Deortabe the Deer - Progress reports.
#1
Well, thus begins a long term experiment of mine, not necessarily to make a tulpa from scratch, but rather to reinforce and revitalise a tulpa I may have created several years ago.

So I've been into the occult for years now, with varying levels of success. But one of my biggest successes was the discovery of my power-animal, when I was dabbling in Native American Shamanism. There's tonnes of books on the subject, detailing how one can find their animal, how they can work with it, and so forth. And what startles me is how eerily similar they are to most guides to creating tulpas (Especially the whole idea of imagining a 'wonderland' where the tulpa lives in your head, before imposing it upon reality. This is almost exactly like travelling to the Otherworld to meet one's animal).

So in my work in Shamanism, I ended up with a power-animal of a young female deer. In Native American traditions, deer are supposed to represent sensitivity, gentleness and unconditional love. So a pretty good choice to go with for a tulpa. Sadly though I haven't worked with her for a while now, so the connection isn't as strong as it could be. The last thing I really did with her was determining her name and her sigil (A simple symbol by which I could 'call' upon her.) through automatic writing and drawing.

So starting today, I'm going to be doing daily work with Deortabe. I'll be using Kiahdaj's guide, which seems pretty on the level, and working with it until I've reached a point where I'm pretty sure she's sentient.

SO, without further ado-do, day 1 of my tulpa working:


- Determined the base characteristics that Deortabe should have: Gentle, caring, loving (platonically, mind you. I already have a girlfrind, so a romantic tulpa is kinda useless), gentle, calm, playful, sympathetic and level-headed. Bear in mine, these are intended just as the absolute most basic traits Deortabe should have. Fingers crossed she'll start to manifest more of her own after a while.

- Tried an experimental exercise to make these words into a symbol. In this case, a seven-pointed heptagram, with each characteristic represented by one point of the heptagram. With repeated practice, eventually I'll hopefully reach a point where my brain will automatically associate the heptagram with these characteristics, at which time I'll mentally connect the heptagram to her (probably by visualising her absorbing the heptagram image or whatever).

- Did some meditation with a binaural beat track to try visualisation. Experienced quite possibly one of the deepest meditative trances I've ever had (or maybe I was on the verge of dozing off, I dunno), and visualisation became pretty easy.

- Entered the 'Wonderland', in my case, a well that leads to an underground tunnel, which opens up in a huge green forest. Began visualising Deortabe as I remember her, a young female red deer, with short stubby antlers, each one branching off into 2 small points. But as I was building her up as a sort of wire-frame-skeleton, I started fleshing out the limbs when I noticed something new about her hooves. Namely, that they were sparkling. I've never noticed this before, so it was a bit of a surprise. Unfortunately, so much of a surprise tat it basically broke the trance. I felt the vision fading and myself slowly rising up out of... whatever had just happened to me.

So for Day 1: Got her characteristics down and started working on them. Started visualisation, didn't manage the whole thing but did manage to gain something new: A characteristic I had not planned myself. Maybe she's already a little sentient, and giving herself characteristics of her own? Who knows.

Will continue with characteristics, and try to get a complete visualisation, tomorrow.
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#2
I tried to post this yesterday, but things went wrong with my laptop.

(09-04-2014, 06:24 PM)Redback Spino Wrote: And what startles me is how eerily similar they are to most guides to creating tulpas (Especially the whole idea of imagining a 'wonderland' where the tulpa lives in your head, before imposing it upon reality. This is almost exactly like travelling to the Otherworld to meet one's animal).

I agree. I lived in a commune for a couple of years, and we had a shamanic drum journey workshop every week. Definitely very similar. And the drumming helps to put you in the right state. I remember reading about studies being done on inducing trance through repetitive sound.

I consider myself pretty skeptical, but I've always been interested in the occult, and that's how I learned most of what I know about tulpas. I'll definitely be following this PR.
"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
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#3
(09-05-2014, 04:31 PM)sushi Wrote: I agree. I lived in a commune for a couple of years, and we had a shamanic drum journey workshop every week. Definitely very similar. And the drumming helps to put you in the right state. I remember reading about studies being done on inducing trance through repetitive sound.

