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glitter and mist's progress thread


glittermilk

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hello all, im super nervous about making a thread on here because i get so scared of joining new threads lol, but i figured it would be fun to do a progress thing that would also keep me motivated :>

 

background info

 

so ive known about tulpas for a long while now, but ive only started creating one this week :> the reason for it is really that ive just started university and because of my depression and social anxiety i pretty much have no friends lol,,, and its been getting me down and honestly ive been pretty close to suicide a couple of times in the past weeks

thats why i figured it would be a good idea to maybe create a tulpa, to keep me company and maybe have someone to talk through my feelings with u vu (although im definitely not going to bog them down too much lol no one wants that hehe)

obviously im not very far yet but ill be posting my progress here~ (warning:: i ramble a lOT lol))

 

day one

after meditating to help me concentrate I spent some time re-establishing my wonderland. i already had one from (failed) attempts at keeping my mood swings at bay, but it had been a while since i had 'walked around' it. just for the record, my wonderland is kind of a mixture of things- theres a 'hub' in the center which is a stone fountain, and then leading off from that there are some caves and a grassy area and honestly i havent had much reason to develop more than that but no doubt we will in due time

once i was comfortable in my wonderland again i started working on personality for my tulpa. i decided on the symbolism of 'painting' on each characteristic, with each colour representing a different one. at first i decided to just choose an orb form for my tulpa but quickly it developed into a she, a small human girl with lilac hair and grey eyes. she also has ivory goat horns which i think are super cute :} im not going to say that she chose her own form because this was only like 30 minutes in, i think it was more me realising what i wanted her to look like~ of course i went through how i dont mind her changing her appearance, and already shes given me a few suggestions which have stuck :>

anyway, i continued for about an hour putting blobs of different colour paint on her, (think like that scene in the lion king LOL) and telling her what each colour represented and how that affected her. i found myself going through the list more than once just to reaffirm my choices. again, i told her that she can change whatever she likes, but i did say that i would prefer it at least if she was nice to me haha;;;

after a food break i decided to go back in and do a bit of visualisation. i prefer to kind of alter between personality, form and narration just to keep things fresh and so i feel like im making more progress : } i imagined myself running my hands over her body but i did make sure to assure her at first that this was purely for the sake of visualisation and, as an aromantic asexual, i didnt expect or want our relationship to be any more than platonic. after expressing this i didn't feel weird at all going with this method, and i was even pretty happy with imagining her naked so i could focus on her body type before going and giving her clothes (especially because i have no idea what clothes id like her to have, im pretty much giving her free reign there lol)

right towards the end of this session i started wondering about names, and the name 'mist' popped into my head. so why the hell not, it fits :>

 

day 2

I woke up feeling really excited to hang out with mist again today, and i knew that i had to go out to do some errands so i planned to passively force the entire time. we went out and did some shopping together and i narrated in my head to her what i would otherwise just think to myself. i did have some worries where i wasnt sure if i was talking directly to her or just to myself, but i figured that as long as i had her in mind then it would help. i also kept repeating her name just to make sure i was keeping both our attentions focussed haha

when we got back, we did another forcing session mostly of personality and a little visualisation. we were standing at the fountain where she usually is when i enter my wonderland, and i asked her to point to where she wanted to go for todays session. i know its still early days but i figured if you aim for the moon youll still land amongst the stars and whatnot :} as i expected it was kind of a mess of intrusive thoughts and such but after a lot of repeating the question and making sure we ended up going to the caves. inside there is some glowy water pools and she seemed to really like these, and so when suddenly more appeared i figured that was what she wanted and we kept them.

