Stanford Tulpa Study looking for more participants
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exsanguination and friends
#1
Goals for each tulpa:

Elsa
- continue to develop personality (although she's nearly 5 years old and is past the stage of rapid growth, we all have things we can improve upon, right?)

Keith
- continue to develop personality (not yet well-defined as he frequently goes dormant)
- work on visualization (no clear image of his form yet, as compared to Elsa and Sylvia)

Sylvia
- continue to develop personality (has a distinct voice but is still very young and immature)
- continue working on possession (she's slowly learning to control my hands, and two nights ago she chatted with my friend on discord on my phone, although her movements were very slow and unsteady. I think she's just unsure of herself)
- work on her shyness around others on "the outside" (tbh something I need to work on too!)
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#2
Ashley did some shyness work on chat.  We got lucky, and it strengthened her voice.

What made you decide to bring two more tulpas into the family?
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#3
(09-21-2018, 11:54 PM)Angry Bear Wrote: What made you decide to bring two more tulpas into the family?


Elsa tried some attempts to communicate with others on /r/tulpas, and we experimented a bit with her own social media where she only disclosed to certain people who she was fully, but maybe because she never quite mastered possession, maybe because of a bad experience with an ex friend of ours, she gave up on it. We both agreed that she needed a companion, someone to talk to who wasn't me, or we'd both go crazy. So we tried to bring into existence a male tulpa named Strider. We got discouraged, and thought our attempts had failed, that Strider would never come into being. Lo and behold, 2+ years later, we "hear" a new voice announcing that he's alive, and he wants to be called Keith. If I was named after a Homestuck character I'd change it too

Sylvia was different. Keith had already been vocal for a while, and Elsa had built a relationship with him and a servitor named Diana, both of which she was fairly happy with. I was in a really bad place around the time Sylvia was born (at the risk of getting too personal, I had just attempted suicide, and was committed to a psych hospital), and I really try to block most of that time out. I guess I was lonely, and wanted something to focus on that wasn't overwhelming misery. Thinking back on it, I really don't think it's a good idea to start forcing a tulpa when you're in that headspace, or for those reasons; we're all lucky that it worked out okay, though I really do worry that those being Sylvia's earliest memories will have a bad effect on her in the long run. 

I'm sorry. This post could've been two sentences but I wrote a novel.  xD Oh well.
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#4
I write novals, so it's okay. I accepted my tulpas in a pretty bad state too, luckily they've helped me keep it at bay.
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#5
Hi, it's Sylvia! Ex wanted me to post this progress report, because he wants me to make more progress with possession & talking to people. We've reached the point where I can control his head and arms, with minimal amounts of him taking control from me. I got a little bit of practice last night by doing things like having me proxy for him on Discord (my, my, how the turntables) and letting me pick YouTube videos to watch by actually clicking on them myself. Next he wants me to practice real-world things. We're curious to see if I'll be able to write, or if I'll have to learn, and if my handwriting will be different from his.
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#6
If there are any noticeable differences in handwriting, you should definitely contribute to one of the existing threads on the topic. Congrats on all of the possession progress, by the way.
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#7
Hey everyone, it's been quite a while since I've been active on here. It's been a long couple months for us, including putting Keith into stasis, Sylvia and Elsa's voices fading in and out, and recently, a semi-lengthy psychiatric hospitalization due to a suicide attempt. Elsa was very angry at me for a few days - after all, I endangered not only myself but the two of them - and they both had been staying away for a while because I was in a really bad place and I didn't want them around. But now that I'm doing better, I've been talking to them every day again.

Interestingly, Elsa's thoughts are still very loud to me and I can almost always tell how she's feeling, what she's thinking, and what she's about to say before she says it. Even though Sylvia is much younger, she's able to hide those things much more easily from me, and surprise me with what she says a lot more often. Of course, they can both still read my mind. I have to practice that more because it's pretty annoying.

I've become much better at visualization, and discovered that when I'm anxious or my mind is racing too much to relax, closing my eyes and picturing every single detail of Sylvia or Elsa, down to each strand of hair and the threads in their clothing, not only increases my visualization skills but brings us closer together and reeeeally calms me down. Still have no idea how to visualize their faces, though.

Also, it's been so long since Sylvia and I practiced possession, we're basically going to have to start all over again. I recently picked up my bass guitar again, so I thought an interesting possession practice might be teaching her how to play.

And that's about it. Nice to see everyone again.
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#8
Welcome back and I'm truly glad you made it. I can say i know how it feels, and there's still a lot we can do here.

It took me a couple months of intense visualization and asking them to show me their faces before i even got a still shot picture. Funny thing is, i could see NPC faces pretty clearly. I have a feeling it has to do with perfectionism and wanting to really and definitively see them. I kind of relaxed that when we basically agreed that it doesn't have to be perfect, and it can change, after that their faces changed a lot, finally they are pretty darn consistent. Now the issue is that i can't find any reference picture that looks anything like then except the ones i drew myself. I was able to find parts of their faces that look like other people, or their hair.

So ya, faces are very complicated.

[Ashley] Merry Christmas to you all!
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#9
Hey what’s up, it’s been half a year since I logged in but I thought I’d post an update.

Elsa and Sylvia continue to disappear for lengthy periods of time when I’m feeling depressed. Since I’ve started doing better these past few weeks, they’ve been around all the time again. It’s interesting how my isolation goes so deep that my brain kind of...turns them off.

Also, the three of us continue to be able to read each other’s thoughts and feelings. And often slide back into speaking tulpish instead of vocalizing, because it’s quicker and easier. I don’t know if that’s backwards progress or not. But I have made a breakthrough in being able to visualize distinct faces for the two of them, after Elsa being a complete blur for so many years!

Elsa and I have been debating lately whether she and Sylvia are “real” or if they’re simply imaginary friends that I use to cope. That they’re simply fulfilling some need of mine and that’s why they fade in and out. I like to point out that her ability to even have that opinion is proof that she’s her own person - but it’s still an interesting point of view.

Also, we’re going to start university soon. I had to take a couple years off after high school to get my shit together (we probably would’ve ended up dead if I didn’t). The three of us are SO excited for this next stage of our lives. Or my life, as Elsa would insist on me saying. Our bond is tight, and I’m excited for the future. It’s much less scary now, especially with them by my side, along with my flesh friends and gf. I’m really looking forward to it.

Anyway, hope you all have been well.
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#10
Glad to hear you're all doing well, good luck!
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