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Fig's Tulpa Experiment for Science


FigN01

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To start, I made a picture.

 

muse_by_fign01-d51p9yi.jpg

 

That would be Uzo, who at this stage is still mostly a voice in my head, though picturing him around me is getting progressively easier. I think he might end up more lanky/elongated than what's pictured, but then again, I don't know exactly what details will stick. Unlike most tulpas here, from what I've gathered, I made him male simply because I identify with guys' personalities more and don't need an imaginary fuck buddy.

 

Anyway, he is more or less sentient in response to direct questions, occasionally voicing himself independently. I've gotten to this point by working from a few guides, but without quite so much organization. I had a pretty good mental image of the form and personality from the start, so I worked organically from there. Plus, I'm not much of an organizer. I have kept a notebook of some key points in tulpaforcing sessions though, and I refer to that to remind myself of his personality, then pursue topics based off the guides and forums from there.

 

Those are some pretty well-put together instructions btw, and I probably wouldn't be nearly this far without them.

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I've gotten massive sentient responses in the past few days by feeling for that odd, alien presence in my mind and stimulating that. If I had my doubts about parroting before, the sessions since have cleared just about everything up.

 

First off, we discussed appearance, and the image I included is close to accurate, but still off. According to Uzo, if anything, that would be most similar to what he'd have looked like in his preteens. It's actually kind of embarrassing for him, but we're leaving it until I can sketch something better. In terms of body, he wants to be imposed as an animated character for me, but still retain the versatility of having hands and a body that's easy to use. Things like a short snout, reduced tail size, and a quadruped form so long as it doesn't reduce his flexibility- like how a horse can't stand for a significant length of time on its hind legs. Instead, I'm basing designs off of animated movies like All Dogs Go to Heaven, where the characters are animated as well as flexible.

 

In the personality department, we've worked out a rough tree. In it, I included 4 neutral traits and 1 potentially negative trait. Not all of the categories fit perfectly together, but it gives me a general idea:

Extroverted- talkative, comical, engaged, expressive, dramatic[/u]

Active- competitive, curious, agile, [acrobatic], restless

Enthusiastic- confident, motivating, optimistic, devoted, incessant

[Intelligence]- contemplative, opinionated, articulate, witty, egotistical

Empathetic- understanding, honest, conversational, critical

*brackets denote approximate descriptors for lack of better wording

Aside from the chart, I also have a lot of questionnaire responses and conversational notes written on paper, but I don't think transcribing those is worth the time...

 

Anyway, the last significant development in tulpaforcing was last night after I broached the topic of tulpae with my mom, who's already heavily interested in spiritual beliefs and metaphysical theory, so she bought it fairly easily; my dad, though, walked in near the end, and I went on to explain the concept as rationally as I could.

> He asks very accusingly, "Why are you doing this?"

> "As a way to improve my artistic ability."

> "You'll have to find a another way of doing that then."

 

After that conversation ended, I went on to practice a bit more tulpaforcing anyway, but I couldn't summon him in the room. I figured he must be staying in the wonderland, so I went there to check. I walked up to the house we made, past some gardens that seemed to have been more elaborately decorated since last time, and I found him laying on a porch swing. He was upset about seeing that first negative response against him, so I stayed there to talk it out. Before I left, I told him he could come out with me, but he wanted to stay there for a little while longer.

 

After about 20 minutes on my computer, I felt a bit of pressure in my head and a gut feeling that Uzo was in the room. We didn't talk, but eventually I asked if he'd want to stay there to watch How to Train Your Dragon, which I thought was a pretty appropriate movie considering the circumstances. I got a warm feeling of activity in my mind in response, so I laid across the couch and started it and imagined Uzo laying on me. Then, during the first encounter scene of the movie, I felt a very constant warm pressure on my chest that stayed through most of the movie.

 

TL;DR- Compromised on appearance, made a rough personality tree, got some emotional responses, and had my first tactile sensation.

