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Have I unknowingly created a semblance of a tulpa?
Hello all! I don't have much to say about myself. Name's James and I'm just living my best life. I've just been confused with some stuff and was hoping to receive some clarity from other people's experiences. With that, I'll get into it.

I've stumbled onto this subject after mindlessly wandering the internet and got pretty interested. I've read a decent bit of guides and forum posts and it got me thinking about the past. A lot of what has been in the guides I've read, sounds very familiar to me. Back in high school, I was an introverted underachiever. I was actually so lazy that it got to the point where I failed a class. During this time, I'm almost certain I was experiencing mind voice from a tulpa of mine. During this time, I had little knowledge of meditation and kind of thought it was sham. Yet, I was unknowingly practicing meditation. Almost every night, I would plop down in my bed with the lights on, clear my mind and just start thinking about myself. It was usually during these times that thoughts would pop into my head... and I wasn't really the one thinking them. These thoughts would be addressing me... by my last name and usually went along the lines of "You need to start pulling yourself together" or "You're so much better than you think you are." Furthermore, all throughout high school I would sometimes do something that was very uncharacteristic of me. I had different groups of friends and acted fine within my group of friends, but I'd get incredibly anxious whenever it came to talking to people I didn't know well. There would be instances in which a sensation washed over me and I would make an effort to be extroverted and outgoing... and would have no clue why I'd have this sudden change in action. Looking back on these moments, I've decided to take a closer look at my thoughts and actions. I realized that I often switch in between addressing myself in the first person and addressing myself in the second person. It just seems that a lot of this matches up with tulpa content...

I'm just incredibly confused. I know that a lot of things revolving around tulpas are subjective and personal... but maybe someone else has an experience similar to this. I feel that, most likely, these thoughts, my thought process, and my actions just had to do with my zany and irrational mind but it never hurts to post. Perhaps someone else has had an experience where they unknowingly did something revolving around tulpas? 

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Well, i heard about tulpamancy, the first day i decided to try and suddenly i had three full vocality tulpas. So yeah, it can happen the way you describe it as well.
Some of the experiences you mentioned are abnormal but I don't think any of them are inherently tulpa-related. Intrusive thoughts are a common thing for people and can sometimes feel vivid or "alien", especially when you're in a hypnagogic state.
Your account reminds me of a couple other Tulpamancers.

J+C(+G) 's story, reminds me of Gavin -

HotTulps's story, reminds me of Sharky a little -
I'm Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos (but see, I'm not a hippo)! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
It's me, the J of JGC. Lol.

(This is all my opinion based on what you've written, so take it with a grain of salt. If your intuition tells you a different story, listen to that.)

Years before Gavin was ever around, I realized that my "inner monologue" was different than everyone else's. Most of it was in 2nd-person, like a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book. Some of it was even in 3rd-person, like someone was narrating my life. Very few of my thoughts have "I" in them. I blame this on my disassociative tendencies, and not on a tulpa. However, I also believe this is where Gavin originated.

Because a great chunk of inner monologue takes place in 2nd- and 3rd-person, I could easily have conversations with "myself." As in,
"I'll make tea than go to bed."
"You shouldn't make black tea then, since it's caffeinated. J, I think the best choice would be something herbal."
All me, but one side gets to play in 2nd-person. Eventually, this "other side" developed more and more differences. His views started to differ from mine: he liked some of my friends more than I did, was more interested in certain classes than others, and eventually, one day on the bus, I said, "Gee, this would be more convenient if you had like... a name and stuff." Gavin named himself, designated that his voice would come from the lower right side of my head, and deepened the pitch of his voice so I wouldn't mix us up. Was he a tulpa then? I think not, but within a few days, he certainly was. He also was the first to call me by my current name, and had his own terms for what we now know are called "hosts", "tulpas", and "wonderlands." IMO, your thoughtform addressing you by your last name was one of the strongest signs for me that they're just like Gavin, before he was a tulpa.

Before that day on the bus when I opened myself to letting Gavin be his own person, I don't think he was a tulpa. However, I think he was a prime tulpa candidate, grown by literal years of narration. From what you say, I think you also have that: a prime tulpa candidate. With ten minutes and the desire, you could probably have a young tulpa. Or, you could also keep this thoughtform as just "another side" of your own identity, which Gavin tells me wasn't bad at all. It's a common experience for people to think "You need to calm down" when stressed, and things along those lines.

If you want to talk about it more, feel free to PM us or ask here. Also, maybe just have a conversation with this thoughtform, and ask them what they think. Are they a tulpa? We didn't know what tulpas were, but Gavin still knew he wasn't me, for sure!


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