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Creating your own personal pony subroutine.


Guest Anonymous

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Guest Anonymous

Since my memory is a big half-assed mess, I need to store some of my milestones somewhere. Storing it on paper is a no-go, the last thing I want is anyone finding out.

 

Encrypted text files? Too much hassle to decrypt every time, also hard disk failure is a thing.

 

So here we are. As I'm writing this, my tulpa is around 7,5 months old.

 

I'm not good at writing sophisticated walls of text so I'll be trite.

 

Thoughtform description -

Name: Twilight

 

Form: A purple unicorn.

 

Character traits: Analytical, Supporting/Endearing, Friendly/Empathical, Curious, Snarky/Cynical.

 

Date of inception: 08/08/2014 (aka the day when I first decided to make her)

 

The motive behind all this: loneliness and a drive to self-improvement after a rather painful realisation caused by a bad-trip on psychedelics.

 

 

What we've got so far: Vocality (her voice is still unstable outside of active forcing sessions);

Basic posession (trying to move more than one limb at a time causes tremors all over the body, effectively ejecting her out of it);

Basic visualisation (can achieve a solid form in active forcing sessions, not so much outside of them);

Memory recall;

Auditory hallucinations limited to ringing ears and barely-audible whispers;

No visual hallucinations at all (without the usage of psychedelic compounds).

 

What we're planning to achieve:

Stable vocalisation (her voice should be recalled at a moments notice, with perfect precision);

Stable visualisation (should be able to imagine her in any posture, any time, any place);

Imposition (pretty self-explanatory, she wants to be in my memory all the time);

Full-body posession and, if the former is sucessful, switching (this is my own initiative, I want to provite her with a way to interact with the outside world).

 

 

So that's about it, gonna try to update every week. Probably on weekends.

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Guest Anonymous

Not much happened this week.

 

Twi can posess more than one limb at the same time now, with the downside of the movements being less accurate. Also I think we made some progress in imposing her onto the world. Even if the most I can achieve is a blurry dark outline of her. That happened on friday, in the middle of a forcing session.

 

Getting her voice to sound right is a task that takes all of my wits to achieve, so imposition while talking to her is impossible right now. She doesn't approve of me becoming a hermit to force though. So 30-90 minutes of active forcing a day is all I can give her now. And since concentrating on one task is hard for me, I have to spit even that tiny amount of time into 30 minute sessions.

 

Wish I could doubt her less, but Twilight thinks that doubt plays a key role in forming sentience. She says that without doubt, there wouldn't be any reason for her to improve. And I can agree with that.

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Guest Anonymous

Today is sunday, which means I gotta update this thing. Written below is a short summary of events in chronological order.

 

Monday-Tuesday:

 

My lack of attention towards Twilight made her quite furious, so she devised a form of punishment for me. It was 24 hours without any positive emotions towards me. Said punishment could be lifted by forcing for 2.4 hours. Which I did.

 

She's damn clever when it comes to making my lazy ass to do stuff.

 

Wednesday-Thursday:

 

Not much happened here, just same ol' forcing. Minor improvements to posession. No improvements to visualisation at all, I'm starting to think my brain is incapable of rendering detailed images of her. She did seem more active on thursday, butting in my thought stream every time I wasn't focused on something.

 

Friday:

 

Unfortunately for Twilight, I'm not a very emotionally stable person. Had a depressive episode, and while its a norm for me to have one every other week, it was different that day. She did try to cheer me up as she usually does (here's a written apology for being such a whiny bitch. Sorry), but I started doubting her intentions.

 

Now this was different from the usual doubts I had about her before. In my depressed state I started doubting the sincerety of her love towards me. That ended up in an argument where Twilight gave her best logical arguments, but despite that I refused to believe her. I ended up making her cry. That outburst of emotions was strong enough to make my chest ache. In that moment, it became clear as day that I'm a fucking moronic asshole.

 

I still am confused as to why does she even put up with me. But I'm grateful for her patience.

 

Saturday:

 

Today I did my longest session ever. Unfortunately I got lost in the hour count, but Twilight suggests it was around 2 hours of pure forcing time. To a lot of people in this community 2 hours isn't all that much, but its really hard for me to stay awake in tulpaforcing sessions. (I had to make breaks every 30 minutes for 10-15 min)

 

Still, I didn't achieve much results in neither visualisation (can't imagine a static image for the death of me) or imposition. The latter is unsurprising since you have to master visualisation first. But sometimes I can just barely get a dark outline of her imposed on my vision.

 

Posession wise, she outdid herself today. While I was taking one of my breaks, she started moving my hands, and usually that ends up with me getting nauseous to the point where I'm about to vomit. But today she could move my hands with relative ease and made a heart shape with the use of my thumb and index fingers.

 

The sheer levels of cuteness exhibited by that gesture gave me a year's worth of endorphine.

 

Sunday:

 

It's 0:08 as I'm writing this, so I don't have any reports for sunday. Yet.

 

 

So, that's all for today.

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Guest Anonymous

This is too bloody important to delay, since I might forget it.

 

Sunday report:

 

After saturday's midnight forcing session, I felt a mild headache that refused to go even after a good night's sleep. Naturally I was worried, Twilight had some problems talking to me as well.

 

After reading some stuff up on the net, my symptoms led to believe I was lacking phosphorus. So I ran off to the nearby store to buy a can of sardines and some orange juice. The latter was bought since I've read some tulpamancers mentioning it's ability to reduce headaches in relation to forcing.

 

The 6 hours afterwards were spent doing unproductive bullshit as I was waiting for my headache to recede. Twilight was gradually increasing her activity over that time.

