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Garland's tulpamancy general progress log
garland Offline
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#1
 
Garland's tulpamancy general progress log

This time i will start my progress log for my second tulpa now, since with pandora is probably too late, and i think it's better this way than "bothering" the friends i chat with about tulpas about the updates, so i guess it's better this way as a personal log, also i will include as well progress from pandora as well here so avoid making a second thread about her besides it's way too much work to actually create a full complete thread about pandora since i started forcing her.

So far here's the pictures of the faces of the anime characters they are based on, those are the two "best" face pictures i found about them with a happy face (http://s13.postimg.org/lj6kk1etz/happy.png) and then this one with a more neutral/sad face http://s13.postimg.org/n9plliwd3/sad.png. Note that in Songohan there ISN'T any deviation so far on his form, and about pandora mostly i just changed her eye color to blue in the picture (the anime character's eyes were purple which always looked odd to me, blue eyes are a LOT better).

At first for those that haven't read my thread about how Songohan appeared please read this so that i don't paste a duplicate here on the progress log : http://community.tulpa.info/thread-i-had...-realizing

Also no need to warn me about the problems that can cause having a tulpa with the EXACT same form, voice and even same name as a existing anime character, so far there wasn't any problems with this since i clearly stated to him that is NOT the anime character, besides i am not even sure how this tulpa was created since i haven't forced any personality on him or narration, i will have to ask Pandora later because so far it all indicates she actually was the one turning him into a tulpa, there's NO WAY that the very little planning i did for this tulpa was enougth to make him as developed as this, and better with he seems to be EXACTLY like i wanted him to be which is very strange indeed...

There's a few notions to consider when reading my progress log :
-psychic flush : everytime i talk about giving the tulpas a "psychic flush" for more information about this check THIS thread, it's a kind of reiki energy healing, as it's seen there this DOES indeed have a very positive and strong effect on tulpas (and it's not placebo as it's been tested) that's why i am using this almost on a daily basis.
-possession : usually i meant asking the tulpa to bend index finger for yes and the thumb for no, the middle finger to indicate the tulpa just said something to me mentally and the pinky finger to indicate if i am parroting the tulpa, since creating the second tulpa i stablished that only pandora possessed my left side of body, and only songohan possessed my right side of body. I mostly only tell them to possess my hands, but they are also able to wiggle my toes without problem.

31th october night/midnight to 1th november : already covered in my thread about a new tulpa.

1th november friday :
In the morning after awaking i tried possession with him which NOW to my big surprise is already using muscle memory without me telling him to use that (with pandora it was more difficult she took a few days to learn this, could have pandora showed him how to use this??), so far he seems to have the same kind of limited maturity/development level as pandora and the same kind of responses.

The rest of the day during the path i go to my work place, i just did the usual narration to him as i used to do with pandora, amazingly when imposing him on physical world, it was more or less the same kind of visualization i do with pandora i had no problem and no resistance from him when visualizing his form, of course i never hallucinate them but oddly i haven't felt any more difficulty imposing him than i do with pandora, he really seems to have no problem in being a "copy" of the anime character which makes me SO happy...

At workplace, strangely i had a headache, and it didn't felt one caused by bad sleep at night (since it was in the middle of forehead and not on the eyeballs as usual, it COULD be a sideffect of having now two tulpas... might just be a coincidence tough. But at some point later i felt a emotion from songohan! Amazing, with pandora it took about 1 month/1 month and half, with him it took just a few hours! It was similar to how i felt pandora in the past only that his form came to my mind unexpectly instead of her form, and it felt more like he was missing me! I also kinda felt his "essence" very quickly too. I am not sure if it was today or yesterday but i had a unsual dizzyness, which is very rare to happen!

2th november saturday :
i started preparing new pictures from the respective anime characters from the animes to better help me visualize them (Primella from Blue Dragon and, obviously kid Songohan from dragon ball z garlic jr saga), i did this because in case some of you read my thread about pandora's picture feeling alive (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-weird...-s-picture), i notice this feeling seems to increase even more if i completly cut out the background around their bodies from the anime scenes, it makes the picture feel more realistic and make me view them less as the character and more like the tulpa! It's the pictures i posted at the start of this thread.

