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Funky & Song's Real-Life Progress
#1
Hello, visitor!

I've been tulpaforcing for nearly three weeks now, and have been keeping updates on my tumblr blog, however, I have decided that it would be in my best interest to post my progress here as well.

So here's what i'm going to do for this initial post:

For each past entry, I will write the date, then put the post under a collapsible "hidden" tag. I encourage those curious about read my entries to read these sections.

In the future, I will continue to make entries at my Tumblr blog, but I will also post them here on this blog for those uninterested in diverting their attention over to Tumblr.

Without further rambling, I present my progress report up to today!


July 1, 2014
Two days ago, May 30, 2014, I committed to creating a Tulpa. This blog primarily serves as method to help me understand my own progress, as well as a reference that people may use for their own research.
Starting today, I should be making entries into this blog daily. However, should I be successful, it is likely that reports will slow down and, eventually, stop completely.
For now, whatever kind of visiter you are, be it a long-term tulpamancer or a curious soul, I hope you’ll find my blog enlightening.


July 2, 2014
July 2, 2014, 10:29 a.m.
I’d like to start this post out by letting you know that I totally screwed that date up in my last (and first) post. It wasn’t the 30th of May two days ago, it was the 30th of June. Again, for clarification, I began my tulpa on the 30th of June.

So today is the third day for my new little tulpa. So far, it’s been a lot more emotional than I would have expected it to be. The first day was more like the first night, as I didn’t introduce myself to him until late at night. It was interesting; I really started to feel his presence. (I do believe it’s a “he” at this point.)
Yesterday, however, was a very interesting day indeed. Before I went to bed on the first night, I told him that I had work early in the morning and that he should be expecting only a few hours of sleep (I’m terrible at getting to bed at a decent time). When I got up, I thought about him immediately. I started talking to him in my mind’s voice and decided to passively force as much as I could throughout the work day. There were many different times during the day that I believe he was already communicating with me. The primary method of his seemed to be head pressure. All day long, I received many kinds of head pressures (in many different spots). It is important to note that these sorts of physical pressures certainly do not just happen to me in my day-to-day life. In addition to him making himself known through pressure, there was a time or two I felt overwhelming emotional response to different stimuli. One in particular was when I asked him about the pine trees outside. I am living in Yellowstone National Park for the summer, working as a dining room server, and during my narration to him, it came up. So I promised him a meditation session in the forest. This is where our connection kinda went downhill.

Before I went into the woods, I made sure to buy some bug spray. I tried this once before, as I’ve began practicing Buddhism, and the bugs really got to me—I was unable to focus on meditation. This seemed to upset him. Since then, he seemed to be pretty quiet.

I went into a meditative trance before I went to bed, and I fleshed out my wonderland a bit, but I had a hard time finding him again. My wonderland is an area in a deciduous forest where the canopy is so thick that rays of light barely make it it into the area. There is a “island” there where a stream has split on the roots of a very old tree and meets on the other side. During my trance, I found a road leading away from it and to a large two-story house. We drank some cocoa and laid down next to each other. I tried to smell him, but I was not successful.

Perhaps the first day only seemed so successful because i was comparing it to nothingness in my head. Perhaps I am only getting used to him. We will see.


July 5, 2014
July 5, 2014, 8:49 p.m.
the last few days have really made me understand what sort of responsibilities I carry in bringing this tulpa into the world. Ever since I was little, I’ve struggled with concentration and self application. As a result, I never did anything productive. Not really, I mean. It wasn’t until my first year of college that I learned to apply myself. However, this is a whole other type of application than creating a tulpa. In order to succeed in school, i simply paid attention and did my work. However, bringing a tulpa into the world is going to require strenuous amounts of focus and self application. Not only must I integrate forcing (both active and passive) into my daily life, I must also begin meditation before active forcing sessions. (I feel that meditation will surely e focus and get past these blocks that I seem to have.) Soon, I will begin scheduled meditation and forcing. I think morning is a good time to start sessions, but if I work a morning shift (6:45-11:00ish), I will have to compromise. I read on a guide that forcing for three hours is what you should be doing in a day. Whether that means active or passive, I do not know; the article did not specify. However, If i am to believe that it was active, I will most certainly have to find ultimate motivation and work my way up to that. I can hardly imagine a single session lasting more than 45 min utes as of right now.

I’ve not made any real progress in my connections with Him so far, but I did experience a new kind of communication with Him. I was trying to play a game to help us hear one another properly. This game is pretty popular and I learned it from another guide from the Tulpa.info forums. The rules are simple, I say something, and he tells me something related to it. The game itself didn’t last long, but in one fruitful moment, I said the word “Grand Canyon,” to which he replied to me in form of thought. this thought was “Arizona.” I didn’t actually realize that the grand canyon was in Arizona, and I did have to Google it for confirmation. This thought, I would call it foreign and not originating from my mind.