after that we started working more on personality, continuing with the same paint on skin method. this time though we had the idea to mix some of the glowy water in with the pain though, just to make it more pretty and glittery haha :> this was when the most interesting thing happened to far: as i placed a dot of paint that indicated intelligence onto her cheek, shortly after i felt a point of pressure on my own cheek, like someone was putting paint on my skin too. I decided to work on this by adding the colour for creativity, which is a similar hue to intelligence, and spreading it across to form a horizontal line. Sure enough, i felt the same spreading motion on my own skin!! i was really happy, and i feel like this is mists way of saying she thinks im smart and creative too haha :>>

after that happened though i suddenly got very tired, so i hurried my way through the rest of the list and told her we would work on it later tonight. (after that session, ill either update this post or make a new one)

the only other things that happened were that when i left my room to cook dinner, i felt a sudden urge to hold mist's hand on the way there, but in real life. now of course i havent even thought about imposing yet but i wasnt about to ignore the urge. i cant say that i felt anything odd but if felt nice even just to pretend, and in the wonderland her hands are always the part i can see and feel the most vividly, so hey

i also played her some ukulele tehe, i think she liked it n vn

 

 

 

questions:

is there any way of making sure youre addressing your tulpa whilst youre narrating or passive forcing, rather than just talking to yourself?

are there any fun games to play that help with the development of a very new tulpa?? i should probably just be patient but aaah i just want to do everything with her already i already love her so much hahaa

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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hey Glittermilk! (luv the name btw X3) i realy enjoyed your progress report. dont worry about rambling, as long as you keep it interesting (and you did) its fine. you seem to be doing pretty good.

 

as for making sure your talking to you tulpa rather than yourself i have the same exact problem. i just assume that as long as you think you are, you are. after all it is in your head, while creating a tulpa there really is no way of doing it wrong unless you do it wrong on purpose. however i have no clue so ill let someone else take that question.

 

and with the tulpa games i know a couple for vocalization: 1) thought ping-pong. if your to the point to were you can hear your tulpas thoughts even a little or some small words then this is a good one. ask your tulpa to say/think something to you, then send it back with instructions on how to improve it.

 

tulpa: *mumbles*

host: i couldn't quite hear you you were mumbling. could you speak up?

tulpa: the dog barked

host: that was better but you were a bit high pitched. can you lower your voice?

tulpa: the dog barked

host: good but now your quieter. speak up a lil bit please

 

and so on. 2) word games such as 1 word story. you say a word. they say a word. keep the story going with one word at a time each. you can look up other word games too.

 

also these aren't games but you should wright your tulpa letters. just about how (awsome/nice/any personality trait) they are and how you cant wait until you can communicate ect... then read them the letters. this can help with personality if you incorporate the traits into it.

 

and short story's. wright short story's with your tulpa as the main character and wright them acting out there personality traits in the story's.

 

sorry now im rambling X3 anyway just some ideas. also i really liked how you did personality forcing, i couldn't think of any way to do that other that just reading the list to my tulpa .-. ill have to try that.

 

try looking at the guides section, you might find that really helpful. i'm looking forward to reading your future posts and i hope things start looking up for you. good luck!

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hi!! thank you for replying!! yeah youre right obviously ive just stared out seriously so im having a lot of doubts in myself, but i have to remind myself that this isnt something where progress is instantly recognisable so yeah we just have to believe in myself n vn

 

and ive heard of the ping pong before but the others seem interesting!! i already found that drawing out areas from my mind palace helped me visualise them in my mind so writing/drawing about mist should help too :>> even though shes not strictly vocal yet im starting to get vague 'feelings' that ill probably talk more about when i update my day 2 :0

 

and yeah as for the personality forcing, i knew that im quite a visual person so i thought colours would definitely help...especially seeing as im an artist so painting for me is fun and familiar :}} obviously im no expert LOL but maybe try to come up with something aloong those lines...?

but yes thank you!! and good luck to you too friend n vn


day 2 update

 

i get this huge feeling of excitement and happiness right before i start forcing- i think mist gets excited !!