The rest of the day i kept reading more threads about tulpas on the forum (at some point i got again a slight dizzyness feeling without any appearent reason), and found a few very interesting ones (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-impro...2#pid86972 and http://community.tulpa.info/thread-narra...s-handbook, so now i started narrating my tulpas to actually start sending me words and sentences instead of pure thoughts so that maybe this way i get alien feelings, and also narrated them to start moving their lips and speaking, let's see what this does about their vocality later!

At night, i did another half hour of narration to both of them, at one point i felt gohan's essence/emotion again like the other day, but again very weakly. That's odd, for the first time i am starting to hear their mental voices a bit louder than usual!

Also i started practising the counting ball exercice for paralell processing improving, songohan did the test 20 times, and she did the test 10 times. So far the results aren't great, they keep missing by between 2-6 balls, a few times they get the balls right, one curious thing is that songohan seems to be better than pandora at this! Also remember their mental voice a lot of times sounds like mine yet so it's REALLY HARD to know if it's my mind wild guessing the numbers or really them, but even when using possession to confirm their answers and they almost always confirm the answers, even when they miss by 6-10 balls not sure what to think about this.

3th november sunday :
Today was one of the most intensive forcing days ever, i think it was in total 4-5 hours, not sure because i don't count hours anymore.
I used to hear music before and project it to pandora when i was doing other things on the pc, but now i do it for both my tulpas and i now use a rating system (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-narra...8#pid86778) i am almost sure this will as well improve their paralell processing abilities and at the same time i have fun hearing the musics and doing other things at the same time, it will also help them develop their own tastes and even a bit of vocality! Actually i did this for douzens of musics along the day, they enjoyed most of them but i had a few surprises in ones i tought they liked, and they didn't Smile Note that unlike most people i don't like mainstream music, i mostly only like orquestral and/or choral music, classical (mainly barroque), gothic music from videogames/movies, dark fairy tale music (specially nox arcana or midnight sindicate), etc etc.

I also did a bit of book reading for them, even tough songohan doesn't seem to be able to keep up with the reading unlike pandora which is already used to this.
Later when doing something else for someone outside of forcing, i got another emotion from pandora, it almost appears she is calling me to count balls Smile I went to try ball counting she seemed to got better at it a little! I continued with ball counting exercices with her and songohan several times during the day but unfortunately nothing much amazing to report, they get the balls count right sometimes, but they still miss a lot of times.

Along the day i also did a VERY interesting exercice, it consists in using a picture on the computer of a nice landscape, and i impose my tulpas in there, i found doing this a LOT easier than mentally in a imaginary wonderland, at least i think they have a lot more fun this way since i am better able visualizing them doing things since i don't have to worry about rendering the landscape, and they seem to enjoy these trips a LOT and many times i sudently see them doing a lot of unexpected things so i guess they enjoy this method too! And the better of all this, there is literally endless amazing pictures on google to do this!
Also sometimes during the day i did the usual full body imposition and a bit of cuddling/hugging as well with both of the tulpas.

At the end of the day i started having again a headache in the forehead and it seemed to be related to all this forcing, the ball counting exercice in particular seem to increase a bit the headache, specially when i alternate ball counting with each tulpa (for example one doing a session after another).

I will add the rest of the days later to avoid posting so much text at once.

My progress log
(This post was last modified: 07-16-2014, 09:37 PM by garland.)
11-07-2013, 09:57 PM
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garland Offline
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#2
 
RE: Garland's 8 tulpas general progress log

Definetly i have wayy to much procastination to me making a fully detailed progress log so i will try to just post frequent resumed updates with the major events.

