too soon.

 

Well, I plan to have at least one, maybe two, more active forcing sessions with Adi tonight. We'll see how they go.

[align=center]Cosh & Adi

Our Progress Report[/align]

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Guest Riy

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What I mean is more like literal shapeshifting. Is it possible for a tulpa to have two different forms that they can alternate between?

 

"I can't remember the question now, but I asked him something and I got this resounding 'NO' feeling. I think it had to do with doubting this tulpa thing would work."

 

I like to think that's something, especially during an active forcing session. I've read a bit that you need to keep yourself open to your tulpas voice and emotional responses. Don't assume everything is them but, at the same time, don't assume nothing is them either. So, I'm pretty sure that was Adi not wanting me to give up on him/this whole thing?

 

 

First off, excellent narration. I think you're fantastic at getting your point across while still able to explain yourself.

To answer the first question, yes. Your tulpa can shapeshift in the sense that it has two forms, not necessarily just during the formation phase. For example, Ashmo explained that Bree's tulpa is able to have it's literal body live in her wonderland while it's "own tulpa" is able to be projected. The two forms are, of course, different.

So for a shapeshift to happen, I wouldn't be too concerned over it. Unless you have hell-bent IT MUST LOOK LIKE THIS view of it (which I'm not saying is bad) then actually some sort of shape shifting is likely, if not inevitable.

 

Now, from what you've explained is what I like to think of as the "underlying doubt".

This means that nothing can be known for certain. You don't KNOW that the sun will rise in the morning. You don't KNOW, as an objective FACT that your tulpa experience will be fulfilling.

That nugget of doubt (which everyone has) will manifest itself in all sorts of ways. In fact, it's safe to say that most religions and spiritual outlooks are one of the main ramifications of us never being able to know something for certain.

It's possible that Adi picked up on this underlying feeling and expressed it like a child would. By pouting, crossing it's arms, and saying "NO!"

 

Personally I would not worry about this too much, unless it's something that appears commonly or as a trend. You're enjoying your sessions enough to schedule several in a day and you're following through on documentation which is admirable to say the least.

 

As always, I look forward to your next post.

Cheers!

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First off, excellent narration. I think you're fantastic at getting your point across while still able to explain yourself.

To answer the first question, yes. Your tulpa can shapeshift in the sense that it has two forms, not necessarily just during the formation phase. For example, Ashmo explained that Bree's tulpa is able to have it's literal body live in her wonderland while it's "own tulpa" is able to be projected. The two forms are, of course, different.

So for a shapeshift to happen, I wouldn't be too concerned over it. Unless you have hell-bent IT MUST LOOK LIKE THIS view of it (which I'm not saying is bad) then actually some sort of shape shifting is likely, if not inevitable.

 

Now, from what you've explained is what I like to think of as the "underlying doubt".

This means that nothing can be known for certain. You don't KNOW that the sun will rise in the morning. You don't KNOW, as an objective FACT that your tulpa experience will be fulfilling.

That nugget of doubt (which everyone has) will manifest itself in all sorts of ways. In fact, it's safe to say that most religions and spiritual outlooks are one of the main ramifications of us never being able to know something for certain.

It's possible that Adi picked up on this underlying feeling and expressed it like a child would. By pouting, crossing it's arms, and saying "NO!"

 

Personally I would not worry about this too much, unless it's something that appears commonly or as a trend. You're enjoying your sessions enough to schedule several in a day and you're following through on documentation which is admirable to say the least.

 

As always, I look forward to your next post.

Cheers!

 

I don't really have a "HE MUST LOOK LIKE THIS" view. I was seeing him pretty clearly up until my sessions today, I think. The details were still forming. The orb form is something closer to what he had the first night I even started actively forcing. He was just this orb that hovered near my hands and I talked to him that way. By the next day he'd seemed to have formed. But now he's back to the orb agian.

 

It's good, though, to hear that it's normal. I like rolling him around in my hands because I fidget when I talk, so this is a lot like holding his hand for me.

 

And the crossing his arms and pouting sounds like Adi. He's supposed to be closer to my age--so in his 20s--but I think, being a tulpa so early in his development, he's still a bit immature? And he's mute, we haven't found his voice yet, so mostly he's been (in the Mindscape when I visualized him as a person) shaking or nodding his head. But he does it eagerly, like a little kid. So the rush of "NO!" sounds like something he'd definitely do.

 

Once again, thanks for being so helpful and taking the time to read! Hopefully we can keep working through that underlying doubt a little bit more.