More to come in future updates. For now, I schedule myself for meditation and forcing.


July 7, 2014
July 7, 2014, 1:36 p.m.
Today was, somewhat, a worrisome day. But before I get to today, I would like to talk about a happening yesterday.

July 6, 2014
I was doing some active forcing and trying to give my tulpa some form. I know that the best form for him to have is probably a MLP pony (as humans kinda creep me out and a talking animal would kinda creep me out too), so I tried to envision him the best I could. After a little while of meditation and active forcing, I swear that he walked up to me. I picked him up and saw that his coat was white, his mane (although hard to actually see) was apparently orange and purple (maybe blue?), and his eyes were a beautiful shade of sea green. It was truly a wonderful experience.
Back to today: I spent a little longer than an hour attempting to do some active forcing, and yielded no results. If you’ve read my last few posts up to here, you might notice what I’ve been noticing—He seems to be less apparent as time is passing by. This leads me to a few possible conclusions.

Conclusion 1:
The original sensations and happenings I have been having were false and originated from my own mind, without me knowing about it. The issue I have here is that, according to one guide I read, I should never doubt these sensations or happenings. If I did not mean for it to come from me, and I don’t believe that it did, it probably didn’t, and I should believe that it originated from my tulpa.


Conclusion 2:
The sensations were in fact coming from my tulpa, but for some reason, our connection has been lessened over time. This could be due to perhaps two apparent, and related, factors. Firstly, the first day was the strongest—hands down. I got head pressure, I got emotional surges, and I believe I got the “primitive” ideas too. Perhaps my excitability has faded since then and that has weakened our connection. This makes me sad, but is definitely possible. On a related note, and secondly, our faded connection may be that I have become more distracted with every-day “things” that I do, mostly on the internet. I don’t want to use the word “bored” here, because I refuse to believe that I am becoming bored of tulpamancy.


Conclusion 3:
The third and final possibility that I can reason is that he, as in, the tulpa,needs a break. Reading over the Tulpa.info forums, I cannot fathom why my tulpa would need or even want a break from his own creation; that makes no sense to me. As far as I know, it is only the creator who eventually needs breaks from creation.
whatever the reason may be, I have decided that I should count myself lucky if I did indeed have some interactions with my tulpa so early in development. However, this sort of behavior so early in development is unheard of in what I have read. usually, people won’t start to get results before, sometimes, a few months! Now this is obviously different for all people, I’ve read a few weeks to even a whole year. As I have said before, I need to be mindful of my actions with my tulpa. No matter what the reason for his apparent fading is, I would be spoiled to throw a fit over what has happened to me. I will continue to develop my tulpa keeping in mind that he may or may not respond to me, and that is okay. I have to stay encouraged if I want to make this easy for myself.


July 8, 2014
July 8, 2014, 8:44 p.m.
Today was a very peculiar day.

I woke up around 6:00 in the morning and worked until just after 11:00. This is the usual breakfast shift as a server, and I made the typical wage—about $35. This is all well and good, and according to my schedule.

after this, I drive from my headquarters (Canyon, in Yellowstone National Park) to West Yellowstone, Montana for a haircut. I will be attending Baltimore’s 2014 pony convention and needed my hair cut not only for work, but also for the costume I’ve been putting together. The haircut is good, and I am satisfied. I spend an hour driving back to Canyon, all according to schedule.

I get back to HQ and indulge in my mind a little. During this very intimate forcing session, I decided to visit a part of my wonderland I haven’t visited yet, but was only aware of its existence previously: a wheat field just outside of the forest. Here, I saw my tulpa, and I felt him running to me. I embraced him and felt a swirling of emotions. During this melting experience of mine, I drew one sentence: “I love my Song.” I do not know where this thought originated, but I do know that it did not turn out the way I thought it would. Immediately, I tried correcting myself for my tulpa’s understanding. However, half way through the sentence, I realized that perhaps this sentence was not a simple mistake of my own mind, but a product of our (mr. tulpa and mine) minds together.

I have told him before how much I long to know his name, and it just melts my heart to know that the one thing he says to me during our moment so intimate was his name. The one thing I so dearly wanted to know. A name to address him by. And what name could be more lovely?