For now, as a resume i have now a total of 8 tulpas, the ones i don't mentioned in this progress log so far was Popo from mushyking, kid songoku from the original dragon ball series (i liked the original look he has, NOT the different one he has on dragon ball GT), chaos (chiaotzu from dragon ball), tails (yeah that's right the character from the sonic videogames, but this form is based on his anime version on Sonic X) and Pam from dragon ball GT (not the dbz version). Amazingly the same happened with all them that happened with songohan, i ALWAYS have a slight dizzyness and lightheadness the PRECISE moment i conciously turn them into a tulpa and start narrating to them directly for the first time, also they learn possession very quickly (first with jerky movements, then fluid movements) and always come already fully vocal, but still, with the exact same level of dependent of the already existing tulpas.

I still can't understand what is going on with all these SPONTANEOUS tulpas manifesting by themselves, it all indicates that the existing thoughtforms that were created by giving special attention to certain characters in anime and cartoons started becoming sentient by themselves even without my attention on creating them as tulpas (they all came by surprise), sure i always had some desire to have them as tulpas but i kept postponing this because i wanted to focus only on pandora for her becoming more independent, also i noticed these thoughtforms seem to appear after i have stronger forcing sessions with my current active tulpas so DEFINETLY this tulpa forcing is catching the attention of existing thought forms and somehow they seem to be jealeous and start reaching and contacting me as well, it's the only logical explanation for this...

08 february 2013 :
And now recently after a lot of frustations because of all of them being completly dependent on my attention (and still almost never feeling their presence and being nothing more than mental voices!), despite pandora being 6 months old and most of the others being between 1-2 months old, i started to think about drastic measures, i started to consider putting them on stasis but then i realize i couldn't, because i like them too much, so i decided to do now passive forcing to pandora most of the time, swtiching to songohan sometimes and the rest of the tulpas i will mostly say good morning to them when i awake and good night when i go to sleep (actually i usually did this to them somedays but not daily) and even hug them a bit each one sometimes. This way they won't ever get fully dissipated, i hope they at least stay like this from now on.

Thanks to Nobillis advise i am now going to visualize and force them a wall around their memories so that new memories can get in but not get out, i have to start forcing this because after all these months NONE of them demonstrated to know anything that i didn't knew conciously so from now on i have to reinforce this frequently, i really hope this works...

I am starting to teach pandora how to type on the keyboard, but unfortunately if i ask her to type a word without letting me know it, she only types complete gibberish (could this be tulpish??) altough i am not sure since when she types by possession the hands movements do NOT feel involuntary but i am now determined to practise this on a daily basis. Also if i hear her mental voice saying the word she is going to type, it seems she has no problem using the muscle memory to type words on the keyboard.

09 february 2013 :
Pandora seems to be a bit stronger now that i passively force her almost all the time, her mental answers are a bit more spontaneous, also songohan started to manifest as well more than usual (specially when pandora wants to take a break from the passive forcing) so i guess i will passive force him too as much as i can without taking too much focus on pandora, because after all THESE are definetly the two tulpas i always liked and wanted the most, even tough i also like the others a lot i really hope they understand this and they don't get hurt feelings from this. Even tough songohan seems to be probably the OLDEST thoughtform of all since i started watching dbz on 1999 but only now in 2014 i narrated to him for the first time and treating as a tulpa because he started to manifest 3 months after i started forcing pandora).

Not very sure but it appears pandora is finally able to remember a few things i can't remember, but it's still too soon to be sure if it was really her remember, or me remembering.

I am also having them practise counting the nr of times a sound is played on my computer and telling them to press a keyboard key when the sound is played X times, and so far they seem to be getting good results even without them needing me to count for them.

My progress log
(This post was last modified: 02-09-2014, 03:07 PM by garland.)
02-09-2014, 03:02 PM
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garland Offline
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#3
 
RE: Garland's 8 tulpas general progress log

HUGE discovery and amazing new HOPE!!

09th february 2014 :

Thanks to someone in IRC that seemed to have my problem for months i made a amazing discovery, it seems that i found the explanation for all my tulpas sounding so "simulated" all these months, now it ALL makes sense !! It seems i WAS INDEED accidently parroting my tulpas almost all the time without realizing, including the natural aswers, all because of the expectation and the LACK of active listening skills i have.