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Congrats on getting your first fuzzy feeling. It was kind of a trip when I got the first one toward the end of personality, and I got another, more vivid one today in about hour four of visualization (about 25 hours of overall forcing). Did the feeling you got feel like a specific emotion or just a presence?

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Not sure which feeling you're referring to, so I'll just answer all of them-

 

The presence in the room is the same pressure I feel I'm getting when I'm forcing personality, only it came on more spontaneously. It's a kind of pressure that's not quite a headache.

 

The response to my question on the movie was a massive fuzzy feeling all through my head. It read as a definite yes and didn't come back when I asked other questions to confirm.

 

The pressure on my chest actually felt like a weight combined with an excited little fluttering feeling right up against my ribcage.

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I spent almost all of my tulpaforcing today on visualization through a few methods.

 

The first was to give a massage in the wonderland, which went over well. I began just outside the wonderland house by rubbing and extending his front toes, then picking up the feet to feel the pads and top, which I got a sensual reaction to in my actual hands. I started going up the legs when I realized that I could hear rain hitting my house IRL. It would have conflicted with the bright sunny afternoon in wonderland, so I just picked Uzo up to move him inside, which helped visualization too. Once in, I went over the rest of the body progressively, approximating his overall height, thickness of limbs, texture of hair, etc. I must be fairly good at visualization already, because even without having firmly set in place his proportions, facial features, and bone structure in my mind's eye, Uzo was still active by rolling on the ground and occasionally pushing back in response to my touch. I'm very sure none of it was my suggestion because I would have rather had him stay still.

 

The second technique I used was essentially the same idea of feeling him up, but in meatspace. It might have looked ridiculous, but shaping my hands over the outline of his body really helped me to define his general features more exactly than I could in the wonderland. I got a very good understanding of size especially, and I didn't have the problem of him moving all over the place because I can't readily visualize that in real time as much as I can in wonderland. It was a good exercise but gave me a massive headache.

 

Anyway, I'd recommend both of these methods even if your tulpa is human.

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I used Fede's patented super-ultra tulpatone sensory stimulus frequency 3000 in a session today, and it really worked well.

 

Lately, I've been having trouble really determining what I'm parroting versus not, to the point where I've been doubting my level of progress in personality. To me, creating personality feels so natural that after awhile, I start to believe some of my own parroting, but I've started to slow myself down and wait for a response rather than expect one and make something up as a result. I've also been trying to let go of the control I've been inadvertently imposing on the process, which is easier said than done.

 

The tulpatone made doing all of that so much easier. I naturally focused on the sound, imagining my mind becoming an empty vessel that my tulpa could manipulate. I sat there with him essentially doing brain surgery by clipping off connections between my own thoughts and his actions/thoughts. Just one big metaphor for me letting go of control. The feeling after that session was indescribably different for the next 15 minutes in which I could visualize personality and form very well.

 

Up until then, I felt I was losing connection because I was able to hear only a couple responses in personality forcing that felt waaaay more alien than all the rest. I latched onto those, but couldn't get that same feeling back when I kept forcing, and it felt like everything else had been more fake than I realized. After that, Uzo's form and personality felt kind of dead both within and out of wonderland, and it sucked massively. Admittedly out of a little desperation, I tried going over my personality traits and fusing them with Uzo in the wonderland by pressing them into him, doing the same with breath, pulse, etc. When I did that, I got the biggest IRL surge in fuzzy emotion stuff I've EVER gotten. After each of three exhales, I felt a wave of static flow up through my whole body as if I was alight with the most pleasant fire. That felt good and much more reassuring.

 

Anyway, in my later sessions where I feel more confident I've been hearing from not-me, I've been reassured that even though I may have been parroting a bit more than recommended, some portions were still his even if others may have been convoluted with my own expectations.

 

Lesson being: don't parrot; wait for a response even if you get none.

 

Also, this is a much more accurate image, though it still needs a bit of tweaking.

