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[General] How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?
generationcolumbine Offline
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#1
 
How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?

Hello.
This is my 10th day in (not very impressive buuuut). Also, I'm paranoid (!possibly connected to my problem).

And, also Polish. So please, forgive me mistakes (grammar check doesn't work).

I force every day (passive and active). I was trying to plan his personality and appearance, but I can't stop feeling "guilty": I'm scared that he won't like me because I'm trying to give him certain features (of course I know that he can change some of them and I totally support him).
This is where the problem begins.

I have tendency to add ,,of course if you want to" to every sentence. Because of that, it's very hard to visualize him: I don't want to hurt his feelings by doing anything he doesn't want. ALSO, I cannot force myself to let him do everything by himself - what host I would be if I left everything to him?

Maybe anyone here had this problem? What did you do?
05-04-2019, 09:06 AM
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Tewi Offline
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#2
 
RE: How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?

Well, he doesn't exist yet. He can't have hurt feelings. The simple solution to this problem is to stop feeling guilty until he's sentient and vocal, at which point he can easily change anything about himself he doesn't like. No tulpas have ever reported being annoyed or upset at the traits or forms their hosts have given them, ever. And that's because by the time it means anything to them they can easily change it. (And most are perfectly fine with what their host chose)

Plenty of tulpas appreciate being created, though. So just worry about that for now. Giving your tulpa traits and a form is completely normal and I think in recent times there's far too much emphasis on "letting a not-yet-sentient tulpa choose their own personality/form" - that assuredly just results in randomness from your subconscious nearly every time. Your tulpa isn't responsible for anything about themselves until they can at least send you feelings as responses (to like, "Do you like the name so-and-so?"), because they literally can't be. And again, changing themselves is no problem later on, so do what you need to until then.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.
All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.
Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
05-04-2019, 10:50 AM
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generationcolumbine Offline
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#3
 
RE: How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?

Thank you! So, it must be my personality - he's my first tulpa and I want everything to be perfectSmile
05-04-2019, 11:14 AM
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solarchariot Offline
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#4
 
RE: How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?

I would like to help ease that part, too. It's not a personality trait, it's a belief. We can modify the belief and the emotional response changes. Guilt is complicated. There is the emotional component, 'i feel like i am doing something wrong,' and there is the legal version 'you did something.' OMG, you brushed your teeth?! Guilty as charged. No morality or emotion, i brushed my teeth, that's it.

OKay, if you were a parent and you were guiding a child, you will make decisions that will likely go against the child's want. they will have an emotional reaction. Maybe they comply and pout. maybe they defy. maybe they ask why. even if your explanation is valid from an adult perspective, they may not get it. Your job is to educate, teach discipline, keep them safe. That's it. How you feel about that, well... if you accept your decision was the right rational parent thing to do, well you feel great even if they're crying... Crying is okay. They are trying to manipulate their world to go their direction. it will not always go their direction. this, too, is a good thing to learn. maybe you feel bad because you empathize with the child's feelings. this is okay, too. unless you give in and the kids gets cake and icecream for every meal and doesn't want to brush teeth because of cavities hurting... then you're doing harm. but, if you empathize and say, 'i think you're feeling this... and this is okay, this is normal.. how can we feel? can we change our feelings?' then, OMG, you're the greatest parent in the world because you just taught a valuable skill set.

host and tulpa is not the same as parent child... parent child is the closest analogy we have to view what we're doing. You're creating a new personality. It needs context for existence and relationship. It is your job to provide. IF and when it protests, then you re-evaluate your level of guidance, allow it to exercise more liberties. Your job is to keep it safe while it explores this. When it deviates, your job is done. It is no longer guidance, but negotiation.

No one can tell you what to feel. You feel what you feel. If you change the context of your belief, the feelings should modify. My perspective, you're doing nothing wrong. You are 'guilty' of creating the parameters for a new life. That is what it is.
(This post was last modified: 05-04-2019, 11:36 AM by solarchariot.)
05-04-2019, 11:34 AM
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Luxio Offline
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#5
 
RE: How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?

(05-04-2019, 10:50 AM)Tewi Wrote:
 No tulpas have ever reported being annoyed or upset at the traits or forms their hosts have given them, ever.

That is blatantly untrue. Apollo most certainly does not like the fact that he was personality forced, it caused him a lot of grief and heartache when he could have gone without it.


Instead of "personality forcing" your tulpa, you can teach him positive values that you wish him to hold. Think of it this way: when a parent is raising a child, they don't tell the child "you are going to have x trait" or symbolically bestow the child with that trait, or whatever. No: they tell the child "it is important to be hard-working, because x reason" "it is important to respect others, because x reason." So, what you can do is pick positive values and try to explain to your tulpa why they are important to have. That way, you can have a positive influence on his personality, while avoiding being intrusive about it. That should eliminate your guilt.

