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Glowcharm's Progess Report
#1
I will start off by saying I am a complete beginner to Tulpas. I have been reading many of the guides here for the past few weeks before I finally decided to start trying to make my own.
Now, since I am a fan of order and easy to read things, I plan to make this list like with short paragraphs.

About me
My real name is Hannah, and I usually go by a different online name, but I'm a bit shy about the nature of having a tulpa so I am using a different username this time. I'm in my freshmen year of college and I live in the Northwest of America. I like drawing, writing, playing video games, and also making games.

Reasons for Creating a Tulpa
For little over three years I've been on and off depressed with strong suicidal feelings. Lately these feelings have returned and I am getting constant mood swings and I can often feel myself losing control of my emotions. I also have small self-confidence and a low feeling of self-worth. I tried seeing a therapist in high school but he assumed that I only had graduation jitters.
Now, to try and deal with these feelings, I've decided creating a tulpa may be a great help. I'll create a tulpa that can help bring me out of suicidal thoughts and also possibly encourage me to be more confident. I also hope that having a tulpa may help me learn more about myself.

My Current Method
I'm currently creating my wonderland while also tulpaforcing.
My tulpa will start as a nameless ball of light.
I have a list of personality traits that I will force, but I consider most of these vague.
To force the personality traits, I have assigned a different treat to symbolic of each trait, and I will have my tulpa eat these treats.

I currently do not have any intentions of imposition, I'd rather only see my tulpa in our wonderland.

Planned Traits
These are the traits that I will force my tulpa with in mind along with its symbolic food and a few reasonings.

Kind - Strawberry Shortcake
Quiet - Oatmeal and Chocolate Chip Cookies (The reason behind this is because I consider myself an introvert, so talking with people for an extended amount of time tires me out. So if my tulpa were very talkative, I would be tired all the time, so I wish for my tulpa to an introvert as well)
Confident - Chocolate Cake
Good Memory - Tea (I have a terrible memory, so I hope my tulpa can help me with that haha)
Cute - Sugar Cookie (I love cute things, so I would like to share a love of cute things with my tulpa)
Thoughtful - Lemonade
Funny: Popsicles

Tulpa Progress

First time
My first forcing session with my tulpa was a passive one, while I was on the bus to school. At the time I explained what a tulpa is and my reasoning for creating them. I just repeated telling them what type of traits they had and asked a few questions that I don't remember anymore, but they were only simple small talk questions. Felt some slight head pressure, but that was likely from me overthinking.

Second Time
My first active forcing session. Happened around a week ago.
I had decided to have my wonderland be heavily inspired by the Kuwadorian from Umineko. ( Admittedly, Umineko is an inspiration for some of my tulpamancy. ) I focused mostly on the small area of the outside garden while sitting at a table with my tulpa across the at the other chair.
To help myself feel more immersed I tried to include more of my senses. I listened to forest sounds, I got out my rose essense oil and breathed mostly through my nose while holding it up to my face, and also touched the furniture nearby that would have a similar texture to the table in my wonderland.
The only trait I worked on this time was kindness. I explained to my tulpa that the cake symbolized kindness and that they may eat as much as they wish. I then imagined my tulpa eating a few slices of the cake. Then the rest of the time was spent sitting with my tulpa and taking in the surrounding, my tulpa occasionally eating another slice of cake.

Third Time
This active session we still stayed outside in the garden. I listened the forest sounds and breathed in the rose essence oils. This time I gave my tulpa the quiet oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies. I explained to them the meaning of these cookies as well and also offered more kind Strawberry shortcake. I then imagined my tulpa eating many of the cookies and slices of cake.
This time we walked the perimeter of the garden. I had somewhat of an unconcious tendency to imagine my tulpa being very energetic this time and imagined them running around happily in the garden.

Fourth Time
Yesterday, while out with friends I was feeling a lot of mood swings. To try and calm down and I tried going to my Wonderland while waiting for the bus. I was laying down there and at first I imagined my tulpa near me and I spoke to them a little. After awhile I told them they should go play in the garden instead of watching me mope. I had a difficult time imagining my tulpa leaving, but after awhile they did run off and play (sometimes coming back before leaving again shortly).
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#2
March 10th

- Today I said good morning to my tulpa and talked to them sparsely throughout my art class.