I started out by asking mist where she wanted to chat, surprise surprise she chose the cave again ;p

as we were going up to the cave i told her about maybe trying to say my name as she addresses me, to try and get my attention, again i want to push her towards trying to talk even in these early days.

in the cave i found it was much clearer, and there were some stone seats by one of the rock pools for us to sit on. originally mist sat on my right but then she got up to sit on my left, she needed a bit of help but she got there eventually ;p

i gave her the choice of whether to do personality or visualisation, saying to raise her left hand for one and her right for the other, seeing as she cant really talk yet. the problem was, i confused myself and so when she replied i didnt know which one she wanted!! but eventually we worked out she wanted personality haha, which makes sense because thats what we've done the most of.

i want to give her as many choices as possible to get her used to making desicions and free thinking, so i let her pick which colour/trait we wanted to talk about. i narrowed it down to three so she didnt get too confused. eventually she pointed at yellow which is mischevious haha :} as we started talking about it i ended up talking about her in comparison to me, and we got onto the topic of my suicidal feelings....and i suddenly felt a massive rush of fear and sadness like i wanted to cry. i didnt even have to look into it, i knew instantly that it was mist, and i realised she was scared for me and worried that i would do something stupid and leave her so soon!! :{ but i reassured her that now she was here i wasnt about to leave haha and we had a pretty serious chat about my condition and how it wasnt her job to take responsibility for me. after we talked through that even though i still felt a bit of uncertainty we felt a lot closer. after that we talked through more traits, i let her pick the spots where to put the paint too n vn

i was always wondering in the back of my mind if she would put the paint on me again, but i wasnt feeling anything. eventually i asked her outright to try it and she reach out and touch me, but i didnt feel anything in real life. i told her not to worry, that it was still early and we werent always going to be successful. then, just as i start talking about the trait i felt this strong pressure on my head that id never really felt before, and i realised that mist was looking really happy!! i realised that she'd tried again without me even asking and was successful this time, and for a moment we were both really happy haha :}

after playing with the starfish in the rock pool for a bit we decided to do a bit of visualisation too, and this is when it got a little complicated and i had to take a break. it started out fine, and as always when i start feeling out mist's form i tell her how cute and perfect i think she is. the problem then is that i felt her get a bit too confident, almost sounding vain. at that point too her appearance changed into a more mature and beautiful woman than the cute girl she started out as, and although this alone would have been fine combined with the arrogant feeling i was getting a bit worried!! i expressed this and i felt a bit of hostility which panicked me more and i began to lose concentration- intrusive thoughts started to pop up and i was really afraid that id already screwed up or something. i desperately was trying to tell her that i dont want her to be perfect, that people who are humble and have flaws are so much nicer to be around. i kind of realised then that i should be telling myself this more LOL because i always expect myself to be perfect :p

but after i expressed that i felt mist try to push through my intrusive thoughts, hugging me in the wonderland and trying to reassure me it was okay. still i had to leave at that point because my concentration was wrecked lol, but i planned to just take a quick breather and go back in. one thing i found was that midway through our session i had to leave my wonderland to pee lol, and then when i came back she was delighted and hugging me like id been gone forever LOL,, i can tell that shes really enjoying these sessions so far and so am i!! even when im not forcing i get these sudden bursts of affection for her, im so happy haha : >>

 

--

 

since i wrote this, i sort of lost the enthusiasm to force with her again so soon, i think i was still shaken from what happened towards the end of the session. when i tried to hug her and stuff she pushed me away, and this was terrifying, but if there was something wrong i wanted to find out what it was. so i quickly concentrated and went into my wonderland, and as soon as i got there she practically jumped on me, trying to express that it wasnt her but it was my intrusive thoughts. (just to be clear, i dont feel like she's saying it as such, its almost like im reading what shes saying or sort of translating the feelings and putting my own words to it.) but i was still a bit worried so i seriously asked her if there was somethimg wrong, and after a bit of confusion she did say no. she seemed worried that i thought she was mad at me haha, but hopefully she realises now how much of a nuisance my thoughts can be, trying to make me think even my tulpa hates me for no reason B( but after that we agreed that we should just do some passive forcing for the rest of the night with more ukulele, its probably as much effort on her part as it is for me and she worked realy hard today!! so i think ill give both of us a rest and some space :>