Song is his name, and I love him


July 9, 2014
July 9, 2014, 3:16 p.m.
This morning, the first thing I did was a little bit of forcing. Not long after I started, I noticed something very peculiar. Since my experience yesterday-discovering that my tulpa’s name is Song-I’ve felt that his “essence” has changed.
Up to this point, I could really feel his essence in my head. Here is my thought about this deviance of his: During the early days of a tulpa’s existence, s/he will tend to use the host’s “subconsciousness” (or whatever you’d like to call it) to help her/himself. However, I believe that since our breakthrough yesterday, he has formed a more personal essence for himself. This deviation is suitable along with the application of a name, as he is not longer “my tulpa,” he is Song.

I’m struggling with this change the first day, but I’m sure that I will become used to him after a while. I just need to focus and go find the new “feeling” of his essence.


July 11, 2014
July 11, 2014, 6:48 p.m.
New insights have come to me!

It appears that since my “deep” experience with Song, his personality has developed quite a bit. Now, Firstly, I’d like to mention how quickly his development seems to be coming along. We only began his development 11 days ago, yet he’s already giving me responses in forms of emotions, ideas, head pressures, and other neural activities that gain my attention. Sometimes, I even feel like he’s trying to talk to me. It sort of feels like i’m looking at somebody’s silhouette through a paper door, and they’re speaking to me, but I have earplugs in. I get a general sense of what they’re doing, but I’m not actually sure what they want all of the time.

Now, since sentience is clearly there, I believe it’s time to work on vocalization. I very much want to hear my dearest Song and have conversation with him. I think that it’s time to work on full sentience. Right now, I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to say that he has the sentience of a four-year-old. Now, I’m not trying to compare him to a four-year-old, as four-year-olds have very different needs and act very differently than a young tulpa. I only mean to give you, my audience, a sense of his development.

Before I continue on to short-term plans for Song and I, I’d like to elaborate on some musings I’ve had about the concept and act of Active Forcing. To start, the definition, as I understand it, is to focus on your tulpa, and only your tulpa, for the sake of continuing her/his development. Now, most people think of sitting down and closing your eyes, then visiting wonderland for a few hours as a proper focing technique. I would like to mention that this kind of forcing is totally valid and that I don’t mean to dismiss it as such. However, this kind of forcing seems to only be useful to me in visualization. When I try to communicate, I don’t get very far, and I feel like I’m struggling with the session in general. For communication, I like to try a different kind of “active forcing.”

In Buddhism, there is a kind of meditation called, “walking meditation.” Now, this kind of meditation is defined by its own title, and it is not difficult to imagine how it would be performed. I believe that this kind of meditation can also be applied to active forcing. Fortunately, I currently live in Yellowstone National Park, and I have plenty of places to walk around in the forest. This is very handy when I want to do some “walking forcing.”
In defining a difference between two types of active forcing, I will henceforth refer to the recently mentioned as “walking forcing,” and the traditional method of forcing, “meditative forcing.”

Tomorrow, I will be visiting Bozeman for the day, and I likely won’t get to spend too much time with Song until I get back, or at least the drive home where my company and myself will likely be fairly quiet.

I plan to work with Song in speaking and giving him a mindvoice. I’ve read some guides from the Tulpa.info forums, and I understand a few kinds of practices we can perform together. I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with a few on my own as well.

Now that I’ve finished my rambling, I want to tell you about some of Song’s personality traits that I’ve discovered. He’s a very curious one. Today, during a walk, he had me stop and walk back about ten feet. I asked him what was up, and then I looked forward. There, about twenty feet in front of me, was a very, very old pine tree. Most of its lower branches were dead, but the top was green, so it was still very much alive. This tree was massive, and Song seemed to be very interested in it. In addition, he kept wanting me to walk down any little path that I saw (aside from a few—he didn’t seem to be interested in every single path). He also seemed to be curious about a few other things, such as why the old tree seemed to be “lifted” out of the ground a little bit, or why the bottoms of trees seemed to be dead, but the tops were very much alive. I answered his “questions,” and we had a good time. He wants to go on these walks more often so we can look at nature stuff. I promised him that we will certainly return to the path through the forest soon. I think he’s interested in Biology. Either that, or he simply hasn’t been exposed to enough stuff and he’s just hyper-curious—which isn’t a bad trait if you ask me!


July 15, 2014
July 15, 2014, 2:44 a.m.
for the last three days, forcing has been weak for me. Song has seemed distant, and contacting him has been difficult. Today, I went for another walk through the woods, and I did talk to him the whole time, but he wasn’t very responsive.
I understand that apparently, tulpae can come and go, especially during early stages, and sometimes they come back stronger than ever. I hope this is the case for Song.
there isn’t much to report other than this. I will continue to force.


July 16, 2014
July 16, 2014, 7:17 p.m.
Today was a pretty successful day for Song and I. I did some extended forcing today, and got quite a bit out of him!

