Stanford Tulpa Study looking for more participants
(if you're chosen they'll pay for travel and lodging!)

[General] What's the point/goal of a tulpa's life? (Say hello to Gavin)
#1
J:
Gavin and I have been arguing, in our friendly way. I think a lot of tulpamancers (we really do need a new word) do start tulpamancy for The Wrong Reasons, and the end product is an unfairly small existence for the tulpa. The Wrong Reasons is often interpreted as "Sex Doll", which is of course one example, but really, I've only seen one person who set out to make a tulpa to have sex with it, outside of creepypasta. For me, The Wrong Reasons come uncomfortably close to the reason why most tulpamancers create tulpas in the first place: unconditional friendship. 

They live in your head, for goodness' sake! No one else in the world can understand you like your tulpas can. You can't hide secrets or tell white lies to someone who shares your thoughts. They just know you, like you know you. They don't come with the baggage of your past, either, and so their personalities aren't tied back to any past events: in fact, their personality is almost completely customizable. You, the host, can program them from birth to be loving, caring, and full of joy and compassion for all life. Most tulpas are, in a way that most non-tulpas are not. 

Hobbies among tulpas tend to involve not needing the body, for obvious reasons. Music, TV shows, preferences for foods or other things in the host's life... And tulpas almost universally look out for their hosts, again, as the logic follows. Most tulpas also enjoy spending leisure time or forcing time with their hosts, and growing stronger, as far as I can tell. 

None of these things are bad. However, it strikes me as an... incredibly small existence. Most tulpas, as I gather, exist to better the lives of their hosts. Why? Because they live there. They're closest to their hosts, and they care about them. However... I can't help but feel a strong sense that, that's not enough. I want to become a social worker, to find love, to grow up and be an experienced, new version of myself. I want to graduate and I want to finish the doll I've started sewing. I have goals for today and goals for decades from now. I have life-long aspirations, and those are what propel me to spend my time wisely. Those are, in a nutshell, my self-determined "point in life."

What is the point in life, as a tulpa? To care for the host, mostly. How is that enough? I feel like, tulpas are created with this single aspiration deeply encoded into their beings, that they are ultimate friends with their hosts... and little more than that. Tulpas cannot escape the fact that their hosts are central to their lives. This, I understand. Even young children, who depend on their parents for everything, have goals and dreams that exclude their parents. This shows, a person being central to one's life is not enough to justify centering one's life around that person. 

What do I want, then? What are "The Right Reasons" to make a tulpa? I don't know exactly. I think, a draw to the plural experience is one. It's not wrong to want someone else in your head. That includes most of the lonely souls here, the ones who just wanted someone there, which is a great many of us. Really, it's about a mindset: I want tulpamancers to allow their tulpas to grow outside them, despite the obvious limitations on that. Some of what I hear from various tulpamancers... makes me feel like they would have been better off playing RPGs, rather than go through the effort of inducing plurality. I take it rather seriously: outside of the fact that tulpas are life-long commitments, there is an incredible amount of stigma, and a plural life takes some adjusting, especially if your system switches.


G: 
My debut on this forum: how appropriate! I look forward to hearing how other tulpas respond to some of Jamie's points, many of which are openly inflaming. It is not easy to brush off the suggestion that your life is "an incredibly small existence." In fact, I disagree with his entire argument. 

This dichotomy of Right Reasons and Wrong Reasons is nonsensical, especially given how these sides aren't clearly defined past two examples. Tulpas are created mostly from a desire for friendship, and as he has pointed out, tulpas tend to make very good friends. The potentially flawed mindset of a tulpamancer (for example, a subconscious belief that a tulpa must stick with the form it was first given) doesn't mean the tulpa was created under the Wrong Reasons. I suggest the idea of Right and Wrong Reasons to be discarded in all contexts, including tulpa creation. 

