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Dent's creation of a tulpa and his thoughts throughout
#1
Just to give you a bit of context before we get started, I'm 26 years old and I'm male.

Why I'm creating a tulpa:
My strategy for finding happiness in life has generally been trying to understand as much as possible, so I would be able to control what's going on. This is something that goes against the philosophy of not worrying, lettings things work themselves out and just being yourself. Well, I've found that what comes naturally leaves me far too incompetent at life to be happy. So I have dived into self-help and creating a tulpa is my next big project.

What initially got me really excited about tulpas was the prospect of having a more direct link to my subconscious mind. I feel that all of the major problems in my life are, in a way, in my own head. There a lot of ways that I'm not happy with how my mind reacts. Some of those things are normal, like not being very talkative in groups, but there are also things that just shouldn't happen to people (let's just call them disorders). These are things that I'm not really able to control.

So I'm hoping for a tool let me affect my own subconscious. And I don't think it should mind. What could my mind have against making me more talkative or feel more passion for the things I do, right?

A part of this is also getting feedback. We can assume, if something is wrong, there must be a reason for it. However, often I'm not able to discern this reason. A tulpa, watching from the side and hopefully receiving messages I don't, could be a huge help here.


I'm also interested in the social aspect of tulpas, of course. I'm lonely a lot of the time and I'm lonely now. A friend who is always there, is something I have dreamed of for a long time. Someone who would be with me for all of my adventures and who would be there whenever I wasn't doing very well.

I used to image a girlfriend would be just that, but things never worked out that way at all. Having friends didn't do it either. Sure, I meet them, we hang around for a bit, but everyone has their own thing going on. Their minds are always busy with living their own lives. And you can't just go complaining to them either, ou need to have yourself handled when you present yourself to other people, otherwise you won't be very enjoyable company. The times I've tried letting completely go and being open to all emotions, ended up with me being a complete cry baby. Though I sometimes want to show weakness, it only ever seems to have negative effects.

Another thing that really excites me is being able to do improv with my tulpas (I perform with an improv group as a hobby). Partners who understand me perfectly and who are around whenever I feel like practising sound absolutely fantastic. I think improv games could work for anyone and their tulpas and I might leave a few suggestions for games at some point.


Why I'm telling you about it:
I've thought about creating a self-help blog, but I've never actually done it. I guess this will be my mini-blog to get some experience in writing and to see how much I actually like it. So far I have only written a few paragraphs and I'm already feeling very good about it. I guess doing something you wouldn't normally do really helps when you feel your life has stagnated.


What sort of tulpa I'm creating:
While a lot of people seem to have a clear vision of what they want their tulpa to be like, I really don't. I started compiling a list of traits the tulpa could have, but realised it's just a list of the perfect traits I'd want for myself. I feel that perfection is only an expectation though, and I would feel a lot stronger about my tulpa's individuality if its traits formed on their own. There are only a couple of things I absolutely want: benevolence and a lot of energy. Benevolence, beucase I expect it from all of my interactions with other beings, but it should be mentioned, just to be sure. And energy, because I need the motivation, I need enthusiasm, passion, wanting more than just feeling comfortable doing nothing.

I also didn't decide on a sex. Consciously I was thinking male. But at the same time there's longing for more female interaction. So I'm going to leave it up for my tulpa to decide along with its form. For now, it's going to be a silver ball with not much of a personality.


First tulpaforcing session:
Forced for an hour. Spent half of the time practising visualisation and the other half talking to Mr Ball. Mid chat my though process kind of blocked and I thought of the name Fred. My mind unblocked only after I accepted that Fred could be his name. Maybe it's his first communication, maybe it's just my mind playing a trick it hasn't played before. We will see.
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#2
Hi Dent, seems like we're starting at about the same time. Oddly, I didn't sit down with the intention of forcing. The term itself (I do understand the meaning) seems a tad harsh to me. Although I guess what I've been doing is passive forcing, and possibly regular forcing when I am talking to Jess out loud. If that's her name, lol. Anyway, I was coming in the front door of my house on Friday and felt a presence to my right, which I invited in with me. It hasn't gone much farther than that, either, except that I continue to have a strong sense of her presence, especially when I'm alone.