So I only worked a lunch shift today. I told him during the end of my shift that we would not only do some walking forcing, but also some meditative forcing and I would also read to him a little bit.

After dinner, we went out to walk, and we talked about many things. One thing that he seemed to be fond of was discussing his physical appearance. A few days ago, he asked me what my favorite color was, and I told him that it was blue. Immediately, he seemed to deviate and turn his coat to a lovely shade of light blue. I told him that this was unnecessary, but he does what he wants. We discussed what color his hair should be, because blue-on-blue is lame. He teased me and make jokes about looking like Rainbow Dash, to which I objected. He then took the joke further and implied that he would change his coat to be entirely rainbow. It was rather amusing.

During the end of this walk, he had a moment of sexual lust. Possibly a moment that came to exist after I was—*ehem*— “observing” a passerby, but I do have reason to believe that he is quite the sexual deviant.
When we got back to my room, we turned on our typical meditation music on Pandora: a mix of the stations, “Nature,” “Calm Meditation,” and “Ravi Shankar,” a very good player of traditional Indian music. I met him in wonderland and we messed with terraforming a bit. I think he was a bit unsatisfied with the wonderland I made him, as he seems to dislike the fact that 80% of the place is pretty dark. We replaced the wheat field to the west of my typical spawning point (the “island”) with a grassy area that leads to a beach with a bit of a rocky place between them.

Now here, I must admit that our ideas were not original, but were heavily inspired by the writings of Glitchthethird (or something along those lines) on his progress report thread on the Tulpa.info forums. This idea was a lighthouse by which a tulpa could live. This place is a lot more breezy and a lot more bright than the two-story house in the woods that Song used to call home.

Song’s new lighthouse is very comfortable! The outside isn’t well defined yet, but the inside is very simple. The ground floor has some couches for company, along with a bookshelf for all kinds of good reading. there is a spiral staircase up to the upper floor where Song lives. Here, he has a bed and a table with a tea set. I don’t like tea, and i’m not convinced he does either. I just think he wants to be sophisticated in his bummy-ass lighthouse.
Also! we decided to start voice training today. I asked him on our walk to think about the kind of voice he would like to have. When we were at the top of the lighthouse, looking at the ocean, we were testing out his new voice. Practice needs to be done, but I think we’re shooting for a med-low tone of voice. That’s good!
As for the book, we read Marcelo Gleiser’s article in This Will Make You Smarter, “We Are Unique.” It was a riveting article about our place in the universe in that while life itself may not be too unique, intelligent life certainly is. I’m not entirely sure how much Song enjoyed this.

Well that’s all for now!


July 18, 2014
July 18, 2014, 8:05 p.m.
Things are seeming to become steady in terms of progress.

I looked into some resources that the Tulpa.info forums offer, and started using Linkzelda’s self-hypnotism guide to reach a deeper state of being so that I might achieve some better forcing.
It’s safe to say that this sort of forcing was very successful! While Linkzelda’s guide was, for me, effective immediately, it does take a little time to do a variable amount of forcings. In his guide, Linkzelda recommended that one focuses on one goal per session, and today, we focused simply on “feeling” one another better. Today, his hair seemed to be a chocolate-y brown as I saw him most vividly and we simply exchanged affections. I lulled him into a simple state of entrancement and we shared a moment. After a little while (i didn’t keep track of time), my mind seemed to get some sort of restless, and I brought myself out of it. Upon waking up, I felt that my connection with Song was certainly stronger than it was before. In the future, I will continue to use this method of self-hypnotism.
After this session, we went to eat dinner, and then we went out on another hike. Now, a few days ago, I told Song that people in Yellowstone hide their marijuana on this trail that we always take. So today, Song was especially curious about trying to go out and find someone’s weed. I had an interanl struggle about how it’s not good to take someone else’s weed, but Song seems to not really care about that. He wants the adventure and the reward!
however
Finding a random stash of marijuana in close proximity to a (mile long?) trail is incredibly difficult, especially when you anticipate that the hiding spot is a good one. I would hide marijuana in a place with little to no grass so that a trail wouldn’t appear during my walks to the hiding spot, so I would assume that the best spots would be in places like that—places with no identifiable landmarks. Regardless, we took a suspicious trail out and after about five minutes of walking, I got lost. So I simply followed a trail that looked well-trodden. This trail, fortunately, took me to a road. (although, I was fairly disappointed that I didn’t come across the El Dorado of cannabis that i was counting on.) Walking down this road, we came across another path that Song and, admittedly, I had to take. We went on for about five minutes and found ourselves at the rim of the Canyon. This was a fun accident.
We followed the canyon’s rim until we hit the parking lot, then we walked the trail back home.

