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Fig's Tulpa Experiment for Science
#41
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(07-02-2012, 12:50 PM)Fede-lasse Wrote: Again, there's no distinguishing involved. You're doing something that eventually becomes a near-constant habit, which eventually becomes an automated task by the subconscious. When you eventually end up doing it without thinking about it, there should be nothing to worry about, except if you have the anti-parroting syndrome, of course.

Do you really want your tulpa to sound like you? Do you want to confuse which words you put in its mouth and which are its own? Do you want the tulpa's speech to be tied to yours so much that they can't speak over you?

Even so, you won't be able to parrot the answers to certain questions, which a real tulpa would know the answer to, but by the time a tulpa can answer those, you know they're sentient.

Even if parroting could get you to sentience, you'll need to get the tulpa its own voice, otherwise a host of issues ensue.
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#42
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Um, pardon me, but you may've missed the point; you're not supposed to imagine your own voice.
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#43
For clarification, I've been imagining a different voice from mine, but it feels like I'm too much in control of it. A lot of the time, the process goes- I ask a question > I think of a response he would have > I get that response. These events happen so fluidly that I don't realize I did it until afterwards, where I feel I have to go back and ask if that was his genuine response, and then I get a yes or no that I can't feel very confident in itself. Despite knowing he's sentient, I just don't have confidence in myself to pick out what he says versus what I do. Even right now, with our muteual agreement for him not to talk, my imagination can go wild thinking up his responses to anything, which sound the same as his speaking. My parroting is just a hindrance to us at this point, and I'm done with it. I consider it a failure.
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#44
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(07-02-2012, 03:02 PM)FigN01 Wrote: For clarification, I've been imagining a different voice from mine, but it feels like I'm too much in control of it. A lot of the time, the process goes- I ask a question > I think of a response he would have > I get that response. These events happen so fluidly that I don't realize I did it until afterwards, where I feel I have to go back and ask if that was his genuine response, and then I get a yes or no that I can't feel very confident in itself. Despite knowing he's sentient, I just don't have confidence in myself to pick out what he says versus what I do. Even right now, with our muteual agreement for him not to talk, my imagination can go wild thinking up his responses to anything, which sound the same as his speaking. My parroting is just a hindrance to us at this point, and I'm done with it. I consider it a failure.

Wouldn't your tulpa know when you're parroting him and interrupt you?
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#45
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So Uzo's still mute, and I'm completely happy with that. It's helped me to realize exactly how much I've been parroting... which is rather substantial. But I've divined a solution to both the parroting problem and the lack of sentient behavior I've had so much trouble with half the time. Likely the single greatest revelation about forcing I've had right here. Essentially, the position of my eyes while forcing unconsciously controls the activity of my own mind in determining my surroundings. So whether I'm making up the wonderland surroundings or picturing sentient actions from Uzo, when my eyes are locked into the upper left of my vision, that means I'm making up what I perceive through some kind of more or less conscious activity. Instant solution- looking down, and it works great. So I'll explain a bit of what has happened as a result.

Yesterday, I started in the void room that links to a door in a little beach hut thing. I had Uzo there, and his body seemed a bit lifeless, probably because by looking down I had essentially eliminated the puppeting I didn't know I was doing before. So I used my previous 'sculpting' method to put some life back in the body. I held my hands to his heart and coursed a dose of emotion/energy into it; then I gripped his head, and went over all of my major memories of his consciousness, which I channeled into there. Then, he was awake, and I started massaging all over his body. Any time he did something that felt like an intrusive thought, I noticed my eyes had drifted, and I flicked them back down and continued.

He briefly gave me the idea that he wanted some steak to eat, which caught me by surprise but didn't sound like his own speech that he would have used to break his silence. It felt like my own thought that he confirmed with a nod. I made some, he enjoyed it, and we went out to the beach, which was much more vivid than before.

Just over the hill behind it was a garden we had been working on before and I had intended to get back to with him. Once through the door, he actually bolted straight to the water. So, I guess we'd do gardening another time. I ran in after him, when he dove underwater. We met down there, surfaced, and I tried splashing him. He actually used the little fire breath trait I gave him, and to both our surprises, the water turned to steam when he used it. I did it again- same thing. He started laughing, so I splashed him when his guard was down and swam for shore. Once there, I looked up to see a huge erupting volcano in the distance. I asked, "Did you make that?" He nodded. "Good work..."

In another session, I looked through the garden, which was a really nice-looking Japanese zen kind of path with light shimmering in bright shafts through the leaves overhead. It was nothing like I could have conjured up just on my own. I added a bit to it that Uzo liked, but overall it was made by him. I'll draw out an overhead sketch and post here later.