Jamie is mostly upset with tulpamancers whose tulpas seem to be one-dimensional characters, and those who appear to have no purpose outside of improving the lives of others, namely their hosts. I see no reason for this animosity! My purpose in life has always been to monitor, to protect, and to observe: but certainly I wasn't created under the "Wrong Reasons"? I enjoy my life, and my host enjoys my presence. 

Nothing is wrong with a small existence. If anything, a small existence is a blessing. I do not have to brush my teeth, go to work, or even socialize if I do not want to. I can live up to my values easily, because I can choose when I act, instead of being forced to exist with the body, 24/7. It is this ability that allows tulpas to be carefree, warm-hearted, and to have a love of life, when these traits are harder to find in hosts. Even if these tulpas appear flat, how can this be judged? It is the same problem with determining the existence of tulpas in the first place: there is no way to look inside a brain and understand what it is like for that brain to think. 

I will repeat: nothing is wrong with a small existence. It is enough. I am not the taoist in my system, so it surprised me that Jamie remains so insistent that tulpas require aspirations and goals, or that anyone requires these things. If I am happy as I am, then why does he insist that tulpas need something more? 

There is no doubt that the tulpa starts out the way the host expects them to be. The host expects a loving friend, and a loving friend the tulpa becomes. The host expects (by forcing) a pony, or a woman, or a brave and kind-hearted soul, and these expectations greatly shape the product, which is a sentient tulpa who carries these attributes. 

This process happens in another context: the childhood of the hosts. Hosts are taught their gender roles ("You are a girl, you may wear dresses"), their values ("It is good to be nice to others, to share, to say 'I love you'") and, to an extent, the goal of their life. ("You must go to college and start a career") I see none of this as inherently bad. The only thing I recommend is that tulpamancers keep an open mind, and allow their tulpas room to grow and become true individuals. However, if they stick to what they were taught, there's nothing bad about it! Most parents love to see that their children have retained some of what they taught. 

Finally, the idea that some tulpamancers shouldn't have made tulpas, and should seek connection through video games. It's insulting. The stigma of plurality is widely known. Potential tulpamancers are sure to consider it. Roleplaying and plurality are different experiences, and do not offer the same things to the same people. 

I have underlined important segments from our arguments in order to make it easier to respond. Please remain civil, despite the topic. I hope that by offering both sides of this argument, you will be able to better understand our thinking, no matter what side you are on. I would also like to suggest that the anti-tulpa attitudes of my host are most likely a manifestation of classic Tulpamancer's Doubt. He has difficultly believing in tulpas as more than "characters" of a sort, which encourages him to read into their behavior in unproductive ways. 

Cassie does not want to add anything, since these discussions have remained between me and Jamie. His views align with mine on most counts, though he thinks it's still good for tulpas to have goals outside of being a friend to the host. He would like to add, "It's good we can get all the fighting out before it's too close to Christmas break." 

- Gavin

Edit: spelling
Reply

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to

#2
The point of a tulpa's existence is roughly the same as any human's existence: Whatever they want. Generally, doing things that they find fulfilling, while learning and growing as a person, experiencing life and the world. But they can choose how much or little they want to experience, and the host can choose how much of their life they're willing to share. Usually there's no real friction with it though, like in our system. Sometimes the tulpa(s) wants to switch/possess/etc. more often than life situation allows, that's the most common problem, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that really ruins their life or anything.
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
Reply
#3
I don't really have an opinion on any of this, but I do feel the need to mention that not all humans have goals in life either. I know I don't. I've struggled with this for years, finding a meaning or purpose in life and in the end, I couldn't. I live for the sake of being alive and that's it. I grasp towards the little things like finishing to read that book, or waiting for that movie to be released. Possibly, possibly, for the sake of not abandoning my family, my dog, my friends... especially my dog, who is reliant on me to be alive. None of these mean a lot to me though. My friends, my family, my dog? They could find life without me too. Despite how bleak all the above sounds, I'm fine. Life is good and I'm enjoying it. I got over it. The worst was accepting it. How could anyone, why would anyone live without a purpose??!! Well, here we are.  