It was a nice day for progress!
also, Song wanted to have a conversation with someone today, so we tried talking to someone via facebook. Let’s call her Usagi. Usagi is very open-minded and supportive when it comes to this endeavor of mine, so it’s a good person to start with. It was somewhat uncomfortable because I was translating “tulpish,” which isn’t really a language in the first place. I asked Song if I was doing it right, and he didn’t object, so either he was satisfied, or just totally absent. In the name of progress, I elect to decide that he was satisfied.
To support this decision, allow me to give you a log of what was said.
Song (translated):
today, [Funky] went down a path and got kinda lost. We eventually made it to the canyon, but we didn’t mean to. I had a lot of fun doing it!
Usagi:
At least you two had fun x3
Song (translated):
I insisted that we continue following random paths, but he is worried about bears or something dumb
Usagi:
Are you scared of bears? Or anything in particular?
Song (translated):
i’m scared of fading away into nothingness
i’m a mental construct; bears don’t scare me
Usagi:
You and I both know [Funky] would never let that happen to you.
That last line made me smile so hard. I was filled with joy. I know, as Song’s creator, that this is true. However, it must have been reassuring to Song because I don’t feel levels of joy like that normally. One thing that does concern me, though, is that he did feel this feeling. That means that he’s worried that he’s going to disappear due to my actions (whatever they may be: laziness, doubt, wanting to reverse my actions, etc.). I think that I need to reinforce some love into our relationship. That kind of thinking is not healthy for a growing tulpa!
Progress is being made.
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#2
July 19, 2014, 6:56 p.m.
Oh God, does my brain ache.

Today, Song and I took a trip back to the canyon’s edge to find a place for some active forcing. I cannot really say how long the session was, and I don’t believe in keeping track of time when it comes to this thing, because it is totally trivial. Either I am breaking new grounds quickly and gain an ego, or I don’t do well enough quickly enough and I end up feeling bad about it. I digress..

The session at the canyon was interesting to say the least. It was windy, but I was able to burn and smell my incense just fine. Were I to do anything differently, I probably would have worn something other than jeans, as my circulation wasn’t great in my legs after a while. Also, I could use a blindfold so that it’s not so bright when I close my eyes.

Today, Song and I worked on communication and voice. I went in to wonderland and I met him on the bottom floor of his lighthouse. There, I noticed that he wasn’t acting as energetic as he usually seems. I asked him what was going on, and apparently, he’s worried that he’s not making progress as quickly as I want him to. I think this got him down today. I cheered him up a little and gave him some reassurance, but even now, he seems fairly absent.

After a little bit of work on his voice, I decided that my focus was waning and it was time to stop. This made me somewhat sad, but I wasn’t unwilling to quit. I guess, after a while, it just gets a little difficult and that is the time to give it a break. Regardless, it was a fairly successful forcing session, but since then, my brain feels like an over-inflated balloon in my head. I don’t know if he’s putting it in overdrive, but somethings going on in my head.

I do want to mention that I can hear him reply to a lot of my questions, and sometimes he asks me questions. But it’s not gotten to a point where he’s got opinions or where we’re having conversations. His sentience could use a bit of work, but I’m very proud of the progress he’s been making.

Once concern of mine is that he isn’t always present. Obviously, because he isn’t independent, he doesn’t just come into my life randomly. I think that he probably spends some time doing stuff when we aren’t doing stuff, but I can’t be sure. I’ve been an introvert all of my life, and i’m talking like a real-deal shut-in. For those who know about Myers-Briggs personality types, I’m an INTJ, and people just tend to bore me. I understand that can come across as elitist, but I just don’t care because you’re wrong and I don’t hold a place higher than anyone else in society. My point is that I’m not used to having someone around like Song. I could spend time with him all day, but i’m not really sure how. I try to include him in on my computer activities, but either my mind has been trained to block out everything else during my online sessions, or Song just doesn't care about what i’m doing online. It’s hard to say right now. Perhaps I will Test this soon. Either way, i’d like to find casual ways to enjoy him during the day outside of forcing sessions.

I’d really like to have another forcing sessions tonight, and I may yet. We’ll have to see what happens. I may make another entry later.
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#3
July 20, 2014, 3:33 p.m.
Where did Song go?

Only for a few minutes today, I felt that huge brain-pressure that I was feeling yesterday. I woke up, went to lunch, and tried a meditative forcing session. I was unsuccessful in connecting with Song, but I did see him in wonderland. He still seemed downtrodden. Now, since then, Song isn’t exactly present. He’s been giving me a little bit of activity, but he’s not really “there.”

