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Finn's Tulpa Journal
#1
I am aware that the name isn't all that epic, and I am sorry. I'm not the best at naming things, as my Tulpa will someday be able to vocalize I am sure. Or perhaps they (gender neutral) will be just as bad as me, who knows?

If you missed my intro in the New User page, you didn't miss much :P. In all seriousness, hello, you can call me Finn, or Erland, or Finn Erland, or Erland Finn, or Todd, or My Dood, or any other name. But, Finn is probably easier for everyone involved. 

I'm a new Host, of a thoughtform that is slowly gaining self-awareness. More on (tentatively) her later. 

This isn't the place for a long drawn out life story, so I will be brief. I'm a male living in the U.S. I am in four-year college and working for my parents. Finally, one fun fact about me is that I am an avid gamer and weeb. 

Onto the more important stuff.

I learned about the existence of Tulpa from meeting one online. I thought that Tulpa was some gender identity that I wasn't aware of, and since she was basically right there I asked her "What's a Tulpa?" Of course, you all know what a Tulpa is so I will spare you the rehash of that conversation. Needless to say, it was a mind-blowing revelation. 

I didn't know what it was at first, but something about the concept got me curious. I would forget it for a bit, but then something random happens and it would be back on my mind.

So finally, I just looked them up recently. As I read up on what forcing was, my mind just... did it. Boy, wait till my Tulpa finds out that she was an accidental conception, that is sure to be a fun conversation. But, yeah, I read up on Tulpa forcing, then I got this pain on the top of my head. It was like a very mild headache, like my brain was doing something that it didn't normally do. So, it was at that point that I realized, "Holy shit Tulpa is real!"

No offense to any Tulpa in the audience tonight, but I didn't really believe until then. 

So, basically, at that point, I had started a Tulpa. Of course, at the time I hadn't even thought of a gender or anything for her, and so I could have easily just stopped forcing and just moved on. But, at the same time, I thought that the prospect of having another entity in my head was... nice. I hate being alone with my thoughts, and if I could have someone with me 24/7 I would.

So, I questioned the ethics of it for a bit, would I have time to force every day, would it be right to do so, stuff like that.

At the end of day 1, I had decided that I would go for it. The perspective and companionship a Tulpa could offer will be well worth any amount of effort. 

So, at the end of day one, all I had to show for it was a headache and a sense of purpose. This would be the only day that forcing would come so easily, as every day since has been a slog. 

Its been eight days now, nine if I post past midnight tonight, and progress has been slow going. Finding a meditative process that works for me, to hollow out my thoughts enough to give my Tulpa a chance to form has been hard going. Every time I sit or lay down and close my eyes, boom instant knock out. I finally found that doing the dishes, driving, or any sort of nearly mindless activity is the best for forcing for me. Or, at least the passive kind. I have to keep my eyes open or I start to sleep, so visualization is hard enough. Add to that that I lack a visual imagination and... well, it makes it a bit harder.

Still, I think that my new forcing methods are helping. I'm not sure, but whenever I really get into forcing I tend to feel happy. Like, one side of my face will tingle and smirk a little. Then again, people say I smile a lot so it could be nothing. I doubt it, and these seem to be stray feelings, but I can't say the possibility exists.

Oh, I totally forgot to mention my Tulpa in this Tulpa post huh? Well, before you banish me to the void, let's fill in some details.

Now, for the most part, I am keeping "her" vague in nature and personality. I fully expect her to deviate a lot if she is anything like me, and I am happy for her to form her own personality... as long as it isn't something nasty like bullying me, of course. I ended up deciding on Amber as a template name, just so I have something to call her by, and when she starts talking back she can choose to change the name. Plus, I thought it sounded cute. I'm also working on her basic personality, making her a bit of a tomboy to be perfectly honest, with an assertive, kind personality. I think it is a good base for a person to base themselves on, so it works out. When I active force, before I inevitably fall asleep, I try to imagine her body first so I have a real clear visual, then I narrate. 

I'm really excited for this so far. I am not sure if it was just the situation at the time which made me happy, or if it was Amber, but the fact that I am having stray happiness at all is a good sign and I am hyped to continue. 

Generally, any advice you want to give is welcomed. Though, if anyone has any advice on forcing while doing activities, that would be really helpful. Also, how not to fall asleep while active forcing tips would be appreciated. 

So, that was me for today. Happy Thanksgiving, ttyl, good night/day/afternoon/time-unit and good luck. 