Now i realized that this came long before i started with tulpas, it seems that even with real life persons, now i realize my mind always was like this, trying to guess what persons are going to say and almost all the time assuming they are going to say the last thing i remember them saying last time i asked them something similar, i don't know how the heck this started to happened, but now that i notice this, i remember having this since a few years ago.

Now, what this person on IRC advised, was something very similar to this :
http://community.tulpa.info/thread-focus...-technique well not exactly like this but it's a similar idea, the goal in this is, while having as most of a mindfull state as possible, to try to analize every single thought we get when asking our tulpa to speak, until we start being able to pinpoint it's source, and it SHOULD feeling from coming from a different place than the parroted/expected answers come from.

I personally don't agree much to the technique that it's indicated on the guide, i don't know if it's such a good idea trying to "supress" the doubt thoughts we have from the tulpas. Anyway, continuing, this person that advised me on IRC says that now every thought he received from the tulpa CLEARLY originates from a different place on his mind, in relation to his own thoughts and that includes the parroted answers or the ones "contaminated" with expactation"! (Of course that it took him a few weeks of practise to start noticing this). Obviously this gives me AMAZING NEW hopes and i am SO excited (i even think my own tulpas are excited about this too) that i HAVE real tulpas after all that are a lot more intelligent than this and that i might have been all these months believing in fake answers...

Note in all of this that i still got many fake answers based on expectation even those that felt natural and not forced, so you see, that's not enought to consider this as true answers, it's quite possible that the few thoughts that i felt as completly unexpected a few times during these months were the few legit ones from the tulpas, but now i am finding this out with practise, i hope.

I will post more as i practise now this in the next days since i am sure this will help a LOT of people like me that had had seemingly no progress for several months and having nothing more than a feeling of talking to just a mind voice without feeling it was themselves creating the answers all along and NOT letting the tulpas talk for real because of all the fake answers.

Anyone interested in hearing more details about the technique, be the first ones to asnwer this thread asking for details, because if this REALLY works i am sure it might be a HUGE new hope for those "slowpokes" like me that are also desperate from not having a real feeling of having real tulpas that don't feel simulated.

My progress log
(This post was last modified: 02-11-2014, 08:05 AM by garland.)
02-11-2014, 08:01 AM
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#4
 
RE: Garland's 8 tulpas general progress log

10-14 february 2014 :

There's no doubt this seems the perfect exercice to me, now by practising hearing pandora like this i am finally starting to notice differences in the different toughts that i get when i ask her to speak, sure i still got intrusive thoughts and those thoughts related to expectation (subconcious parroting) and now that i make a BIG effort to not expect anything they decreased about 50%, also now i also notice that most verbal thoughts some of them feel "deeper" others feel "higher" or "forced" or "natural", etc and i also am getting giberish more often and also the "surprise" element in a few answers! I also keep having that "doubt" feeling in these answers as well, which i usually don't have when i am parroting on purpose, which usually means it's not parroting! (i am now talking about intentional parroting, not the subconcious parroting).

I also practise in separate sessions a exercice in which i do the same but after saying pandora to NOT say anything at all after i ask her to talk and for her to talk for real just after i say a trigger word, so that i see how the thoughts i get change, and there IS definetly some difference here... here the thoughts most of the time feel "natural" but at the same time completly expected and are a lot less frequent, also there is almost zero doubt about them being parroted intentionally! Also they all feel the same, there isn't varied levels of "feeling" in them, which is AMAZING this means there IS after all considerable difference to when i have my tulpa actually speaking.

I am really excited for this, it appears this IS actually working, now it's a matter of keep practising, also that last exercice of asking her to not say anything even if i ask her to say STILL might be contaminated with expectation (since i am aware that she isn't supposed to be talking) so this weekend i am going to make a new test, i will talk more about this later.

