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Gotta go to SPAAAACE! (progress report)


Space Cat

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So, yeh. I guess I could do a progress report. I suppose at the least it would be an extra record of a newb scrub's progress into the tulpa phenomenom.

 

---Catching up to Speed---

Tulpa: Zoey (WIP name)

Time so far: around 4 or 5 weeks

Active Forcing: 10 to 30 minutes a day, sometimes more, never less that 10.

 

Planned out the personality and all that early jazz, working on forcing, visualizing, and some imposition.

 

Over the past weeks there have been several major defining moments:

 

A point of hypnagogia or lucid dreaming at the start of forcing. It was cool, I was listening to classical at the time and we did a bunch of vivid activities in the wonderland that were fueled by the music. Zoey occasionally played piano and we built a giant ice castle and had a snowball fight and stuff, all of which was synchronized with the music.

 

A point before I went to sleep one night where I was passive forcing/narrating. I got really really strong emotional waves. As in, waves of what I could describe as pure euphoric dopamine. I can't describe it well beyond that, but it was awesome, mang.

 

Then there was another moment shortly before going to sleep when I was visualizing in the wonderland. Zoey changed her face into a variety of demon/scary faces with little to no warning, similar to the surprise me thread moments. I'm sure I didn't expect it, because each time caused a reflexive gut-clenching feeling, like reacting to screamer videos or creepypasta shock images. *cough*

smiledogisanasshole

*cough*

 

Getting intrusive thoughts and occasionally holding mental conversations "with myself." I say "myself" because at the moment there's no clear definition between her mental voice and mine. i assume it's Zoey because oftentimes the thoughts are just so much more positive than what I'd generally think. Most other intrusive thoughts are generally questions about why I'm doing this or why I'm doing that.

 

Narration is mostly mental discussions or ranting or whining to Zoey over whatever crappy-ass emotions are going on in mah head rather than descriptions of what I'm doing. Zoey seems fixated on persuading me into getting out of my comfort zone, with prompts of "talk to that person" or "be more friendly" or "that girl's cute, go flirt or ask her out or something" as well as comforting my stress or depressed moments by reminding me of good things.

 

It's nice to find such comfort, although of course when I'm really depressed I tend to reject her aid as much as I ask for it. Eh, depression does that.

 

Anyways, at the moment I'm getting better at meditation and active forcing. Meditation is a really nice exercise, I wish I started it sooner. I'm getting better at concentrating and maintaining a relaxed, deep-breathing state, and I'm trying to get into the habit of breathing deep meditative breaths all the time, because why not?

 

cruddy catch-up-to-speed post over, more to come later I guess.

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