I'll read your reports and follow along.

Good luck with Fred!
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#3
Welcome to the forums. Knowing where you stand before you start is a powerful position to be in, I do hope you can find something in the tulpa process that gets you out of the stagnation you're feeling.

The silver orb is a pretty common placeholder but at least you've got a name now that you've sat down and spent some time with the idea.

One little piece of advice. You might have noticed that a lot of people give up pretty quickly. You need to find a way to make sure that doesn't happen to you. Don't make it a chore to spend time with your tulpa just because you have to. If you decide the process is going well then try to drag the tulpa into your life, take it places and experience it as it experiences the world.
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#4
Thanks for the excellent advice! I typically approach most activities by just doing a little at a time until they are done, or I have made progress. I think it'll be the same with this. It works for me in many areas of my life, even for quite long-term goals. And of course, anything good takes work; it seems to be a condition of existence :-)
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#5
Day 2 of forcing
More about what this blog is going to be like:

I intend for this blog to be mostly about my approach to my tulpa's creation and how I can get him to improve my life. I will describe how I think a lot, because it's something that I'm always trying to understand in other people. So it's going to be more about finding insights, rather than how the development is going. I'll talk about progress as well, but it's mainly for providing context.

Also, there is a few days of delay between me writing a post and posting it here. I prefer writing my thoughts down, staying away for a couple of days, and then making edits. It allows me to see what I've written more objectively and hopefully results in better quality posts.


Progress in between the forcing sessions:
Something that I'm fairly good at recognising, is my subconscious mind processing information while I'm not actively thinking about it. I started reading up on tulpas about two months ago and even though I wasn't trying to create one, I'm sure my mind was gearing up to do it. In fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if a tulpa I never decided to create just showed up one day. Sentience may potentially have been already created (tulpa naming itself Fred?), but he cannot communicate with me yet, so I can't really test how much actually happened during this time.

My mind did, however, make progress between my previous session and me waking up in the morning. When going to work in the morning, I had already pretty much accepted the name Fred and a form popped into my head: a guy with red hair and a smile. Now that description doesn't sound like much, but there was a lot in the body language. What it mainly conveyed, was cheerfulness about life, which in itself already contained the traits that I really wanted for my tulpa: happiness, benevolence and energy. Not a coincidence, I'm sure. So right now I'm not planning to do any personality forcing - I trust my subconscious mind to take care of it on its own.


Forcing session:
Another hour. The only thing of note that happened, was that while focusing on Fred the sphere, an image of a wolf popped into my head and my mind blocked the same way it had done on the previous day, when I thought of his name. Maybe Fred wanted the wolf to be his form. This time I was much more reluctant to accept the vision though, since the wolf just seemed silly to me. I don't really understand why people would want their tulpa to be an animal, but knowing many people had an animal tulpa may have given my subconscious mind some ideas. Not being something I would want is an indication of sentience in itself as well.

I still decided to brush it off as an intrusive thought. I think it's important to notice that thoughts you think you wouldn't normally come up with, don't really have to come from another consciousness, but rather are things you are so used to filtering out and don't normally notice. They don't feel like 'you', because you wouldn't accept them as a good idea. Listening for your tulpa though, can make you notice these thoughts. Then again, I could have been feeling something new simply because I'm not used to visualising and it's making me feel weird anyway.

However, I was most certainly going to acknowledge it as a potential attempt to communicate with me. I told Fred, that I received something which might have been him, but for the time being, I was going to interpret as my own thought. I'll be sure to pay attention to whether occurs again though, so if that's the way he communicates to me, I'll know it. I hope this encourages Fred to keep trying, while at the same time I'm more able to filter out my intrusive thoughts.