-After getting home I did some more active forcing in my wonderland. I gave them chocolate cake and popsicles and we entered the mansion for the first time. We spent some time walking around in the entrance hall before running throughout the entire mansion and going into every room. Currently, I'm leaving my tulpa's room empty and I told them they can fill the room whenever they want. We then went back outside and fed each other chocolate cake.

- Later in the day I read through my fairy tale book to my tulpa. We read Little Red Riding Hood and Cinderella. I'm not sure if this will help or not at this stage, but at least it's fun haha

Also I have a problem. I often have a problem with intrusive thoughts, even in normal daydreams. Sometimes while I try forcing I've been having intrusive thoughts of a vague scary person standing off in the distance or standing in the mansion while we are outside. Will these thoughts hurt my tulpa and the creation process? Are there also any tips on how to minimize these intrusive thoughts?
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#3
Default 
No, these intrusive thoughts will be nothing more than distractions unless you begin to believe that they will harm your tulpa (which is silly, really. You're the host; you're the one in charge). Don't let them bother you; the more you worry, the worse they will become.

Regarding how to deal with them, it's best to acknowledge that they are there, but then move on. I would say try to forget about them, but you also have to forget that you're forgetting about them. Honestly, paying them no heed is your best bet.
Nope.
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#4
(03-11-2014, 11:33 AM)AvengedSevenfold Wrote: No, these intrusive thoughts will be nothing more than distractions unless you begin to believe that they will harm your tulpa (which is silly, really. You're the host; you're the one in charge). Don't let them bother you; the more you worry, the worse they will become.

Regarding how to deal with them, it's best to acknowledge that they are there, but then move on. I would say try to forget about them, but you also have to forget that you're forgetting about them. Honestly, paying them no heed is your best bet.

Alright, thank you! c:

March 11

- Making a habit to wake my tulpa up and say good morning to them

- Today I did more active forcing and introduced the last two traits of Thoughtful and Good Memory and drank lemonade and tea with my tulpa while explaining the importance of them. I decided to work a little on starting vocalization by using some strategies used in these guides. I thought of a voice I would like my tulpa to have, and it's a female voice, so from now on I will refer to my tulpa as female (unless if my tulpa changes this of course). For now I will just be parroting my tulpa, hopefully I don't have to do this too much. I told my tulpa to repeat everything that I said, and it was mostly simple phrases like "Hello" or "Today it is sunny" and things like that.

- Thanks to Tamaki and AvengedSevenfold's advice, I was able to easily ignore any of my intrusive thoughts and simply apologized to my tulpa and told her to ignore them. I haven't had any problems with my intrusive thoughts since then.

- After a little bit we decided that we wanted to venture outside the fenced in area and we opened the gate and headed for the beach. We followed a dirt path through the forest, and then through a field of wildflowers. Then we reached the cliff overlooking the beach and went down the path to the shore. We ran around and played in the sand and water for a bit before having a picnic. After we were finished, I asked her to help me clean up and then we headed home. I told her once we got back that I had to go do something now and that she can go do whatever she wishes now. (I'm trying to make a habit of formally ending sessions now)

- Continued to talk with her with her throughout my class
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#5
March 12

- Intended to do some active forcing in the morning before leaving for school, but ran out of time. Still talked with my tulpa throughout the bus ride and during class.

- After class, my moodswings got pretty bad and I was unable to focus on forcing and I was nervous to talk with my tulpa at this stage or try forcing out of fear negatively impacting her or at least upsetting her.

Today was bad day for progress, I will make up for it tomorrow...
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#6
March 13 - Morning

Since it's only 2 pm here, I will likely post again in the evening.

- Last night I experienced my first wave of emotion from my tulpa. It was when I was laying in bed, and I had read Hansel and Gretel to my tulpa, but I was feeling so tired I told her I had to go to sleep. I decided that it would nice to fall asleep together, so we went inside the mansion in my wonderland and we laid on the couch together. ( I should also mention that somewhere along the line, she stopped being a ball of light and is now a ball of fluff, since it's easier to imagine interacting with her then ) I apologized for being upset today and talked with her a little when I felt a tingling sense of sadness start in the back of my head and then washed over my whole body and then my chest felt tight. I'm not sure if it was her having to see me so upset or not paying attention all day to her or both, but either one obviously upset her, so I appologized again. I can't remember clearly since I was so tired, but I remember hearing a faint voice that sounded mostly like my own and it said "It's alright". After that, we fell asleep.