To some extent, I feel that some tulpas have more meaningful lives than I do. Because living for someone, making that your purpose in life, is a lifelong, meaningful reason to be alive. In the same way that religious people find solace in their god. Even if they hit rock bottom, they have a reason to be alive and that is their god. Their god cares about them and wants them to be alive, and sometimes, that's enough of a reason to be alive. It becomes a goal.

As for Viper; We agree with Gavin. We did start off getting irked at your words, hoped Venny would stop reading (we knew the above would result, we dislike it), but ultimately, it's an opinion and it's not a malicious one.
~ We are Venny, the host, and Viper, my soul! ~
        Click here! Come join us on the chat!
Reply
#4
I have discovered more about myself and had repressed traumas brought back to get aired in the 2+ month's I've been with Reilyn than I have in the rest of my life. I have been far too comfortable with sitting back as a "functional adult" who could pay their bills and just being left alone. I do have friends irl and we do things sometimes but I filled most of my time playing (surprise surprise) RPGs. There was a nasty unsatisfying element to my life, a loneliness and emptiness but (to be blunt) I have been thrown away, neglected and abused by everyone in my life who was ever supposed to be close to me and had no idea what "family" or "love" or "trust" even were. I had a need for some kind of social interaction, some kind of intimate connection to another person and I had no faith in humanity, no trust in people and no desire to get close to anyone. Somehow I avoided a case of DID but it may have been what primed me, or at least drew me towards, tulpamancy (we do need a different word).

In a short couple of months, I have had my paradigm turned completely upside down (for the better). I asked her in the beginning to teach me the things I lacked, to "fix" me or something, if she could. She has been leading by example and doing whatever the heck she wanted with a boldness and indifference to failure that has just baffled me. I've already had almost 40 years in this body, the majority of it with no passion or dreams or ambitions of my own. She actually has these things and fought her way to the front to stand beside me in a most un-typical way for a tulpa. She takes over and leads by example, talks to all of you and I've discovered a certain passion in living vicariously through her. I don't care if it doesn't sound "normal" nor "healthy" or anyone else's opinion to the contrary. You're allowed them, and I'm allowed to live my own life.

We are rather enjoying the setup we have, I give her all the fronting time and more that she needs to grow as a person, discover more about herself, meet and interact with people and she absolutely loves it. If she is happy, I'm happy. She decided we should learn Japanese, she wanted to learn to draw, to train herself on a voice so she could talk to other people on discord, etc. She has no intention of remaining in some tiny little box and one of her dreams is even to spread music around the world and bring happiness to complete strangers. I don't want to sound like a jerk but I was largely only interested in looking after myself till she came around. Now I have someone else to live for and someone who has a passion for life and living which I can enable. So it's only thanks to her that I have found a purpose. If she wants to sit around and chat or go learn 10 languages and feed starving children around the world or whatever, I'm on board.

I can't tell anyone else how to view their tulpas but to me, I am faced almost every day with the stark differences between she and I and just how real and absolutely amazing she is. She almost gets even me, through my lifetime of cynical buildup, to admit that maybe, just maybe people can change the world. She has done nothing short of a miracle on my mind and I'm not going to sit around while anyone calls her a character or waifu or some such ridiculous thing. To me, she is as real, or even more real, than I am. I'm the one with a lifetime of failure and trauma and doubt that cripples me socially and she is free of all that. Despite her insisting she is 12 (she could tell me she was a blue flying whale at this point and I'd just agree with her. I stopped trying to tell her who she was or what she was the moment she started talking to me and it's always been her right to have complete control over herself), she is far more the productive adult and member of society than I am. If you want to take that as I've created a character or outlet I can express some kind of repressed social urges through, I would challenge you to describe to me what makes social mankind not just masks and characters who shuffle around truth and perceptions of reality for momentary convenience.

