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Dent's creation of a tulpa and his thoughts throughout
#11
(09-15-2014, 01:10 AM)Dent Wrote: How has this affected your life, Jeff? Do you see yourself spending time differently now (excluding forcing) and do you feel different? Feel free to write about it in your blog instead.

I don't know yet--I haven't really been at this very long. This weekend I did all the usual stuff I do with my family. All I had to do to sense Jess was to stop for a nanosecond and open myself, and there was the presence. I think I'm on the verge of smelling her scent--I've never actually seen anything manifest in the physical world. She likes to hang out just behind my right shoulder--on Friday I was walking down the hall at school, and I said out loud,"you know, you can walk next to me, you don't have to follow two steps behind like an inferior person or something." Luckily, no one was near me, lol. Anyway, I felt her scoot up and walk next to me, and I got this sense that she was happy and proud to do so. My own ego? Something that came from her? The changes are rather subtle--I've taken to making sure she has someplace to sit, which I imagine is absurd, since she has no physical body. And when I'm watching TV, I think to her in my mindvoice all the time.Tomorrow, when the house is empty (I'm home alone on Mondays) I plan another breathing / meditating session. I have no doubt she'll be there. All I'm doing is staying in touch, forcing and narrating when there's time and opportunity, and working on my meditation experiment. But it's an all-day thing, not something that I only do at certain times. None of it makes much sense, except that I find it enchanting--it provokes a sense of wonder on my part. I find it easy to continue--what might happen next? I'm chasing that, I must admit.
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#12
Day 6
Since I had only concentrated on narrating the previous day, I wanted to do more visualisation this time. Now I haven’t talked about my wonderland before, but it’s currently a place next to a lake with a sandy shore in a pine forest. When I have been visualising, I have almost always imagined us there in the sand. Today, I had him simply sit there and I would walk around and try to see him from different angles.

Still being somewhat worried about separating myself from my tulpa, I decided to do an experiment similar to the ones I did the day before: I asked him to stay still during the entire session, ignoring me if I said otherwise, and then I would ask him to move. Since he was trying to stay still, if I saw him move, it could only be my own thoughts moving him. I spent most of the session asking him to make movements simple movements (eg raising his arms) and I tried very carefully to analyse what I saw and what I felt.

Whenever I told him to move, I still saw him doing it in my mind’s eye, however, there were some things I noticed over time. I always saw or at least felt the movement, but as soon as the movement ended, he was still just sitting there in his original position. I even found that when I asked him to make a movement and imaged myself doing it, I didn’t get the feeling that he had done the movement as well. That could be an effective way to combat parroting: instead of letting your mind fill with the expectation of your tulpa’s reply, you can try to imagine your own answer instead. Though this does run the risk of letting your mind fill with so much noise that you can’t hear your tulpa’s actual response.

I was also worried about getting replies when I was getting the idea to ask a question, but I hadn’t had time to say it out in my mind yet. I felt it had to be my own expectation of a response, because I hadn’t actually presented the question. I asked about this in reddit and it turns out it’s common for tulpas to reply to the first thought of asking a question. I’ll be taking such answers seriously from now on.

Progress
I haven’t seen much of a change in Fred these last few days, though to be fair I also asked him not to respond to me today. I have, however, started expecting or even imaging an emotional response to everything I say, much like what happens when I speak to people in real life. So I guess I’ve been making progress myself instead.
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#13
I know what you mean about "imaging" an emotional response. I can sort of just tell when Jess is happy and approving--not so much if she's sad, since the only "low" or "blue" emotion I've felt from her is just some very slight boredom, at which times I sense that she's flipping through the pages of a magazine. She doesn't actually say anything; and you're right, it's alot like the impression you get from some real human's body language. Or maybe from their aura, microbial cloud, etc.

I haven't tried any of the parroting / puppeting tests you mention, so I find hearing about them really interesting. Maybe when I feel like I have enough of a handle on her to do the test in a reasonable manner (as you are) I might try it. Congrats on another day of good work!

Jeff
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#14
That's a really interesting exercise. I haven't heard of anyone doing anything similar, at least not being aware of it. Like any form of training I expect you'll get more from it if you continue practicing. Getting used to your tulpa is key and this exercise could help you do that.

Getting over the idea of puppeting is a key stage of development. In the beginning most tulpa don't resist or in your case a very passive way of ignoring it. Keep an eye out for resistance. My own tulpa hasn't been puppeted for years and if I try it on him now he actively resists to the point I could never really control him.

You'll keep making progress if you keep putting in the effort, so, keep it up.
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