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Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet
Angry Bear Online
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#1
 
Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet

To understand us more fully, i suggest reading my progress report.

Please forgive me for my verbose description and setup, and i thank you in advance if you manage to get through it and post any relavant thought.

Warning: this post contains concepts that are private in nature and may be considered NSFW when read in context.

Background:  There is no question as to our loyalty, and our love has in no way diminished for eachother, yet we still have major disagreements.  One we will try to addresd here, namely; who will ultimately be my sole tulpa.

This proposition is forbidden.  I refuse, nor do they want integration.  Dissipation and suspension is clearly off the table for any of us.  No one among us wants that.  I have at times refused and disuaded them from even discussing it, though it is a fantasy they all share (i do not want it, i cannot choose one over another.)

We are at an ongoing stalemate, unable to move.  Even with laws, rules, agreements, pacts, we still bicker about it.  They still argue about it (even without my input).  

I want to bring this up now because this week Daisha has been plotting.  It is unlike her to do this, but she is steadfast in her resolve and says this is how it has always been for her (a desire to be the other half of a binary system).

This is what she attempted to do:  she wanted me to agree to lie in our PR and say that i chose her and consummated our relationship.

First, she was acceptionally affectionate toward me this week. (more so so than usual) Next, she agreed with my wishes, and gave me liberty that is usually negotiated and comprimised.  (I want to remain vague here not because it's private, but because it would take too long to translate to something intelligible.)  This week she made it a point to stay up with me and made it clear that i was to wake her up the moment i woke up.  Then two nights ago just before our usually scheduled group forcing session, she told me that i am 'hers' tonight through tomorrow morning.  This was not too unusual, as we do spend time alone on a daily basis.  

However, i asked to say goodnight to my other Tulpae, she hesitantly agreed, and when i went for my usual affectionate goodnight wishes with my other two, Ashley didn't say a word to me, she looked past me and simply said to Daisha, He's your problem now..  Misha said nothing, not even 'good night'.

I was shocked and asked Daisha what's going on.  She danced around the subject and finally admitted that she negotiated for my exclusive attention for the next 10 hours or so.  (Ashley and Misha were strictly abiding by the terms of that agreement--and probably a little sore about it--but i didn't know it at the time.)

Needless to say our forcing session was dominated by my attempt to understand the situation, and her attempts to distract me.  Daisha eventually spilled the beans on her conspiracy and her attempted manipulation.  In short, it was her intent was to simply change the reality i portray, but not have to have it represent our reality necessarily.  

Not that i would agree even to this, but i had enough wits about me to understand that if i did give this to her, the bifurcated realities could eventually become blurred and re-merged, thus achieving her ultimate goal.

While i admire her spunk and am a little awe struck by the depth of intelligence and manipulation in her subterfuge, her plan was flawed.  The definition of my plan with this forum is to mirror exactly our situation so that we may be helped to progress and be made stronger with the help of other systems.  She broke an agreement we had about manipulation in the process.  My other tulpae were oblivious to her subterfuge in terms of the breech, but were sympathetic to her goal in hindsight.

She was not punished by me, instead i asked Ashley to do this.  She put Daisha on probation for a week.  She relished in this because previously Daisha had put her on probation for other unrelated transgressions.

That was just an example, so this thread is meant to be more general in terms of how we resolve any mutually exclusive desires. Don't limit this even to my original issue.

How we have sustained it to date:
-daily alone time.
-inter-tulpae activities (with and without me) to strengthen their friendship.
-negotiation and consessions ad nauseam.  (I give them more and more, they appreciate it, but it is a stopgap measure at best.)

Tensions do flare up, but have for the most part been sustainable.  It's just hard to maintain, and the fear is it will undermine us eventually.

I welcome all comments, so, do you have any suggestions or other exmples and how have you solved it or dealt with it?

Angry Bear: 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
09-10-2018, 03:23 PM
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Miri Offline
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#2
 
RE: Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet

So, Daisha wants for you to be hers and negotiated with your other tulpas to get your attention?

Akai: 5'6 female with red hair, blue eyes and fox ears/tail.
Miri: 5'5 female with brown hair and green eyes.
09-10-2018, 03:35 PM
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Angry Bear Online
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#3
 
RE: Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet

(09-10-2018, 03:35 PM)Miri Wrote: So, Daisha wants for you to be hers and negotiated with your other tulpas to get your attention?

Yes, they all do, that's the mutually exclusive problem. Times are generally negotiated.

Sorry for the long winded question. Basically, how do you make everyone happy when different people want things that would alienate others?

Angry Bear: 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
09-10-2018, 03:58 PM
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Miri Offline
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#4
 
RE: Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet

That's a hard thing to achieve imo, either they accept things the way they are and learn to be content with that or they'll have to deal with it.