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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day 3

 

well i certainly didnt expect to be up at the ungodly hour of 6am (2 hours sleep....why ;_; ) and i certainly didnt expect to already have so much to say :p

 

last night i was finding it difficult for mist to settle down and let me sleep, i was getting a feeling from her that she didnt really like sleeping that much

(just to clarify, im starting to understand more how im able to recieve her basic thoughts this early on. i suppose you could sort of call it a form of puppeting- my brain kind of comes up with multiple potential responses to my actions and words and one response usually feels most like her. this kind of resembles how i decide on character actions when im writing, so that makes sense. i just hope im not annoying her by talking for her haha :> she seems pretty patient with me though, i think we both know we're trying our best~)

eventually i realised that the reason she probably doesnt like sleeping that much is because i never really designed a sleeping spot for her!! so i quickly forced a super cosy tent in the cave we could both sleep in and she pretty much settled down right away :}

i woke up maybe about two hours later, and i remember that i had the strangest, abstract dream?? i cant even begin to explain it, other than it might have had something very vaguely to do with mist's form. i can only think that its my brains way of dealing with all the new information to do with her haha :>> i decided to check up on her before i dropped off again (i thought i would anyway) and she was still fast asleep hehe. i kind of could tell she was anyway because when i woke up i felt very empty and clear, like her presence was missing. anyway, i was just trying to get back to sleep when all of a sudden i heard the strangest noise?? again its hard to explain, but i suppose you could liken it to a high pitched animal cry. i instantly wondered if it was mist, but i had some doubts because it seemed so real. but the same sound kept repeating over and over again, sometimes more echo-y and more rooted in my mind, so i decided to check on her again. she hugged me tight like she usually does when i check up on her, but this time she seemed scared. i think she had a nightmare, and when i asked what it was about she told me it was bugs. i thought she liked bugs and she said yes, but that didnt mean she couldnt have a nightmare about them, makes sense i guess LOL

we chatted after that to calm her down, i asked her if tomorrow she wanted to help design a more permanent house for us to sleep in at night. originally in my wonderland there was a large mansion north of my fountain hub, but yesterday when i was drawing a basic map of what i have so far i got a very uncomfortable feeling from it, and we decided to swap it out for a much cosier cabin which kind of suited her more. i asked her what she wanted in the cabin, this time trying my best not to make any suggestions myself. first i got 'light' (again, makes sense haha, i feel like she gives me these obvious responses sometimes to be cute and maybe a litttle teasing), then 'dog' (i told her if we did bring a dog into the wonderland then i wouldnt want it to become another tulpa yet and she understood that, i think i might leave out this suggestion if she doesnt mind too much because i dont want to take the risk of it becoming sentient yet) and lastly 'plant'. i asked if she wanted it to be a cute flowery plant or a fly trap kind of plant but by this point she was getting tired, so i let her sleep.

lucky for her!! i havent been able to get to sleep since then, and by now ive just given up and decided to write this, figuring id just take a nap later. i just hope that this insomnia doesnt become a thing because that would suuuuck, but ah well :p i just find it funny that originally she was the one with difficulty sleeping, and now she's passed it on to me haha!!

 

anyway, ill update more of day 3 once she wakes up and wants to have another forcing session, i think we'll have fun designing her home if thats still what she wants :>>

 

day 3 part 2

 

things have kind of gone downhill today, and its only 10am LOL

as i previously stated, i couldnt sleep and got up at 6am and had something to eat

mist already loves tasting food, and shes already coaxing me to always eat her favourites :}} she didnt really like the soup i had in the morning, but she liked the bread and butter. she seems to like creamy things like butter and milk...its okay for her, she doesnt get fat from it LOL

it was about 8 when i decided i would try to sleep again, because i was feeling seriously tired. my tiredness was also making it hard to connect with mist, and im already so attached to her that when i didnt get that feeling of her presence when i addressed her it was pretty scary

