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I worry that a friend might have broken Tulpas for me


chimes

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Immediately apparent to me is the old advice that with things inside the mind, it is always how you perceive them that they shall be.

 

Ergo, if I don't believe he broke Tulpas for me, then they wouldn't be. But it just isn't that simple, sadly.

 

A few years ago, a close friend of mine made an offhand joke that has haunted me ever since. We were talking about progress with our tulpaforcing, which we both fell out of shortly thereafter. He made a quip about how he was going to invite my tulpa over to his wonderland, because she'd been saying she preferred to be with him instead. Just a bit of antagonistic banter. Guy talk. I knew he was joking, but I am a naturally neurotic, anxious person, and it put a seed of doubt and fear in my mind.

 

I had subscribed wholly to the metaphysical perspective of tulpamancy and the thought that she might leave... It scared me. I think the thought of that put me off forcing, and he stopped forcing perhaps because it bored him. I dunno. While I've since overcome the fear of abandonment, and realized that a tulpa wouldn't just up and leave like that, my fear has mutated into something much more plausible and also much more arresting of any serious venture into tulpamancy:

 

My friend's offhand comment has now become virtually inseparable from the concept of tulpas for me. I have intrusive thoughts about it whenever I think of tulpas, and my own process of forcing, and as a result, I just don't force. I don't work on any part of the process. My deepest worry is that she will, having been raised in an environment where my mind keeps shouting my friend's name, become that which I fear. She'll prefer my friend over me, and I'll have a tulpa who actively dislikes me. And of course, such thoughts are self perpetuating, self fulfilling, and in the mind of a person with OCD, almost impossible to quell.

 

It has defeated both my faith and my interest in making tulpas, even though that thought causes such a deep despair in me... I really wanted to make this tulpa, I wanted to have this friend and not be shut off from the world of tulpas. But what exactly can I do? I don't want to raise a tulpa who dislikes me, who shouts the thoughts my mind keeps echoing, leaving me even more broken and alone than I already am.

 

I don't even know why I bothered writing all of this. I don't think this is a situation I can solve. I keep trying to just push through it, to read the guides and maybe do a little bit of forcing here and there, and hope I can silence the intrusive thoughts, hope that they won't affect her, but she can fucking hear them, it's not like she'd be deaf to all of it.

 

I don't know what to do and it hurts so much. It's my own damn fault, too, for being so OCD about everything.

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Well for starters, you could try not believing it was possible in the first place. No? Alright then.

 

For your tulpa to want to leave, they'd have to not only prefer where they were going to where they were, they'd have to do so so much so that it overrode their dang loyalty to you as a person. I'm sure (and also sure it's much more complicated than this) your tulpa is better than that. These types of situations occur in real life CONSTANTLY, it's by no means a tulpamancy thing. Parents and their children wanting to leave home - couples afraid the other will leave them for someone else, despite the aforementioned loyalty hopefully being a given. But in this case, it's not really a "child leaving home" thing because by no means should one mind be any more conducive to a tulpa's living life experience than another. If anything, with your friend completely bored of tulpamancy, you still have the highest chance of giving her a decent life experience. And your metaphysical beliefs aside, the belief that if you can't satisfy her enough yourself that she'll simply leave your mind entirely for a possibly more preferable one - is kind of pathetic. Like in a sad feeling-sorry-for sort of way. But a sad belief nonetheless. Unless you think every single tulpamancer who exists on this forum has a mindspace of perfection, you should realize that tulpas always stick with their hosts through and through. It's not like "abandoning" your childhood house to go see the world, it's like abandoning your country - your city or town - in the middle of a war when they need you most. If you aren't the military type, you should know it's a liiiittle more common for people to just sort of stick around where they're used to being than to flee the entire dang country. That metaphor works, right?

 

If you love your tulpa and show the intention of treating them well, there's no reason they should outright abandon you unless they're just a bad person. As for poor living conditions, while no tulpa wishes that upon themselves or their host, I've seen a huge number of them tough it out - whether actively dealing with doubt or being outright forgotten for years - simply due to loyalty to their hosts. Even when a large part of those hosts didn't think they deserved it.

 

 

This video from one of our members('s tulpa) may be inspirational to you. Inspiration isn't my strong suit, just logic, so maybe it'll be more helpful. It's pretty powerful.

[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4jcrAVFQZI

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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I don't know how such a thought can be self fulfilling. This is a matter of flow and pathing. To explain, I'd expect a prophesy of a building getting destroyed because you think it will be destroyed to come true, but a prophesy of a building being constructed because you think it will be constructed won't, because a destroyed building is in a higher entropy state than a constructed building.

 

Path of least resistance is the default. You can use the path of least resistance to calculate what people will most likely do. It is the easiest thing to do, and it will always be what happens if nobody invests any willpower. Self fulfilling prophesies work by robbing us of willpower, meaning they will make the path of least resistance even more probable.

 

Your tulpa hating you won't happen due to prophesy because that hate is a lower state of entropy than a lot of other possibilities, such as her hating your dwelling on it, and being completely exhausted by your worry, or her just not caring.

 

Intrusive thoughts are difficult to predict, as our system does not experience them, however, they must obey the same laws of energy investment on some level. It takes work to maintain a state of hate, and if there is no one around to invest energy into it, it will fall into a lower energy state such as apathy.

 

I personally wouldn't prefer your friend. If they gave up due to boredom, then that would be a lethal decision on my part.