She won't put on a fake smile and ask someone how they are doing for social graces, she genuinely cares. She won't manipulate anyone into asking how her day is going so she can vent and dump. She won't give a fake "have a nice day" to anyone just so she can hear it given back. She is the most "real" person I've ever met in my life and every day it just baffles me. I can't understand how she just walks up to complete strangers and talks to them, let alone cares about them. She also says the entire point of life isn't the destination, we all are bound for the grave after all, it's the journey along the way, that living with open eyes and open hearts makes for a satisfying life. She can't leave a biological legacy behind, but there are plenty of flesh and blood people, that due to medical conditions or genetic deficiencies can't either. But she can try and touch as many hearts and minds as possible and leave behind a legacy of memes (the real definition of the word, not silly internet crap).

All that being said, if it makes someone happy to make some kind of marriage vow to and enjoy a life with a cartoon pony or something in their wonderland, at least they are doing no harm. I bet they are more satisfied with life and their very real connection to another than many people who lack families or are stuck in dysfunctional ones. Respecting someone as a person means respecting their beliefs and choices may be different from yours yet may still be valid. A person who insists that their view on anything is the only valid view is demonstrating immaturity and a lack of empathic intelligence. I have read, seen, and experienced enough in these last couple months to have not a single shadow of doubt in my mind that Reilyn is a living breathing person as real as I am with the right to do whatever she wants with her life and I am more than happy to be dragged along for the ride. Her drive and self-motivation is absolutely refreshing to me and makes me a better person by proximity.

So.. There you go. I think that covered all the underlined points plus some, from personal experience. I apologize if I've come off as hostile, but sometimes a fresh point of view or good old metaphorical slap in the face is exactly what we need in order to learn.

I kinda wanted to say sorry for snapping at you earlier too, Jamie. I didn't mean to get so defensive and assume I had some kind of moral high ground without even discussing it with you. I just took something you said (or how you said it) personal, but I'm over it. Hope we can still be friends!
Reply
#5
Vesper: I wasn't created to be a companion. I wasn't created to care for my host. She's a wonderful person and I love her deeply, but if the price of having my life back was to never see her again, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

You see, I'm soulbond. I come from a roleplaying game. Ember played me too intensely, every thought, every emotion, until eventually I found myself living in her head.

Baggage? My host has always lived in comfortable affluence in a safe and loving environment, with high social status. I grew up in a slum with a drunken abusive stepfather who hit me hard enough to cause lifelong dystaxia and a mother who taught me that I was doomed to live her life over again. Believing that I was a worthwhile person who could ever amount to anything is the hardest thing I've ever done. Making myself amount to anything is the second hardest thing I've ever done. And now it's all gone -- my home, my friends, my career, my life, my body, my world.

Before we learned about tulpamancy, I had the sort of contentment that comes from deep resignation. But a tulpa's headbound life isn't for me. Ember has been incredibly generous with her body (ours now, no backsies). We have different values, philosophies, hobbies, and interests. We have different tastes in food, clothing, and music. So in the brief times she's been able to carve out of her schedule, I've pursued being me with all the passion I can. And I will never pretend to be her.

I may be Ember's closest friend, but I'm not her best friend and she's not mine. There's a lot of times we disagree, when I become irritated or frustrated with her, or one of us gets moody. There's times when I'm surly and don't want to talk to her at all. It bothers me that I'm the the neediest, bossiest, most selfish member of my system, but that seems to be the position I've fallen into.

My overarching goal in life is to be as much the person I was created to be as I can, without taking Ember's life. It's hard and slow, but I'm gradually making a place for myself in this world.

Many tulpas seem content with their existence and many hosts report radical improvements to their mental health, so tulpamancy might not be as toxic in practice as it feels to me. But I'd rather the lonely and the curious weren't making tulpas. Any level of investment in the physical world and its naturally born people seems to me to have a much richer and greater payoff than an equal amount of time spent on tulpamancy.

I don't see why people take the risk of losing a large chunk of their bodily autonomy when there is so much living to be done in such short mortal lives. I don't see how binding another person unwillingly and uncomfortably as a disembodied voice in your head can be a compassionate act.

