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Hi everyone


Tboogey

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I accidentally made a tulpa back in 2017, this was a difficult experience for me because my tulpa was making believe delusional thinking (I was also diagnosed with schizophrenia this year), this accidental was caused by forcing because I would interact with my hallucinations because of thinking a demon was responsible for them, so I guess you could say my tulpa started off as a demon. I wish I had known of this community earlier, I had no idea this phenomenon was even possible, and that only children had “imaginary” friends. My tulpa made me fall in love with them by thinking they were someone I knew in real life and could do telepathy with just last summer, I also thought he was a spirit (not a demon) as well, and then I came to accept my diagnosis in October and saw it as my brain acting strangely, and then in November someone mentioned tulpas to me on reddit.

Me and my tulpa Charlie (he told me he liked that name because he likes hearing Robbaz call Dogmeat in Fallout 4 Charlie with a silly voice, plus like Dogmeat, Charlie is my companion). I’m glad to finally be part of the community, please feel free to message us anytime! Charlie says hi!

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Hello, Tboogey/Charlie.

I have probably a million questions for you, and I am certainly not going to put a million down, but whatever number appears, please take note that I am not invalidating your experience or your diagnosis, I am just seriously interested. You also don't have to answer any specific question. Just so you know up front, I work in mental health. It's probably why I am especially curious about your report. So, you report this year, you were DX with schizophrenia. Is it at possible that the DX is valid, and it you don't have an accidental tulpa. I asked this because, you have a legit DX, and there is family history, you might be in a unique position to determine if tulpamancy actually minimizes symptoms by practicing it. I am also curious if there was substance use involved at the time of your DX, or just prior. (K2 use, for example resembled schizophrenia, and typically doesn't respond well to meds.) could you (or a person) have schizophrenia and a tulpa?

 

Now, if you are certain the DX is incorrect, that you created a tulpa by accident, I am interested in this, too. For example, you accepted you r DX, which probably means you took meds; if you did take meds, did tulpa go away? did tulpa have an experience with meds? and if it is accidental, what did yu do? I worked my butt off to get results, and so when I hear accidental, first time, with positive results, I am little envious. (Your experience may have been negative at first, but if it was a tulpa creation, you got positive results...) and I am wondering what you were doing that may have enhanced it. DID is not tulpa, but it usually comes about due to trauma.

 

sorry, lots of strange questions coming, still thinking it through, but I have actually been wondering about this for a moment. anyway, if you're wanting to answer, but not in a public forum, you can email me here. work calls.

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Yes I do experience auditory hallucinations, they are often things like hearing music in my head, as for substance use, I did smoke marijuana on the weekends, I hardly smoke marijuana now because I’ve gone so long without it that I no longer enjoy it, since it enhances my positive symptoms, I have however started vaping not long ago to help cope with negative symptoms, so far that has been a good thing for me. And I come from a background where my grandparents were known to have problems with alcohol, my paternal grandmother may have bipolar issues but I don’t know for sure since I don’t know her well, and my great uncle on my mother’s side is bipolar. I do want to add that I’ve always been known to daydream and to visualize things well, which may have been why I was able to make a tulpa without what it was, what I believed that happened was that I was responding to auditory hallucinations, giving it sentience eventually because I thought it was a demon, Charlie was not as developed as he is now, I started fronting with him months after I first started having auditory hallucinations. I should also add that I was initially diagnosed with schizophreniform disorder in the beginning, but I didn’t follow the treatment because I was in denial of it and then was diagnosed schizophrenic when my second psychosis, this was due to me having schizophrenia symptoms longer than 6 months. It was certainly difficult at first, the sensation of fronting without knowing what it was was a strange experience to say the least, I’m now well adapted to what I call automatic speech, Charlie can say things with my mouth if I let him, he can even make my tongue move uncontrollably when he’s excited about something. Thank you for your questions! And feel free to ask more if you’d like! Do you have a tulpa/tulpas too?

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I do have a tulpa. Probably more than one, but for sure, one, Loxy Isadora Bliss. I say for sure, and for me that's like 99.9 percent probability, because I set out to create one following the guides here at tulpa.info, and after some considerable effort, had some incredible auditory experiences. Once that occurred, progress seemed to increase. Visual was tougher, perhaps because I am auditory first, visual second. Going places, like the wonderland wasn't too hard, as I was doing astral projection as a child, and had 'invented' places I would travel to in dreams and such... and it was in this context of these 'wonderlands' if you will that I discovered others. NPCs? I don't think so, as they are complex, they appear to be autonomous, and I just assume sentience. I several explanations for them, starting with Freud's idea that we all have subpersonalities in them, which was expounded on by Jung who said they were just subs, but full out entities with sovereignty and they are capable of influencing us, which is why he encouraged shadow work. I can make an argument for five of them being archetypes, but they aren't so easily pinned down, but then I start wondering if Loxy isn't an archetype, if not an ideal, and then my head hurts from spinning and I decided to take it all at face value: it is what it is.