8 days into forcing: System includes: Finn (Host), Amber(?): Possible stray emotion, headaches while forcing.  

P.S: Sorry this isn't the most entertaining read yet, but an Amber headache, as wonderful as it is, still makes it hard for me to be super verbose and stuff. So, please be patient.
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#2
Hello there! I'm just going to preface this all with "These work for me and might not work for you", "In my opinion" and "Your results may vary", to save a lot of repetition.

Prospective companionship is one of the greatest reasons to get into tulpamancy at all so welcome to the family. As for strange happy feelings, take them as reinforcement that you are moving along just fine and assume it is her. Later on, when communication between you gets better, she can confirm or deny such things herself. I think it's a great policy to give her the freedom to become whatever she wants, as well. The initial excitement and thrill of all these new experiences combined with the need/want for a companion seem to be great accelerators along the process. I have observed in several cases now (including my own) that the greatest motivator that will sustain you through the slow and hard times is desperation, from you and from her. As long as you are both on the same page and have the same desires, there is little you can't accomplish together. The rest is just enough effort and time.

Headaches are pretty normal too. We refer to them as "good, healthy pain" or "growing pains". You are really working your brain in overdrive after all, and I treat it like I do exercise: pain = gain. Headaches happened to me every time we started breaking new ground, but over time we adjusted and improved endurance for whatever it was and they go away completely. There's nothing wrong with giving yourself some rest if you feel you need it. As I am frequently reminded, you two have the rest of your lives to work on this stuff so don't let the lack of of advancement at a breakneck pace discourage you. Discouragement and doubt (beyond a normal, healthy skepticism anyway) are toxic to any endeavor in life, no matter how many days or years you have been at it. How more so for something that deals so closely with your own mental condition.

Advice for staying away when forcing.. I have struggled against this myself. Make sure you are not attempting to do this when you are already tired or mentally exhausted. That just makes everything harder. Other then that, I have three recommendations.

First, try to do stuff that keeps you engaged and drawn into the act. Reilyn and I were really excited and engaged at first but found as time went on and we kept doing the same old stuff all the time it got boring, like a book we liked but read cover to cover and just needed a break from. We would loose focus almost immediately when starting meditation. Things we read said those meditation times were supposed to go up with practice, not down. It would result in frustrating days where it felt like we accomplished nothing. We found that if we read stories and scenarios ahead of time and went in with the intent of acting those out or exploring those, our minds didn't have to drift aimlessly and try to think of something to do. It provided guidance and focus to have a plan ahead of time instead of just "whatever". If something isn't able to hold your attention, try mixing it up again. Personally, we get engaged in meditation and forcing more when emotions are involved. Try to feel the thrill of flying. The wonder at beauty while snorkeling or diving. The rush of adrenaline in a forest after hearing a wolf howl nearby. The love of a hug from each other. We try to use meditation as calm, quiet active forcing, watching each other breathe or something and non-meditation as action-packed adventure time so I tend to use them interchangeably.

Secondly: Set an alarm or timer. Maybe even the same one you use for waking up in the morning. If you can't hold focus for long and keep falling asleep, just start out easy, perhaps 10 minutes. If you fall asleep, eh no big deal, you lost a handful of minutes. As you get a bit better at it, keep adding little bits of time. I read somewhere the recommended addition of time is 5 more minutes per week, that you feel comfortable with adding. That's just a generalization though. See tip #1 if it feels like you are loosing time instead of gaining it or beating your head against a wall.

Third: Try using Eyebo videos (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/1/eye-b...-program!/ ), or something similar on YouTube. I have tried the constant Theta and constant Alpha so far. Wear headphones and follow the instructions on the documents with the video. I find the flashing lights and noise, even with my eyes closed, prevents me from falling asleep. So it doesn't matter if you think the various audio/visual stimuli are actually training your mind with anything or if it's a placebo effect (or no effect at all), if they just keep your attention and force you to be awake then they are worth it. If you are receptive to it, you may even want to try browsing YouTube for guided meditation or even self-hypnosis videos if you really want to add structure to your meditation sessions. There aren't a lot of tulpa-specific ones out there but they do exist.
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#3
Hi Finn and welcome! We're happy to have you here. Big Grin Sounds like you have a good, solid start there, we're excited to see where this goes and how Amber develops! In my case, I found it much easier to passive force all day rather than actively force for a shorter period. I lack the attention span to focus on a single thing for extended periods of times (unless it's spoon-fed entertainment) so I found it easier to just focus on my Viper all day and narrate to them about eeeeeverything going on in the world. What I'm doing, where I'm going, what that person across the street is up to, how I'm training the dogs etc etc. Just, consistent blabber while acknowledging Viper's presence. I firmly believed they were there and listening and they rewarded me with curiosity after a while. Perking up and asking me about things rather than waiting for my incessant descriptions lol. I think the only active forcing I really did in the very beginning was laying down with a clipboard writing down vague details of who and what they are as a tulpa, who I am, and then asking questions and noting down the answers. I stopped this when Viper became communicative because they would get very bored of the generic questions lol.