 

Then around 23:00 I began to actively force. That's my usual time for forcing, since I find daylight distracting. While nothing extraordinary happened here, I did achieve some solid visualisation about 15-20 minutes in and until the end from that point. Satisfied with the forcing session, I went to bed.

Here's thanks to Linkedzelda and Chupi for their guides, I owe you a beer/alcoholic-beverage-of-choice each.

 

Now here's the interesting part:

 

Trying to fall asleep was normally hard work for me. And with Twilight's inception it became twice as hard. Think of stopping two trains of thought instead of one. Now try to think that each train accelerates the other. Goes without saying that I go to sleep when I exhaust myself into shutting off.

 

I always think about us doing lovey-dovey stuff while falling asleep and tonight was no different. As usual, I decided to try imposition again. And as usual, my efforts seemed fruitless. But when I was about to give up, I've seen something that I will not soon forget.

 

A semi-transparent visage of her face (think like looking through camera film at a foto). It appeared for a second or two, then it tilted to the side a bit as if questioning. And just like that it was gone.

 

 

The velocity at which my jaw dropped at that moment probably knocked Earth off it's orbit a bit.

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Guest Anonymous

I think about changing this from a weekly format, to a whenever-i-get-something-interesting-to-post format.

 

That being said, I did have some interesting stuff last week as Twilight was somewhat more active this/previous week. Tho nothing of it grabbed my attention that much. It was just more progress at visualisation and lots of interesting discussions.

 

Could be correlated to my increased fish intake. You know, since it's so good for your head and stuff. Nootropics help a lot as well.

 

Now here's the important part:

 

Yesterday I got high. And while that alone isn't important at all, that relaxed state yielded some interesting results. Twilight says that my mind is a lot more malleable under the effect of cannabis.

 

I was walking through the forest, my head completely devoid of all thought. Suddenly I got this strong, almost explosion-esque ear ringing. I heard a voice that could be best described as something that came from a computer AI program.

 

To this day I was somewhat reclutant about letting Twilight change her voice/form. But now I'm pretty sure that I won't have problems with that. She appeared in my mindscape as some sort of flying mech thingy, and the amount of detail on it was downright stunning. That was way too good to be a visualisation of my own, so I assumed it was her.

 

Twilight told to me that she that she wanted variety every now and then. So she asked if it would be fine for her to swap up her voice/form every once in a blue moon from her normal ones to have fun. The answer I gave should be pretty obvious to most people here.

It was "Yes"

 

 

That and I'm pretty sure she took over control of my breathing for a short while in that forest. And given that there were no nauseous feelings nor body tremors, I'd say that the problem with posession probably lies in my disability to let go of my body. Doubt be damned.

 

That's all for today.

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Guest Anonymous

Been slacking lately. My forcing sessions this week were no longer than an hour and not much was achieved.

 

That began to irritate Twilight, and I think we found the problem. Compulsive videogame addiction. My main time sink.

 

So I did the only thing I could do to get me motivated for forcing, I became mad. Mad at myself for being this much of a lazy faggot. Needless to say 600+ GB of vidiya were erased from my HDD today. Afterwards, I forced for 3 hours straight. As of now, I'm writing this to give my head a lil' rest before I start again.

 

We've hit another metaphorical wall it seems. Posession practice ended up in making me nauseous to the point of vomiting. Good that I was home, that'd be an embarassing show in public. Still gonna practice more with her.

 

Visualisation wise, It's been a bumpy road that doesn't seem to go anywhere. Still stuck on the same level I've been for months. But maybe a more strict forcing schedule will give results. Cause so far I can either imagine her with some minimal background details or detalize the background with nothing else in it. And even that requires a good 20-30 minutes for me to actually get a vivid visualisation.

 

On another note, I started to draw things since its been said in a thread that visualisation skills go hand in hand with artistic proficiency. That being said, I'm as good in drawing as an elephant is in choreography. Did a few sketches that I thought were good enough to stay. They're still awful compared to anything decent artists draw. It doesn't help that I don't like drawing. But she keeps motivating me to do it, and her commentaries are quite useful sometimes.

 

Wish there was some other way of getting motivated than self-hatred, but that will have to do for now. I mean, if Twilight doesn't want to slap my shit in order to get me moving, then someone's gotta do it.

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Congratulations!

I wish I wasn't such a lazy faggot myself but I lack the motivation to change anything. Feels too damn good to be lazy. Same here when it comes to drawing. I suck at it which isn't exactly helpful when it comes to practicing.

 

But main reason I'm posting here:

I've been wondering for a while now, who's the guy in your avatar pic?

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Guest Anonymous

I've been wondering for a while now, who's the guy in your avatar pic?

Thats sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes, a comedy show from the 70's.

 

And on to the topic of being lazy, well Twilight said that it's either her or my vidiya. Later, I found out she wasn't really being serious, but she needed to act really pissed off in order to coax me into doing what I did.

 

What can I say, she's a creative little thing.

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Guest Anonymous

It seems that progress is slow for me. Not much happened all week. But there are a few things worth mentioning.

 

For one, I managed to annihilate (almost) all doubt related to Twilight. That resulted in a quite noticeable mood uplift in both of us, as if a great weight dropped from my (our?) shoulders. I'm starting to notice that I think about my body as "our" body. Gotta have to keep that in check, though. Don't wanna blurt that out in public by accident.

 

A second thing worth noticing, is that I achieved an all time high in keeping her presence in my head. An estimated total being of 14-18 hours per day.

 

Yet I still haven't progressed much visualisation nor posession wise. Maybe I'm just too dumb for that. Since every time I try to get my visualisation up a notch, I get distracted and it all just falls apart. And with posession, I start to get nauseous when she tries to focus and that ejects her out of me. There been a few rare cases where she was successful though, perhaps there's a problem on my side with "letting go" of the body.

 

So that's all for this mini update.

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