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[Game] Break-a-wish
Granted, your first attempt happened instead of the second, and everyone mocks you for screwing up such an easy wish to break, prompting you to hide away from the entire site out of shame.

I wish people were less prone to insult each other.
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Granted. They insult themselves instead.

I wish I was less absent-minded.
brb college
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Granted. You focus on and remember EVERYTHING, causing you to lose your mind and then becoming focused on your insanity. You contemplate suicide but never actually do it, as you focus on what would happen if you did suicide, along with everything else you focus on. Everything.

Eventually, since you remember and focus on everything, you start working for the NSA to focus on and remember everyone's private life when doing surveillance. All this information you focus on and remember eventually causes you to literally explode.

I wish for printer ink.
Tulpas:
Melody - Creation Date: October 21st, 2014
Pumpkin - Creation Date: January 2015

my mastodon - my other mastodon
We're gonna try to post more often, but you know, no promises or whatever.
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"Honey, we can barely afford having one kid. We certainly can't have-"
"You can't abort only one!"
"Well than maybe both?"
"Absolutely not! I will strangle you before I let that happen."
"WELL THAN WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? SUMMON MONEY OUT OF THIN AIR?"
....
....
"Maybe we put one up for adoption. Don't tell the other."

Buffin was a founder and CEO of TrueInk, a company who sold expensive printers but cheap ink, with open-source ink cartridge designs. Behind closed doors, he ran a nameless company in china producing much cheaper clones of expensive ink cartridges sold by other printer companies. Constantly he would change name and address. Since customs couldn't search through every package, every time they caught him he'd simply move to a different name. People were always willing to take a little risk with an unknown seller when the item was 1/20th the price.
Both these companies were forged from an unparalleled need to fix the printer economy.
"Ink costs too much" he'd tell people. If the rumors are to be believed, he once sold his body so that he could re-try starting his business for the 5th time, which was what finally produced TrueInk. There's even a rumor that he was originally female, and got a sex change because he believed he was more likely to be successful that way.
"Ink isn't special. It's ink. Neither is the cartridge"
He was verrrry passionate. Not having a family, he slept at work, and worked 16-hour days. He made it a point to help or do every employee's job to the point of being somewhat competent at it, such that he could sub in for them if need be.
It was 3 years after his first printer sale, and people thought of him as successful.
"No. Expensive ink still sells. Not enough people know about us. Our ink isn't cheap enough"
TrueInk was growing quick, but Buffin was looking for another investor. He had some pretty restrictive requirements for the ones he wanted, including only offering 5% of the stock at maximum. This made investors very hard to find, and very hard to sell to once they were found. But Buffin had done harder things before, and managed to find one, albeit with some strange requirements.
"Make sixty-five thousand sales by september fith"
"Our projections predict we will have at least fifty-nine thousand by september"
"Not fifty-nine thousand. Not sixty-four thousand, nine hudred and ninety-nine. Sixty. Five. Thousand. Payment confirmed and product shipped. If you can do that, I will invest two billion dollars over 2 years, with 200 million up front to get things started"
If it had been any other investor, Buffin would've laughed, or simply not believed them. But this one he knew was being completely serious. Buffin had done his research, this investor was crazy and had the money to do what he said he would. Lawyers were brought in, papers were signed and notarized. All Buffin had to do was sell a few extra printers. Wouldn't be too hard, right?

Buffin sent out an email to his marketing team.
Quote:From: buffin@true.ink
To: marketing-dept-list@true.ink

I have a special request for all of you.
Do as much advertising as possible between now and September 10th.
No holds barred. If this means burning up our entire advertising budget, so be it.
Unleash your true marketing power.

Make sure to contact Jeffery in manufacturing with estimates for how many we're going to sell. Prefer higher estimates, I don't want any backorders
Buffin always added in little things to break the monotony in his emails like unleash your true marketing power. He hoped it would encourage them to do better and be more creative. He decided he ought to stress the importance of "no backorders" to Jeffery in person, and so he got up from his desk, walked over to the door and collapsed as a stinging pain shot up from his feet, through his legs, and up his spine. He lets out a loud cry of pain, enough for someone to come over and help, and call the hospital. He sits there, curled, unable to move his feet. There's this agonizing wait as the paramedics come, just sitting there, wondering

Will I come out of this alive?