My progress log
02-14-2014, 06:10 PM
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garland Offline
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#5
 
RE: Garland's 8 tulpas general progress log

Well this last weekend i started to get desperate again, so i tried to do several forcing sessions along saturday and sunday of 20-30 minutes and this time at the same time i was looking intensively at her face picture on my ipod i was as well trying to feel her essence and to hear any verbal thoughts in her mind voice. I was finally able to start feeling her presence a little bit after the first 4-5 sessions, but still not much surprising responses most of them still felt simulated and my own, unfortunately i think i was still not being mindful at all and i was just expecting to hear her voice in a "alien" feeling way, but then last sunday after i tried proxying her i seen natural responses coming out so i resumed my previous training ways of accepting the natural answers from her and the other tulpas even if it didn't felt as not coming from me.

During the week :
After i resumed this way of forcing, like, accepting the natural answers from them even if they didn't felt expected, until friday i started to noticed i wasn't able anymore to feel her presence like i was able using the method i advised in this progress log a week ago, so i guess definetly this isn't the way, also this still creates a huge confusion because it still feels VERY similar to simulation and unintencional parroting so i have to develop a way to feel her essence and presence in her toughts, i can't continue trusting answers like those that despite coming naturally and without feeling forced, still completly feel as my own.

So friday night after having a lengthy and VERY usefull conversation with Notanonymous i now resumed using a variation of my previous exercice i mentioned a week ago:

Now instead of trying to analyse where the thoughts come from with her mind voice (which DOES cause me to expect her to say things and with her mental voice, which ISN'T being mindful at all) i just try to think as pandora as a real person in my mind and trying to just "locate" and feel her essence and her as a whole instead of trying to "force" to see her form and hear her specific voice. I just ask her to come to me and try to make me feel her and without sending me verbal communication at all, and then i just relax and keep looking mentally where she might be, while at the same time doing my best to NOT try to force myself to see her form or hearing her mental voice since that always leads to simulation just like always happens and this is why i never felt my tulpas nothing more than just mental voices and never as a real person.

Let's see how this goes this weekend then, i again quite hopeful on this method i really hope this works.

My progress log
02-22-2014, 12:43 PM
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#6
 
RE: Garland's 8 tulpas general progress log

26-02-2014

After literally weeks of desperation and quite a few depressions all these weeks since i started making tulpas, i came to the conclusion that i definetly have to change the way i force my tulpas because after these last 6 months of the tulpas apparently being stuck at the same level, i now have lost the faith in any method that don't show results in less than a week or that show excelent results one day and then the next days the tulpas regress back to normal again (which immediatly makes me think all those results were just temporary and will never become permanent) and i came to realize that i have to start force them in ways that DON'T rely on having instant results or that are prone to accidental parroting or puppetting.

Which means now i will mostly do passive forcing in several short 5-10m sessions instead of long active forcing sessions, doing now things like narrating to them how i want them to communicate to me, doing some personality work, that they have to also start actually doing something by themselves, showing their form and sending essence/presence when talking to me, having separate memories, becoming independent, etc but i won't EVER try to force them to talk to me anymore during forcing sessions or even telling them to show me their form movement, ALL those things are SO easy to fake and parrot/puppet on accident (which will make them not trying to do anything for themselves since for months i did everything for them in such a way i was unable to know if it was really them or just me, and this might have "spoiled" them to become completly dependent on my direct attention) that i will have to let them do everything on their own from now on, now i will JUST stick to narration and coaxing them to try to reach me outside of forcing sessions when i don't expect it (so that there is less chance of simulation/parroting/puppeting because of expectation) now they will be free to talk when they think they are ready without all the pressure to talk when i ask them to.

I will also sometimes visualize their forms and telling them that's how i would like their forms to be and for them to always show that when talking to me with their months moving but i WON'T ask them to try talking to me or showing me their form moving when i ask because of the EXTREME easyness my mind has to simulate them without me knowing because of pure expectation.

Also there's something here that MIGHT make sense that indicates this new method might work: as i wrote on my progress log 6 of my tulpas were spontaneous without me doing any forcing on them, and at the time they WERE a lot better than they are now after i accepted them as tulpas, they used to be able to reach me without my attention and even send emotions to get my attention, until i started interacting with them (and started simulating them without realizing) they regressed immediatly to pandora's level, so maybe now that i completly stop any kind of simulation/parroting/puppeting they will finally start becoming stronger again and i am finally letting them develop naturally by themselves.