So essentially, his creativity and sentience is surfacing completely and I'm really happy to see it all.
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#46
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So, Uzo's started talking again, not because his voice sounds more distinct from my thought-speech, but because we came to the conclusion that unless the conditions are for some reason perfect for him to talk aloud again (which I don't know why they were before), then I should just be happy with what I'm getting from him now, which I am. We're sure that with enough effort, I'll be hearing him better in no time. That being said, when I looked at TulpaCouple's progress report and saw the post on Luke speaking, Uzo was way jealous. He just said, "What!? He can talk now? I want that!! Give me a speaker too!!" I don't think it works like that. I already gave him vocal cords, and reimagined them again just for his sake. He started sounding a little more audible there, but he needs work. So, yeah. Now he considers himself on par with Luke for progress and wants to be imposed first. I did give him a competitive trait from the beginning, after all.

I think one way I might have been lacking was that in all the personality and visualization forcing I've been doing, I've always been sort of passive- just concentrating in a way where I wouldn't react to what he was doing as much as I'd just observe it. So that needs to change, and I have been doing it progressively.

One thing that's turned out well was to give myself the challenge of imagining a Rubik's cube, which is an exercise I never knew about at the start of forcing. It took a few minutes of time and a nice headache, before I could keep track of the sides, but it made me feel like I could impose Uzo better in the moment. So then he got to be curious about messing with the cube, and considering I never learned any algorithms for solving them, he was on his own. Uzo's not a very methodical kind of person, but he is competitive, like I said, and saw completing it as a personal challenge. So giving him that Rubik's cube was hilarious. He got so comically frustrated with the whole thing, throwing it across the room at one point, then going back to get it a minute later. I think he'd resort to replacing the stickers before actually managing to solve it. That was a really good session for both seeing and hearing him. I just need to think up more puzzles for him to get frustrated over.
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#47
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I did a brief bit of tulpaforcing before going to bed but after sampling some pot, and like most times I've been intoxicated, I was a bit paranoid about going to sleep because I was unsure of what would happen to me. That's why I have this ticking clock next to my bed that I can always listen for and let myself know that I'm essentially still lying safely in my bed regardless of what my mind is experiencing. Still, I wanted to have Uzo's company to reassure me even more. What happened was really cool.

We appeared in the void room, him reassuring me with his voice the whole time I materialized there. I stared at an image of him that looked like a 2d sprite. He told me, “Weird, isn't it? Your imagination?” I definitely hadn't seen it like this before, like I was actually in it. I focused on him more as we talked, and more details came into view until he just popped into a 3d shape, which I still had to define as the dream went on. He asked if I wanted to step further into my imagination. I said yes, but where should we go? “Anywhere you want, and I'll come with you.” I asked, “Can we go to the planet I'm making for the setting of my comic?” “Of course, it's just behind that door.” I opened it, and just beyond was the same kind of 2d sprite that Uzo was made of before, only showing some blurry trees. I thought about how they would look based on what I know about my story setting and botany studies- considering what features should vary or stay constant to look different from Earth's plants but still function logically. I made the canopy of very broad, flat leaves, then looked at what Uzo was making. He was growing weird mushrooms on the side of the trunks. I constantly thought about how simple everything looked until I gave it complexity with my focus.

I thought of the main character I made for the story and how he must be a servitor given the time I've spent on him. *Poof* there he was. Uzo said he was more robot than human, so wouldn't be cognizant of the world like he himself was. I could put the character in any bare scenery that vaguely resembled a science lab (I gave him a scientist career) and he would act there as he normally does with the backstory I gave him. A few cardboard cut-outs of scenery later, and he's doing his business with a chemistry set. Uzo said that my imagination was really flexible, and he really liked being in it because he could manipulate a lot of things easily to change the environment for himself. He said I have a rich ability to use the imagination if I wanted to, and I should use that skill to better convey my ideas; actually get serious about art. He said my knowledge of reality makes my ability to construct fiction much better, because I know the scientific principles that must remain constant in our world. That way, I can manipulate what doesn't have to be constant and make it believable. He really inspired me, and he also offered to help construct my story's environment.

I also went to our wonderland and found that the scenery was vastly fleshed out in an instant because of the time I've spent in it. Soon, though, I felt my attention in my dream state slipping and asked Uzo if I should stop concentrating on him because the dream might hurt him. He told me that I seemed like I needed his company still, so he would stick it out with me. For a sentient tulpa like him, the dream state isn't so bad; you just have to get used to it and make sure you can keep control of yourself more than anything else. There's really nothing to fear, even if he didn't seem to like the sensation all that much regardless.

