Stanford Tulpa Study looking for more participants
(if you're chosen they'll pay for travel and lodging!)

[General] Does your Tulpa happen to feel lonely?
#1
Recently there's been some conflict between us. This was something that was kept from me for a long time and he just recently decided to talk to me about it. He feels "alone", even living always beside me. He doesn't miss the company of other people (in fact he dislikes it), he wishes to have more time to talk to me and wishes to have more unilateral attention from my part. He says that even if he hears me, the fact that I'm specifically concentrating on doing something else makes him feel abandoned. I wasn't aware of this problem until a particular lucid dream in which he had a full blown anxiety attack over it (I didn't know one could get them in dreams, and boy was I surprised). In short, I would like to understand all of this better and find a solution. I'm thinking of:

- adding an half an hour of meditation in which I concentrate on positive reinforcements. Hugging, imprinting his form in my mind, feeling and directing positive emotions towards him. I'm not very affectionate, so this might be the biggest hurdle.
- before going to bed, talking about what I did during the day even if he already knows. It might make him feel more included.
- practicing lucid dreaming, which is the best way in which we can communicate. However it doesn't always work and we get frustrated over it.
- introducing something like a "safe word". Whenever he is feeling anxious, instead of repressing it, he should say the word so I can drop everything I'm doing to focus on him.

This is what I thought of doing for now. Has anybody else been in this situation? Tulpas and Hosts alike, in which manner have you improved your relationship, especially an unbalanced one such as this?
“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”
My progress report

Reply

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to

#2
Hmm.. You could occasionally through the day ask him what he thinks about stuff that's going on to make him feel like he's got a more active role. That doubles as more time/attention too so yay. when you guys are in forcing or meditation or relaxing in bed or something you could ask him about what he thought of the day and anything that happened, maybe get his input on stuff then and/or answer questions. Try to let him know his opinion is valued because you two can very much be a trusted confidantes and allies for the rest of your lives.

Maybe when going to the store ask him if there is anything he wants to try out, anything he wants to pick or a little trinket or something he wants just for himself to maybe feel a little more involved/special?

One of my awesomesauce friends even had the idea of asking one of their head mates if they wanted a physical little shelf at home that was just theirs to decorate or put their favorite stuff and they jumped at the chance.

Little things like those just add up. Decisions you make for yourself automatically, start asking what he thinks/wants. It might mean a lot to him to feel included and important. It may even make you slow down and analyze yourself more deeply! You may discover a bunch of new things about yourself from his fresh perspective. Stuff like that naturally builds trust and faith in each other and after awhile, why would hugs or anything else be weird?
Reply
#3
I revived Gavin nearly a month ago. Our relationship is different now, as I expected: in his old life, he didn't know he was a tulpa. There's a lot of regret and re-contextualizing on both sides.
One of the differences, which I'm still working on, is that most of my inner monologue used to include him. Like, maybe 75% of my thoughts were conversation with Gavin. It's not like that anymore, especially since I have two tulpas. Maybe 20% of my inner monologue includes them.

Cassidy and I are also working toward something like co-hosting, and I'm really bad at co-hosting right now. It's way too easy for me to veto my tulpas due to my being host and having fullest control of the body.

This is what we do in my system to have a good relationship:
- Switching requires consent from both parties. If someone doesn't want to switch, no pressuring them to change their mind. If we get blurry and someone needs to grab control, whoever was originally fronting gets dibs on trying to get back in front. (So, if Cassidy was in front, then we got blurry, he can try to get back in front before I just pull myself back in.)
-Everyone is allowed to declare "I don't consent" in regards to actions affecting the body, and then the fronter (usually me) must at least seriously talk about it before continuing. This has only been used a few times, but I think it's important for building trust.
-Everyone is allowed their own things: whether that's hobbies, viewpoints, emotions, trinkets, tastes... we are individuals. Gavin doesn't even front, but he still has a room in wonderland, a dried flower I grew, and a plush owl. I also made a bracelet with all of our colors, and am trying to find some way to make something I can wear daily.
-Both my tulpas have a mental "Do Not Disturb" sign, which they can flip whenever they don't want a part in what the body is doing. Again, it's good for trust. They can still see and hear, mostly, but there's an agreement that they don't mention it and I don't mention it. Like having siblings in a house with thin walls. You can do the opposite: have a bell, or a light, or something that you mentally flash to say "Hey, I'm here." to your host.