Otherwise, I think Lance gave awesome tips on active forcing. For sleeping, have you tried doing this in the morning (assuming you have time, I know not everyone does) after waking up properly? Might work better I'd assume than in the evening. You could also possibly do a quick workout to get the energy flowing before an active forcing session. The energy from a short workout should keep you more awake I'd assume.

Good luck from us and looking forward to progress! Big Grin
~ We are Venny, the host, and Viper, my soul! ~
        Click here! Come join us on the chat!
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#4
Day Thirteen:

Firstly, thanks for the advice everyone. It's been helpful. Turns out, I can active focus a lot with my eyes open, but your Advice really helped with the eyes shut portion.

I made some progress recently. Not a whole lot yo say about it, but they were nicely sized steps.

It seems that Amber now has enough awareness that I can ask her one question and get a response now. If I say "Amber, how are you feeling right now?" I get a small burst some some emotion at some level. I've only felt happiness so far, so Amber might just be a Genki girl (anime jokes ftw), at varying levels.

I've also been practicing with a new technique to help Amber pick up speech. I write a sentence narrating the sentence with my mind voice, but I leave blanks where any identifiers are. That way, when I puppet her and and her voice to say those lines, she can add in her own Id.

Other than that, there really isnt much to say. I think that maybe she said I am Amber, but considering that it was said in my mind voice and repeated a lot, I am not sure.

I've been trying to passive force more as well. Keeping an internal dialog is harder than I thought.

Anywho, that's been my progress report.

13 days into forcing: System includes: Finn (Host), Amber(?): Stray emotion, headaches while forcing, possible stray thought.
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#5
Hi to you both! Just a quick tip: if meditating while lying down makes you fall asleep, try meditating while sitting on your bed or even on the floor. It takes a little getting used to (most people relax the quickest when lying down), but I find that I can get into a deeper trance when sitting up (i.e. lotus position, criss-cross) because I don't get sleepy.

Also, with the narration/including your tulpa in your inner dialog, I have to say, it really will get easier with practice and time. Amber, like anyone else, will develop her own interests, likes and dislikes, and ways of looking at the world. Give it time, and give her plenty of attention and opportunities to comment and state her views, and your brain will really change to include her.

-J
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#6
A quick thing to mention: If Amber seems to agree with you a lot, please don't panic. A Tulpa's personality can be the polar opposite of their Host's and sometimes they are fairly similar. Deviation is a natural process, and the best part is it always surprises the host no matter what.

Good luck and keep us posted!
I'm Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos (but see, I'm not a hippo)! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
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#7
It sounds like you're on the right track, good luck!
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#8
Hello all, Finn here. Day 22 into Forcing.

Not much to talk about right now, as progress as slowed down a lot. To be fair, it ain't Amber's fault.

Life and work are making it harder to make multi hour time slots, and learning how to narrate is tough. If anyone has tips on how to narrate, that would be helpful.

I'm still making a half an hour to an hour a day, but not the three hours of earlier in the month.

I'm not giving up, but I do have to admit the three hours that I had been clocking isn't realistic atm, and hopefully Amber is aware enough to understand.

Hopefully, after this big hump I can get back to a three hour schedule, but until then the small trickle will hopefully be enough to keep her from desolving from neglect.

So, yeah, any tips on maintaining a dialog narrative in your mind besides practice?

22 days into forcing: System includes: Finn (Host), Amber(?): Stray emotion, headaches while forcing, possible stray thought (last reported instance 9 days ago).
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#9
Not everyone is a fan of my idea, but imagining a growing tulpa as a child has helped me keep narration going. Especially while Viper wasn't able to communicate. I keep spouting this left and right lol, but it's what really helped me with the process. Imagine a toddler and how you would talk to a toddler. Presenting everything, what you're doing, what is happening, what you're working on, what each object does, repeating everything over and over and then prompting them to repeat after you. For example "This is a fruit. It is yellow" and then, in a repeat-after-me fashion "This is a --; It is --" where the hyphens are things your tulpa should complete. Even if they don't do it the first, second or third time, ultimately, if you're open and listening, it should happen. That's how I coaxed Viper into talking. This does kinda require you to include Amber in your day to day life, not in an active forcing session. Which, if you ask me, is a good thing really. Though I suppose it could be done in an active forcing session by grabbing a book or a magazine or something and presenting what's going on in there.