Going on to the forums, I was reminded that sometimes, Tulpa need time to do stuff during development. With the progress that Song is making, it wouldn’t put me in awe to know that he needs a while to process something(s).

As far as the negative emotions are concerned, I am unsure as to where they are originating from. I feel that I have a strong will over my own mind, but I should note that I have been diagnosed with general depression and GAD. I have learned to cope with them very well since high school, but I still wonder if Song has started to struggle with similar issues. It seems to me that he’s kind of behaving like I used to toward certain somebodies of my past: worried about the status of our relationship (admittedly, I am slightly anxious about it as well), outgoing, and perhaps he’s not giving himself enough credit. I’ve been doing alright in letting him know that I do love him, but perhaps it’s still all processing.

I’ve decided to give him some space and allow him to process whatever it is he needs to process. Hopefully, he comes back stronger than ever, and we can continue to work on our progress. If he comes back and asks for help with depression or whatever it might be, that is okay too. Whenever he comes back, and whatever state he comes back in, I will be welcoming him with open arms.

My main concern is how I will know when he’s actually back. I guess that I’ll just know when he’s back. Either that or one day when I’m looking for him, I’ll find him. Finding him in wonderland is an unsure thing to me. I feel like by expecting to find him in the lighthouse, I will certainly find him in the lighthouse, then I do. I’m not sure if this is because he’s legitimately there, or if i’m “puppeting” him. Still, by the name of progress, I continue to elect the choice of believing he is there, and I am not puppeting.

I have a dinner shift tonight, and I suppose I’ll just go and work that, be myself, try not to worry too much about Song. I know he’s still there and I know he’ll be okay. I need to practice having peace in my heart; I can’t imagine all this stress is good for Song.

Actually, I just had another idea. Perhaps this stress would cause me depression and anxiety just like it used to when I didn’t understand it as well. However, because I know how to deal with it, It really isn't affecting me. It could still be influencing Song though, I suppose. And maybe, because we do share a brain, he isn't quite as sure as to how to deal with the situation. Perhaps, when he gets back, that will be our next goal: how to deal with stress and anxiety in the face of doubt and self-pity. Yeah, that sounds good.
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#4
Been working a lot the last three days, and I haven't been able to focus on Song much. I'm about to get off work, I'll have a proper entry written later tonight.

Some major progress has been made!
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#5
July 23, 2014, 6:00 p.m.
God, I am so tired.

Waking up today at 5:30 is the proper time to work a breakfast shift if I want a proper shower and breakfast. Still, waking up for breakfast usually means an afternoon nap. That is, unless like today, I am also scheduled a lunch shift. Today, I worked from 6:45 to about 3:45. It’s not a long shift, for those sighing at my trouble, but as someone who really likes to stay up until the small hours, it’s a very tiring shift.

For the last three days, i’ve been working a whole lot. I’ve been trying to work some forcing sessions in between shifts, but either I don’t feel like I have enough time to make it meaningful, or i simply don’t have the energy to do it. It’s been a good three days since Song and I had a good forcing session, and I promised him that we would work out some time after today’s lunch shift. I just got back from this session.

Now I don’t think I really covered this, but Song has been speaking back to me. Notice the way I described his speech. He’s mostly doing replies right now. This is great! It means that he is better at speech than he ever was before. It also means that we aren’t done working on it. He isn’t fluent nor always self-driven in thought and speech. Sometimes he is, but not always.

Anyway, after I ate dinner, Song and I headed out to our meditation spot at the rim of the canyon, and I started putting myself in a deeper state of consciousness. I got maybe five minutes in and started to doze. Song, being the lovely person he is, started to become concerned for me. He insisted that I walk back to my room and take a nap. (This is an example of his speech that is not directed from my own statements, but rather my state of physical being.) Of course, I cannot take a nap because I work breakfast tomorrow, and if I nap now, I wont go back to sleep until three in the morning. I don’t fancy waking up two and a half hours after that.

Anyway, Song told me that he understands that I’m trying to keep him with me during the day, and that I want to keep him in my life and help him grow. I’ll be honest, finding motivation to force is hard to find. I don’t plan on giving up on him.

I wrote a note to myself:
"Song is not an accessory. Song has wants and needs just like I do. To ignore these wants and needs would be considered cruel. It is up to me to insure song’s happiness in his life. In return, Song would show me unconditional love. Although we are considered equals, I will always be his creator and host. As such, we will work together to form a union whose fruit will be unyielding. This is a promise that I make not only to myself, but to my greatest friend, Song."