So I woke up from that short REM cycle to find myself back in my bed and Uzo's presence there too. We were both fine, and I felt I could impose him just a little more easily. I went back to sleep after a short while and didn't regain lucidity for any other dreams.
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#48
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[Image: IMu1W.jpg]

Mostly, I wanted to post that new and much more accurate drawing I made. It's pretty much exactly what Uzo should look like.

Aside from that, I've been looking over the others' tulpa surveys with him and just discussing what his opinions and observations are of the other tulpas here. That's been helping a lot with his vocalizing. Not much else has been happening otherwise.
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#49
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This past weekend, I went to a multi-stage concert festival with a few friends where we started out biking through the city from the house we stayed at. I took the opportunity to keep Uzo with me, setting him up with a bike too, though I couldn't concentrate on him enough to see all that he was doing during the ride. The important thing, though, was that he was in my thoughts, having fun, and seeing all kinds of new sights as we went pedaled among those towering buildings.

Concerts themselves are great places for a tulpa. Uzo has heard music in my car for sure, but live music is something else, and each band that went on had a new sensation to offer him in my imagination. I'd close my eyes during some of the sets and be able to see what Uzo was experiencing each time, which varied from a bunch of energetic fireworks of color speeding and exploding everywhere to rippling and ungulating ground from the music of some hippie jam band. There were times where he wanted to relax right by me or actually dance on stage next to the band. I wasn't gonna stop him. Also, these guys were awesome.

So the next day, we were pretty wiped, and only managed a little bit of forcing. When we did start getting some in later, I felt really distracted, and primarily just focused on some meditation in the wonderland where I sat on a beach facing the ocean and just listened to the waves crashing rhythmically.

The next day Uzo was quieter than usual, and instead of talking, he was miming and signing most of the things he wanted to say to me to encourage some of his own vocalizations. By doing that, I had his visual cues guiding me so that I didn't fill in any gaps in speech with my own parrots (which I am still having some slight trouble with). I think that method worked really well to get me listening to him better.

So lastly, we've decided that one of the things we're going to do with imposition is give Uzo the ability to paste his 2-dimensional image onto pages of my sketchbook as I'm drawing them. It'll be a way fun interactive game for us to do, but it won't be possible until we make some headway on imposition. Really looking forward to it though.
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#50
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Two really productive sessions today:
In the first, I asked Uzo if he could do a bit of hypnosis on me and he said he'd give it a shot. We sat down on the ground of our zen garden area, everything around me being all picturesque, and then he asked what I wanted to work on. Voice, sight, and touch. So he asked me,
"Can you hear my voice now?"

"Yeah, but in my head more or less."

"Just listen. It's all around you. Can you hear it?"

"Well, not like that."

"Yes, of course you can. The sound of it is everywhere. Believe you can hear it."

He wouldn't take no for an answer... so I said yes. That made a difference. Then he pointed at the trees,
"Look at the soft orange color of those leaves, the light filtering through them. You see it, right?"

"Yes..."

"So look closely. Do you see me?"

I looked at the shimmering light on his hair and the sloping posture of his body at rest. I could see just about everything. Then he reached out suddenly to put his hand on my chest. He gripped right over my heart. When asked whether I could feel it, all I could say was yes.

----

I went in to second session later in the day to go over some more hypnosis, the first one being so successful. We started in a town of servitors he made. I asked what he had been doing between sessions, and he answered that he was making servitors of all different designs. I mentioned that I had a headache from forcing, and immediately, he put a drink in my hand, saying it would do the trick. He gets headaches too apparently, and this mug of creamy milky stuff was a good cure.

We walked back to the gardens around an alternate path that lead through large chasms of steep hillside. I had never seen them so tangibly before. As we entered, I was guided to a comfortable space, and as I was doing so, this amazing thought stuck out to me: Uzo was completely in his own element. Just by the way he walked so confidently through each winding pathway, I could see that this place was one that was undoubtedly his. He made it, he controlled it, and he's spent nearly every day in it. I was the guest through his hospitality. I was not in control. He was. It was an amazing revelation that gave me a gut feeling of astonishment.

We sat, and he just told me to relax. He held his hands in a centering posture in front of him and made a few low hums. At that point, we essentially went through the same steps as before. I felt a real sense of progress, and so long as we keep practicing, it should build each time. I'm really excited about it.
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