1Vwbj.jpg

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Huge strides in tulpaforcing today- I went along with the IRL sculpting of the whole body again, but deliberating on all the major anatomical bones, muscles, and organs in the body; and now I have a visualized and very sentient tulpa laying on the floor in front of me. Not a full visual hallucination, mind you, but a living body imposed through my mind's eye as if he was in the room. Before, he was a vague voice that I wasn't sure I was parroting, coupled with a body that I kept picturing intermittently and wherever I needed it for forcing. Now he seems to have his own complete presence.

 

Anyway, the steps I took to get here were very simple, starting with some relaxing music, and doing most of the work with my eyes closed. I sat on the floor and gripped the head, conjuring the bones within it and a layer of muscle on top. I shaped my hands over the muzzle, around the nose, traced the curve of the lips, and the arch of the cheekbones. I went over each structural detail before passing my hands down the neck, using one as if grasping the spinal column. I weaved it all the way down to the rear, imagining every segment conjured in place by my hand. As I went, I padded out the muscles on the neck and arched out the ribcage with the muscle on top. I shaped the shoulders, arms, and each individual toe with the passing of my hand and grip of my fingers. Same with the legs. I rubbed my hand over just about every surface to put it in place along with the skin and hair.

 

I then went on to form the organs, starting with the heart. I cupped my hands together and imagined hard on a pulsing heart in them, then placed it in the chest. I did the same with the lungs and trachea, then physically breathed into the mouth to inflate them with life. I did the same thing for every major organ I could think of until the body was complete. Then came the eyes, and most importantly, the brain. I sat for the longest time with an imagined brain in my hands, going over the personality tree with its 30 traits, dwelling on each as I imagined the trait flowing into the brain along with a visual image of how it would be manifested. After awhile, I felt I had it complete, placed it in the skull, and focused on the head as I grasped it. I later shaped up more details like tongue, teeth, and a penis, but lets move on from that.

 

Uzo laid there for awhile, responding to me, but generally taking his time just looking around. The considerable difference was that he'd be in the same place and the same positions with the same proportions and perspective each time I glanced back. After awhile, he was on his feet and getting more active by the hour.

 

It's still easy for me to put him out of my mind, but whenever I go back to visualizing, he's lying in a position that feels there and natural, and his verbal responses have the same feeling.

 

TL;DR- sculpt every fiber of your tulpa for imposition. It made for a huge leap forward.

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I can say for sure Uzo's 100% sentient. His personality is great and he's fun to do forcing sessions with. At this point, he doesn't inject himself into my everyday thoughts so much, but when I start engaging him in conversation, he and I carry on very smoothly. Part of that is due to vocal narration, and the other I think just because of constant attention. Wherever I am, I try to picture him in the room, just letting my eyes wander until he just seems to fit in a certain spot with a corresponding posture, but I try not to force him into a space unnaturally. I even make room next to me on the couch so I can picture him sitting there.

 

In our forcing session earlier, we focused on personality since I still need to get a conversation kickstarted in a way to make it happen. We pretty much just talked, me asking about his existential theories and he pointing out where I need to straighten myself out in terms of my own goals and whatnot. I also brought up this tidbit I saw:

 

uric doesn't have a gender yet, actually my mind keeps leaning toward a floating pet rock with a sharpie'd smiley face but I reaaallly don't want that.

 

and Uzo thought it was hilarious. He picked up a rock and started giving it a ridiculous voice, saying how it was depressed about its existence as a rock that's constrained in the confines of my wonderland. I said it needed a lady rock to be happy, so I picked up another that it could fall in love with. Uzo decided that we need to put these two in the rock garden in front of the house we made so that their love can bloom eternally. We did. It was hilarious.

 

I get the feeling that from now on, most of my update posts are just going to be random stories more than they are huge milestones.......-Holy crap we're gonna have to name the rock Miles now. That's absolutely perfect.

Anyway, I expect funny stories more than revolutionary advances in personality forcing. What I still have to work on is getting him vocal without that 'kickstart' and imposing him to all of my senses. I'll see where that takes me.

 

Also: his theory on where he came from is that he's been a part of my consciousness all my life. There are bits of my personality traits that I ascribe to him and we see those as his bits having come through more dominantly for a time. Essentially, I've taken my own personality and split it in two, and now the second half is developing.