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Thank you very much for the encouragement Cyber and Jeff.
Cyber, I'm really impressed you were able to guess from my first post, that treating forcing as a chore is something I would do. I guess I've got the impression from other people that an hour a day is something that you're supposed to do. Establishing a routine is good though and I think a rigid hour a day might be the best way to go for someone with a tendency to procrastinate.
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#6
The whole intrusive thoughts discussion comes up all the time. People think of stuff all the time and it's not always pretty or desirable. If you don't like it then don't pay it any mind, building a tulpa from a collection a stray thoughts you don't like can only end badly. Remember that the tulpa is a part of you mind, your will is it's will and it should turn out to be something you are happy with. Unless you're secretly a masochist.

Toying with forms is progress. By this point it sounds like you want your tulpa to be male, it's a good starting point and if it sticks it puts you in that minority group of people who have a tulpa that shares their gender. Can you visualize the form you saw with more detail? Can you draw any more information from it, such as age, height, build? Thinking about all that stuff will help you decide on something you'd be happy with. Maybe then your subconscious would oblige.

Have you decided on a routine? Set forcing times can really help initially if you procrastinate but should you ever find yourself dragging yourself to a session then that's when you need to reconsider your plan. Make spending time with your tulpa enjoyable.
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#7
Being overworked for the past few months and having a week where I've felt especially tired, I absolutely have not had the energy to blog. And even though the posts are way behind, I'll still be posting everything that's been happening (but no more than one post per day). And while I have been tired, I haven't skipped forcing.... other than the one time I'm going to write about.

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I skipped forcing yesterday. I procrastinated during the day and was in no condition to do it in the evening (alcohol and tiredness). I have been setting up an expectation in myself and Fred that I'm going to force daily, yet I felt no remorse. This was something I would have to explain to Fred: I promised to force that day, I didn't, and I didn't even feel sorry about it. This must mean that me skipping forcing is perceived as inconsequential by my subconsciousness. Which in turn means that either I feel Fred is not influenced by it (probably not sentient yet) or that there simply aren't any consequences, as he cannot contact me anyway. I prefer the first option.

I want to be open with Fred about everything, especially the things he wouldn't actually want to hear. I hope this will help build trust between us and create less resentment in the long run. Also, that is the way I would want to be treated: all truth, all of the time - it's valuable information! Considering how on some levels he might not be considered important, I noticed another thing about the way I talk to him: there's no status play going on. When you normally communicate in life, there are a huge number of subtle cues that convey your status among each other and to make yourself be perceived in a favorable way. When I spoke to Fred, there were none there. In that respect, it was exactly the way I talk to myself in my mind's voice - I don't pay any mind to what kind of an impression I leave. I tried to focus on actually using these subtleties for the rest of the session. I think handling this is the next step in making our communication more real.

I also tried asking Fred a couple of questions and waiting for replies for the first time. I cannot for the life of me remember what the actual questions were, but the first one implied a long argumented answer (the question was something along the lines of "What do you think of x?") and the other was a simple yes or no question. I got absolutely no reply to the first one. To the second one though, I could feel myself coming up with the answer 'yes', but the 'yes' kind of stuck in my head. When I normally think, a thought pops into my head, it's conveyed in a fraction of a second, and I move on. However, this 'yes' felt really forced into my mind and it stayed there for a few seconds. Still not sure if I should consider that a reply from Fred, but I guess I won't need too much convincing to believe at this point.