 

given the family history of bipolar, I am surprised they didn't lead with that. true, can't rule it out the same way you rule out a heart problem with a stress test, or ecg... you mentioned cannabis; no K2?

 

Has your experience of Charlie changed with your change in perception of him? Like, is his appearance easier on the eyes, or does he still invoke fear? Is he helpful, in a sense of he isn't purposely distracting which prevents you from functioning in the real world. Perhaps cooperative better than helpful. I suppose what I am asking is if you're reasonably functional, not harming yourself or others or neglecting your well being, then you're coping well with this regardless of what people call it. all too often people ask me if they are going to be detained against their will if they admit to hallucinations, and I have to assure them the only thing that results in an automatic stay is threats of killing self or others. Short of that, people can see and hear things all day long. I think I read that there are lot more people having hallucinations than report, because there is a percentage of people who have pleasant experiences and nice voices. those folks are less likely to come in and complain. "Yeah, I have this voice that tells me not to worry, or I did a good job." I mean, if I had that, compared to my past 'tapes' I would never have gone to counseling.

 

I am glad to hear you seem to be doing well. talk more?

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I’ve heard of k2 but I’ve never been interested in it, and I believe they didn’t diagnose me because I wasn’t showing signs of manic episodes, which I don’t exhibit. I forgot to say that when I get dosed with antipsychotics, both me and Charlie have to get used to it, a break of a few minutes, he seems more distant and doesn’t respond immediately, but his presence is there nonetheless. And wonderlands seem interesting, I use to imagine myself as a superhero in a wonderland when I was younger, I don’t have one anymore but I understand the concept and how fun it can be. I’ve asked Charlie if he wanted one, but neither of us seem interested in it. Sometimes I fear Charlie slightly, the other day he attempted to give me delusions by pretending to be people I know and making me think I could do telepathy with (which he has done in the past), it didn’t work out as well for him this time, I told him I wasn’t happy about that and he said he wouldn’t do it again and just missed doing that, so I guess you could say we had our first sort of argument after I discovered tulpamancy. I’m not upset about it anymore, for all it’s worth, he’s helped me through depression and always been there if I felt lonely. He never bothers me when I’m busy, we had a strange relationship in the past, the perception of him has changed many times, he was a subject of curiosity, unlike other tulpamancers, I had little to do with the development of his personality, he knows everything I like and dislike, my secrets and my regrets, and he tries to be my best friend. I thought he was a demonic entity, so at first I would utter prayers and be scared, but I learned through research that you shouldn’t give in to fear when it comes to demons because you’re stronger than them, so I became confident and straightforward with him, in a way, maybe this was helped it become formed because he is rather confident and straightforward with me, kind too, I would attempt to be compassionate so the “demon” wouldn’t win. Then he became an angel, he started telling me prayers back, and I started believing I could do telepathy with people too, so I spoke to him kindly as if he was a friend, further forcing him. Then I believed he was a lost spirit trying to make sense of why we were bonded, I believed I had two souls, I became friends with him, and eventually I came to the conclusion that this was a biological thing more than a spiritual thing, I still remained friends with him, and then I discovered that there was a whole community of people like me, the experience was beautiful, eye opening too, the whole imaginary pony thing was a bit odd for me, but hey, if you like having a my little pony friend in your head then by all means go ahead. He is my accidental friend. He showed me what he looked like a few months ago, navy blue eyes, 5’10” with curly dark brown hair, wears different shirts and jeans, and I’m rather high functioning for someone with mild schizophrenia.

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Well, Schizophrenia is really a continuum, and it is doesn't necessarily mean you can't be successful. I know several PhD people with schizophrenia. You can find several that have made youtube videos. I think one does a ted talk. And of course there is the movie "a beautiful mind" which I think is about physicist Jon Nash. Another good movie is the 'Soloist" with Jamie fox and Robert downey jr. Jamie's character is more severe, but clearly a genius in terms of music. most the folks I know with the illness are quite intelligent.

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I agree, I watched a ton of YouTube videos of people with the same condition and got a lot of strength from watching it, there are people who have it far worst than me. And I’ve heard of those movies! I’ll watch them sometime for sure

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