More importantly, will TrueInk survive?

He hadn't thought to write a will. Buffin started feeling a little faint at the thought of TrueInk dying. When the paramedics finally do arrive, you grab the first one you see by the scruff of the neck as he's trying to ask you some questions

"I must survive. The betterment of the human race depends on it."

He falls down on to the stretcher conveniently beneath him, and realizes it would be pertinent to answer some of the questions this man was asking.

"I had a sharp pain starting from my feet, all the way through my legs and in my spine. Still there a little bit, and I can't really feel my feet. Can't move 'em either"

They mumble some things before Buffin realizes just how long it's been since he got a nice long nap, and quickly passes out.

He sees a great long line of printers coming fresh of the assembly line, being packaged and shipped. The longer he looks, the more lines get added. He sees a large counter in the air, slowly counting up
64,994
64,995
64,996
64,997
64,998

And then it stops. He freaks out a little bit, and calls the investor

"Hey uh, we hit 64,998. Close enough for our deal right?"
...
"What!? That's rediculous! It's close enough! Less than point-1 percent!"
...
He hangs up and starts hyperventilating.

"WHY AREN'T WE GETTING ANY MORE ORDERS"
"The site's down"

He sits up straight, breathing heavily as he takes in his surroundings. Everything is white. The bedsheet is white. The floor is white. The curtain is white. The nurses are wearing white. One of them comes over to him.
A/N: At this point my browser crashed and lost a whole bunch of shit, so I'm giving up and writing baisicly a summary. I should be editing a podcast anyway.
He learns he has nerve damage and will die unless he can find someone with the exact same dna and then kills them to extract the needed replacement tissue. He calls his mom to contact his biological mother who he then flys to and talks to and finds out about his twin muffin who has DID apparently, so his gameplan is to bribe some psycologists to sign the papers for 72-hour involuntary psychiatric treatment. He finds two willing to do this but only for ~$900,000. Gladly said investor offered $2mil in "personal funds" if he can meet his 65,000 sales. So he goes back to his company and goes into overdrive mode. As the deadline is approaching, his bad dream comes true and sales stop at 64,999. But, muffin's wish is made then, and so they get a phone order from a man named "jean-luc". And with that last order, the investor invests, buffin gets his $2mil in personal funds, bribes the two psychologists, and muffin is forced into an insane asylum at which holes are cut out of the bottom of muffin's feet and all the nerves are slowly pulled out from the bottom. It's a 36-hour process of excrutiating pain. During which, someone brings muffin their package, and muffin recieves the desired printer ink.

I wish I didn't keep switching into second-person
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Granted. You remain in second-person, thus removing the switching part.

I wish jean-luc didn't do novel-length wishbreaking and instead put that talent to writing actual novels and making money from that.
seriously bruh you have too much free time for this
brb college
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Granted. You get my short yet to the point wish breaking abilities. In addition, I continue to ninja Jean forever so he can no longer break wishes.

I wish I didn't have school tomorrow.
"Try to get a better understanding of things before making your judgement." -Khan, Metro 2033
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Granted, you have it next saturday AND sunday instead, and they give out lots of candy tomorrow

I wish I was better at chess.
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Granted. But during Tuesday instead of school I memorized every possible move possible in chess, and challenge you to a match. Being a computer in terms of chess prowess, I make a bet with you. The loser can never play chess again. Not knowing my abilities are god-level, you accept. And get slaughtered.

I wish for apple juice.
"Try to get a better understanding of things before making your judgement." -Khan, Metro 2033
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Granted. But it tastes like piss instead. Jolly jolly.

I wish there was peace in this world. Or justice.
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(09-07-2015, 05:38 PM)Anderson Wrote: Granted. But it tastes like piss instead. Jolly jolly.

I get the reference... "PISS! THERE'S PISS IN MY APPLE JUICE!"

Granted. There's a piece of pie.

I wish wifi had infinite range and bandwidth
"Try to get a better understanding of things before making your judgement." -Khan, Metro 2033
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