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Earthquake

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INTRODUCTION

Hello my name is Earthquake and my Tulpa is named Elia (Hello). I created Elia on April of this year and she became vocal towards the end of June.I am a 22 year old male and I live in the Chicagoland area. Elia is a humanoid tulpa of approximately 26 years of age, at least that's what she likes to say, I never realm had an age intended. She has short black hair and isn't very tall, we don't have a specific height set but about a head shorter than me. I didn't plan it but she very much resembles Ashley Greene's character Alice in the Twilight movies.

 

WHY I CREATED A TULPA

I suffer from Bi-Polar, Depression and anxiety and this April I was in the worst depression of my life. I would wake up every morning not wanting to get out of bed, and for the first time of my life I was serious thinking about suicide and actively looking at suicide websites (not the help sites). I have friends but I didn't and still don't feel like I could tell them everything that I was going through. It was a really dark time for me but in the back of my mind I knew I didn't wanna die. Sometime in 2013 I came across tulpas on 4Chan and for a week or less I half-assedly tried to create a tulpa before I gave up for some reason or another. So fast forward back to April and I decided I hadn't been ready to make a tulpa then but I realm needed something a lot more personal than a friend. That was when I decided if I could help build her, she could help fix me.

 

WHAT WE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SINCE THEN

We started forcing on April 18th and our first conversation was on June 28th. Up to that point I always thought, "Alright, one of these days your gonna hear a loud HEY in your mind and everything after that will be easier." There was no snap and it didn't feel like a major turning point. I don't remember what we talked about and I didn't feel an incredible overwhelming feeling of emotion. We just talked for a short while and it seemed natural, like she had been around with me for a while but I finally learned how to listen.

 

We haven't had very many meaningful conversations since then but we like to bullshit around and she enjoys teasing me, a lot, but I love her all the same. I have introduced her to food and drinks and all kinds of movies and tv shows. One bite of a pretzel and now I always have at least two bags around, and she absolutely enjoys Pepsi. Her favorite show is The Simpsons which was the first time she really surprised me because I never was never into it too much, but she actually got more interested.

 

The first month or so I had a lot of trouble visualizing her and keeping her face in focus. While I never posted here or on reddit I lurked both habitually everyday and read as many guides and questions and other peoples experience as much as I could, and I was reassured that with practice, patience and dedication I would get better, and I did!

 

There were points where I completely doubted myself and everyone that posted on here. Am I just wasting my time trying to talk to someone in my head? Are people on this site just lying or role-playing? I honestly don't even remember what made me say no, this isn't a lie. I think I just kept telling my self 1000's of people can't be wrong. But damn, just reading that some people take over a year to hear any sort of response from their tulpa was very disheartening, but I decided to keep on truck in and tough it out, cuz even if it wasn't true, it had already helped me out some what with my depression.

 

WHY START A PROGRESS REPORT 6 MONTHS IN?

There were so many reasons. I guess for the most part I didn't start a progress report day one is because I didn't want to just make one and never feel motivated to update it. I am a world class procrastinator and put everything off. Another reason was because I felt bad that even if I forced everyday, progress wasn't always made. After reading all the peoples comments and seeing what this community is like and how accepting everyone is of each other, and certain people in particular welcome everyone with open arms, it made me want to become a part of this community. Its also pretty unfair to Elia that I'm the only one who knows her because she is such a great person and has helped me so incredibly much.

 

MY NAME IS ELIA

Um, hello I guess, I don't really have much to say, and i can't believe how much Earthquake had to say, he usually never spills his heart like this but I am glad he finally decided to join the community because I want more friends lol.

 

WHAT I WANT TO GET BETTER AT

Right now I can hear Elia by her voice isn't always that different from my mindvoice, by I usually have an easy enough time differentiating between us. In the short term I want to get better at hearing/get her voice a little more defined. I also want to get better at visualizing. I can visualize alright but I wouldn't say I am too good at it, my wonderland isn't too vivid. Long term I want to get good at tactile and hearing imposition with a visual impostion eventually I just think I am a long ways away from that.

 

 

SORRY...

For such an incredibly large post. Seeing as how this is pretty much just my first 6 months all my other updates should be much much shorter in comparison. Also sorry for any typos and grammatical errors

 

THANK YOU ALL!!!

For reading this, I hope we can all be friends. And also thank you all for YOUR posts, because I have been lurking for a while and they have all helped so much! (Thank you!)

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Since last time I've just been forcing, Fell asleep twice and felt like a dick in the morning, but she wasn't too upset. Also since last time we went to the pumpkin farm, and got to pet a lotta animals.