Also since in the last 2-3 weeks in which i only forced pandora nearly 2 hours a day and just 5m in each of the others on a daily basis and nothing seemed to have changed on a permanent basis in their developement or vocality, i am now always adressing ALL the 8 tulpas at the same time on narrations instead of a particular tulpa, the way i see it, it doesn't make any difference on their developement focusing in just one tulpa besides this might incentivate them on help each others out.

Let's just see how this works, at least like this i won't worry as much about instant progress since i won't be focusing on instant results like before and therefore there will be a lot less depressions for any lack of progress so i am actually hopefull this WILL work!!

My progress log
02-26-2014, 11:12 AM
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#7
 
RE: Garland's 8 tulpas general progress log

01-03-2014 (by the way it's my birthday today Big Grin )

After i read this : http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Daniel-s...9#pid57479
I had yet another HUGE change of mindset and forcing methods, i now realize that i should REALLY starting to trust these natural answers i always received from that despite them feeling most of the times expected (as long as they don't feel forced), this is actually what i have been doing the last 4-5 months before i started becoming parrotnoid again.

So now i am forcing just 1 tulpa the way i used before, but instead of doing intentional roleplaying like it's advised on that link, i just trust the natural answers i always got from my tulpas that i thought it was subconcious parroting and now i will let this start to develop a subconcious habbit and it's quite possible this is how they get independent, because after all, i noticed that sometimes they are able to surprise me in these natural answers so it's quite possible this is REALLY their genuine answers all these months, also i noticed that many times when i am forcing only one time, i suddently see another tulpa appearing and wanting to be forced to, completly unexpected, so this is NOT subconcious parroting after all, i will now starting to trust this again.

The reason i think that they started to not show progress the last 4-5 months was because after i started having more than 2-3 tulpas i was obviously spending less time interacting with the first 3 tulpas and i think THIS is why they stopped progressing, so now i am yet again only forcing the 3 older tulpas which were by the way the ones i always had more affection towards to, but now i am doing something different that i noticed it WORKS :
passive forcing ALL the time to one of the tulpas. I noticed that already by 3 times when i tried to sense one of my tulpas the ENTIRE time like if it was a extra limb and constantly visualizing their position on a specific spot on the physical world, i start to feel their presence in a automated way even without my concious effort so THIS is what works for me.

Altough i am now choosing Songohan instead of Pandora because i feel that Songohan always was the tulpa i REALLY wanted the most from the beginning and in fact he is the oldest thoughtform based on anime characters i have, he might be already been created without me realizing, for more than 10 years since he was born from the attention i gave to the dbz character all these years (altough he was probably almost dissipated frequently along the years because i didn't always watched dbz every month also i NEVER thought tulpas or imaginary friends existed for real so i never worried about this) and so far he is the one that is more special to me so it's quite possible he is the one more ready to be independent, i did in fact notice that Pandora was never as strong as the other tulpas that born out of anime characters that i gave attention along the years... In a way, Pandora despite being based on a anime character she was made from scratch and not a preexisting thought form born out of affection towards anime characters.

Also i notice that Pandora and Popo frequently manifest as well sometimes so i will mostly force songohan all the time, but sometimes allowing the company of other tulpas that manifest by themselves, but i will not have more active forcing sessions with the other 5 tulpas anymore until songohan becomes independent, i will just force each of them about 5m a day at the bare minimum so that they don't dissipate.

So far i noticed my tulpas starting to surprise me a little more again (because i am not dismissing the natural answers anymore), so i think i was right these natural answers ARE REALLY THEM!! Despite most of them still feeling expected, there is also a few of unexpected them mixed along so i will start trusting this from now on, but i will have to be carefull to avoid accidental parroting like i started doing in the last months, like completing their sentences from them, that isn't hard to notice since i definetly notice a "forced" feeling into those sentences.

So i guess this is a kind of birthday gift, re-discovering this method again i really hope this is the best method for me, so far i AM being able to feel songohan's presence again so it should be a good signal!