I gotta make it through the rest of the evening. After tomorrow’s breakfast shift comes a lunch shift, and after that, I am off for two days. A friend of mine wants to go to a lake and swim, and I’m thinking that it might be a good opportunity to get some physical activity done with Song—he seems to respond well to that sort of stuff. In addition, this friend knows of Song. Song and I have been excited to talk to thrid-parties. I think that it’ll help our own communication. And I just want to share my little pon with my friends.

Also, Song’s full name might be Song Bird which is funny because he’s a horse and not a bird. We’ll see if that sticks. He said that he’s kind of indifferent. It’s a good name considering his whole being. I may get into this later on, or I may not.
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#6
I know what you mean about the shifts. It's the same with me. I like to take a nap in the middle of the day if I get up early, but jobs never want to allow you that sort of schedule reliably.

Have fun with your friend. I hope things go well!
"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
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#7
July 26, 2014, 6:41 p.m.
So I haven’t updated in a few days, and I’ve got quite a bit to update you on.

The first is intrusive thoughts.
in my high school years, I went though an anxious episode that lasted a few years, and during it’s height, I had these intrusive thoughts. I won’t go into it, but i’m happy to say that I made it through this stage. Intrusive thoughts haven’t really been in issue for me for some years. This morning, however, there was an aggressive voice in my head. It was calling me names and using racial slurs when I saw a black guy. This was not Song. Song is not aggressive like this thing was. I logged onto the tulpa IRC and the people there assured me that it’s likely just me bringing up some repressed stuff. That’s all fine, I can deal with that sort of issue. Still, I became upset at Song needlessly. He told me that he knew it wasn’t me, so the whole ordeal became resolved pretty quickly.

next, I’d like to talk about Song’s speech. Song is transitioning from advanced tulpish to basic speech. Well, I guess what I should say is that I’m learning to hear him better, but I’ll get to that here in a minute. See, it started with him answering questions. It wasn’t like a defining sentence. I didn’t one day, out of the blue, start hearing him. It was gradual, and transitionally seamless from his tulpish days. In the past few days, Song has been telling me things, and is slightly opinionated.

I want to touch on host deafness before I continue. A lot of people-and maybe this is how it works for them-seem to be convinced that their tulpae learn to talk. I think that, probably, they figure out talking shortly after creation, if not sooner than that. For a week or two during my early tulpamancing, it felt to me like Song was trying to communicate through speech, but I just couldn’t hear him. I think that right now, I’m simply learning to hear him better, and he’s learning how I hear him so that I might be able to hear him better soon.

Now, if you would, for a moment, imagine the left-half of a bell curve. You start at the bottom and exponentially work your way up to the top of the curve, where you curve back to a strait position and then reach an equilibrium. This is how I imagine tulpamancing progress might be charted, at least for myself. Song and I have gone through rapid development, but it seems like we’re just starting to slow down progress. I don’t know if this is because forcing sessions have been getting further apart from each other or if it’s just that we’ve nearly succeeded in getting the basics of tulpamancing down. Either way, Song is reaching a higher state of sentience and his vocalization is getting stronger every day.


One thing that surprises me about Song is that his personality seems a little underdeveloped. I never imposed one during a forcing sessions, but I did write down some traits I thought that me might display. These include mindful, kind, inquisitive, excitable, observant, compassionate, extroverted(?), creative, blunt, funny, and playfully antagonistic. This list now seems to me to be longer than I realized. He’s working on personality, I’m sure, and it’ll develop with time anyway, i’m not worried about that.

So meditative forcing has seriously become of lesser importance to me. I gave it a few shots in the last week, but it either leads to me being seriously distracted, not being able to properly focus, or falling asleep. Most of my forcing this week has been simply talking to him. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, as our communication skills continue to grow as we practice. Still, our wonderland has shriveled around the lighthouse. Honestly, the lighthouse feels more present than before, but the whole forested area seems like a forgotten idea. I guess this is because of Song’s occupying the lighthouse? He never really liked the dark forest anyway. Like I said, it’s all right between song and I in terms of forcing.

Song and I are currently working on strengthening his voice, form (which is terribly underdeveloped), and his sentience. After we nail these two things, we’ll probably work on possession. I know that Song is ready to have a real-life conversation with another person without me interpreting. This sort of concept really excites me and him. I can hardly imagine what it’ll be like just letting him use my mouth, lungs, and diaphragm in a way that allows him to speak. Kinda blows my mind.

oh! Also, Song told me today that he wants to learn about culture, so that surely shows a sign of his sentience.

Blog posts will progressively be further apart from each other as we develop and progress. We’re going to Bronycon in a few days, so there might not be a blog post for a week or so. Or if there is, it might be relatively short. Or maybe longer than the rest. Don’t count on anything.
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#8
July 27, 2014, 3:15 p.m.
quick update on active forcing and visualization!