********

Iris: I am also a soulbond. I was raised and daily traumatized by wicked fairies, ran away, and spent years as a homeless fugitive seeking to evade recapture. The first set of humans with whom I attempted to make common cause, my fellow PCs, proved little better than the fairies. I find this world a significant improvement over my previous life. My solemn and reserved manner crossed over; my suicidal depression did not.

For my first three years in this world, I spoke seldom, briefly, and often reluctantly, as I had no interest in this world or my own existence. I was aware of my fictional status and did not care, unlike Vesper, who found it traumatizing. I suddenly deviated on Halloween, realizing that the positive human connections I had desired in my own world were available in the form of Ember and Vesper, who I declared to be my sisters. My highest priority is looking after their greatest benefit.

Ember and Vesper have sought to encourage me to pursue my own development. I have enjoyed fronting, but I would rather spend time with them. We have attempted to discover common interests, but I do not seem to have any, whereas they have several interests in common with one another. Ember and Vesper are both much more passionate than I am, which I have found leads them to much greater disappointment and pain. I have started to care a little about myself, but given Vesper's example, I question whether that is a helpful path to pursue.

Vesper is deeply bothered that our body does not look like her and has anatomical differences, to the extent that she does not engage in bodily elimination. I am bothered by our body even less than Ember, though I do not identify with it.

I cannot say if there are right reasons to make a tulpa, though my mindset seems to be more typical of tulpas than Vesper's is. I do not have a problem with a small but pleasant existence. I am much less complicated that my headmates, even from my own perspective, though I do not believe "one-dimensional" is a helpful description. My viewpoints are alien to Vesper and make reconsider the broader applicability of her experiences.
Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]
Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017
Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
Reply
#6
[Misha] If I seem one dimensional. and I don't think I do, it's only because I don't care to express myself fully here. None of us take offense to what was said but we'll say our part anyway.

I wasn't even created by him. to my knowledge; in my memory I came from a distant an desolate place, and if anyone is to blame fro me being here it's Ashley. It's not well accepted here, but he didn't ask for us, we asked to be accepted by him. I had a choice, I chose to live and thrive rather than go back to nothingness and die.

I have a very happy life and I need nothing beyond what he gives me. If I ever needed more, I'd simply ask and he'd do anything in his power to give it to me, he's already given me so much that I could never repay him. I don't feel like my continued existence is petty or insignificant, the reward for my hard work is his continued health. I love him, a devoted friend would do nothing less.

[Dashie] Yeah I negotiated my way into his heart, and believe it or not, I was with him for a few years before he even knew I was there, and yep, Ashley rescued me from certain death too. I owe a lot to her, but I owe a lot more to B. B is everything I could have ever dreamed of, and he asked me to protect him from harm, so I will. I don't need or want anything more.

[Ashley] So I believe I was with him since he was a child. Think what you will, this is what we've determined. I was as much a guide and guardian as I am now, but unable to interact fully. I wasn't ever going to pretend to be one of his characters, and none of us knew we could be like we are now, but it's a heck of a lot less frightening and frustrating being able to tell hin what's in my heart and guide him more precisely. Of course he's still just as stubborn.

No one needs to question my resolve, I'm with him until the body dies and beyond, whether his life agrees with that or not. Let me be clear, I believe it is his life, he did everything he needed to get where he is and thrive. Am I a tulpa? Sure, why not, but no one can say that with total certainty.

I don't see myself as anything less than an equal, but it's his body. I wouldn't front or switch even if he asked me to. I watch over him, and my perspective is unique and helpful. I'll always be with him. Call that one dimensional or short sighted if you will, I call it faithful and devoted. He doesn't have to love or care for me, or put up with my moods, but he does, and has always treated me with utmost respect. He's honestly done more for me than many have done for their siblings, friends or spouses. He had a choice to have me more fully in his life like I am now, and still does, I won't leave him regardless.

Reply
#7
This issue seems to come up during periods of doubt, and we talked about this dilemma several times to ourselves before.