Well from my experience, I'd hazard a guess that shamanic drumming is basically the same effect as binaural beats. The brainwave frequency changing to work in sync with the frequency of the audio (or the beats of the drum), with the slower frequency meaning slower brain activity (Deep meditation, REM sleep, loss of sensation or body awareness, etc) and higher frequency meaning higher mental activity (Higher perception and awareness, arousal, anxiety, etc.)
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#4
And Day 2's update:

- Just finished another forcing, again starting off with deep meditation to binaural ambience music. I didn't manage to go quite as deep as yesterday, but I still managed to go in deep, and even manage a little bit as deep as yesterday near the end.
- Good progress made on the personality heptagram. I already have the characteristics all pretty much memorised (though I still need to work on memorising their order: Caring, Loving, Gentle, Calm, Playful, Levelheaded, Sympathetic. I managed a pretty solid visualisation of the heptagram, holding it for at least a few minutes, meditating on each characteristic and what it would mean to me. Definitely one of my best visualisations yet.
- Visualisations of Deortabe herself went not quite as well. I was definitely starting to lose focus by that point, so I don't think I quite managed a solid visualisation yet, and certainly not a full-body one. I did find I had better luck visualising her in a blank void, as opposed to in her wonderland. So until I have gotten a full-body visualisation of her, I think I'll keep her on her own instead of picturing her in the wonderland (Maybe work on visualising them separately, then when I feel good enough, merge the two)

Will continue heptagram working tomorrow, but will try to focus more on visualising her form next time. Maybe look up some reference pics of deer to get it down nice and clear.
Host: Mike "Redback"
Tulpa name: Deortabe
Appearance: Female deer with glittery hooves.
Begun: 04/09/14
Progress: Basic appearance starting to take shape, possible first signs of sentience.
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#5
Day 3

Okay, I am really freaking excited right about now.

So, today's forcing. Started off with Rasznir's visualisation exercise (Visualising the numbers 1-100 being painted one at a time on a canvas. Seemed to work alright despite alot of noise outside... having a parking lot right outside my house rally doesn't help things sometimes), then a bit more work with the Heptagram, which I have pretty much memorised at this point.

Then onto visualisation. I started out visualising her in a white void, and I got a much more distinctive image this time around, not just a few body parts here and there. It might have helped that beforehand, I was watching a documentary on white-tailed deer for reference on her appearance and movement. So I got the limbs, the tail, the torso, and then I moved onto the head, and this is where it got interesting.

After noting how she seemed to have 3 small white dots on each cheek in a triangle shape (kinda like freckles) I was looking at her eyes, and saw that instead of being black like a deer's eye they were a lightish blue. I commented on this as I was looking and I kid you not, I got a response:

"Close. Turquoise."

Of course I was startled by this, but not just because she seemed to respond to me, which alone is freaking amazing. But she didn't reply to me with a voice, but rather... text. It was a little string of yellowish-white text at the bottom of my point-of-view, like subtitles. I don't think I've heard of this before, has anyone had this sort of thing? Where one's tulpa speaks via text rather than sound?

Anyways, I managed to maintan concentration this time around, and kept going. I asked her if that was her who spoke. "Yes." was the reply. I asked her if she was happy with her appearance and her name. "Yes." again. Finally I asked her if she was my friend. She smiled at me and replied "Of course." That seemed like a good time to finish the session for now, so I said goodbye and exited the wonderland (The wonderland being a large green forest, I've found that the exit is an opening in an enormous treetrunk behind me, that leads through a dark underground tunnel to a well in a grassy plain.) and came back to reality.

You have no idea how happy I'm feeling about this right about now. I haven't even got the full-on visualisation perfected yet, and already I've got the first signs of sentience AND speech! It's freaking exciting Big GrinBig GrinBig Grin Maybe this fast development has to do with having worked with her on and off for a few years now, maybe it's to do with the fact that, due to an antler pendant I made for her a whole ago, she's basically a little bit on my mind all the time, but whatever the case, I am happy as a clam right about now!

