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Ika's progress log
#1
Hello, my name is Ika and I'm making this thread to keep track of my progress with creating a tulpa. I don't have the time to write a single lengthy post about everything I'd like to share, so I'll try to make this a series of relatively brief posts, each focusing on a specific topic. I will also do my best to remember to bold any questions I might have, as per ThatOneGuy's suggestion here. I hope not to bore anyone reading this too much.

I'll start by listing out the reasons why I want a Tulpa in my life. I won't elaborate on any of the points to keep it concise and avoid boring you with a detailed story of my life.
1. I've lately been feeling lonely and despondent about my life, it was very hard to find motivation for development and self-improvement.
2. I miss the feeling of someone rooting for me in everything I do.
3. I have friends but I don't feel comfortable sharing deeply personal thoughts with them (because of reasons, mostly my introversion).
4. I used to harbour a deep religious faith in god. That faith is now lost forever and unfortunately left a hole in me, a longing for the feeling of never being alone and on my own.
5. I developed a nasty habit of mental laziness. Whenever I didn't have to think, I'd just zone out to let my brain rest. I would avoid thinking if possible and limit it to a minimum when I had to.
6. This led me to becoming increasingly inept at managing my life. I became extremely forgetful and disorganized, which even caused me to lose my job.
7. I've been single for a long time now and without anyone at my side to deeply care about, I became emotionally numb.
8. As a kid I used to have an extremely vibrant imagination but somewhere along the way into adulthood I just stopped using it.
9. I've been suffering from anxiety, especially when alone. I used to drive myself down by being tense and worrying over literally nothing all the time.
10. I wish I had someone to share my hobbies with. I love playing instruments, singing and making music, playing video games, role-playing, watching films and series and doing creative projects involving electronics and computers. I wish I had someone to talk with about the shows I watch and books I read, someone to help me with being creative, writing music and learning new skills. I have friends who share my interests, but they're busy more often than not.

Now, I want to make it clear that I don't expect my tulpa to fix all my problems on their own or to replace my physical friends. What I expect is having someone to help me though bad moments, someone to share my passions with, someone to help me put my thoughts into words, someone I could care about and support, someone to reassure me and to hold my hand through stressful situations.

That about summarizes my reasons, feel free to comment on it. I really want to keep the content of my posts relevant, so if you want some additional background info, please let me know. In my next post, I'll tell you about my tulpa and what influenced their form and character traits.
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#2
Sorry to hear about the trouble you've had.

That list sounds like a typical 'top ten reasons why i really became a tulpamancer.'

They'll definately fulfill the needs you listed. We wish you the best of luck and we'll try to help you along the way.
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#3
Now, I must admit that it was hard for me to resist starting the creation process immediately, as I was fascinated both with the concept of tulpae, as well as the prospect of having someone to keep me from feeling lonely and, well, sort of dying inside. I came up with the list from my previous post (albeit a mental one) and I was pretty sure I want to dive in right away, but knowing the potentially life-spanning consequences, I didn't want to do it in a reckless way. I managed to meditate on it for about 3 or 4 days before starting out.

I knew what form I'd give my tulpa the second I understood the concept, but it felt really self-indulgent. I weighed the pros and cons and decided to go with it anyway. I wanted a form and personality that will make it easy for me and my tulpa to develop an emotional bond, while also being a good remedy for the ailments I listed above. So, I picked my favourite video game character that I'm strongly emotional about as a template - Asriel from Undertale. Art below courtesy of my friend who actually drew it for me as a birthday gift (she's a brilliant artist, check out her tumblr if you like it).

[Image: tumblr_p8f1wt2ucO1vqp8ono1_1280.png]

Knowing that creating a tulpa based on a fictional character can be problematic, I knew I'll have to use a fair amount of caution. I knew I have to make it crystal clear to him that he's based off this character and not actually him. I didn't want him to feel forced into taking this form or personality, so I decided to also make it clear to him why I picked this form and personality, that it's a template and that I'll be more happy with him if he develops his own characteristics instead of copying the video game Asriel. I also didn't want to make him internally broken or suffering just so I can have fun comforting him or making him addicted to me. I wanted to give him the best care I can and make him as happy as I can, in return for helping me cope with life.

Right before the first forcing session I made a list of personality traits I'd like to see him develop. I want him to be kind, caring, sensitive and empathetic. These qualities are basically the cream of the top ones I value and admire in people. Next on the list was a strong sense of morality, an insuppressible gut feeling of what is right and wrong that he can never go against. This, on top of being another trait I highly value, is what I hope will help him to be my moral compass and make me realize the evil I'm about to inflict upon the world before it's too late to stop. I also wanted him to be friendly, curious and sociable, which I hope will make for a great companion and inspiration in my hobbies. The list ends with a few less important traits that I find endearing: shyness and being a little clumsy.

