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Giving in to Ego
Ponytail Offline
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RE: Giving in to Ego

*Le sigh*

Something interesting happened. I started talking to a human, I presume, and he and I got into a conversation about foods. I then mentioned how Annabell really likes chocolate (seriously, easiest way to become her friend is to give her chocolate). So, she decided she was going to go get some chocolate. The thing that made it new and fun is the fact that she full-body possessed and walked into the kitchen to find chocolate, and found some cookies. She did this without any of my prompting or even so much as my consent, lol.

The System:

It's too big.
ha, that's what she said.
06-06-2017, 08:20 PM
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Ponytail Offline
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RE: Giving in to Ego

Today was a shitshow.

I lost my two best friends. Now I'll tell you the affects of that, starting with me.
At first, I cried. But, oddly enough, it was tearless. My mind scrambled through in a panicked, shocked state for a while before I decided, after talking with a friend for a bit, that I needed to sleep. I didn't sleep, I sat in one spot drooling on my pillow and thinking. After sitting still for two hours, I felt... normal? It's difficult to say. I wasn't panicked anymore, but I certainly still felt I had a hole in my chest. So I sat in the presence of my dad and wasted my day away on League of Legends, thinking about the event the whole time. During this, I eventually concluded that if I lost my friends over what happened, clearly they never were friends and I'd placed all my hope in the wrong people. Real friends work through issues, not run from them. Then again, maybe I'm bitter.

Annabell was... relatively unaffected? It was really strange to me. She stepped up and started caring for everyone. I asked her what she thought of losing her significant other. She said it was shit, but she doubted there were any hard feelings and she still had me. It... scared me. She and I also had a talk about how the thought of losing friends used to terrify her, and how maybe working to "fix" that has caused her to be so... okay with this.

Omega is... not feeling well. He lost everyone he cared to talk to, and during the initial moments, he told me he wanted to never talk to anyone or deal with anyone again, including me. I helped him out of that a little, but he's really, really not taking this well and he'll probably be my primary focus during this month. I kinda wish I could still contact the estranged friend, if simply for his sake.

Tula is massively confused and not sure what to do. She's never really dealt with people cutting ties and she... Tula has this general love for everyone, yeah? And she just doesn't know what it means when she isn't allowed to express that. It makes her assume they hate her. Which, she, in return, delivers hate. It's... not something I agree with.

But, we'll have to see how this all pans out. These are all just bare minimum, initial thoughts. Lord knows what happens when this slowly, fully hits everyone. I suspect I'm the only one it really did fully hit. Meanwhile, I'm probably going to hop on IRC more and try to find some direction with imposition. I'll go back to writing stories, binging anime, etc. These friends were a massive timedump for me, so it's mostly going to be trying to find what to do during the time we used to spend on them. Eventually, they'll fade out of memory and be another story for me to tell to future people I trust, and the cycle will probably continue. Fuck my life.

Edit: We should rename my PR the ellipses PR because holy hell do I overuse them.

The System:

It's too big.
ha, that's what she said.
(This post was last modified: 06-07-2017, 03:01 AM by Ponytail.)
06-07-2017, 02:59 AM
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tulpa001 Offline
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RE: Giving in to Ego

Wow, sorry about that. I'd say that people who run from issues are not best friend material, but probably still friends. Also, it depends on the issue. If it is tulpa stuff, your friends are crazy.

Annabell, you seem quite impulsive/assertive/forwand. I am impressed.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
06-07-2017, 03:08 AM
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Ponytail Offline
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RE: Giving in to Ego

The friends and I made up. Really, I'm surprised that one of them did. When they messaged me I... didn't really know how to feel. I thought they were idiotic for sticking around. It was hardly the first time our systems have had conflict. But, it also makes me glad.
I will say. I did fuck up. Like, I don't want to detail how, but I feel it does these two systems justice to admit I was wrong.

So, one has decided to wait before talking again. The other has decided they'll just talk again. Um, I don't really know what I'm feeling. Mostly confusion, honestly. So, I'll just have the tulpas talk.

Annabell is... honestly I say it got worse for her, ironically. She's tentative to talk to the ones that came back. I'll let her deal with it. I feel she'll come back to talking to them in time. Granted, she was willing to talk to one of them today, so perhaps it'll be faster than I thought.
In slightly unrelated news, we re-learned that Fidelity does continue it's magic after a "break-up" (which, really, it's more a "it's complicated" right now). So, Annabell has pretty much no interest in sex aside from one person.

Omega um, well one of them said a thing and then Omega decided to listen to their advice and get a life and start being more social. Which, hilariously, it's a complete turn around from what he was like just a little while ago. He's struggling somewhat with it though. He's never been good at socialization. I'm proud of him though.

Tula is not okay. I'll have to cheer her up some more. The ones who will talk later, they helped her alot. She's learning the nuances of humans a bit more. Now that I think about it though, my tulpas have always been slow to learn how to deal with other people. Hmm, something to think about.

Wow, this almost sounds like a bad report. I know I was affected really positively, but this is meant for tulpas, not me. I promise everything is better cx

The System:

It's too big.
ha, that's what she said.
06-08-2017, 01:29 AM
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