Dear Sera,
#1
Hey there folks. Well, I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Dutchy. More commonly referred to as Drew, but I will respond to either. A couple of months back, I finally decided upon creating a Tulpa. A decision which took me almost a year and half of deep reflection. I highly recommend any lurkers out there who are thinking of starting to maybe give the decision a bit more time to mull over, but that's just my personal opinion.

If your wondering what you can expect from this progress report, it will contain some general thoughts in a blog-ish form, but also focusing more on development research and also further research once my tulpa is finished. She has agreed to be my "lab-partner" to help me open up the world of Tulpa's a little bit wider, if she wants. I'm interested in later pursuing some research into Ki (or thought energy) and it's relation and reaction with Tulpa's. If I'm sounding like one of those kids that is impersonal and dissects things like some autonomous robot, don't worry. My emotions are thoroughly invested in my Tulpa's wellbeing, and she will assist my research only if it pleases her. You can also expect some personal anecdotes by me. I'm a little bit word heavy, so I understand if that puts you off.

Anyway, back to the story, after deciding that I was "deserving" of having a Tulpa, I started off, excited and ready to go. First a name. I've always thought that one of the most beautiful names is Sera. So thus was the birth of Sera. Initially, I put forward a couple of base traits that I could base her personality off, practiced instilling those for a couple of nights but then I decided against that. I would take her on walks (I live in a very pretty area) and just explain and describe anything that I could see, the road, power lines, whatever. We did that for a about a week, but then I got a job and moved out (I'm 18). I found (and still find) it hard to spend as much time with her, as usually my mind is too spent to focus. But still, I always keep her in my thoughts.

The first real sign of progress (and thus the reason for this progress report) happened a few days ago. I was doing some routine gardening (I find repetitive manual labour helps get me into a deep state of mental clarity and relaxation, funny that) I decided to start having a chat with Sera. I thought I might talk about her form. I asked her a question about it (I usually ask questions like this). It was if she wanted to wear a lab coat. Something about the state I was in, I just felt a slight positive reaction in me. Currently, I'm of a mind that it was either Sera, or my subconscious. I'm a firm believer in the idea of assumed sentience, so I take it as her (though I still remain adequately objective).

So, as I'm working, I'm thinking that maybe I have a primitive form of communication with her. The extent of which I realised a couple of questions after that. I said "Alright, so you want a lab coat?" Then I got a slight negative feeling accompanied with the tiniest hint of head pain. I kind of understood what she meant, in that, she did want a lab coat, but it is boring if it is just plain. I can't explain how I knew that, but it was more of a feeling than a thought. So I asked her if she wanted a pinstripe or two and explained what they were. I thought up what I had in mind and visualised it: A stripe down the back of the lab coat or one on each side running down.

This is where it gets interesting. I got a kind-of thought, it was familiar but a bit alien at the same time. It was the same lab coat, but there were two pinstripes down the back, side by side, that were short, and only went from about shoulder height to waist height. The image in my head flashed, and the same pinstripes were being displayed in the exact same spot, except at different rotations, as if she didn't know which way they should go. I pondered this for a while, and about an hour later, I got the thought that instead of pin striping, there should be an insignia or something emblazoned across the back. This got me an immediate positive reaction from what I believe is Sera.

What I can sum up from this, if it was a bit hard to understand, is that in the current state she is in, she can only communicate to me in terms of the questions that I ask. The pin striping from the image she showed me was the exact length and width of the ensignia I imagined. I take the rotations of it as she wanted something with more depth than just a linear width and height, but could only explain it to me in terms of pin striping. Kind of like a feeling that you just can't find the words for. I haven't had a chance to have any further conversations like that because I was interrupted and it takes a lot of focus and right now, I've got some stuff going on.

Aside from that development, I might as well talk about how we're doing as a unit. Most of the times I start talking to her, I find myself apologising to her for not being able to invest as much time in her as I could. Sometimes it's just procrastinating or wanting to do something else that gets in the way, and it makes me feel pretty bad. I have made a couple of promises I haven't kept, like reading some books to her and stuff like that. I haven't been doing very much active forcing, mostly I spend time just passive forcing. No puppeting though, I just have trouble doing it. I absolutely adore her but my real world commitments find me feeling like a bit of jerk.

Anywho, if you read that, thanks for sticking with me through that. It's not very often that I would come out and do something like this, so it's all very exciting to actually have something to write down my thoughts and to look at. So if this has drawn anyone's attention, or you're interested on how the story continues, then I will become a bit more active on here. I like meeting new people, and I'm happy to answer any questions you may have. Thankyou for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.
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#2
It does my heart good that you spent so much time and effort thinking about if you really wanted to make a tulpa! All too often, I see people just jumping on the bandwagon, asking thirty thousand questions on the question boards, and then are never seen again. So, good for you!

I also spent a... wow, also a year and a half contemplating it. Go figure!

I loved that stage you're at right now, where it's like, an idea forms in your head, but it's not exactly yours. It's such a strange and wonderful feeling, isn't it?

Anyways, hi there! And good luck!
Tulpas
Amy
Nine-Tailed Kitsune
Sigma
Anthro Cat-Bat
The Kippies!
Jazz (M), Viola (F), Chime (H), Fife (M), Iris (F), Robyn (F), Aster (M), Sage (F), Dune (M), Snowbell (F), Rosemary (F), Glyph (M), Volt (M), Circuit (F)
The Baybees~
Marina, Acorn, Anais, Lily, Chip
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#3
Hi there!