I'll definitely try to keep this momentum up tomorrow. I've found that focusing on individual body parts during visualisation instead of trying to visualise the full body, seems to work rather well, especially for discovering little differences that I didn't consciously decide upon, like the turquoise eyes and the sparkly hooves. Who knows what else I'll discover?
Host: Mike "Redback"
Tulpa name: Deortabe
Appearance: Female deer with glittery hooves.
Begun: 04/09/14
Progress: Basic appearance starting to take shape, possible first signs of sentience.
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#6
Congrats on your progress!

Talking in text is definitely not common, but I've heard of it happening before. I believe it was one of raymod13557's tulpas.
"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
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#7
Day 4

Not a whole lot of progress, had difficulty maintaining concentration and visualisation, to the point where I had a brain-fart so bad I straight-up forgot what deer look like!

In future, until I got Deortabe's image perfectly visualised and memorised I'm probably gonna find some good reference pics of deer and concentrate on them before doing a forcing.
Host: Mike "Redback"
Tulpa name: Deortabe
Appearance: Female deer with glittery hooves.
Begun: 04/09/14
Progress: Basic appearance starting to take shape, possible first signs of sentience.
Reply
#8
Day 5

Slowly improving. And meditating on some nice reference pics of deer is helping alot. Did more visualisation work, managed to maintain a consisten and solid mental image, had a nice little moment of visualising her in a white void, and she started prancing and trotting around playfully. Later we went for a stroll through our Wonderland, a large green forest with a golden brown dirt path, which apparently leads to the edge of the forest and a stretch of sandy beach. We hung out on the beach a little while before I decided to leave her to enjoy herself.
Of note is that I think I may be starting to feel that sense of 'pressure' in the head that other tulpamancers have recorded. Or maybe it was just a headache, I dunno, but it served nicely to sort of 'trick' myself into feeling like there was something else in my brain. It was a slight feeling on the left side of my head, about an inch above the hairline. If this happens consistently in a similar spot whenever I force from now on, I'll know it's a sign, and not just me giving myself a headache.
Host: Mike "Redback"
Tulpa name: Deortabe
Appearance: Female deer with glittery hooves.
Begun: 04/09/14
Progress: Basic appearance starting to take shape, possible first signs of sentience.
Reply
#9
Just a quick amendment to today's progress:

A bit more passive forcing on a trip out shopping, with no apparent result other than the return of the head-pressure.

Then Later this evening, another active forcing session. Visualisation worked nicely, finally getting pretty much everything down, though the full-body visualisation is still a bit unfocused (As in, I can visualise her entire deer-body, but not the eyes and hooves as well. pretty much one or the other at the moment :P). Then a bit of strolling around the Wonderland, she went splashing and frolicking about on the beach, and finally a bit more void-visualisation getting her to turn her head around, walk around the space at different speeds, lie down, etc. And when I said it was time for me to go, I kid you not, she gave me a hug! Or rather, as much of a hug as a deer can give me, which was more of just rearing up and putting her forelegs on my shoulders. I couldn't 'feel' her yet, but I guess that can wait. So I said goodnight, and she replied 'Goodnight Michael' in her text-speech. I guess she'll get to properly speaking at her own pace. I'm still not entirely convinced that she is sentient yet, but we're getting there.
Host: Mike "Redback"
Tulpa name: Deortabe
Appearance: Female deer with glittery hooves.
Begun: 04/09/14
Progress: Basic appearance starting to take shape, possible first signs of sentience.
Reply
#10
Day 6

Started some narration sessions with her, just talking for stretched, monologuing to her, talking about myself, stuff I've done. First time did it by simply directing my intent towards her, sort of keeping the mindset that 'I'm not talking to myself, I'm talking to Deortabe', seems to be working. Tried again just now with a bit of visualisation attached, starting by puppeting her a bit to picture her in different poses and from different angles (May have gotten a bit of sentience when she looked back to frown at me when I was viewing from behind. It was just to get the full view of her from every angle, I told her :P), and ended by sitting her down in the Wonderland to tell her about myself. After some monologuing, I bade her goodnight and invited her to come visit me in my dreams if she wanted.
Host: Mike "Redback"
Tulpa name: Deortabe
Appearance: Female deer with glittery hooves.
Begun: 04/09/14
Progress: Basic appearance starting to take shape, possible first signs of sentience.
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