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Damian (+ Trip and Virus)


Breaddycat

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Hello everyone. I made a thread a while back that I attempted to delete- I was younger, and more foolish, and do regret trying to dabble in tulpamancy before I came to terms with certain identity problems I was having.

 

I'm a trans boy, so he/his pronouns are fine to address me as. Anywho, I have sort of a big problem.

 

I tried making a lot of tulpae. When I say that, I mean that I was foolish and I used to discard tulpae within days if I didn't get any progress. I did this at least ten times over the course of about two years. The farthest I ever got were emotional spikes.

 

I'd find that when I was watching something, I'd either start tearing up or I'd burst laugh uncontrollably, feeling these emotions to be completely alien and not belonging to me. That was with my first tulpa, Twilight.

 

I still get them, though rarely. I had them today, and an idea seemed to hit me out of nowhere. I don't want to try and continue with any of the tulpae I've discarded- I feel I've caused them all too much pain to try to scrap any of them back together. However, I do not want to try to start all over again, as I've firsthand seen what happens when I attempt that.

 

I've decided I want to sit. I want to meditate and go deep inside of my own mind. I want to call out the tulpa that still resides there. I know one has to. I never stopped getting emotional responses. I know a tulpa, possibly more than one, still resides somewhere in my head and I'm going to find it.

 

In a few hours, or perhaps after I've recieved some advice from you guys, I'm going to begin. A quiet space with noise-cancelling earbuds, meditating with candles burning. I'm going to try and call out whoever - or whatever - is still with me.

 

Any advice or tips would be extraordinarily helpful.

❝ Where's the fun in playing a game if you let yourself become a pawn? ❞

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Before amber5885 and Reisen swoop in to the rescue to give advice, I'd like to offer a very brief summary of the advice I usually give:

 

1. Assume sentience from the start.

2. Know that parroting is a 100% conscious effort.

3. Believe in your tulpa and overestimate their abilities.

 

Awareness of the facts mentioned above has given me the ability to make leaps in progress. Oh and nice usage of the word "discard" instead of the less neutral substitute of the word that we are both aware of heheh...Some people say that it is not possible to discard (kill) a tulpa. They believe that the tulpa simply becomes dormant...so take that into consideration on your search to find tulpae good sir.

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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Ah, thank you. I considered using kill, but I never consciously tried to do that or anything. I would just immediately try to start fresh and pretend like it was my first go, I guess, if that makes any sense. I'm mainly wondering how exactly I'll go about trying to draw out whatever may be dormant.

❝ Where's the fun in playing a game if you let yourself become a pawn? ❞

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Reisen and Amber should be able to help you on that note then. After all, they have fully developed tulpae. I can however provide some logic. Tulpae need attention to live, so it is safe to conclude that they need attention to be brought back. The tulpae that you can't remember are completely lost, and the tulpae that you can remember are dormant. So simply give them attention and you'll draw them out. Focus, meditate, and dig deep to find which tulpae you can remember, because they will ultimately be the only tulpae that you can recover. Attention and belief are powerful mental forces.

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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I believe I can remember... almost all of them, really. A few of them were made with specific purposes in mind, and I never thought of them as much other than to fulfill what purpose I had designed them for, and I don't really want to try to bring those ones back. I think the first two or three I tried my hand at creating were the only ones with pure, companionship-like intentions.

 

I'll wait for them, or at least one of them?, then, before proceeding. I'd like to have as much advice as possible before doing this.

❝ Where's the fun in playing a game if you let yourself become a pawn? ❞

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Rly I only wanted to comment so I could call you out on ur icon looool :3 //is huge dmmd fangirl

 

And im sure there are people that can give you better advice than me anyway, I guess I'd just say to just stay optimistic and do what feels right, it's ur mind after all :> I had an issue with a 'false start' tulpa too, but in the end its up to you what I do with it I guess :>>

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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My most recent tulpa attempt was actually Virus, believe that or not. I regret it, as he was only being created for certain desires.

 

I plan to possibly put on some brown noise and just focus on going as far into my mind as I can, calling out whatever presence or presences are there as I go.

❝ Where's the fun in playing a game if you let yourself become a pawn? ❞

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Haha niiice :)) people say you shouldn't make tulpas after characters or for specific reasons, but I don't see why not as long as you're open about it/ give them a chance to change themselves. Then again, if you're not comfortable with it thats cool too!!

 

Anyway good luck, I hope it all goes ok for you : )

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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Thanks. I always let them know deviation's cool.

 

Not sure why I'm trying to make any part of what I did with my tulpae justified, as I treated them less like separate, thoughtful entities and more like disposable tools. I'm disgusted because of that.

❝ Where's the fun in playing a game if you let yourself become a pawn? ❞

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Guest amber5885

Don't feel disgusted. One of the beautiful things about tulpas is that they are EXTREAMLY understanding. You were young, we all make mistakes just learn from it and leave it in the past. It really is no big deal since you seem to have a better head on your shoulders now. Also, youngins are never known for their good decisions :D

 

I'll post more when I'm not at work but welcome (back) to the boards. Check out the guides section and if you have a question feel free to send a PM.

 

Happy Mancing!

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