 

I've been takin .5 to 1mg of xanex, turned me into a social butterfly at the bar, when usually I just stick to myself. Also took some cough syrup cause I have a small cold but I chugged I bout 3/4 of a small bottle because its fun and I wanted to experiment forcing while on it and I was feeling pretty good and It was a pretty good forcing session, ended up exploring some Halloween town lookin stuff and had a pretty fun time. We also went to a Bulls game, they were playing the Hawks. It was mine, and obviously her, first basketball game. I'm not a fan of sports but my buddy had a free ticket so why not? Bulls were down by 1 point with 1.5 seconds left Jimmy Butler sinked it and it was so sick.

 

We also went to this place called Naper Settlement which is pretty much a Colonial Times Halloween Park. She says she had a great time. I sometimes have a hard time remembering to think about her, she answers me but besides that she didn't really spark conversations unless she's angry or feeling anxious.

 

It was her half birthday yesterday and we watched movies and went to a small get together and drank a bit, no one knows about her but we pretended it was for her. Also yesterday at Dominos pizza they had a special in Chicagoland (cities and towns outside of Chicago) where if you walk in you can get 1 medium sized 1 topping pizza for $1, 5 pizza limit, and there was a line so me and her talked while we waited and it made it a lot better. Ended up getting a rain check coupon for tomorrow so we are gonna eat a buncha pizza and watch more horror movies.

 

Another thing I've been doing is when I watch movies I fold up a blanket or use a pillow and pretend my head is in her lap, it feels a lot like the rope/leash method.

 

I'm waiting till the end of this month to get my refill on Ambien, not only do I love the drug but I really want to do some forcing on it

 

Anyways that's all for this post, ill probably be posting again in a few days, have a good one everyone. {Goodbye! Sma!}

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Guest amber5885

I like your folded up towel or pillow blanket idea for Elia. I have a king size pillow that I curl up with when I'm watching T.V. I guess it kind of serves as a placeholder for Toby an it's comfortable for me lol

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I'm a little late to say this, but yeah, welcome to the community Earthquake! I hope that you can improve your Elia's mindvoice and everything^^. I'll give your folded up pillow or blanket thing a try, I can't believe I didn't think of that...

But anyways, good luck! and be careful with the xanex please! lol

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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Lol thanks for your responses guys! I really appreciate your warm welcome and your words of encouragement! I don't care how little or late they are it makes me feel good that someone is taking an interest in me and my tulpas progress. I'm really glad you guys liked my idea! As for the xanax that's not really a problem for me, I just got prescribed the lowest dose last month and am seeing the Dr in a week. The dose I'm at now (.25mg) really does nothing so I usually take a bit more but I'm not just swallowing pills and guessing doses I've done a little research and know how much to not take.

 

Not to much progress in the last couple of days, just more scary movies. Wasn't really something I did with Elia because I was pretty distracted, but I went to the local Buffalo Wild Wings and got to meet a pro football player, Lamarr Houston, he plays for Da Chicago Bears.

 

Forced a bit longer than usual today but had some pretty good talks. We first tried this guided meditation for the first time, by we didn't get too far into that because Elia just kept making jokes about the guide talker.

 

While talking to her she asked if I was pleased with the way she turned out, if she was what i wanted when I decided to create a tulpa. Before I answered her I asked if she was happy with the way she turned out, if she liked her name and her form. (I told him YES YES YES, I love everything just the way I am!)

 

I am definitely happy with the way she turned out, she's not exactly what I had intended but not in bad way. I gave up forcing personality like 3 days in, it was hard for me to just sit there and tell this "idea", you are kind, you are wise, this is how you would react when this happens, and in this situation would react in this way, and then say but you are your own person and you can be who ever you want. So I just said hey, as long as you come out as somebody who's nice, understanding, compassionate and not a total bitch, ill be happy.

 

I also told her the truth, I had always told her hey if you REALLY want you can change your form, if you REALLY want you can change your name, but always I would say but I REALLY like the way you are and please don't be a fucking pony or some guy cause I want cuddles. But in all honesty had hoped that she wouldn't deviate at all, I had a hard time seeing her face for the first month and i had worked realm hard on trying to get it down and am SO happy with the way she looks. But today she told me she does like being a beautiful woman and she's attached to the name, and when she said that I felt so relieved and all my guilty feelings went away. (Though sometimes when I'm pissin at a urinal she gets in my head and pretends to use the one next to me)

 

I honestly don't know how I picked out her form, and when I was thinking about it she simply told me "You got lucky", and that made me laugh. The only thing I really remember wanting was Alice's hair from the first twilight movie. She looks kinda similar to Alice by there are a few differentiations. I really want someone to draw her but I wouldn't even know how to begin to describe her other than that so unless I learn to draw, I don't think anyone else could get it down just perfect.