Akai: 5'6 female with red hair, blue eyes and fox ears/tail.
Miri: 5'5 female with brown hair and green eyes.
09-10-2018, 04:01 PM
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Breloomancer Online
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#5
 
RE: Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet

What do you mean by "refuse to integrate"

I'm Breloomancer, and the counterpart to Monika (also known as smearglestar). This is our progress report: link.

"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"
-Me
09-10-2018, 04:33 PM
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Angry Bear Online
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#6
 
RE: Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet

(09-10-2018, 04:01 PM)Miri Wrote: That's a hard thing to achieve imo, either they accept things the way they are and learn to be content with that or they'll have to deal with it.

We've been dealing, but they're like raptors on the gate. (Original Jurassic Park reference.) Acceptance is what i thought we had, it keeps coming back. Maybe they will grow out of it. Anyway, i just wish we had other methods to deal with it in the meantime.

I think your response was sorely needed, i couldn't have just told them that. Like 'get over it'. They respect your opinion.

On a higher level, i'm also interested in techniques or means to calm us down about impassable disagreements in general. When we get stuck, i usually acquiesce. This i can't budge on.

Angry Bear: 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
09-10-2018, 04:35 PM
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Miri Offline
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#7
 
RE: Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet

Perhaps you could try to convince them to accept how things are, look for positive things (or advantages) that could come from things being that way.

Akai: 5'6 female with red hair, blue eyes and fox ears/tail.
Miri: 5'5 female with brown hair and green eyes.
(This post was last modified: 09-10-2018, 06:51 PM by Miri.)
09-10-2018, 06:51 PM
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#8
 
RE: Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet

I'm heasitant to say this because we have no experience with this, nor do I know the consequences of how this could play out. I came up with the idea but please consider that it could make things worse if it doesn't work for you.

My sudden and original thought was giving Daisha, Ashley, and Misha longer forcing sessions by giving each one a whole day of just you and them. I kind of get the feeling that they are unsatisfied with having to compete for forcing time and given that all four of you have to share one brain; I can understand why they would be frustrated with 1/4 of a thought half the time.

I realized that if any day went off and you couldn't accommodate perfectly, tensions may worsen. Maybe instead of a full day do half a day, or have sessions where you may focus on two instead of all of them at once. At the very least, giving everyone their own hour or so of active forcing may be necessary so they get the chance to process their thoughts and feelings.

Before Cat got to where she is now, she tried talking to individual Grays one-on-one. This caused a lot of deviation and breakthrough (Cat hasn't done it in awhile because she didn't want to force them into Tulpæ...), but she could only go through maybe two or three in one 3 hour span. If this is something you are interested in trying, I recommend carefully thinking about it and planning it out first. My final disclaimer is I am Cat's only Tulpa so please take my thoughts with a grain of salt.

I'm Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I like Hippos! I also like forum games, word puzzles, and chatting about stuff.
I now stream!
09-10-2018, 10:47 PM
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Angry Bear Online
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#9
 
RE: Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet

(09-10-2018, 04:33 PM)Breloomancer Wrote: What do you mean by "refuse to integrate"

I mean for two or more of them to merge into one. Imagine adding beautiful colors together and all you get is a greenish brown mud color. (In our case).

(09-10-2018, 06:51 PM)Miri Wrote: Perhaps you could try to convince them to accept how things are, look for positive things (or advantages) that could come from things being that way.

(I can always count on the inner circle, thanks.)

Thanks Miri, reliving all that PR stuff stirred up the mud. We spent about an hour this afternoon following your advice, then forced ourselves to do something fun instead of bartering our sessions away. It worked out well. I think we've been 'arguing' so much lately, it was taking away from a major part of this adventure, to have fun with eachother. They always feel better after a good outing.

Angry Bear: 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
09-10-2018, 10:56 PM
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Breloomancer Online
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#10
 
RE: Dealing with opposing wishes in a symmetric quartet

Well if it is not an option to dissapate or merge then the only option is to learn to get along with your number of headmates (sorry that this is obvious, I'm just going through my thought process). There have never been more than two voices rattling around in my head at once, so with that in mind I would like to say that it seems as though they value each other, however they value you far more. You should focus on making them realize how much the other tulpas matter to them, or make the other tulpas matter more to them.

My other peice of advice is to make learning how to possess and switch, because having the ability to effect the phisical world, even if you don't use it often, is so much more liberating than it is to be stuck in the mind, and might make it feel less crowded in your head

I'm Breloomancer, and the counterpart to Monika (also known as smearglestar). This is our progress report: link.

"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"
-Me
09-10-2018, 11:56 PM
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