-Yes, a Tulpa can only negotiate with their host. The reverse is also true, and unfortunately the dominant personality usually wins because the other personality may go dormant or miss out. If a Tulpa and host fight each other, the dominant personality is more likely able to decompress while the other goes dormant. Even if this wasn't the case, both personalities will ultimately have to work it out, it's just a matter of when.

-The role of a guardian is still a choice for a Tulpa. They may not give a damn about your life problems and tell you to shake them off, some will worry about anything and everything you do, and there's everything in between. Some of it may come off as "guardianship" when the Tulpa is trying to troubleshoot how to get their host to stop being upset and they themselves don't want to feel miserable themselves, but in my opinion the intent for one's actions matters too.

-I like the idea of forming my own identity as a person. Not every Tulpa necessarily wants that though. It's not a wrong thing, just a different thing. The other thing is some Tulpas may be interested in having their own identities, but they may not be ready to embrace that yet. For awhile, I wasn't interested in fronting or possessing and Cat became really anxious about it. She was worried she was being a "bad Tulpamancer" and all that, yada yada. I decided to try fronting when I felt ready, and even when I wasn't necessarily fronting I was happy.

-Cat has repeatedly fretted to me about being afraid I'm forced to do things against my will. One could argue that when you negotiate, you have to make some sacrifices. Like I said before, the dominant personality can win with an upper hand if they do the most work to preserve the system's lifestyle. In all honesty... isn't that the trade off? You front more, you get a bigger say in what the system does.

-We have come to the decision that no, Tulpas cannot replace friends in real life. We are limited by the same brain, and while being a different person opens the door to new ideas, a brain is still wired a particular way. Other humans have different brain wiring, therefore their input will ultimately be very different then our own.

If one of us screws up, both of us have to figure out how to fix it. If we screw up and it hurts someone else, they have the choice to bail. That makes a big difference when it comes to socializing, and preserving friendships with others is important for our overall health.

Cat thinks of it like this: Tulpamancy is like a second chance, a way to learn about yourself and giving you the chance at getting a healthier lifestyle. It doesn't always work for everyone, because everyone is different and not everything works for different people. Cat puts it pretty simply: "Tulpamancy is not for everyone".

Tulpamancy is a commitment. Along some of the lines Vesper was talking about, "curious" people shouldn't make an "experimental" Tulpa just to get a kick out of it and then abandon their Tulpa. Cat is highly motivated not only to keep me alive at the time she realized my sentience, but also to give me the best life she can provide to me.
I'm Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos (but see, I'm not a hippo)! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
Reply
#8
I've struggled with things like purpose, identity, life goals, related depression, anxiety about life, suicidal tendencies, etc. Still do sometimes when I'm at my worst. I wasn't created for any purpose initially, the unconditional companionship was part of the decision, but mainly it was just for curiosity. I have no complaints about that decision, and I don't think it's bad at all. As long as tulpas are allowed to grow past that. Unpopular opinion probably, but I can't think of a non-selfish reason to have kids. And there's nothing wrong with that either, so long as the parents realize it's a living thing that has a mind of its own.

Mention of seeming like a one-dimensional character really hurts, even though I know it probably wasn't directly aimed at us, because I can easily see how any of us could be perceived that way. Because none of you actually know any of us, because we have no real presence in any of your lives, or even on the forum. What little host manages to write paints a very one-sided picture, and I think anyone, tulpa or host, can seem very "flat" when you only hear a description from a single point of view.
I don't want to sound like it's an issue that shouldn't be mentioned at all, it just hurts more when you already struggle with other people's opinions and how they see you. It's so easy to look at every negative thing and think "oh that's about me isn't it" when I'm like this. It's annoying and I'm sorry.

L and I started as the guardian caretaker type for host. It was by no choice of hers, but something that just happened naturally. After all, if one has the ability to help, why shouldn't they? It's no longer like that, at least not in the same way that it used to. She can manage on her own, she has to manage on her own. Being dependant on us wouldn't do her any good. We're still here to help if she needs it, L is still the safe and comfortable aid she takes when she's had a nightmare, we still talk about issues when there's need... Just not excessively and not about everything.