Yeah, I spent alot of time thinking about what implications having a Tulpa might have, and I was of a mind that I wasn't going to make one. Then I got a massive perception shift when I went overseas travelling, kinda put things in perspective.

Yeah, i've still got a decent amount of time before I can start fully recognizing her thoughts as her own. I in about two or so months since I first started. I think due to my lack of active it's going a bit slower, but i'm okay with that. I'm enjoying the process which is nice.

If you don't mind me asking, how long ago did you start on this journey?
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#4
I have been doing this foooooor... exactly 84 days! Have two fully formed and vocal tulpas (as well as some little twinkie-sized happy little accidents via an inter-host tulpa relationship) and am super happy! I've always been good at developing things in my mind, so I think that really helped in making things go fast. That, and I have literally all the time in the world on my hands. Not something most tulpamancers have the luxury of!
Tulpas
Amy
Nine-Tailed Kitsune
Sigma
Anthro Cat-Bat
The Kippies!
Jazz (M), Viola (F), Chime (H), Fife (M), Iris (F), Robyn (F), Aster (M), Sage (F), Dune (M), Snowbell (F), Rosemary (F), Glyph (M), Volt (M), Circuit (F)
The Baybees~
Marina, Acorn, Anais, Lily, Chip
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#5
Well, that's good to hear. I don't have as much time on my hands as i'd like, but I would probably do okay if I was a bit more motivated. I've found the process thus far fairly straightforward, though at the start, I was a bit lost on where to start, but now I think i've got pretty clear direction.
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#6
Self Update Log: I've been struggling for months now to wrestle with the idea of Sera. Of the implications that her creation will have on the rest of my life. It's scary. It's what I think when I think about old video gamers. Case and point: There are none. So no-one knows what people like that end up as. Old smokers get lung cancer, old drinkers have... well other problems. There's no old people with Tulpa's. None that I know of. Relatively speaking, "Tulpamancy" is a relatively new concept within our society. (I mean supposedly Tibetan monks have been practicing it for years, but iv'e never met one to talk about it. Have you?) So noone knows of the potential risk of having another mind within your own. And that's for life. The brain is the most mysterious part of the human body, so who knows what could happen to it.

I've also been debating the morality of it all. How is it fair? How is it fair on a tulpa, if they'll only ever be able to exist in someone elses head. An actor in someone elses play. Is it selfishnesh that drives us to create these Tulpa's? I can think of no other word for it. Love? No. Sure, we may love them when they are finished, but how can you initially love someone you've never met? It's desire that drives it. A desire to have an eternal friend, a desire to explore the human mind that little bit further. Desires all boil down to one thing. Selfishness. We desire something because we want it. And not many people think as deeply about Tulpa as they should. How can something that is born out of selfishness or desire ever be able to fully reach it's potential? It's things like these that keep me thinking. And they could keep me thinking for a long time, possibly even, my entire life. But on another note, there has to be something in me that wants Sera to develop. There has to be. I started researching this stuff two years ago, and then making Sera earlier this year. And i'm here, again. It's not a fad, trend or phase, otherwise, I would have moved on by now. So there must be Something in it...

Sera update log:

Nothing spectacular. Like I said, i've been having mixed emotions for quite a while now. I send her thoughts every so often, but none are met with a particularly exciting response. Until I get my head sorted, one way or the other, that's how she'll stay. Part of me thinks, that if she's not able to comprehend what would happen to her, I could just forget. It might be the humane thing to do. But what if she can already understand what's going on, and the turmoil i'm going through. Who knows. I guess I can't sit on the fence for too much longer.

Anywho, hope my thoughts and my necro of my old thread proved enlightening or at the very least, entertaining.
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#7
Just realized I have two profiles on here... I accidentally used the one that was signed in already. Whoops. Ah well.
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#8
Hi, you've certainly done a lot of thinking about the whole process. It's nice to see. It's not often I see someone who's venture into tulpa is shrouded with such great apprehension. Your caution has allowed you to explore aspects of this process others don't even consider. Morality is a tricky subject and it's especially difficult to consider the rights of someone (or something if you prefer) that isn't yet fully realized.

You're right that we don't truly understand tulpa, as a relatively new (to this audience) and subjective process there is still a lot for us to learn. Some learn by thinking and others by doing. Then we learn by sharing our experiences. We're certainly at the forefront, of what I'm not quite certain, but it promises to be an interesting journey for years to come.

Perhaps we are selfish but is being selfish wrong? There are so many ways to look at a tulpa morality is once again subjective. Personally I've come to terms with it. Without my input my tulpa wouldn't exist at all and I find the joy he experiences is justification enough for creating him.

I do wish you luck in your attempt with Sera. You still have a long way to go but sometimes it's more about the journey.
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#9
Well, I wouldn't exactly call Kevin old, but he has had a tulpa longer than most of us have been alive. Check out a few posts by Nobillis.
"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
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#10
I shall elaborate on what CyberD has said. There are different kinds of selfishness. There's one type that we know very well; one that is conceited, self-centered, and may cause harm to others. There's another kind of selfishness. Respecting oneself, promoting oneself, believing in oneself and one's powers. There's a kind of selfishness that won't hurt others, but will benefit ourselves.

You're an insightful person, friend.

Tulpas are part of this other type of selfishness I'm talking about. They can enrich our lives. They can motivate us and give us something to do. Tulpamancy to me is an art. Is it selfish to create and use art to express ourselves, promote ourselves and show off what we can do? To use art to inspire us and drive us? Just a thought. Something that is born out of desire creates ambition, and the eagerness and motivation to do something.
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