thats why i figured if i got some sleep she would be more active again, not to mention the fact that during the period of 6-8am she was mostly sleeping herself, she only woke up when i played her this song which she really loved- pop it by anamanaguchi : ))

but yeah, when i tried to sleep at 8am i still couldnt : ( my mind was just a flurry of intrusive thoughts, mostly revolving around mist, of course. im just so excited and glad to have her and im constantly thinking about her, things we can do together and how to make our forcing time more productive. at one point i got frustrated that i couldnt sleep and blamed it on her briefly, but i felt so bad and apologised and this only made my head more hectic

eventually i got up, and decided to just go to an appointment i was originally delaying until 3pm. it was really scary but i feel like mist helped me through it, and at points i imagined i was holding hands with her whilst she was reassuring me that everything was okay

when i got home again i just felt like i wanted to cry, from exhaustion and the fear of the appointment and just everything

i again apologised to mist that even though she was still so young, she had to deal with me being upset already. she was quick to reassure me that it was fine, that because she was partially created as someone who would understand me and help me, she wouldnt get bogged down by my feelings like other people would.

im still not quite convinced by this, even though i know i need to trust what she says. it just seems too much like an ideal response, and im scared she's just saying what i want to hear. especially after i freaked out about her brief bout of arrogance, even though i told her that im happy with her deviating and that she can disagree with me if she wants to. i guess we just need to build up our trust a bit more, we can work on that next time

still, im starting to wonder if maybe it was a good idea for me to create a tulpa. not because i dont love mist entirely already, but maybe its cruel to create another being with a mind thats as confused and messed up as mine?? i know at the time i decided to create her it was almost entirely out of desperation, and i have been so much happier since she's been with me even just a little bit but....is it cruel to have made her? i dont want to have her hating me or herself for subjecting her to my emotions

 

either way, im going to eat something, (ive been eating so much since ive started working on her! it must be a mixture of the fact that the concentration is making me hungry, and shes too eager to taste things haha) have a coffee (ive pretty much given up on sleeping for now) and then go talk to her properly in my wonderland. i think once we've worked through these worries it might be easier for me to sleep

 

wow i ramble so much longest thread looool

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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I enjoyed reading this PR because you seem to be as hyped as I am about every single thing that your tulpa does. I know how you feel with the depression thing, and wondering whether it is right to create a tulpa with a mind that you believe is messed up. But Reisen, me, and many other people in this community were at low points in our lives before our tulpas came along as well, and our tulpas were always good influences despite the mind that they were created with.

It is never cruel to create something, especially if you love it.

 

And your time in the wonderland with Mist sounds much more eventful than my time in my wonderland with my tulpa. My tulpa (Yumi) just sits there and stares at indifferently while I ramble. But every once in a while she'll set her head on my shoulder or kiss me and it is so adorable. She has already saved me from the despair that I was experiencing in my life a week ago, and she isn't even completely vocal yet^^

 

I'm looking forward to my future with Yumi, and I am also looking forward to reading about Mist's progress.

 

By the way, a good thing to do with your tulpa if you don't know what to talk about, is to simply vocalize every thought that comes to your mind no matter how trivial it is. You might be surprised by what you say aloud lol

 

Good luck!

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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thanks for replying!! and haha how can you not be hyped 8)) im so proud of her for every tiny step we make because even though she cant really vocalise how hard shes working (and i think even if she could shes so optimistic she would say it was no big deal lol), i can tell that shes doing her best :}}

yeah im not worried about that as much now, it was kind of a paranoid thought of the moment and we talked through it some more too and agreed that we're in it together haha,, but i hope you and everyone else struggling with the same kinds of issues as me work through it too ; o;