- Another thing I didn't mention before that I'm feeling fairly confused about. A few nights ago, while I was falling asleep I heard a random, echo-y male voice, so at first maybe I thought it was my tulpa and asked it to repeat and I heard the voice again and it said something like "Please insert the DVD" so I got confused and assumed that was something else that wasnt my tulpa. The next day I worked on vocalization with a female voice, and last night I started feeling guilty and thinking maybe the previous voice was my tulpa and then when I tried thinking of my tulpas voice I couldn't focus on the voice I had before but lots of different random ones, and I also had difficulty focusing on my tulpa as the ball of fluff at first, but they kept switching through random forms. I'm not sure if it was because I was unable to focus last night or if my tulpa is experimenting on what form she wants.
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#7
March 17 (Early Morning)

- Due to finals coming up and final projects being due, I haven't had much time to force. I've been doing mostly passive forcing, and to help remind myself to narrate I started wearing a chain friendship bracelet I have.

- Today (or more accurate to say, yesterday), I did some active forcing and whenever I tried to focus on my tulpa they would fluctuate to a certain appearance. So I think they have finally chosen a form (but I imagine this form will probably change as well).

I don't have time to draw it right now, so for now as a visual cue reminder for myself ( and for anyone interested, if anyone actually reads this ), I made a little icon of her.

[Image: tumblr_n2knj7xanX1row3xoo1_100.png]

This isn't entirely accurate of course. Her hair is a darkish, sandy blonde. Her bangs form a point in the center of her forehead, and she wear long pigtails high on her head. She wears a tight T-shirt with some sort of black/gray design I haven't really been able to focus on yet. She also wears tight, short shorts.
She has a bit of an interesting fashion sense so far, haha.
I'm not sure what color eyes she has yet.

- I realized she was changing form at a spot in my wonderland where a river and the ocean meet. I had initially took her to go fishing, since I was trying to think of some activities I know how to do that she might like, but she seemed bored (and bad at it, haha). I asked what she wanted to do and I followed her to the hill overlooking the river and ocean. She seems to enjoy just looking at the scenery.
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#8
March 21

- Due to mood swings and school I haven't been able to force much, and I feel pretty guilty about it. Haven't made much progress since last time because of this.

- Now that she has a form I've been trying to do a little kickstarting parroting by imagining her voice and her mouth moving and saying things.

- I think her lack of vocalization seems to have to do with how quiet she is. It may be less that she can't talk, but more that she doesn't have anything to say. I've been trying to work on non-vocal methods of communication such as head pressure, but nothing yet. She seems to be able to entertain herself easily.

- She's become more adventurous than I thought she would, and a little daring. I also think her eyes are a blue/gray...

- Started using this guide today. Mostly worked on Spontaneous World Exercise. A little early to say how much effect it's had yet, but at least it's pretty fun to run around in random places with my tulpa.
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#9
May 14

I have not forced for around two months, and I feel so guilty about it. Since my daily life improved after starting going to the gym and such, I didn't feel as lonely as I did when I first started forcing (and thus I often got distracted from even passive forcing).
I'm slightly nervous to start forcing again in fear that my tulpa is unhappy with me. (I realize this is silly to think, since she'd obviously be even more unhappy if I continued to ignore her) I also often worry that the way I forced in the past was wrong, since I often doubted if I was communicating with my tulpa or just hearing things.

Honestly my self-doubt has been the biggest hindrance to our progress.
But I really don't want to give up. I started this, and I believe she is sentient down there somewhere, even if we have regressed a bit. I don't want to let her fade away.

This post is mostly to try and force..er, encourage myself to get back into tulpa forcing full-swing.

My Daily Tulpa Check-list
1. Say good morning
2. Always wear a certain bracelet in order to remind me to think of her
3. At 2 pm every day, have an active forcing session
4. at 11 pm every day, have a series of short 2 minute adventure exercises with her
5. Say Good night

----

I've realized that I never posted the progress of our last forcing session. My memory has become a bit foggy but I will write the most I can remember.

- We went to the seaside town in my wonderland
- She bought herself new clothes
- We bought new furniture for her room
- She decided that a new symbolic food would be milk, to symbolize her new athletic trait
- She bought a pet moon jellyfish

I've also been drawing her a little bit lately. Perhaps I shall post some of the pictures on here next time.
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