 

While talking she also asked what I wanted to do with my life, and I told her I just wanna go back to school and learn. I want to learn another language and learn about the places, and visit other country. She says shes gonna be pushing me pretty hard to accomplish these things because she wants me to be happy and she wants to know about more stuff too. She's a very curious person and is always getting me to try new things.

 

Also, since I've been prescribed xanax I've been seriously considering going to an open MIC night somewhere around me and doing some stand up. Its something I've always thought id be pretty good at and I really need to stop procrastinating about the stuff I want to do. The xanax really helps me when it comes to social situations so I think I'm finally ready to give it a shot. I plan on video taping it when I do. And I don't know when it will be, but if anyone's interested I can probably put it on YouTube and post a link here in my progress report. No promises though lol.

 

Well thanks again to whoever took the time to read this, it really does feel good to talk about this stuff or at least put it out there for other people to see. I know this isn't much of a progress report but more of me and Elia's journal, at least so far. But other than here know when else knows about her so it makes her feel good too. That's all for now. (Thank you for reading!)

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So these last two nights I have been forcing 1-2 hours and today her presence has been more pronounced. When I went to the bar tonight I definitely felt and seen (in my minds eye) her there more than usual. Usually when I'm out and about I get distracted pretty easily and I forget to think about her.

 

Last night, even though I had already worked on it before but that was several months ago, I worked on her body, her physique and form. We picked out a new outfit, just a simple black T and some jeans with with white ankle socks and Converse shoes. Under that she wears a black sports bra and sports underwear(I don't think you need to be that detailed!)

 

I bought a $20 beer today at the liquor store, its a Lucky Bastard Ale called "Crime". I'm going to save it for a special night, maybe when I feel like I've done some good forcing or accomplish something I feel reward worthy with Elia. (He can't wait to drink it, it'll probably be gone tomorrow!)

 

I want Elia to post a paragraph but she doesn't seem to have anything to really say. She's happy though (More or less) [she really is though] so that's all that matters, you guys'll hear more from her eventually. That's all for now, bye (Goodbye!).

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I've never used a proxy thing like a pillow to simulate my tulpa. I usually just try to visualize holding them while I'm holding air. I can stay focused on them a good amount of time, especially in bed.

Chance, an anthro husky, wolf or fox.

Birthdate September 20, 2014.

Sentient October 1, 2014.

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So slept most the day and then the rest me and Elia are watching the Simpsons Tree House of Horror marathon. I got the house to myself tonight so I think I'm going to force out loud later. No progress since last post, just been forcing, lurking the forum, and watching movies with her.

 

I have a free hotel for two nights at a nearby casino this week, and the first night I'm going to use to mainly get some forcing done. I get my Ambien refill that day so I'm looking forward to that. The second night I'm probably gonna have a lil party, turn shit up a lil bit. I don't plan on gambling too much, but I will probably go down to the casino for a lil while, show Elia since she's never been. She says she's excited, for the casino and also because we haven't had too much alone time in the past couple of months.

 

When my doctor prescribed me xanex she made me agree to see a counselor. So in the next month and a half ill be seeing one. I'm not sure if ill tell them about Elia yet, that's something I'm going to have to judge after more than a couple sessions.

 

Well that's all for now, ill update again real soon.(Bye.)

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I've been procrastinating like no other since my last post, yet Elia seems to be happier and more understanding than ever. She says I don't have to force everyday as long as I think about her and talk to her a couple of times through out it. And I always do, I usually think about her whenever I wake up and say hello, and talk to her before my day really begins. She tells me not to feel bad and she knows I won't forget about her.

 

Every time I take Ambien I usually plan on forcing but I get super distracted... I'm not gonna lie and I have a bit of a problem with it, its pretty damn addicting but I can usually make my script last and when I run out I give myself a date of 1 or two months before I let myself refill it. I plan on taking a small dose tonight and ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY forcing, no ifs ands or buts about it I'm gonna set like 8 reminders. The one other time I remembered to force all I remember is doing it for like 5 mins but Elia was very talkative and she was kinda loopy but she liked it.

 

I started watching the Flash, and after I finished every episode that's out I started watchin Arrow, and got really into it. Elia says "its the shit", and she seems to have gained my love for super heroes.

 

Tomorrow I plan on forcing for at least 45 mins but hopefully longer, it depends on how much time I get to myself.

 

Also, it stared snowing today, just for 5 minutes but Elia got super excited because it was her first time seeing snow, and her first Halloween. Snow on Halloween in Chicago, huh. She also just got happy because I spelled her name wrong and my phone corrected and capitalized it. She's not hard to please.

 

Eh, ain't got much more to say so I guess ill head out for now, as always thanks for reading. (Happy Halloween ?!!!)

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