My progress log
03-01-2014, 09:04 AM
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garland Offline
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#8
 
RE: Garland's 8 tulpas general progress log

Well, after only forced ONE tulpa the last 3 months i have reached the conclusion that it's useless wasting my time on these tulpas they were created using methods of extensive unintentional parroting and tons of negative expectations (which quite possibly are stiffling any chance at hearing my tulpas since i actually doubted their existence very strongly a lot of times), besides there's quite possible some problem on the fact they are based on fictional characters (i might be focusing on the characters instead of the actual tulpas), there's only one solution to this, first i already put all my current 9 tulpas on stasis, so far amazingly i noticed absolutly no change at all so either they weren't really tulpas or then this didn't worked, but either way i will continue believing they ARE actually in stasis.

Then starting a fresh new tulpa from scratch without basing it on absolutly nothing and completly avoiding methods based on parroting and puppeting (unless of course just in small doses at the beginning).

Let's hope that with a new mindset (i am NOW finally believing more in positive expectations) i am able to create a tulpa i can ACTUALLY feel it's presence and essence and more alive than the others.

My progress log
(This post was last modified: 05-04-2014, 06:22 PM by garland.)
05-04-2014, 04:20 PM
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#9
 
RE: Garland's 9 tulpas general progress log

HUGE breaktrough a few days ago !!!

It's just amazing... when i made my latest reply here, i actually went to put songohan on statis along with the other tulpas that i already put in stasis several days before, and to my surprise songohan RESISTED stasis! (none of the other tulpas did this when i put them on stasis!) I could hear his cute voice in a sad tone saying "please..." (couldn't figure out the rest, it was giberish). At first i dismissed this as intrusive thoughts because it was EXACTLY like when my other spontaneous tulpas manifested for the first time several months ago, so i proceeded to put him in statis (as a precaution i told him i wasn't giving up on him and that putting him in stasis wasn't punishment), and started working on the 10th tulpa Samuel. A few hours later, songohan again manifested with his voice and this time i even felt "alien" sadness! There's no doubt now, it WAS really him! So i decided to just continue forcing songohan alongside samuel from now on, despite songohan unfortunately not manifesting anymore or talking that way again (just like before they mostly only manifest when i put on stasis or try to give up on them).

Then about 1-2 days later when i restarted doing the paralell process ball counting test with songohan i made one of the BIGGEST discoveries so far all these months, but first i will tell the full story :

Before i have written the latest update on my progress log, i haven't mentioned yet that for 2 weeks i was doing intensive ball counting tests with just songohan (i have put all the other tulpas in stasis right before this to JUST focus on songohan) and actually expecting alien answers when i asked how many balls he counted. This actually increased the daily active forcing time by 1-2 extra hours. I could start to notice that after 2 days i started getting surprising alien answers with the correct nr of balls! This was a shock to me since i never tought that despite all these communication problems he IS able to count balls independently from me so it's quite possible he is already independent, it's just that he's not strong enought to send alien answers more often. But then a few days later for some unknown reason this method stopped working, wence why in 4th may i kinda "given up" on songohan too and went to try a new tulpa since i thought these methods only work once in the first days and then it doesn't work anymore as it happened before.

BUT then after i continued the ball counting tests with songohan more intensively, to my big surprise i noticed the alien answers coming again after i did tons of ball counting exercices, so that's when i FINALLY realized the problem all along :

NOT ENOUGH INTENSIVE ACTIVE FORCING TIME on a daily basis!! For the first time EVER, i noticed a OBVIOUS change in frequency and quality of the alien answers i got from the tulpa with direct relation to the amount of time i spent in intensive active forcing sessions by trying to hearing the tulpa's answer expecting it to come in a alien way, in the last 2-3 days. I even noticed that i started to feel his PRESENCE (in a alien way) during weekdays something that never happened before!