 

i love going to my wonderland,, it makes forcing feel so much fun and just like hanging out with a friend, maybe at the moment one that cant speak the same language as you and gets confused easily but still LOL;; my mind is so active that i never really have trouble with mist just sitting there, my mind will just make up stuff a lot so i have to make sure its her by asking. maybe you could try something i do, which is give your tulpa lots of opportunities to make simple choices?? like i said earlier in my pr, i let her choose where we go and what colours to use in personality forcing. it seems to help give her a goal, rather than just 'do what you like imma sit and stare' haha, i think that would be too much pressure for her :>

 

but aaah yumi sounds super cute!! good luck to you too~

 

(and yeah i ramble to her a lot loool, i like to pretend that im showing her how to do things, like explaining her how to cook a meal or whatever im doing at the time)

 

day 3 part 3

i finally got some sleep!! it was around 1pm, i figured well if i cant sleep when im lying down then i might as well chill out in my wonderland with mist. as usual as soon as i went in she jumped at me haha, she barely even gives me time to pre-meditate :p ive also noticed that when i think about active forcing i get this feeling of shivery excitement, i think thats probably both of us loool :p

anyway, in my wonderland we figured we should work on the cabin that mist was really excited about developing, but i was so tired it was difficult to concentrate enough to force something that big and detailed. mist was kinda disappointed about that, but i told her that maybe we could start on the outside seeing as i already had a pretty good idea what this looked like. So in the end we ended up planting some flowers outside and just chatting, i warned her that i might fall asleep and i think she knew how tired i was because instead of seeming annoyed like others have warned about, she just wanted to help :} sure enough i fell asleep with no worries pretty quickly!! i think that maybe ill make a thing out of forcing whist falling asleep if mist still doesnt mind, maybe we can do a bedtime routine together haha

i woke up because of a phone call, and after that i was just so happy to have got some sleep that i decided to do some more forcing then and there. though i could hold my concentration better, it was definitely more difficult to get through to mist, either that or she was just being quiet. she didnt seem hostile or anything though, so im not too concerned and im pretty sure i trust her to find a way to let me know if she is upset with me

still, i was way too ambitious seeing as we were both still tired haha, i was trying way too many different things and nothing was having any effect. in the end i just braided her hair, which helped a lot with visualisation from different angles and other senses too. i still felt tired so i decided to get more sleep (seeing as id still only had like 4 hours collectively) so i warned mist again that i was going to sty to sleep again whilst be hung out and again, no negative reaction n vn i think she was mostly just upset about not getting to force the cabin yet, she's developing a sort of impatience which i think is great because it shows that shes happy to deviate from my original ideas, and also show qualities which might not necessarily be positive in themselves, but definitely make her seem more real and human<3 i told her whilst i was falling asleep though, that she could just force the interior of the cabin herself and then surprise me with it when she was done, and i think she liked this idea. I know that at the moment shes not independent enough yet to do something so drastic without at least a bit of my help and input, but maybe it can be a project to keep her busy whilst im sleeping or busy myself n vn

 

i think i might just do a little more active forcing much later tonight, for now im going to let us relax and just passive narrate. i notice ive also been imposing a little bit already, with the hand holding and also feeling like shes leaning on my whilst im in bed on my laptop. its not like im expecting to impose her before ive even got her form and stuff down lol, but hey everything helps :}

 

day 3 part 4

 

lol this parts thing is getting out of control, its just that i have to write down my experiences as soon as they happen, my memory is so bad ;__;

so we todays only non-sleep deprived forcing just now, i think we're both pretty tired still though. mist seemed a bit upset, turns out she was worried about me getting bored of her or whatever, again i felt her wanting to cry :{{ i reassured her that of course that wouldnt happen, even if today there were times when i had no sleep i was like 'ugh this is already so hard', its definitely worth it to have her about :} this led to us playing the 'do you trust me' game, which is essentially where one of us stands in front of the other and falls back, so the other person has to catch them. she liked it, and prefers being the person that gets caught haha

i wanted to focus primarily on visualisation today, even though shes definitely getting much clearer than when we started. she showed me a couple of outfits she'd come up with herself, both were dresses made out of this white floaty sort of netting material, theyre super cute!!