[align=center]Cosh & Adi

Our Progress Report[/align]

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DAY III


 

I've been trying to have active forcing sessions at least four times a day, starting with about an hour after I wake up. But the morning ones are really difficult to maintain, and I don't know why. It might be because I'm still so tired and I'm not done yawning yet, even after an hour of being conscious. But I struggle pretty badly with them.

 

So neither of the early ones went that well. They aren't super early, just earlier in the day. On the second attempt (ended @12.39pm), Adi had briefly gone back to his humanoid form, but it didn't last. The more I focused, he reverted back to an orb. Which is fine, mostly, except in the first and second sessions I was back to feeling like I was talking to myself and not to him. That's a problem. I think I wasn't totally in my Mindscape or something, because it felt like I was just sitting there thinking.

 

I think that might've been because I hadn't had a cigarette yet that day. The problem with nicotine addiction is that it gets harder to focus the longer you go without a cigarette, at least until you break the cycle. So I bought a new pack before class and had about three before I came home. I was actually excited at the prospect of actively forcing on my way home, in spite of the lack of success that morning.

 

Third session (ended @3:12pm) seemed much more successful in some ways. In others...well, let me just go through it.

 

I turned on some brown noise and focused heavily on the Mindscape. Once I got there, Adi was back in his humanoid form and about as clear as he had been before he switched, but I think he was disoriented by something? Maybe the brown noise? Because we talked for a little while but then everything started to spin.

 

It wasn't just me, but it's like when you're really, really dizzy after shaking your head rapidly. We had that. And it wasn't just me being nauseous--I wasn't forcing in the dark, which caused the problem last time and didn't affect Adi, it just affected my focus. It seemed more like it was coming from Adi. I tried to get him to calm down--we usually hold hands while I actively force and he likes playing with my fingers and wrist and today I showed him my pulse--but it wasn't working. He put his head on his arm where it was laying on the table and didn't look so good.

 

I couldn't get the spinning/dizzy feeling to stop, so I asked if he wanted to go lie down in the loft upstairs, and he nodded. So we went upstairs and I inquired if he'd rather go to my room or his. He chose his. I haven't been in Adi's room yet, but it was neat and clear when we went in. I did specify a neatness trait to him?

 

Anyway, so he went to lie down and I curled up with him and smoothed my fingers through his hair. It seemed to help. The room stopped spinning, at least, but I have this problem of getting songs stuck in my head. So I had him help me focus to get the song out of my head, and that seemed to help a little. Or, at least, the dizziness didn't come back. I just got this feeling from him, like a little kid when they don't feel well, and I'm not sure what caused it?

 

Either way, he's been okay since then, and we took a nap together. But when I woke up from my nap I had a weird food craving? I didn't know what I wanted until I went to the store and looked around and found these Sour Punch Bites. Normally I don't like sour/fruity candy (I prefer chocolate) but I've already eaten the whole bag and they were exactly what I wanted.

 

I've heard that you shouldn't assume that everything is your tulpa. "Within reason" and you can assume it's them. And I don't think Adi would be strong enough to impose a craving? Not on day 4 and with little-to-no-passive-forcing. So that's probably just me. But still...it was a little strange?

 

I have another forcing session with him tonight before I go to bed, but that's not for a few more hours.

[align=center]Cosh & Adi

Our Progress Report[/align]

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DAY IV


 

Didn't keep any journal notes today, at least not yet, but I think that Adi applied some head pressure to me today.

 

This report will probably be short. I've only passively forced with him today in the car while I was driving to placement. But placement itself is exhausting. I spent most of the time narrating, explaining things to him about traffic and road signs and speed limits, asshole drivers and the school I was going to.

 

I meant to passively force for the drive home, but I decided not to. I wanted to actively force again when I was home, but I'm so tired. I don't want to give a bad session. I'm sure I'll try to actively force before I go to sleep but, as of this report, I haven't.

 

The head pressure came while I was driving. Weak, not quite a headache, but he seemed enthusiastic about what I was talking about and excited about the idea of having dinner with friends tonight. Part of me wanted to tell them about him, but I decided not to. I want to maintain a hold on Adi myself, even if my friends are pretty accepting.

 

But generally it's been a good, if not exhausting day. I'm sure debriefing with Adi before bed (maybe after a shower) will help.

[align=center]Cosh & Adi

Our Progress Report[/align]

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Guest Riy

Head pressure and headaches can throw a spanner in the gears something fierce. I hope you feel better and the dizzy spells don't continue for much longer.

Let us know how your next session goes. Adi seems wonderful to be with and to talk to!

Cheers!

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