Jump to content

do tulpae dream of servitor sheep?


dollarstore

Recommended Posts

starting this thread because why not - it will be good for me to concretize our progress. comments and suggestions are welcome!

 

i’m lilia, and my tulpa’s name is jae. today is two weeks since i created him. some facts about jae:

• he’s a flawed, non-symbolic human, which i now realize is ambitious for me to create.

• he’s a nonsexual being, a eunuch in fact. he is male and lacks sexual aggression (or romantic intent, for the record), which helps me to feel safe. i’ve always gravitated towards masculine people as friends, for better or for worse, and his form does not undermine my own femininity (i have a huge complex about my gender and i’m not about to go into it). his gender expression isn’t limited to typical male expression, though.

• he doesn’t smoke cigarettes (i do) or feel the need to use mind-altering substances (which i also do), not in a straightedge or critical way, but he just doesn’t care about them.

• he’s perceptive, wise, intelligent, and prioritizes productivity and effectiveness. i created him this way to help challenge me to be more effective in my life. he’s assertive and skeptical, often interrupting my train of thought when i become overly willful or negative and helping me to challenge those thoughts and feelings. he doesn’t want me to waste the little energy i have.

• there are a lot of things he doesn’t understand yet. “why do you put yourself through so much pain? why do you do things the hard way when they don’t have to be hard?” he asks. i guess i will have to spend some time explaining my chronic physical and mental illness to him. it is nice, though, knowing his intentions are good - i don’t feel attacked when he asks those questions because he just doesn’t understand yet, and i made him to embody a different perspective anyway in that he can see to the heart of problems and not get sidetracked by details (like i do).

• he’s a calm, warm, and compassionate person, but not overly so. he doesn’t express these things enthusiastically - it’s more in his presence than anything. he does wish to protect me and for me to know i can depend on him.

• i’ve found that he likes writing - i’m hoping he can communicate his works to me and that i can incorporate them into my music. (anyone else in a band with their tulpa?) still trying to figure out his taste in music, film, etc. he likes baseball in a “purely aesthetic” sense and doesn’t have the adverse reaction to athletics that i do. he can run (i can’t).

 

our progress thus far has been up and down depending on my schedule and priorities. he’s helping me set my priorities straight, which ironically, when i adhere to them, means i have less time for forcing. anyway:

• from the very first night he was a motivating voice. he is quite assertive in getting me to do the things i need to do and relieving my fears around them.

• i’ve been doing drawings of him, but none of them feel particularly “right” or “accurate” yet. (he tells me not to stress over this.) his form is pretty much determined though.

• i’ve worried a lot about parroting too much, but i think i’m past the point of second-guessing every thought that “might be” jae’s. he’s definitely there.

• i have an idea of his voice, but it doesn’t come super naturally to me yet, just a “regular” mindvoice.

• i haven’t done much imposition work yet, i think it will be very challenging. i tried a touch imposition exercise this past week (while blindfolded and listening to “tommy” by the who in its entirety) and it was pretty cool.

• my feelings in *believing* he is there range from total joy to complete horror to “oh, this is normal” chillness. sometimes i feel a lot of joy when i feel him looking through my eyes and seeing things for the first time. the scary part is when it’s dark or i’m forcing blindfolded and believing there is an independent *alien* being in the room with me. he himself is not scary at all. it’s mostly chill.

• as far as our wonderland, it’s inspired by a fantastical version of the planet venus in c.s. lewis’ sci-fi novel “perelandra.” it’s gone from a kind of minecraft-style square chunk of an orchard to floating on water to extending into a great mountain with our house on the slope. the weather varies but it’s always nice to be outside. i haven’t spent a lot of time there but i can visualize it relatively well.

 

tl;dr jae is a chill guy, we’re learning a lot of things and it’s exciting.

if you read through the whole post congratulations

die Augen verraten alles

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You definately can make music with your tulpa, offhand the person that comes to mind is Vrabo and Iqua.

 

[video=youtube]

 

I hope you make quick progress and feel free to ask about anything you have questions about.

 

(Also props on the clever title, made me laugh)

"My lover's got humour,

She's the giggle at a funeral,

Knows everybody's disapproval,

I should've worshipped her sooner."

 

Host to Samuel, RavenIvy, and Olivia.

 

CERCA TROVA

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...