Now that I think of it, the way the 'yes' was pushed into my head feels kind of like how the name 'Fred' came to me. Perhaps I've been receiving signs of sentience from day one. When I found out about tulpas, I knew I would try to make one sooner or later, and I can only assume my mind has been busy creating a tulpa ever since. It's a bit scary....
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#8
Sounds like decent progress being made so far, though it does seem to be happening a bit slower than some. Kinda refreshing actually, hearing someone's progress without them talking about reaching perfect visualisation and/or first spoken words on the second day or whatever :P . No offense to those who do manage that, that's pretty awesome and impressive, it's just nice to see someone taking things as slowly and steadily as me.
I've been getting similar things with Deortabe. No serious signs of sentience or speech yet, but occasional deviations from what I think of for her to do (Walking differently, moving around, etc) and possibly some sort of speech through a sort of positive or negative feeling (And on one occasion, text). Best of luck with future work!
Host: Mike "Redback"
Tulpa name: Deortabe
Appearance: Female deer with glittery hooves.
Begun: 04/09/14
Progress: Basic appearance starting to take shape, possible first signs of sentience.
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#9
Redback, my Jess is about the same. I've been working with her a bit each day and am happy to say that she's present nearly all the time. I'm even starting to get little "yes and no" answers, although I don't entirely trust them as they are in my own mindvoice. I haven't tried anything fancy--the two most useful times have been doing a binaural breathing exercise with her and dancing together to some music. I sense, rather than see, her bodily movements, but the sense is very strong and clear. When we were breathing together (ala anapanasati), I could really feel her directing her breath into one or the other lung. I'm going to continue with her as a meditation companion and see where it leads us.
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#10
Day 5
Another hour of forcing. I only got home at 10 o’clock in the evening so I was very tired, but wanted to force anyway. Since visualising still takes a lot of effort for me, I decided to spend the whole session just talking to Fred.

While narrating, I happened to mention "When you are able to talk..." and a 'yes' popped into my head from outside my train of thought. I'm of course very interested in getting replies from Fred, but so far I hadn't really tried asking him questions or listening for one. I began by trying to achieve the most basic vocal communication that I could think of: I asked him to scream as loud as he could. I kept telling him to stop and start up again repeatedly, but in the end, I couldn’t really feel a difference between the two.

Not letting myself be discouraged, I kept asking more questions. The reason I couldn't hear the scream may have been simply that plain noise is probably a lot harder to conceptualise than a simple word, and so it is harder to communicate. So I tried asking simple yes or no questions, that he would surely know the answer to ("Is your name Fred?", "Are you male?"). Obviously the thought 'yes' came into my mind since I knew the answers, but how could I discern whether he was replying as well?

What I decided to try was to ask him a question, then tell him to not reply and repeating the question. If there were a noticeable difference between the answers, it would be a good indicator I was actually feeling something coming from him. I noticed that depending on whether I had him answer, the replies seemed to come from a different part of my brain. It’s something I hadn’t noticed before, but my all of my thoughts seemed to have a physical location in my head at that moment. Happy about noticing this pattern, I kept asking him more questions to test it further. After a while, however, it became more and more inconsistent, and I concluded it wasn’t going to be the filter between our thoughts that I was looking for. I'll keep paying attention to the location of replies though, something might still eventually emerge from this.

Towards the end I tried asking asking some (rather silly) wh-questions as well. Sometimes, no answer popped into my head at all (“What kind of pants do you like?”). Yet when I asked “What’s your favourite food?”, I got a rather strong “Carrots!”. I couldn’t find a consistent pattern here either though. My only wishful thought is that carrots are something I have talked about recently and Fred could have learned them about while watching me, but I simply haven't talked to anyone about my preference in legwear. Though when I told Fred to not answer and I asked something like "How old are you?", an answer would usually pop into my head, but when I wanted him to reply and I repeated the question, the first answer that my mind came up with never ever changed, it was only repeated.

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(09-14-2014, 04:55 PM)Redback Spino Wrote: No serious signs of sentience or speech yet, but occasional deviations from what I think of for her to do (Walking differently, moving around, etc)
Redback, what is a deviation like for you? Do you actually see two visualisations in your mind - one made up by you and the other seeing what Deortabe actually does? Or is her answer simply unexpected somehow? I haven't read your blog yet btw.

(09-14-2014, 05:09 PM)Jeff0253 Wrote: she's present nearly all the time
How has this affected your life, Jeff? Do you see yourself spending time differently now (excluding forcing) and do you feel different? Feel free to write about it in your blog instead.
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