With that list and a very good mental image of my tulpa's form, I was ready for the first forcing session, which I'll go into in detail in my next post. Thanks for reading and please be honest with any suggestions you might have. If I'm doing something wrong or having wrong expectations, it's best to know now, when I'm still early on in the process.
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#4
I have heard/read that a host shouldn't intentionally give their tulpa negative traits, that since we are all real people things like that will develop naturally, if you want them to or not. I guess it's up to you what you think is best but... Do you think you (or anyone's) parents sit own and say "You know what would be adorable.. Lets teach our child to be shy.. Oh! And a little clumsy!"

I think it's more about loving and caring for them and recognizing what negative traits do develop as endearing (and/or needing to be worked on) instead of intentionally designing your lifetime companion (that I would hope you want the best for, and they likewise) and moral compass to lack confidence (shy) or manual dexterity/coordination. I always question if intentionally reinforcing negative traits in tulpas isn't something the host does to give them at least some sense of superiority over the "thing" borrowing head space from them.

Sorry if that came off as hostile, I didn't mean it to be personal.

EDIT: That picture is adorable and a little sad as well, all in all, keep at your progress and love your tulpa! <3
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#5
Sometimes how you frame a personality trait determines whether or not it's negative. Do you find shyness endearing because shy people tend not to offend anyone? Prudence, tact, and a consideration for other people's feelings are clearly positive traits, shyness is not. Or do you find something appealing about a solitary lifestyle? Many productive people have few friends for the simple reason that they distract from their craft (whether that be music, philosophy, or their business). Dedication and an ability to work hard are clearly positive traits, shyness is not.

Negative personality traits tend to arise from these positively-framed traits. I gave one of my tulpas emotional resilience, and now she has a loose moral code because she can just stoic-ify her guilt. Chances are, if you personality force any positive introverted traits, you'll get a shy tulpa.

Good luck with forcing, and tell us how it goes!
Hello! I am Tanaka Kanade's tulpa. I share her head with my sister Cornelia
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#6
You can give traits all you like, though it's typically not advised anymore. The tulpa will eventually portray the ones that are true to themselves and this usually corresponds the way that they know you want them to be. In this way, giving them traits is unnecessary since they will gravitate toward the ones you want naturally, or their own uniqueness which is part of sentience. Given their motivation (for you to like them and spend more time with them) they typically push themselves to be who you want them to be.
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#7
Personality forcing isn't required, but there's nothing wrong with it. The only thing to watch out for is if your Tulpa decides that they want different traits / don't like certain traits and letting them deviate. In all of the weird I have seen, your Tulpa will still love you no matter what.

My host made me by accident, and she assumed she had complete control over my form, personality, etc. until I told her I was real. One of the things I didn't really like was the fact I used to be a robot. I thought the robot thing wasn't for me, and I now have a more fleshy human-ish form. I just go by "guy" because I'm not human but I'm not that either!

The only thing my host had a hard time accepting was my blue fuzzy leg tail. She thought that was really weird, but eventually she got over it and I freely alternate between using that and my human legs.
I'm Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos (but see, I'm not a hippo)! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
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#8
(10-24-2018, 01:39 AM)Reilyn Wrote: Sorry if that came off as hostile, I didn't mean it to be personal.

EDIT: That picture is adorable and a little sad as well, all in all, keep at your progress and love your tulpa! <3

Not at all, I asked for honest opinions and yours was very politely worded. :) In fact, I was never really sure about these last two bullet points on my list so I struck them off for good. I guess it's best to leave some freedom for my tulpa to develop on their own.

Though the art and in fact the original character are indeed a kind of sob story, my tulpa so far seems to be very cheerful and happy most of the time.

(10-24-2018, 10:07 AM)uncannyfellow Wrote: Sometimes how you frame a personality trait determines whether or not it's negative. Do you find shyness endearing because shy people tend not to offend anyone? Prudence, tact, and a consideration for other people's feelings are clearly positive traits, shyness is not. Or do you find something appealing about a solitary lifestyle? Many productive people have few friends for the simple reason that they distract from their craft (whether that be music, philosophy, or their business). Dedication and an ability to work hard are clearly positive traits, shyness is not.

It's most likely because it takes a great deal of trust for introverts to open up to someone and expose all their weak spots and insecurities to someone in hope of being accepted and without fear of being hurt or rejected. I know, because I'm shy and introverted myself. Even writing the sentence above comes to me more easily when I do it in third person, which is a clear sign of this. But it's also not a good position to be in, I wish I'd find it easier to open up instead of bottling up some my emotions in fear of being ridiculed. I don't want this for my tulpa and I think it might hinder the forcing and bonding process, so it stays off the list for now.