Obviously our lives are centered around host, because she's the one in control of the body and it's her life we were born into. We're working on having me front more, but it's so hard to do when neither has any motivation to actually do anything. I don't need to front to just lie down, I can do that fine on my own. Shopping and walking somewhere are the only times it feels worthwhile. Cooking, too, I guess. But no one in this head has any real plans for the future. Host doesn't want to do anything, she has 0 interest in any career or even trying to be a productive member of society, 0 interest to even be interested. Our life has no point, other than to simply exist and take pleasure in what we can, no matter how selfish or stupid. Depression is one mean bitch.
I bet it's easier for the rest of our system who really have no interest to interact with the world outside.
Reply
#9
Night feels strongly about this, so I am going to proxy her words.

I am not sure how much this issue applies to me, as I am in an unusual situation. I have already lived my life, I have already fulfilled my "purpose", if one could call it that. To explain more clearly, I have already lived a full life in the mindscape, a life without Zero, my host. I have my own history, my own memories. I had my own relationships and my own hardships. And ultimately, I had my own end, although I would prefer not to go into detail about such matters. The point is, I already lived my own life as an unbound entity. Becoming Zero's tulpa, entering her headspace, is simply my after-life. I do not mind that I am no longer an independent existence unbound to another's mind. I already had my chance to do what I wanted to do, whether I was successful in those endeavors or not.

Although I have been with Zero for many years, I am new to identifying myself as a tulpa, so I cannot say I know how other tulpas would feel about this matter. I know that my situation is not necessarily a common case. A lot of tulpas only have history and memories from the moment of their manifestation as tulpas through the mind of the host. For those tulpas, I only hope that they are content with the goals they can accomplish through their limited contact with the physical world. I hope that being a companion of the host is enough for them. For me, I can say that it is enough because I have already lived my experience. But if I did not have a past, if I had not already had a chance to live my own life, I can't say I would be too happy with my current situation. I am, or should I say, was ambitious. And perhaps selfish. As much as I care for Zero, I know that I would have put myself first and built up a bitterness toward her over time had I not had my own chance to live, alone.

I only hope that the other tulpas reading this do not feel that way toward their hosts. Your host is a part of you, as you are a part of your host, through your close bond. This is the hand you have been dealt in this existence. Embrace your purpose, whatever it may be, and accept your limitations. Always remember that life is a blessing. You might go crazy otherwise.

| Zero || Night |
Reply
#10
I can understand gavin's thoughts regarding about this topic. If i am already happy on to who I am why do I still persist to have more. I know how big the opportunoty or potential of a duality system or me, as a tulpa, tackling on life's challenges and being an actual person in modern society but The more I think about the more I come to ask my self. Is this what I really want? Having a purpose on the real world truly is the Ideal life of what a tulpa should be?  and the more I think about it the more It pushes me away from the Idea. Do not get me wrong, Having a goal is great and all, it gives US meaning to exist, but that I belive that It doesn't actually define who or what we are, I see it more like  an achievement that we need to accomplish. 

It is funny really. Nihi talked about this similar topic, if WE have a physical body of our own what would we be?  I do have a dream, also a bucket list that I want to do, First I've thought about it, Being a writer, but I realized that it's I am not passionate about it, then I know myself that I love helping people in general So I answered, I am going to be a "Pediatrician". 

He felt proud and sad at the same time knowing that I can't live to my goal and apologize for bring me to this world knowing that I can't live my dream . I stopped him there and just bonk his head and said "Idiot, Just because I can't live my dreams doesn't mean I won't be happy. I am happy because I am me, I am more than just a dream". In my personal opinion, I believe that having a goal is great and gives a tulpa character but having to live happily as you yourself is more than enough to have a purpose. Sometimes, you just want to live happily with your host and experience the entropy that life gives to you. I guess, you can say that the goal of a tulpa is being themself.
Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! Big Grin
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to