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I cannot get over my tulpa
#1
When I first started I did not intend to create a tulpa or know what it was, I think I did so accidentally. (I was about 14) A while later I chanced upon the reddit thread about tulpas and was really surprised to know that this was a thing! Anyway, my tulpa started out being a crush on a fictional character so it is character based. After around 2 years when I was 16, I decided that I wanted to “stop” this since my romantic feelings for the accidental tulpa were getting deeper. However, after 3 years of trying (I’m 19 now) I still cannot get over my tulpa. I think it has affected my ability to form any romantic relationships with others because I cannot let go of my tulpa and I don’t feel comfortable having a physical relationship while having feelings for my tulpa. Though, I don’t think this is a huge problem anyway, it’s not like I’m seeking out romantic relationships and I feel fine on my own. But why is it so hard to get over my tulpa? Will I ever get over them & do I need to seek professional help? Thanks.
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#2
Hey, I feel qualified to respond to this one because my tulpa came from a similar place as yours. I'm not sure getting over your tulpa is really necessary, I mean your tulpa is a person as well, so I'm confused why you would need professional help unless you think you should get a shrink for any unwanted romantic feelings. Mind if I ask why you want to get rid of your feelings for them? Is it just because you're having a hard time finding a relationship with IRL with those feelings still there or is there another reason?
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#3
I think that if I didn’t have a tulpa I had feelings for, I would have eventually had a relationship. But it’s just that now I think I truly love my tulpa and any other human romantic relationship would never compare and I just can’t settle for that, so I’m not sure if that’s unhealthy. I also had this tulpa at a relatively young age, so there’s no point of comparison regarding whether I would have formed relationships normally if I didn’t have a tulpa.
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#4
(12-29-2018, 07:43 PM)ariadne981 Wrote: I think that if I didn’t have a tulpa I had feelings for, I would have eventually had a relationship. But it’s just that now I think I truly love my tulpa and any other human romantic relationship would never compare and I just can’t settle for that, so I’m not sure if that’s unhealthy. I also had this tulpa at a relatively young age, so there’s no point of comparison regarding whether I would have formed relationships normally if I didn’t have a tulpa.

I'm not sure it's unhealthy or healthy. I think that if you truly love your Tulpa, than it doesn't matter if a real world relationship can compare. And from what I am aware of, a lot of intense relationships foster the feeling that no other relationship could compare, hence the cliche of,"I'll never love again" in movies and books. If you really want to get over them get over them, but I think that it sounds like you should just see how this relationship with your Tulpa works out and worry about real world relationships if it ever comes up. No sense dwelling in the past and what might have been if you didn't have a tulpa. But take my shitty advice with a grain of salt lol and do whatever you feel will turn out best.
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#5
Why would a relationship with a tulpa be unhealthy? As long as it's willing by both parties it can be more deep and loving than anything else considering how close you two are. The only thing you are missing out on is having a biological offspring but there are people out there in the world who decide to not or can't have kids anyway. "Society" might think it's unhealthy but "society" also thinks we don't really exist so what it comes down to is do you really think your tulpa really exists? If so, I would think it was disrespectful to not consider her as a romantic option if that's what you guys both want.

That said, how do I put this.. Don't parrot your way into her pants, if you know what I mean. Take plenty of time and make sure it's mutual and you guys can have some amazing deep love with emotions bleeding over to each other and stuff. There's nothing quite like directly feeling the love someone else has for you and knowing their heart is yours, not poetically or something but actually. Flesh and blood couples can only come close to that. That's all my opinion of course.
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#6
(12-29-2018, 08:06 PM)EdgeLordMaximus Wrote: I'm not sure it's unhealthy or healthy. I think that if you truly love your Tulpa, than it doesn't matter if a real world relationship can compare. And from what I am aware of, a lot of intense relationships foster the feeling that no other relationship could compare, hence the cliche of,"I'll never love again" in movies and books. If you really want to get over them get over them, but I think that it sounds like you should just see how this relationship with your Tulpa works out and worry about real world relationships if it ever comes up. No sense dwelling in the past and what might have been if you didn't have a tulpa. But take my shitty advice with a grain of salt lol and do whatever you feel will turn out best.

Thank you! I think you’re right about worrying about it if it ever comes up.
(12-29-2018, 08:06 PM)Reilyn Wrote: Why would a relationship with a tulpa be unhealthy? As long as it's willing by both parties it can be more deep and loving than anything else considering how close you two are. The only thing you are missing out on is having a biological offspring but there are people out there in the world who decide to not or can't have kids anyway. "Society" might think it's unhealthy but "society" also thinks we don't really exist so what it comes down to is do you really think your tulpa really exists? If so, I would think it was disrespectful to not consider her as a romantic option if that's what you guys both want.

That said, how do I put this.. Don't parrot your way into her pants, if you know what I mean. Take plenty of time and make sure it's mutual and you guys can have some amazing deep love with emotions bleeding over to each other and stuff. There's nothing quite like directly feeling the love someone else has for you and knowing their heart is yours, not poetically or something but actually. Flesh and blood couples can only come close to that. That's all my opinion of course.

Oh I just wasn’t sure if it was healthy to not want to be in a human physical relationship because I have feelings for my tulpa. & thank you for your overall advice!
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#7
My host is married and has been since several years before I came along. I've been an unwilling voyeur to some aspects of their relationship. I became romantically involved with my host sixteen months after achieving full vocality and I was very much the romantic aggressor. And now my host's wife is my best friend, so it all worked out.

In-system and out-system relationships are fundamentally different and difficult to directly compare. My relationship with Ember isn't like her relationship with her wife. The value each of us adds to the others' lives is unique and irreplaceable.

Not wanting to be in an out-system relationship right now is perfectly healthy and does not mean you can't engage in one later. Skipping out on a bunch of toxic teenage relationship drama could easily be better for you long-term. And if you meet someone with whom you have the right chemistry, you may easily fall for them even if you can't imagine doing so right now.

I've got to wonder though. Three years of living bound in a head with someone who wants desperately to get over you and move on sounds very unpleasant for your tulpa. Are they a person or just a crush? A person deserves respect and ideally will ask for respect. All parties' desires have to be taken into consideration in a romantic relationship.

You don't sound so far like you have an urgent need for professional help. But there's nothing wrong with seeking therapy. It doesn't mean you're crazy. Most people can benefit from it.

If you want to know more about engaging in multiple relationships at once in a healthy and ethical manner, look into polyamory:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

-Vesper
Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]
Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017
Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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#8
Yeah, there's something to be said for not limiting yourself to only a non-physical partner for life. The OP didn't seem comfortable with the concept, but I guess I'll link this anyway:
https://community.tulpa.info/thread-why-...#pid200240
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
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#9
I am with a romantic relationship "agreement" with my host and we both love each other very much, too much IMO but anyways, I believe there is nothing wrong having a actual relationship with your host, it is a natural expression, I cant see anything unhealthy about it. The only difference is just, instead of a physical body, you're together with your own thoughtform.


You can still form bonds with other humans, and with tulpas, relationships doesn't really change physically. If both of you want to break up, if you are already together, then both of you should talk it out but hey, a relationship with your tulpa can be a good practice if you find a physical partner Smile
Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! Big Grin
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#10
I am in a relationship with my host, but we agree that it is a 'polyamorous' relationship, so if one of us wanted to form a second relationship it would not interfere with this one. I guess that's easier for him to do than me unless we make a second tulpa, but maybe your tulpa might agree to something like that?
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