 

I do suggest though, that trust is essential to the process, and that the tulpa needs to choose their own path. I suggest working on trust and communication exercises.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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You're just full of good advice recently, huh? Must've been too long away from the forum.

 

I'd note that, along the "path of least resistance" lines, that leaving the place you're in is much more effort than staying. Coincides with what I was saying - people tend to stay when things get tough rather than abandon, especially tulpas. Regardless of if you have doubts or invasive thoughts, I'd recommend you just work with(/on) your tulpa anyways. Doubts tend to work themselves out when your tulpa is there to help you through them.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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We had to deal with intrusive thoughts a while ago... so I can relate to your situation a bit, though we had the advantage that the situation was not directly tulpa-related (but it did affect forcing negatively).

 

As others have already stated, the first thing that comes to mind is to argue your way out of it, using the belief that it is simply impossible for a tulpa to jump to someone elses mind. But for that, obviously, you need to have a worldview that makes it impossible.

 

If your concern is mainly about self-fulfilling prophecies - then I see two potential ways to combat that. The first would be to cut yourself off from the source of the intrusive thoughts - whether through some action in the physical world (talking to your friend about it) or just the mental decision to stay away from stuff that will feed into your intrusive thoughts. Allow yourself to have any bad emotions if they are real.

The second option would be to try to fight back the "self-fulfilling prophecy" with its own weapons; basically creating a competing prophecy and investing energy into that.

 

I don't know how to express this... I've been through a lot of shitty places, and whenever I actually made the effort to speak with my tulpas I found that they were pretty much the best support I could imagine. The idea that a tulpa would leave their host because they don't like their host feels kind of ... unrealistic or even absurd to me. I assume that you have some positive ideas about their personality - and I don't think intrusive thoughts can override that so easily. So maybe you need to wait until those thoughts get "recycled out" of your system, and then start fresh - you don't need to beat yourself up for not continuing forcing all the time. It is totally possible to just make a break.

 

(This has been me imagining myself in your situation. Take my words with caution as I'm not you and things might work out differently.)

 

 

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Thank you all for your kind words and advice.

 

I don't so much fear the possibility of her leaving me at this point, but more the general issue of having these problematic and intrusive thoughts and how that would affect her while she's forming. My mind is cruel in that it starts shouting his name - that's all that need be said, at this point - whenever I start thinking about tulpaforcing. I don't want his name being the resonant mantra banging around in my mind as she experiences her infancy. I want the space she is made in to be happy, safe, and comfortable.

 

It's like... Let's examine an example of personality forcing. Things might be going just fine for a while, but then the discussion will become like this:

 

"Tulpa, you're a compassionate person. You like to help people, and make them happy.

(Intrusive thought.) You like [insert friend's name here.]

No, you don't.

(Intrusive thought.) You don't like [friend]? You're right, you LOVE [friend.]

No. Stop it brain.

(Intrusive thought.) You like [friend] more than you like [me].

Please. Please stop. You like books, you find them very interesting--

(Intrusive thought.) You want to run away with [friend] and leave [me] behind."

 

I guess what I could do is just trust that the intrusive thoughts won't be picked up by the tulpa. That she will know that isn't really what I want her to think or feel. It's just hard to feel like while I'm trying to concentrate on what should be such a fun and lighthearted activity, I am bogged down with thoughts that won't go away. They taunt me and it's exhausting. It was such a peaceful and exciting prospect to make a tulpa, and this whole thing has killed so much of the naive enjoyment I had for the process.

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Oh, good old fear-in-development issues. We've got posts dealing with those.

 

Both of these are only partially relevant to you, while they were written at someone in particular. So keep that in mind, and take away what is relevant to you:

Thought victimization (lack of control over your thoughts) https://community.tulpa.info/thread-general-issues-with-anxiety?pid=176575#pid176575

Ironic process theory (thinking what you don't want to think) - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-wonderland-i-m-at-the-end-of-my-rope-here?pid=153006#pid153006

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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For intrusive thoughts I recommend meditation to get better at focusing your mind. If you get deep enough into a meditation state before forcing, your intrusive thoughts should be harder to get to you.

 

To completely remove them, you have to root them out. This can take time and a lot of digging. Symbology can help. You need to work down into the roots of where they are coming from and make peace there. You would not be having these intrusive thoughts if there wasn't a fear or discomfort somewhere in you about it.

 

If you make peace with what is causing that particular intrusive thought, they will stop.

 

An example of this is my intrusive thoughts before of my tulpa getting absorbed by me. It was a fear because I was so much more well established than them, and they were weak and fragile. To compromise I gave them a gift that allowed them more control over me, enough to prevent it from happening. This caused the thoughts to go away.

"My lover's got humour,

She's the giggle at a funeral,

Knows everybody's disapproval,

I should've worshipped her sooner."

 

Host to Samuel, RavenIvy, and Olivia.

 

CERCA TROVA

 

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Fantastic advice, y'all. Thank you.

 

I feel a sight bit better than I did a couple of days ago when I made this post. I think I will continue on with making her and above all else, try to keep my mindset positive and confident. It's very helpful to hear that tulpas can in fact tell intrusive thoughts apart from me, and will understand that this is just an issue I'm trying to work out.

 

If you make peace with what is causing that particular intrusive thought, they will stop.

 

This reminds me of something I read in one of the posts Tewi linked. That no one else thinks your intrusive thoughts - on some level they are still you, right? So yes, making peace with the root of the thought, and realizing that thoughts CAN be controlled... That should be something I start actively working on.

 

Thank you all very much!

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