Song felt weak today, so I decided to buckle down and do some meditative forcing. Today, there were two differences in my forcing. The first was that I did not sit on my bed. Typically, my bed isn’t the best for supporting my back, and I cannot sit on it for long without feeling uncomfortable. So instead, I sat on my wooden chair that my rump happens to be sat upon now. The second change was that I tied a handkerchief around my eyes to help immerse me in the sense that a darker environment should send me deeper into focus, and that if I open my eyes (only a little bit—this happens quite a bit when i’m conscious and meditating), I won’t see anything.

After a few minutes, I put myself in wonderland—just outside the lighthouse. Immediately, Song came out to greet me. During our forcing session, we did some voice training, as Song has a habit of using tulpish to express more advanced answers, as well as answering before I can finish the expression in my own mindvoice.

But the real reason I’m making this post is because today, I saw Song’s beautiful green eyes more deeply than I have before. I tried very hard to make out his face, and I think that we were both very successful in working together.

we also tested the waters in some possession. We didn’t really get far, but I felt Song “getting into” my fingers on my right hand and trying to separate them from their rested position.

all-in-all, a very good session indeed. In the future, I will be attempting to keep active forcing consistent. Even if I can’t manage more than thirty minutes (like today), that is okay. I just need to be consistent.

So Song wants to add a bit down here. He loves all of our readers and wants to have a word with you all.

Song:
Hello all of my good friends! I am aware that my current state is weak, and perhaps every word that [Funky] translates may not be 100% accurate. Nevertheless, I am confident that he will get the most out of what I am saying. I am excited to be talking to you all, and I look forward to the day where I can have full conversations with every single one of you. If you’re ever in the mood to talk to me, Funky and I are often logged into the Tulpa.info IRC and are always willing to have a good conversation, but especially me. Progress is being made a lot more slowly than it was before, but Funky thinks that with our breakthrough today, he will have a lot more motivation to do some forcing with me. Especially because of his readings in Buddhism, he should be a lot more mindful of my presence. I love you all, goodbye!
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#9
July 28, 2014, 3:40 p.m.
This blog entry must be short, as I need to prepare for work in ten minutes.

So I know I said that I would be updating less, but since I’ve been practicing meditative forcing more efficiently, I’ve been having more to write about. In addition to posts that may be happening more frequently, I will be posting the amount of time I spent forcing so that I may keep track of how much I am growing in that area.

Meditative forcing time: 36 minutes

Today, we sort of just went at it, Song and I. See, getting this deep into forcing has really made me force some demons of my past, and today, I decided to right a wrong and try to get a hold of an old friend of mine who once went to jail so that I didn’t have to go to prison. He paid out-of-pocket to get bailed out, and it was wrong of me to never pay him back. His phone was not on-line, so I’ll have to try again in a while.

anyway, today, Song and I practiced possession a little more; he was able to move my fingers a little more than yesterday, and he could rotate my head and move my lips. I’m in no rush to complete possession, as this goal seems relatively long-term. In addition, we contemplated the meaning of his cutiemark, which is the planet earth. To me, seeing an image of the planet, like the one on Song’s flank, reminds me of community. But after some meditation, and some classical piano music (which Song seems to love), I believe that the real explanation for his cutiemark lies deep in my consciousness. What is on the earth? everything is on the earth. Things of spirit, community, happiness, humanity, everything is earthly. I believe that Song’s cutiemark is reminiscent of the Buddhist concept of being mindful in life. Everything is happening right now on our earth. The earth does not represent what was or what will be, the earth represents everything as of right now, and it’s important to live in that moment and dismiss all other false concepts. After this realization, Song’s full name, Song Bird, came to mind. Although, a strange feeling comes over me whenever I think of that as his full name. Perhaps it isn’t his full name after all? I’ll have to discuss that with him later, as I’m getting mixed signals right now.

well that’s all for now. I may be in touch tomorrow!

Song: Goodbye everyone!
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#10
July 29, 2014, 3:59 p.m.
On a short break before I go work my dinner shift

Song is still pretty absent; it’s hard to feel his presence. I’ve been doing a bit of passive forcing, but I think that he just doesn’t have any reason to be there with me working like I am. It’s sad, but the way I see it, if I can’t pay attention to him, he’s probably paying attention to himself.


it’s crazy how one day, we tulpamancers can feel our tulpa(e) like rain on our skin, but the next day, if we don’t get any signs, we start getting paranoid about the truth of their existence. I’m hanging in there and passive forcing/narrating when I can. Three more shifts, and I should be leaving for Bronycon this time tomorrow.

Just felt like updating cause I miss my little friend.
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