Sure, it may seem like a stupid thing to do, since we all know tulpas are pretty much born with all your knowledge, so treating them like children might seem degrading, but I find that in the initial stages, before communication is clear, the simplicity of it helps. Without necessarily making you feel discouraged if progress doesn't come. Children don't respond and reply until months later and we don't rush them or lose patience. We just continue to talk and talk and talk and assume it'll eventually happen. And it definitely feels much more natural to proceed with narration, as that's basically what we do with real children too until they reach the question asking stage. It's less natural when you think of a fully mature person sitting in front of you but not being able to speak back, forcing you to keep a mostly one-sided conversation. I know I personally have trouble even with dialogs, trying to keep a mature one-sided conversation going is near impossible to do for me.

I no longer do this, I am able to have a continuous, flowing conversation with Viper so it would indeed be degrading to talk to them like I would with a baby, but in the initial stages it really felt natural and it resulted in Viper responding with short bursts of curiosity towards what I was presenting to them. Neither of us found it degrading, unnecessary or unpleasant at the time and it resulted in quick evolution from completely non-verbal to little interactions and short replies and reactions to the surrounding outer world.
~ We are Venny, the host, and Viper, my soul! ~
        Click here! Come join us on the chat!
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#10
Hey, the world could use more of us Genki girls (anime joke returned. That kind of attitude in real life is really draining to maintain, trust me, but it does spread a lot of smiles and brighten a lot of days <3 ). Even if Amber doesn't respond that often, asking her what she thinks about stuff that's going on or thoughts that pop up in your mind all the time gets you in the habit of including her in stuff and you can find yourself narrating all the time.

If you are pressed for time in your day to do active forcing, narration is fine passive forcing. Maybe try to see (visualize) her out of the corner of your eye and stuff, or feel her presence beside you when you walk or do other stuff. Every little bit helps (it even doubles as visualization practice so, bonus!). You may be a super busy person who finds that doing stuff like that all the time is more efficient for you then trying to fit in hour long chunks of time. Besides, while it's true active forcing is usually the fastest approach, that's just not realistic for everyone. Put it this way, a half-hour active session you have to rush and keep getting interrupted and/or can't focus is pretty much guaranteed to give less results then a couple hours total over a day just trying to include her in your activities and engage her in your life. Depending on her personality it may even make her feel more wanted, more important, more needed and just less bored if you are always asking her stuff and trying to involve her. Even if she doesn't respond (or rarely does), keep giving her the option to.

I like to say no effort is wasted effort and I'm sure she will appreciate every bit you are doing. Some of us also suck at visualization and stuff and can't just close our eyes and see some magical vivid landscape with animate life sprawling in front of us. People who can do that are amazing imo. Some of us head mates are just closer to the physical/body/front though and while visualization and wonderlands and stuff is a neat thing to do together, it isn't a requirement.

Uhm.. What else.. Uhh.. Tell Amber you believe in her and you trust her (and really mean it), those things go really far and are really sweet and help you two come together. It also helps to keep beating that into your brain that she IS real and you know, just maybe having a tough time communicating right now. It's a two way street after all, maybe she does wanna talk to you but you have a lot of hangups and doubt and stuff that's blocking her... Or maybe you wanna hear her but she is just the calm quiet type who doesn't like to chat. Or both. Anyway, like I said, no effort is wasted effort. The point is you can make all this more efficient by trying to work on yourself and the skills you need to learn at the same time you are working on Amber. That's why trying activities, games, jobs together and trying to include her in stuff you do it such a good thing.

Also, don't worry about missing out on some time and her vanishing. She isn't going away that easily. Synaptic pathways take time to degrade and even then they never really vanish completely. You have to make a big effort to reject her and deny her existence and abandon her on purpose to have her go away and even then, you might change your mind years down the road and want to start forcing again and strengthen those connections and pick up somewhere near where you left off. Everyone is different of course, and what you believe happened or didn't happen will influence your mind pretty strongly.
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