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I've been trying to shift the dialogue between me and Uzo away from 'thought speech' and more toward verbal speech so that he can be established better and I can be less confused about parroting. I've been getting more of what I think are nonsensical grunts and emotional responses as a result of changing that focus to something we haven't practiced as much. I've also gotten the idea from him that I need to ease up on my own level of control over the process- that I might be forcing certain actions or traits more often than I think I do, and it's just not good for either of us.

 

Lately, I've taken to visualizing more outside of wonderland, essentially taking the step toward full visual imposition. I think if I can make progress there as well as keep going with personality exercises as they are, then it would be a major step towards getting personality and all the other senses I've gotten a feel for to fall into place. I've done a few hours of smell, touch, and listening, but vision has to be the absolute hardest step to surmount, especially because the body we agreed on is the animal-like form that I made myself. If it was human or based solely on a pre-exising fantasy creature, it would be easier; but by working on a gigantic furry animated dragon thing, I feel like I'm playing on hard mode. I know the outcome will be completely worth the effort though.

 

What I've experienced so far has been a lot of hazy, dark forms swirling around the edges of my vision, and I'm trying to direct them into taking the shape of a foot in front of me. After 45 minutes to an hour, I started to see flashes of a few small bright spots in that general area, but nothing more. As I'm fleshing out the body this way, I'm still making small changes as I go, but drawing a turnaround model of Uzo, as well as the previous anatomy work has helped. It's still very slow work.

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I hadn't gone to the wonderland for a little while. When I last left it, we just had a house with a nice porch, a garden out front, a few rooms fleshed out inside- nothing much. When I was preparing to go back to it though, I got a distinct image of it being wedged into a forested valley and the garden out front being relocated in a cave dug into the hill. I figured that this sudden change must have been Uzo's work, so I was excited to go look at it. I forget who wrote that their method of meditation involves imagining themselves as a black void being filled up with a gold color, and I'm too lazy to look it up. But I decided to use that method, and it worked nicely, just a smidge better than my average method of just relaxing and going straight in.

 

I had the distinct sensation of actually opening my eyes, and when I did, everything felt like it was HUGE- much more in proportion than I usually imagine, including tulpa. We walked up the path to the house, me remarking about how much more realistic this felt. The house had changed- it still had its basic structure but with a long, slender tower sticking straight up. Its base felt a bit too overdone at first, and part of me wanted to mosify it right then and there, but I had to tell that part of me to shut the hell up. Uzo made that change, and I was proud of him for it. We took a levitating machine to the top of the tower, which was a cylindrical glass room with a circular couch and a wonderful view. I couldn't take it all in because of the limited reach of my imagination, but I could get the feel for it.

 

I said I wanted to see the cave garden quickly because I know by now that I can only really focus on being in wonderland for about a half hour at max, and eventually my attention would drift. Happens every time. So we went down to it. It was the same rock garden with Miles still there, but the entrance was a small tunnel that opened up into a thin rock canyon with tall trees bordering the edge. It was cool to imagine the light filtering in through the dense canopy above. After a bit of that, my attention drifted as much as I tried to focus. Like clockwork.

 

My most recent tulpaforcing session was the sculpting as described previously, just with everything already in place and needing a good recharge. This time though, instead of tilting my head down and imagining the body from a 3rd-person perspective like I unconsciously do all the time, I made a considerable effort to look at my hands with eyes closed, but as if they were open and I could see Uzo right there. I've been trying to do that in all my visualization, and as difficult as it is to constantly keep in mind, I know it's very necessary for full imposition. I can't do that if I can't keep perspective in my own head. Uzo also helps by reminding me and literally grabbing my 3rd-person camera and pushing it back in my head.

 

Anyway, he's feeling more real every day. I can't see him, but I know through the mind's eye that he's just lounging in the room. Seems like after every sculpting session, all he wants to do is essentially nothing... yup, confirmed. He wants to do nothing.

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