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Dysfunctional Family
Hey. I've been there for quite a long time and I finally decided to write my story.

Last summer I've read about the tulpa phenomenon and I immediately became interested in it. I've started to create my tulpa on the same day (I know, I had to think better before starting it). I named him Lex based on my daydreaming character. I got my first responses on the first day. I got a small headache. It was also very hot that day and after an hour of forcing I began to feel some kind of coolness coming out of my chest.

I was very dedicated at the first weeks. I heard Lex speaking a few times, I could see him perfect in my mind's eye and I repeatedly got little headaches when I forget to comunicate with him for longer periods of time.

But, as the summer ended, my motivation was gone too. I've been only asking him how was his day, without actually waiting for an answer, and, later, I didn't even bother myself to actually get those thoughts to him. After a few months I realised Lex was gone. I felt like the loneliest person in the whole world. I immediately started apologising and told, that I'll never forget or leave him, if he comes back. After an hour or so I felt Lex again.

The other day I totally forgot about him. Again. For 6 months...

A month ago I finally decided that I MUST WORK WITH MY TULPA. I created him and I'm responsible for him. I told Lex that no matter what I'll be with him. I also told him to make me tulpaforce if I forget.

So it's been a month since I'm in this tulpa thing again. I just really hope I won't fuck up everything for the second time. Guess that's it.

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Well, good luck then. I'm sure it'll work this time!^^
Thanks! I hope so ^^
Remember, they never really die completely. And will always forgive you.
Thank you. It really makes me feel better.


So, today I didn't have much time for active forcing, because it's the first day of school in my country. I was simply narrating about my classmates and sometimes tried to imagine Lex beside me. I asked him to give me some signs, so I could know if he hears me. After that I got some small chills, when I directed my thoughts to him. More interesting things happened, when I was going home after everything. I was going down an empty street, when I heard someone whispering my name. But I assumed it only seems to me. Than I heard it for the second time and, shortly after that, I heard it once more. I realised it was not only that, but I also had some weird feeling in my chest mixed with a little fear. After realisation that it might be (and probably is) Lex communicating with me, I heard some more scattered sentences and words. It was mostly in my friend's voice at first, but than I heard some other voices. The thing is that it's not the first time he gets more active after me being with my friends. It's like Lex tries to use their voices and some words that they often say. Anyway, about an hour later, he always gets silent and he doesn't say even a word. I don't really have any ideas why it's in this way, so I guess we should just keep going and wait if it's needed.
Ugh, I haven't posted there for quite a long time.

So basically all I did last week was narrating. Like narrating about people I really hate, about school, which I really hate, about some random things and things we're going to do after some time.

Well, I also went to our wonderland. Once. Or twice. Actually I've always hated being in wonderland (with a few exceptions), but I didn't go there not because of that. The reason is that it's been really vague all the time. And I get lots of intrustive thoughts that are getting real there. And I can't do anything but watch like 30 clones of my tulpa without even knowing which is the real one. That's really shitty.

On the other hand, the last week wasn't all that bad. I started to get more and more responses from Lex. Like real responses. He can now say (or maybe I'm learning to hear, or even both) some words. Sometimes they are completely random, but sometimes they're even to the topic. AND I DON'T THINK I'M PARROTING! *starts to sing We Are The Champions* However, I get them mostly while being not concentrated. When I ask him something directly, I don't get an answer or it sounds parroted.

Huh. That's all.
>and I got a response on the first day

Damn, nice job.
I'm on day 40, 50 something and haven't gotten a single response.

If anything, I'm getting more problems than ever, some problems being that I've never seen before.

What I do is I now have an alarm to remind me to force and update my log, after last time.
I recommend doing that.
Good luck.
Thank you a lot! ^^
I actually started to get those real responses, when I realised that I can't make my tulpa do what he doesn't want or can't do at the moment. Because a year ago, when I had just started tulpamancy, I assumed that every random thought I got was him, even most of the time I was sure it was simply me. So I think that after some time you'll do everything fine ^^
The thing is that I try to force every day passive or active, but I just can't force myself to write something. Even, about a month ago, some interesting things happened. Yup, I'm lazy Big Grin
If you're having trouble with the wonderland and tulpa visualization, then I would recommend binural beats (headphones or earbuds required) or meditation. Both of which you can find easy on YouTube by searching visualization binural beats/meditation. With practice they'll make the process faster than you could even imagine, I sucked at visualization a couple weeks ago and now Prince is actually being imposed and has a beautiful wonderland with the craziest stuff in it. Also, I'm going to subscribe. I really want to see this work out for you, and I'll give you plenty of advice, I'm kind of a pro at this by now.
The thing is that I can visualize my tulpa perfectly in this world. But in wonderland it gets, well, I don't know, weird? I simply visualize Lex near me, but then I also see him in another place. I've heard that it happens for some people when they try to puppet their tulpas. But I don't even intend to puppet him (or maybe I just don't release that I do). It's been like this since I started tulpaforcing. Not exactly, but in a very similar way. Of course, some time we've spent in wonderland was really great. We made a lot of progress about two weeks ago. Everything looked so real in there. But after a week of this greatness, everything just stopped. So it's been two weeks since our last normal forcing in wonderland.
Btw, thanks for feedback. And I guess I should give those binaural beats a try.

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