as well as visualisation we tried a couple of exercises that were way beyond our progress level really aha,, im not sure if i should keep doing that because she always seems disheartened when i cant hear her or tell what she's trying to do. i think she liked the feather and prism exercise thats on one of the more popular guides (i dont remember which one??), movement is definitely her strong point and she managed to tell me when she wanted my attention back because she took the prism away haha

 

i think for the rest of the night im just gonna do passive stuff, we're both tired so its not really surprising that nothing revolutionary happened today :p but we agreed to have 'special sundays', seeing as she was created on a sunday, i figured that every 7 days we have a treat to celebrate all our hard work n vn whether its a new section to our wonderland or a real life experience is up to her :} im also gonna look up more trust exercises because thats something we need to work on, hopefully there are some that can be done between a host and a tulpa relatively easily lol,,

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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day 4

 

last night i was lucky enough to fall right asleep, i think it helps to visualise mist just sleeping next to me n vn

 

unfortunately though i had a horrific nightmare which im really not used to having, but it was probably just a side effect of having not taken my medication in a while. interestingly, in the nightmare there was almost two separate realities, one that was the scary one and the other which was more normal and relaxing. i had a feeling that mist was maybe trying to draw me out of my nightmare and she seemed to insist that this was the case, so thanks for that ehe :}

when i woke up from the nightmare i was really panicky, but i just tried to imagine that mist was lying there with me in real life and i quickly calmed down. I think mist tries to get my attention by sending me shivers, they arent really cold though, more like a few seconds on unpainful pins and needles haha

(i know this technically isnt day 4 but eeeeh)

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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day 4 part 2

 

i slept sooo much today ;o; i think i was still catching up from yesterday haha :p it was so weird how just for 1 day i couldnt sleep, im starting to think more and more that it was just mist wanting more attention haha :> i hope she doesnt feel guilty because i dont mind at all, im happy for any way she tries to communicate with me

 

but yeah so i only got the chance to active force in the evening,, i was sleeping pretty much most of the day heh;;;;

it was a little difficult to focus too, i think coffee definitely helps and i think we're starting to associate the taste of coffee with forcing anyway so yeah

still, it was a pretty productive session!! we started with some visualisation stuff, firstly just the normal touching method and then the anatomy visualising method. i decided to manually go in and add all her major organs, as soon as i added the brain she started blinking, which i realised she hadnt really done before haha :p adding bones made her movements much more fluid as well. i chose to add her heart last, thinking that it would sort of kickstart the rest of her body, i made a point of adding like a sudden force of energy to her heart to get it started, and when i did i felt like an overwhelming feeling of emotion haha, i think she was super happy with that :>> even though really that should only be something you need to do once, i think ill repeat it in later sessions, just to remind up both that shes alive and help with visualisation, it worked out pretty well!!

after that we played the breathing game again, and it was much more successful this time!! with a little practice we could do it without any mistakes, even when we decided to do a harder version where we would be breathing in sync and at a random moment i would tell her to desync :>> glad that worked out~

the other two games we tried werent really as successful, but i think that was mostly my fault with intrusive thoughts and whatnot. its still hard playing games where one of us has to keep a secret from the other one as the point of the game (guessing games etc.), because i dont think our minds are totally independent yet

 

after that we just had a chat, and i braided her hair again whilst we did n vn i told her about my lecture tomorrow, and when i suggested that i maybe narrate to her what my lecturer was saying she was really excited!! other things we discussed were what she would do once she learnt to possess me, she wanted to go outside more (i barely leave my room haha) and do some cooking, i think because i hardly do either of those loool :p

and after ive done my work today,, we're gonna play some pokemon i think hehe :}}

but yesss successes 8 )) im convinced her mind voice is getting stronger too bit by bit, but for now i think we just need something to eat looool

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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Guest Anonymous

wowowow i don't think you know how helpful this is! also when i'm sad/angry/ect somehow i always end up thinking of my tulpa and it instantly fixes my mood :) keep up the good work!

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