As for form, well, having the perfect form is pretty unimportant at this stage. Right now, a form is just a focus aid for forcing. It can be something entirely featureless or simple and get the job done just fine, like an orb of light or a puff of mist. When he becomes sentient, he will be able to choose his own form, you don't have to choose one for him right now since there's really not much need. A form isn't even necessary if you focus on other things instead, such as the mere idea of his existence. When he's sentient, let him pick his own form.

(05-04-2019, 11:14 AM)generationcolumbine Wrote: he's my first tulpa and I want everything to be perfectSmile

If you're looking to make the perfect person, you're chasing a pipe dream. Tulpa or not, there's no such thing as a perfect person, no matter how much personality forcing you do.

I'm Luxio Volt, the "Storm Rocker" of the Felight family. I'm a tulpa made March 2017. My systemmates are Apollo, Piano, & Indigo.
(This post was last modified: 05-04-2019, 02:24 PM by Luxio.)
05-04-2019, 02:04 PM
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Tewi Offline
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#6
 
RE: How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?

(05-04-2019, 02:04 PM)Luxio Wrote:
That is blatantly untrue. Apollo most certainly does not like the fact that he was personality forced, it caused him a lot of grief and heartache when he could have gone without it.

That's literally news to me. Plenty of tulpas have pre-sentience/vocality memories they don't like, but I've not heard of tulpas who "disliked personality forcing". That'd take a prolonged period of sentience without vocality with sustained personality forcing, right? I think that's far from common, at least.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.
All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.
Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
05-04-2019, 02:30 PM
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Luxio Offline
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#7
 
RE: How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?

The personality forcing stopped when he became sentient. That doesn't mean he likes the fact that he was personality forced lol. He much would have preferred if his personality was allowed to form naturally, it would have saved him a lot of problems.

I'm Luxio Volt, the "Storm Rocker" of the Felight family. I'm a tulpa made March 2017. My systemmates are Apollo, Piano, & Indigo.
(This post was last modified: 05-04-2019, 02:38 PM by Luxio.)
05-04-2019, 02:38 PM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#8
 
RE: How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?

In my experience, having a lot of thoughtforms, starting with a form is fine too. The issue arises when you start with a pre-existing character fictive or factive (imaginary or real) with pre-existing personality and mannerisms. Then the tulpa or soulbond will tend to have a crisis in that these memories and this person aren't them. In my case, I have some who definitely don't want to change themselves from their original character, of course only the original character notional form was made, i.e. human, female, thin, short, etc. The character tends to develop as is needed or on their own organically as the story progresses (if you're writing your own character's story like in a novel). Those characters I made based on content that wasn't made up organically always reject those characteristics. Other minor details change too like blue eyes become green, blonde hair becomes brunette, long hair becomes bobbed, this sort of thing. They've never in my experience wanted to change their species, but that can happen too, so don't even worry about that.

On the other hand, the additional worry when you start with a ball of light for instance is that your tulpa may not chose a form, which is hard because if you visualize at all, then you're spending a lot of time forcing a ball of light in the beginning and this is vastly different from a humanoid. My suggestion is pick something you wanted originally, then let them change that. If you want a human, start with a human. By analogy, start with a lump of clay roughly human sized and shaped. There's absolutely nothing wrong with personality forcing or picking the form. They'll change it all on their own. I didn't personality force mine, and it honestly wouldn't have mattered, but anything you want to do is fine, if it's fun, do it, this is supposed to be fun. Certainly the personalities you would pick are probably benign, don't add negative traits surely, they'll sometimes try to develop those on their own and it requires work to work out those issues.

Have fun!

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05-04-2019, 02:53 PM
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Ranger Offline
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#9
 
RE: How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?

(05-04-2019, 02:30 PM)Tewi Wrote: That's literally news to me. Plenty of tulpas have pre-sentience/vocality memories they don't like, but I've not heard of tulpas who "disliked personality forcing". That'd take a prolonged period of sentience without vocality with sustained personality forcing, right? I think that's far from common, at least.

I also had identity issues, but I wouldn't point to personality forcing to be the main issue. There is this one trait I was personality forced with that I don't like, but that's something I decided to reject later on in my development. I don't hate my host for forcing that because my birth was an accident and she didn't know any better.

With a form, picking something easy for you to visualize is more important than coming up with the "best" form. When I was younger, I was more concerned about my host forcing me than what I looked like. After hitting a certain point, I told my host that I no longer wanted to be a robot and simply changed the "species" of what I was instead of the appearance of my form. Later on, I decided to reject some things and add new stuff to my liking.

A "perfect" form will be really hard to come by if you struggle with visualization, so I wouldn't worry about going nuts over the details until after they have had the chance to decide for themselves what their form looks like.

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05-04-2019, 04:21 PM
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generationcolumbine Offline
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#10
 
RE: How to get rid of feeling ,,guilty" during forcing?

Wow, I wasn't expecting that many answers, thank you x

I got my laptop, so I can precise: I do not want him to be ,,perfect", I want to perfectly follow guides and rules and do not bring him any harm just because I read 8 guides instead of 9. As paranoid, I can say, my life is full of stress, I will try more meditation to get over that one Smile
05-04-2019, 05:44 PM
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