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Getting “tired” of my tulpa
#7
I am conflicted just reading this, on multiple levels, and I admit to such a strong bias towards 'tulpamancy' that I think I should preface this, I am going to respond emotionally. Hopefully not judgmentally.

I am sad. How many guides start right up front with, "Don't make a tulpa if:..." "Seriously think about this!" "If you're a teenager, wait to do this when..." How many warnings and recommendations have I seen, only to see some kid write, "I put some serious thought into this and I am ready to commit..." (And in there you will see like 'five whole minutes.')

Commitment is a serious problem today. Not just with tulpas, or relationships, but with everything. Employers would prefer temps, because if you fire a person you don't have to have health benefits. How many companies give out gold watches for longevity? Get rid them, bring in new people, pay less over time. There is less commitment today among young folks and single people today than in any time in history. Part of this is due to cell phones and dating apps having made dating life so ubiquitous that it's just a game, but also because there is always the allure of something better around the corner. The ideal person is out there, if we just hold out. We are more likely to end a relationship today over a grievance or a problem than in any time in history because "Why should I hang with you. I can do better!" (It makes you wonder why people hook up in the first place; everyone can do better! Statistically, the numbers reflect there is better out there... (But the person hooking up with you could also, statistically do better...)) If you even try talking about a relationship problem, the first thing friends and family say is "dump them! you DESERVE better!" or "Life is too short. Be happy!" (They don't tell you that chasing being happy is the number one cause of unhappiness!)

Now, that doesn't mean, by the way, that some relationships shouldn't end. Certain types of relationships tend to end. Parent child relationships tend to end when the child grows. Teacher student relationships end when student learns all they can from the teacher. Helper relationships end when a person heals. All relationships predicated on need, as opposed to genuine want, must, by definition, come to an end. The only way to sustain those is through sabotage and contrivance, which escalates ugly and usually end when things become too intolerable. Hell, just staying with someone out of guilt of emotional debt can harm people and relationships. So, sometimes, letting go and parting ways is necessary for health.

What kind of relationship do you have with your tulpa? Was it a temporary fix to a need, a helper relationship, and now that you have healed the relationship is coming to a conclusion? It is what is, celebrate the love and health that matured you when you needed it most. Were you equal friends, and you two have come to a cross road? that's also a pretty common relationship issue.

another problem you entered was 'getting bored.' That is also a huge problem today. People can't tolerate boredom. We have established an addictive level of need to external stimuli because almost all our tech can simulate satisfaction by distracting us from reality long enough that we eventually tire and fall asleep. We exhaust ourselves, and wonder why we feel unsatisfied. It's because we're distracting ourselves, not building meaning. We're supposed to have meaning in our lives.

Making a tulpa is unlike a marriage. You can't divorce. It's not like a tattoo. Tattoos can be removed if you really decide to part with it. It's not like getting a gym membership, or a commitment to eating healthy. A tulpa is a commitment to an inner aspect. It does not mean you should stop living your life. You need to get out in the world and do things, a career, friends, activities, traveling, even having other relationships, even having a family. No one person should be your 'everything.' My dentist is not my mechanic. A tulpa should not be your everything, they should be a significant part of your life, but not the answer to everything. In doing these things you invest in yourself and your health, which enlivens your inner life, and provides your tulpa a sense of nourishment as well. When you are well and healthy, they thrive. This become the inner insight, and a knowing smile that people catch and ask "What are you thinking," and you say, 'oh, nothing...' because you have an inner strength and secret. Tulpamancy should be your superpower, not your burden.

You feel like he's real, but doubt... That's a real conflict there. It's a difficult one to address. Sometimes we cultivate doubt to build up energy to change; it's our 'excuse' to let go. It's the same doubt in real relationships, 'does this person even still care.' I really hope this last thing I throw out to you is helpful. I am glad you posted this, shared your thoughts, so that people thinking about making a tulpa can see, THIS IS SERIOUS, and won't fix all of life's problems and challenges... It can even cause some more problems, and angst... But this thing you said at the end, "About getting back to where you were..." I think that's the wrong direction. Couples that go out of their way to 'recapture' their past are doomed to fail. People age. Couples age. People grow in wisdom, and strength, and emotional awareness. Love can wax or wane depending on a season, but still endure over time. You are not twelve anymore. I would be worried if you came into my office as a twenty something year old and you were thinking and emoting like a twelve year old! The goal isn't to be what you were, but to be who you are, now, in this moment. Part of who you are is composite of another person who walks invisibly with you, who is also not who they were, because they, too, have grown. They grew because of you!

You are now this new thing with new insight and new problems and new goal sorting and this is normal. We change. Life changes. If you can both adapt and accept the new roles that come with this particular moment in your life, then you will find a new way to be together. It will be stable for a while, and then you will enter another stage of development, another life, and things will change again. If your life has a certain level of 'business' that just happens to result in diminished interaction with tulpa, I would understand this. This is human. It my belief tulpa will not go away. Others report they fade, or are lost, but I really suspect, they're in there, deep... You can't erase a life time with someone. The love or damage your parents gave you or didn't give you is there for life, short of aneurysm or something. Maybe as we age we become a composite of all the personalities who interacted with us and they're all there all the time, even when we cease interacting. For example, my grandfather died a long time ago. I had the greatest rapport with him than of any in my family. I don't think about him as often as I did then, I don't interact with him at all, but I believe he is with me and he shaped me, and I give that reverence. Maybe that's this, too. Celebrate what was while embracing the now. I don't know enough. I don't enough to give you an easy path through this. This is huge choice time here. No matter what, the choice affects you.

I wish you love, strength, and hope in this, and in all life.
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Messages In This Thread
Getting “tired” of my tulpa - by Wonderland56 - 05-24-2019, 04:06 PM
RE: Getting “tired” of my tulpa - by Ranger - 05-24-2019, 04:44 PM
RE: Getting “tired” of my tulpa - by Bear - 05-24-2019, 05:56 PM
RE: Getting “tired” of my tulpa - by Stevie - 05-25-2019, 12:32 AM
RE: Getting “tired” of my tulpa - by solarchariot - 05-25-2019, 02:42 AM

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