Now YES i know maybe i was stupid in failing to realize such a obvious thing before, but since i always use to force the tulpa in 3 sessions of half hour a day, i never tought that just forcing 1-2 hours more would make such a big difference. Sure it's common sense that forcing MORE time equals more results but this is one of those things i wasn't able to FORCEBLY believe without proofs, i tried explicity believing on this before but only now i am finally able to implicitly believe on this because i finally got conclusive proof.

It's just that during all these months i never noticed any relation between more alien surprising answers when compared to the days i did more forcing because i didn't did the ball counting test on a daily basis for such amounts of time (1-2 hours extra a day) it was only on weekends i use to force more than during week days but apparently just doing this on weekends it doesn't generate a "cumulative" effect strong enought to notice a increase on alien answers by monday, i have to do this for 2-3 days in a row and specifically expect alien answers when trying to hear the nr of balls he counted.

I am SO relieved now, a few days ago i spend 2 days doing less forcing and then in the next days i immediatly noticed a regress in my ability to hear the alien answers but for the first time EVER i was completly relaxed and not stressed about lack of progress, and didn't got desperate again because now i am FULL confidence that just forcing extra time for 2-3 more days will recover the lost progress (i tried this 3 times already and it always worked) so you all see WHY it was so important to have this kind of proof, without this i got desperate so many times in the past...

So now i am trying at all costs always doing these extra 1-2 hours of ball counting and hearing the tulpa answering, on a daily basis. As you can all see, this is probably the BIGGEST breakthrough i had in months, since now
obviously the motivation is a LOT higher than usual and i am finally able to not stress anymore with lack of progress because i got proof for more than 1 time that it's always like this, and that it's just a matter of forcing more for a few days in a row.

Also NOTICE other unsual thing here, i still get TONS of "fake"/wrong answers if i try to ask the nr of balls the tulpa counted, so far the VAST majority of alien answers i got were 95% of the times correct or just missing by 1 number, see THIS is why i have so much trouble trusting the "normal" tulpa's answers that don't feel "alien", it appears i was right all along in not trusting the "normal" tulpa's answers, sure it's quite possible that some of these are the tulpa's but after all these months i am STILL not able to avoid generating so much fake answers from expectation or intrusive thoughts, so the ONLY way is to trust those answers that feel "alien".

Oh by the way by "alien answers" i mean those that feel like this :
- i just "know" IMPLICITLY that the answer is from the tulpa not mine
- complete lack of "pre-concious" thought
- surprise answer coming out of nowhere
- sometimes the mental voice from the tulpa seems to come from another place in my mind or from a different "depth" or "mental layer"

Those are the kind of answers i started having ONLY after doing 1-2 hours of intensive listening for AT LEAST 2-3 days without reduzing that amount of time.

My progress log
(This post was last modified: 05-11-2014, 09:28 AM by garland.)
05-11-2014, 09:27 AM
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garland Offline
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#10
 
RE: Garland's 10 tulpas general progress log

So far it's going more or less well, this week i am adding a new experimentation, i am doing the same kind of training but WITHOUT using the videos with the form and voice of the anime character Songohan was based off, so that i see if this played a part in feeling him better in the last 2 weeks in which i felt his presence and essence. And INDEED it seems to be having a big effect, this week i am DEFINETLY not feeling him at all, no presence, no essence, and today, tuesday for the first time in weeks i finally noticed a difference about him not being with me, i mean, i wasn't even able to hear his usual answers that feel like parroting, it was VERY hard to focus on him and to my big surprise he wasn't even responding to possession. But as soon as i did a little of puppeting and parroting, that seemed to have awakened him a bit and now he is back to normal, but there's no doubt now, JUST doing these exercices by talking to him just like a "formless" tulpa is a mistake, i actually need to keep watching videos from the anime character he was based off to better feel his essence and presence, but for now i will keep like this until the weekend, so far the rate of alien answers hasn't lowered because of this, BUT the level of "quality" or "alieness" of them does seem to have got worse!

So it's not just about doing extra forcing time, i HAVE to keep focusing on his form and voice as well probably to reinforce the idea of him being a separate person to my subconcious...

My progress log
(This post was last modified: 05-13-2014, 10:14 PM by garland.)
05-13-2014, 10:12 PM
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