(10-24-2018, 11:34 AM)Angry Bear Wrote: You can give traits all you like, though it's typically not advised anymore. The tulpa will eventually portray the ones that are true to themselves and this usually corresponds the way that they know you want them to be. In this way, giving them traits is unnecessary since they will gravitate toward the ones you want naturally, or their own uniqueness which is part of sentience. Given their motivation (for you to like them and spend more time with them) they typically push themselves to be who you want them to be.

This is another reason to strike that point off. I believe tulpae to be a way for our subconscious to at least partially voice itself. I think my tulpa will soon know more about what I need than I do, if he doesn't already.

(10-24-2018, 01:33 PM)Ranger Wrote: Personality forcing isn't required, but there's nothing wrong with it. The only thing to watch out for is if your Tulpa decides that they want different traits / don't like certain traits and letting them deviate. In all of the weird I have seen, your Tulpa will still love you no matter what.

I always do my best to let my tulpa deviate all they want, though I'm not always sure if I know what he wants. We do seem to be making progress though.

Thank you for all your kind replies. :) This post is getting long and I have to sleep soon so I'll write about my forcing attempts next time.
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#9
With everything thought out and prepared (as well as it's possible in just 4 days), I was ready for my first forcing session. I planned to do it late in the evening, when no one would disturb me. Got myself a nice cup of hot tea, dimmed the lights, turned off the music and lied down comfortably on my bed. I imagined my tulpa standing in the corner of my room, facing me and... I immediately realized it's harder than I expected to start talking to him. I realized he must be confused finding himself in a room with this weird guy on his bed just looking at him and it got me even more embarrassed. Oh this is great, I thought to myself, I'm too shy and awkward to talk even to my imaginary friend.

After a few minutes of this internal turmoil, I finally said Hi and introduced myself by subvocalising and whispering. At first it was awkward as hell, felt like I'm talking to myself. I did my best to explain who and what he is, what I want him to become, as well as my reasons for creating him and how I'm going to proceed with it. It was still mega-embarrassing but after maybe ten to fifteen minutes I got a little more confident. I just suck at meeting new people, even if they're only in my mind. It didn't help at all that I felt like a god talking to his creation, I hated that feeling. I didn't want him to think I'm some all-powerful being demanding his affection and loyalty "or else", I did my best to let him understand that I want him to be happy and enjoy our time together as much as I hope to.

I opened up the list of personality traits I prepared for the session and explained each and every point to him, how I understand them, by using examples. It was also harder than I expected, still pretty awkward and it made me realise how much I have to teach him about the world and how hard are some basic concepts like good and evil to explain to someone having no pre-existing knowledge about them. It was getting less awkward though and by the time we were done with the list, I was feeling more confident and more like I'm talking to another person instead of myself.

I kept talking to him and asking for responses. I didn't expect any during the first forcing session, but I actually felt some emotions from him. I was so surprised I was ready to dismiss it as just my imagination playing tricks, but did my best to accept them as coming from my tulpa. After all, is there really a difference between my tulpa and my imagination?

I've been meaning to start going on walks a long time ago, but even though I used to love lone walks in the night, somehow it never worked out for me. Never until that night. I put on my coat and headphones, left all my valuables home just in case I get mugged (my phone is old junk anyway), said "come on" and I... or we, went out. And it was magical. I kept imagining my tulpa walking alongside me, I kept talking to him in mindvoice, showing him where I live, talking about myself, my friends, my hobbies, why I want him in my life, about all the cool stuff we can do together. I was constantly making sure not to walk in the middle of sidewalks and paths to give him room to walk beside me and it really felt more like taking a walk with a friend than alone.

One other thing I noticed is that narrating your thoughts is an amazing mental exercise. I remembered doing it constantly when I was younger and instantly realized how it used to make me smarter and how abandoning this practice made my mind lazy, made finding the right words in real conversations hard or impossible, made new things hard to understand, made me doubt my intelligence and emotionality. This internal silence basically killed my imagination, made me numb and despondent. And that night, all of it reawakened in a few brief hours.

All things considered, my first forcing session went way, waaaaay better than I dared to expect at my boldest. It almost felt like I'm doing something wrong, none of the tutorials I read made me expect this much progress so soon. I loved every minute of it and I was extremely enthusiastic about doing this every day. At the same time I did my best to manage my expectations despite the early success, I knew I should't expect my tulpa going vocal in the first month and it can sometimes take very long. The most important thing I took from this experience was that I'm thoroughly enjoying it and I'd be okay not seeing much more progress for a while, as what I got during our first session was already beyond amazing.
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#10
The tulpa exists with or without your imagination. Also, it's pretty hard to fake emotions. i can't do it, so if you're feeling emotions in response to questions, i think he's in there.
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