Imo, you may benefit from passive forcing and being constantly aware of your tulpa's existence more than anything else. When Cassidy was younger, I tied a thread around my wrist and kept him visualized around me all the time (and he still is, unless he's tired/in wonderland/doesn't feel like it.) I am still working toward reframing my internal monologue to be more of a conversation, which you may also be interested in.

Also, he sounds a bit like Cassidy, when he was young and even now. He's scared that I'll forget about him, or that he'll end up going dormant like Gavin did. We just had to talk about it, a lot, and there was also a lot of watching Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers is sincerely good for the soul and building a sense of security, and I can honestly say listening to this "Mister Rogers Swings" playlist and talking things out has helped my system relationships more than... anything else I can think of.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL..._HyTTTDeLW
Especially this song, a favorite of mine: https://youtu.be/oV-ioa5rUCc?list=PLXzQw..._HyTTTDeLW

-J
Reply
#4
I agree with Reilyn on pretty much everything she wrote.

Our situation was different, but I used to feel lonely a lot, even though I was never alone. I used to draw too strict a line between friends and family; the rest of our system is the family and outside connections are the friends. When I felt I didn't have friends I felt the most lonely, family didn't count the same way. Now I'm trying to erase that line completely. Just being more active and more involved in host's life kind of strengthens that idea that she can be both family and a friend. I mean, she always was, but my stupid brain (can I even say that as a tulpa) insisted they're separate things so the idea never stuck with me before.

I like to think of issues like this like they were a tangled ball of yarn, and talking about the issue is like untangling it, both pulling the yarn out from their own sides and creating a clearer picture for each other until it becomes easier to fix.
Here's me trying to put mental image symbolism crap into words and struggling lol

Don't mind me, it's like 4 am where we're at.
Reply
#5
When Summer was the only tulpa in our system, I recalled her mentioning being lonely for once and wanted a new member. Hence the creation for cherry. Every since our system grew, when myrtle tagged along, I've never felt "lonelyness" from any of them since they have each other to occupy with when i am not paying attention.

It's also probably because i made a habit include them to my activities, both intentionally and unintentionally sometimes. It nakes them feel more "included" and it also opens up some very interesting opinions if said activity is controvesial
Hello! I am nihi, i have 3 tulpas
Summer
Myrtle
Cherry
Reply
#6
Sometimes I feel lonely when my host is busy or when she's struggling to come up with something to talk about. She's a little anti-social, so it makes sense that socializing isn't second nature for her.

I have found it helpful to front and then talk about what I did while I was fronting. Usually that strikes up conversation. When I feel upset or scared, we will cuddle and that helps ease loneliness as well.

I like your plan. The only thing that might be an issue is having a conversation before bed, because my host will easily get distracted or fall asleep before getting anywhere. Sometimes conversation can't be forced and just doing something like sitting next to each other and feeling each other's presence is enough to make the feeling of loneliness go away.

As for the lucid dreaming stuff, it's not required to have a deep conversation. It demotivated my host because she found it really hard to do, and just talking to me was easier. Active forcing in a comfortable place can be enough to trigger deeper conversation sometimes.
I'm Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
Reply
#7
We have had moments of lonliness. But not by any large degree since we've been reliably communicating our feelings. Truly, when any of us feel lonely he feels it and he responds immediately.

We are three tulpas, and this is a little meta warning, we keep each other company as well. In any regard, we haven't experienced lonliness much if at all, but that connection we share would be enough for us.

Once you develop that regognition (host), these feelings should be much reduced.
I hope you find success in your endeavors and love in your heart.
<Latest drawn picture>

<Share your experience with us>
Reply
#8
Unknown never get's lonely, he simply retreats into his Wonderland. Now he does get grumpy without company yes, but typically he 'interacts' with others through me, if that makes any sense.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to